Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-li - Sinking Bird Kick

The line "this couldn't be as bad as the first one" was said by more than one of the audience. Every single one of them was wrong. This is one of the worst examples of extreme and blatant misunderstanding of the source material and misunderstanding of filmmaking in general. Every single character, save for Michael Clarke Duncan and Robin Shou, were all miscast. The leading lady was played by the same lady from the ill-fated TV show, Smallville as Lana Lang. 

Now, what did this movie get right? Not much, really. The only thing it really did was become a very good target for punchlines and several reviews on the internet. It also resides in many, many worst video game movie lists and worst movie lists and for very good reason. This movie mosies endlessly, and has the gall to give Chun-li a NARRATION. We are given details of her life that have no relevance to the plot. Her father is introduced in them and we see him fight, but then he is unceremoniously killed in the middle of the movie. Our leading lady barely reacts to this at all. Spoilers, by the way. 

You would think, of all things, that this movie would do its fight scenes well at the very least. You would be sorely and sourly mistaken. Wire-Fu barely begins to explain why these scenes failed in both choreography and any sort of believability. We're supposed to believe that a woman of near amateur martial arts skill can take down an entire gang in a huge city, catch the most Lucky Charms ridden, Irish bullshit M. Bison. When he learns about her, he tries to send Vega in for an assassination, but stupidly sent in one of the Black Eyed Peas by mistake. Seriously, why do people think that, because they are celebrities, they can do everything that other celebrities do? 

That sentiment goes double for any of the idiots who thought that the actor for Charlie was cool in any meaning of the word. When I first saw this movie, I recognized him vaguely, but his acting made him into someone else entirely. This did not mean he was delving into the role, he was delving into his squinting and rocker/surfer voice while also trying to maintain some sort of professionalism as a detective. He pulls off none of it. It was finally revealed that he was played by Chris Klein, an American Pie alumni. It is astounding how bad his acting has gotten or just how wrong he was for the part. It could have been both, along with complete misdirection. Honestly, that's a decent summary of the performances themselves. 

What really killed this movie was the dialogue and the characters. Not only do none of them even remotely resemble the video game characters and not only do we get M. Bison, Chun-li with no Guile, but we also get a movie that is SUPER bloody and gory. Mortal Kombat from the mid-90's had next to no blood in it and yet a Street Fighter movie can show a man getting his entire head twisted around? Seriously, this is a real point of contengiency for one very BRUTAL reason! M. Bison gets this horribly unneeded backstory (added to the many time wasting elements of the movie) where he takes his wife to a cave and performs a C Section on her with his hands! It's said that he put all of his innocence into the baby he TOOK from her and NONE of it plays any role in the rest of the film. 

He wants to find his daughter and... kill her or something, I don't remember. Either way, he is supposed to be void of any kind of moral compass because of this whole backstory. Yet, he didn't kill the baby when he had the chance and he very pointedly says, at the beginning of the film, that he would never hurt a little girl. He sends a very young Chun-li off to bed with a "sleep tight!" I'm sorry, where was the cold and heartless element again? He shows it to his henchmen but Neal McDonough is just such a wholesome, smooth actor! He was completely wrong for this role and that Irish accent is even worse than mine! This is not even touching on the whole side plot or main plot or whatever plot of him trying to buy some slums to make them rich people homes! Oh yes, the wasting of all the time knows no bounds!

There is no Raul Julia to marvel in his glorious overacting. There is no stupidly campy "All-American" JCVD Guile for us to poke fun at for being a dumb concept. It's all a dumb, over-inflated concept that tries, at the end, to tie into Street Fighter, as if it were going for a sequel. That was a decent joke, I will admit, but I'd try for one that wasn't so painfully untrue next time. There was no thought put into this movie on any front or, in some cases, entirely too much thought. This never registers as a Street Fighter movie, every single character is a mockery of a mockery, and as much as I absolutely love and miss Michael Clarke, he does nothing to save it. It's kind of amazing how he was barely even a match for the role, skill-set wise, and yet he did it so well in this and in Dare Devil as King Pin. Perhaps talent truly does outweigh just about everything else. Let us remember this movie for the funny reviews and blatant stupidity, then promptly forget it. Virtua what were we talking about?

Doomverse #19 - QDoom: Knee Deep in Chthon

Quake and Doom can never be overstated as titans in the gaming industry, especially the First Person Shooter genre. So, since both of them represent the height of their respective periods of graphics and gameplay, why not shove them both together and get the best of both worlds? Sounds testy, right? Well, not if the ones modding it know what they're doing. Well, they did know, obviously, and what we get is Doom levels with Quake gameplay and enemies from both! 

Does it all work out together perfectly? Not exactly, but it certainly gives you all of the good, gory gameplay parts you would want. The starter Quake shotgun still has its meaty feel when you fire it at your enemies and get a decent spread. You can use the Super Shotgun (double-barrel shotgun) on both enemies from Doom and Quake together! When you start the game, you can choose to have either one or both, and you want both! 

There is nothing more chaotic than a whole batch of enemies, monsters and demons coming at you with different AI and tactics to attack! Pinkies are coming to eat you while the Fiend is jumping at you even FASTER! With zombies throwing their meat and imps throwing slower and longer range fireballs with gunmen coming at you with different gunfire rates, it's a whole new ball game! Does this get rather difficult? Yes, yes it does. 

One big problem with this whole concept is that the ammo and monster ratio of the two games are entirely different. Quake came out back in the mid-90's, when computers couldn't handle quite as much as they can now, so monsters were limited in their numbers. This was not as true for Doom. Even though it was a smaller game, the monsters did not take up as much data, so you can be fighting far more. The guns needed more ammo in Doom, but now in QDoom, they have the weapons from Quake with less ammo but you are expected to take down far more. This means you need to start using your little hatchet a lot more in the starting levels, but you don't get as many weapons unless you get all of he secrets. So, basically, you need to be badass as Doomguy while being as strategic as Ranger. Shape up, Doom Marine! 

There are parts of this where you should have been able to jump into secrets, but were unable to jump in Doom. Well, now that you have the Quake jump ability, they flat out WALL OFF these areas. Darn, it was a good thought! A lot of these that don't affect the overall gameplay, and some of them let you jump, but don't count on it. Being able to do all of this while fighting the Cyberdemon sounds like an amazing experience, so let's all wait anxiously for the Shores of Hell mod. 

The only episode that is available, at the time of writing this, is the greatest episode, Knee Deep in the Dead. This entire episode was beautifully rendered as a Quake episode and playing through to the Bruiser Brothers is a joy once again! This is one of the single greatest Quake mods, making it a Doom mod by default! You can't ask for greatness like this and they offer the first episode for free. It says a lot that these modders are doing this for nothing and QDoom is planned to have more episodes in the future! Planet Virtua needs Doom Marines to take care of demon problems that may or may not exist, and this is just an awesome way to train your shotgun aim! Virtua Bang!

Dark Seed (Saturn) - You Put Weird in My Weird!

 

There come times in our lives when we truly never knew what to expect when we got into a game. The internet has said things about this game, but experiencing it for yourself is a trip and a half. If you enjoy Alex Grey or Salvador Dalí, then you may also enjoy the work of H.R. Giger. This is an artist who has a very distinct style that many have attempted, but few have successfully replicated. If you look closely, you will notice that his art has details upon details to a very minute degree. His art is very surrealistic and strange, and he is also the only reason anyone talks about Dark Seed to this day. 

It is very fortunate that I couldn't find the medicine that cures Mike of his headache. The entire first part of the game, he will complain of having a headache ad nauseum. He does not stop talking about this head ache and this review could have been three paragraphs long, had I not looked up a walkthrough very quickly. Apparently, the game cannot be played unless you read a walkthrough. Even watching a walkthrough for this game could make you miss very small details that you will need. Though, I did also watch walkthroughs on youtube for the English dub rather than the Japanese version I was playing on the Saturn.

This game is weird, creepy, and quite poorly made. It may be looked upon fondly for certain features, but the gameplay is quite distracting and drives a nail into its enjoyment factor. If you miss one single detail, or forget to put objects in certain places, then you will need to go and backtrack again and again! This is all under the clock, because you just so happened to have an alien fetus in your brain. In three days, and the game will keep close track, the alien will hatch and the horrific image of the alien hatching will rear its very disgusting head. Yes, this is really terrible gameplay, hence the walkthrough.

Mike has to be one of the worst characters you have the displeasure of controlling. His horrific dialogue grates against the ears. It can be rather hilarious in some cases. He is so awkward, and so are a lot of the townspeople, and sometimes that makes for some comedic scenes. Mike will talk to himself. This can be seen as a sign of brilliance, but it isn't and he does it entirely too much. His observations are really dumb, but did elicite a chortle at times. Some guy tells you that he wants to hang out with you once you buy a bottle of alcohol. This has the wonderful affect of him taking a drink of it and then walking away. The whole time, you were waiting to grab the stick he was throwing for his dog. 

Once you get to the Dark World, the artwork is rather impressively implimented. It obviously took a hit in quality, no matter what version of this game you play. Still, he was apparently happy with how it turned out and it does set a nice tone for its segments. That's not to say the game looks bad overall. As point-and-click games go, this one looks rather solid. It's clearly an older game and had a lot of limitations, but the developers obviously worked hard on it. The problem is that the Dark World, which is the most interesting part, is rarely in the game. Later in the story, it doesn't do a great deal to cure the slog that this game becomes. 

This is not a long game, nor is it a hard game if you know what items to get and what to do in each scene. Apparently, this was a very common problem for a lot of people. This calls into question, why is it on best horror games or point and click games? Apparently the development was something of a ridiculous maze of mice all going every which way, but either way, the end product doesn't justify it on any other list than, perhaps, the strangest. H.R. Giger's art is fascinating, though, and the world they portray really seems like it could have used some more exploring. While Dark Seed 2 does return to the world, H.R. Giger did not return with the artwork. That game is remembered for very different reasons. Either way, Planet Virtua stays away from the Dark World. Virtua Threat. 

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (PS2) - Professor Imps Attack!

 Everyone can probably agree that the first Harry Potter novel was more of a trial and error novel where JK Rowling was trying to find her footing in the genre and the world she was building. The story and the lore she was building was in its infancy and it took a few more novels to really grow what she wanted from the series itself. This game is a release on the PS2, given much better graphics and more fluid mechanics in comparison to its Playstation 1 counterpart. The first iteration of the Philosopher's stone (which it is properly titled) was more of a puzzle platformer and that's a lot of what we got here, but it has more development behind it. 

Keep this in mind, because there are still some rough areas in this game where there should have been a bit more thought. The mechanics have a good amount of thought when it comes to figuring out and exploring the world and the puzzles. When you play through the levels, you can look in different areas around where you're supposed to be puzzling to find extra items and even some collectibles. Instead of moving a huge cube into its place for the puzzle right away, you can push it to a shorter wall in order to jump on top of that wall to get some health power ups or even some chocolate frog cards.

The collectibles are probably the best part of this while also being one of the more annoying aspects. Yes, it's nice to have the chocolate frog cards, but do we really need to go straight into their history and/or text as soon as we collect them? The Berttie Bot's Beans are fun to collect as well, but do we need to know every single flavor your pick up as well as your reaction to said flavors? You pick them up and Harry will tell you what he thinks of them right away individually and there really aren't that many flavors to choose from. They're not only collectibles, but they're also the currency for which you pay for dung bombs and other useful items. 

This iteration of the game has its good points, like when you cast spells on imps in order to trap them in cages while also figuring out puzzles. However, the problem it has is with the extra mechanics that it adds to the game. The stealth in this game are rough to say the least. When you have to get around Percy Weasley to get to the Weasley item shop in a secret passage through the Gryffindor Dorms. Not that they could have done it in their own dorms, they had to do it in the Prefect Dorms! Whatever sense that makes is not important, I guess, but getting through this stealth section is not a matter of skill, it's a matter of luck because Percy will go anywhere and everywhere in this place and it's so easy for him to catch you. 

One part of the game that should have been better explained was the section where you catch Draco Malfoy on his broomstick. You're supposed to cut corners and catch him, and if you didn't know this beforehand, the game will not tell you anything. You can just keep chasing him and chasing him and chasing him and you'll seem like you're getting closer just like this but you never do. You have to maneuver around him as much as possible in order to catch him off guard. This is monotonous to say the least, because the game WILL NOT progress until you do and it's just a matter of figuring it out yourself. Once you figure out the mechanic, it's really not hard and you can ace it in no time, but the game really should be telling you these details. 

The levels have the problem of being too open and the game has a horrible habit of not telling you a single thing to do. The stage where you're supposed to find the potion ingredients in Hagrid's Hut leaves you to figure out everything for yourself. There's some things that you can figure out on your own, but really not a whole lot. Figuring out where to go and how to collect the plants is left up to luck because you just need to know how to approach everything and the luck of having to dodge the gnomes that gain in number the longer you're there. These sections can be especially long and boring while you're sitting there trying to determine where to go and what plants you need to collect.

The glitches are also on full display here. You can do parts of the Hagrid's Hut level by simply climbing one of the roots and getting behind the waterfall without the platforms and having no need to activate the gargoyle behind the bars. I also had a part of one level where I searched one of the boxes, but nothing happened. I got stuck in the box and was forced to load my last save. These glitches aren't horrible and they're not especially bad, but there are just so many time wasting elements in this game. The game sometimes doesn't outright tell you when you finish a mission and so you're going around the level to try and find anything else you can do until you figure out that you can check your book and it will tell you there.

The openness in this game is a strength as well as its most glaring weakness. Sometimes, it is alright to tell us where to go or tell us when a mission is done. On the other hand, though, before you do anything in your actual missions, you can search Hogwarts to get more beans and pumpkin pasties. The more health items you get while you're at full health, the more health meters you get. It's fun to explore Hogwarts, but it's not so fun when you don't know which doors to go through and searching for ways to go can become stale and overly time consuming. 

Overall, the game is a mixed bag, but it's a decent Harry Potter game. Like Berttie Bott's beans, there are good and bad elements to it and honestly, exploring the school can be a little more fun than simply going through the story mode itself. The graphics and gameplay are far better than the original PS1 iteration of Philosopher's Stone, but it also has a few elements that deserve a bit more explanation. It's a title worth checking out if you're a fan, but remember not to spend too much money on this. Save your Virtua Galleons.  

Sonic 3 - The Shadow of Knuckles

The first thing I would like to advise all of you to do, before I begin this movie review, is show up late to the movie theater. Usually, showing up early to movies now means that you will be bombarded with multiples upon multiples of commercials. These are not trailers for the most part, they are actual commercials and there are entirely too many of them. There are so many that they actually delay the movie BEFORE they finally get to some mediocre looking movie trailers. Waiting for this movie was like pulling anxious teeth and by the time it actually started, I almost forgot what I went to go see in the first place. 

Sonic 3 starts off very inconsistently. For some reason, the first few scene are choppy and feel very rushed. The story goes from Japan to England within the blink of an eye. It isn't until we get introduced to Dr. Robotnik's long lost grandfather that we finally start to feel like the story has become more evenly told and the characters become more fleshed out. 

Shadow is one of the highlights of the film as a whole. Not only is his backstory well told but it is also very heartfelt. While his strength is a tiny bit inconsistent from time to time, and his redemption is a little rushed, he is one of the most entertaining factors in the film. Jim Carrey plays both Dr. Robotniks and they even acknowledge this in a meta moment that got a good bunch of laughs in the theater.

It was good to see that they did not forget about Tails or Knuckles in this whole thing. It would have been very easy for them to leave them behind to focus on Sonic along with Shadow, but they included all of them in the action and the moral of the story. They still kept them relevant to the plot and they even had some very good comedic moments as friends. It was heartwarming to see how close they had become and it was always a treat to hear Idres Elba as Knuckles. 

They even brought the human characters back, and thankfully kept Rachel out of it aside from a cameo appearance. Where her wedding scene was the worst part of the second movie, her small partial role in this was actually useful and even somewhat comedic. Pretzel Lady and Donut Lord do not have as large of roles in this, but they are included to the benefit of the story. Even the comedy relief cop guy was in it for two seconds in something of a lame appearance, but thankfully he is given to us in a small serving. 

Jim Carrey in his dual role is a very good bunch of scenes, and they even gave Agent Stone a very meaningful part, while dropping his more corny one-liners. In many ways, this gives it a better edge than the second movie, where they leaned a little heavy on his comedy routine with the evil doctor. Robotnik and his grandfather have a complicated relationship that is actually a little heartwrenching, especially with the elder Robotnik's ties to Shadow's backstory. 

The story is simple and while the beginning is a bit rushed, the eb and flow of the plot goes well and keeps up a steady pace through the second and third act. They even give enough fanservice to the audience without outright insulting their intelligence. The fanservice is earned rather than the normal forceful intentions we've seen from other, less successful studios in their recent productions. It goes to show that there are still those out there who understand their source material, especially when they only bend the story slightly to allow for more crowd pleasing. It does my soul good to see that this has been reflected in their ticket sales. 

While the story is deeper, it's not overly complex and we get to see plenty of comedy and action where it is needed. There are cracks here and there when Shadow delivers a punch to Donut Lord that is taken more seriously than the other scenes of violence. It's still a good movie for kids, even given the deeper plot, and there are plenty of laughs to be had with Jim Carrey, along with Sonic and friends. Keanu Reeves feels like he is giving a serious, but also genuine performance to round out his part in the new cast. 

It's something to be said that this is the third entry in the franchise, as it not only stays with the level of quality we've seen but also outshines the previous entries in more than one way. To say this is a rarity for a video game movie to stay the course and deliver a great threequel is an understatement. Even the best video game franchises have tripped at this point in their creation and it's wonderful to see Sonic 3 is a proud addition. Let's hope they keep it up, because it's obvious that they're going to keep surfing along this wave. There still seems to be more to tell and they thankfully kept it open for a fourth installment. The Blue Blur speeds on and we're here to see where he zooms. 

Dragon Ball GT Final Bout (PS1) - I'm a Goku! - Virtuamehameha #2

When the early fans of Dragon Ball look back, many will look back at when Toriyama Akira wrote his greatest scenes: Goku meeting Krillin, the Dragon Ball Tournaments, Vegeta vs Goku, Trunks killing Freeza, maybe even the awesome scenes with the Ginyu Force. One thing many of them do not tend to recall is Dragon Ball GT. For those who do not know, GT is Grand Tour, the series that Toei wanted Toriyama to do, but he was done. Akira Toriyama pulled out of the series, but Toei still maintained the anime rights, so they went ahead with the project. 

It is famously known that Akira did not like what they did to his series. So many characters were cast aside and powered down for seemingly no reason. Character designs were made far worse where Vegeta's hairstyle changed and he grew a mustache, Gohan was made especially skinny and wore glasses, and the artstyle itself grew more and more distant from earlier designs. They also turned Goku back into a kid in an obvious attempt to recapture the magic of Dragon Ball in its hayday. However, they didn't pay attention to the important things, like story progression or tone. Many found the themes of the episodes hollow and many of the stories were obviously synthetically elongated to fill an episode duration while seemingly nothing was accomplished. 

While GT boasts some impressive fights between characters and a genuinely touching ending, fans couldn't really build up a lot of enthusiasm about it. That seems to be where the developers' headspace was when they created Dragon Ball GT Final Bout. This game has so many corners cut, so many glitches and misgivings on characters and other elements that many have wholly forgotten about its existence entirely. For being such a forgettable title, it has the distinction of being the first Dragon Ball game to be fully rendered in 3D and it is the final Dragon Ball game to be created for the PS1.

It's also not even technically a DBGT game, as it doesn't have any story elements from Dragon Ball GT other than shallow character references. Beyond this, the game has no story, what little dialogue it has is cringeworthy and shallow, and what little features it does have, it does very badly. 

The closest thing you get to a story mode is a build up mode. This is an interesting concept that would be carried onto other fighting games like Smash Brothers WiiU and Ultimate, where you can train fighters and build them up through levels. The problem with this is the fighting itself. The controls, the mechanics and just about everything about this game is rather terrible. Even if the graphics are blocky and charmingly 1997 graphics, it doesn't stop this title from being very worn and aged like fine rotted goat cheese. 

Now, what is the twist? I love this game! You heard me correctly, as terrible and horrible as this title is, it is the spice of life that made sleepovers so great. Back in the day, this was a ghost of a title among many US Dragon Ball fans because Dragon Ball GT didn't get released in America until the early 2000's. It had wrapped up in Japan already in 1997. At that point, DBZ was still trying to get the Funimation studio going on Season 3. The Japanese Dragon Ball Z and GT series beyond the second half of the Freeza Saga was all shrouded in mystery. So, when someone came over to our house with his Playstation, he brought this little gem out. 

As terrible as it is, it's just fun to wail on each other! Sure, you can break out FighterZ and Budokai 3 any day, but back then, our titles were rather limited. There existed better fighting games, but this was in full 3D and there were our favorite characters and Pan. Yes, sorry, no one really liked Pan.

Either way, the early days of Dragon Ball were rather mixed up thanks to some misfires in the US before Toonami bought up the rights and released Season 2 while we waited for Season 3 to get dubbed. When you talked about anything as far as Dragon Ball GT, it's like you were talking about space age stuff in the middle of the Industrial Revolution. GT is not looked back upon fondly, but it is a piece of DB history that seems to go together with the nostalgia goggles quite nicely. We can only hope that the shock of this being a guilty pleasure is enough to make you forget that this is literally the first Playstation 1 game I've ever officially reviewed. Virtua Shame.

Christmas Nights - A True Christmas

 This Christmas, we're going to look at one of the more obscure titles on the Saturn. Even with its obscurity, more and more attention is starting to arise for this game. That's a wonderful thing, because this game is so simple, yet so complicated at the same time. It has so many different features attached to it according to the days that you play it. If you play it on Christmas, you get an even better feature that I will not spoil for you. 

This game only has one level and one boss, but that's because it was a special feature made for a magazine promotion. It's a reskin of Nights, but they obviously put their hearts and souls into it and made it absolutely gorgeous. Even the story mode behind it is exceedingly simple. There's a huge Christmas tree in the city, but it has no star. So, you beat the level with both characters to get the star. That's it. It goes out of its way to just show you how beautiful it is with Jingle Bells playing in the background and all of the wonderful decorations it put up throughout the level. 

What I would like to draw attention to, aside from the many features and secrets, aside from the gameplay and the rarity of this title, is the message it conveys. The people in Twin Seeds are all distressed and rushing through the holiday season. They are not happy, they are busy buying toys and scurrying through the streets to get where they are going. Claris and Elliot look on this in distress and notice that the star is missing atop the giant Christmas tree. 

Once they find the star, people seem much happier and able to enjoy the time of year. They seem to bring happiness to the citizens of Twin Seeds and let people slow down and take their time. That's the message we need to listen to, folks. No matter if you celebrate Christmas, no matter what you celebrate, as long as you are happy and those around you are happy along with you. Make sure you are able to enjoy this time of year, even if it seems to bring a lot of stress along with it. Simmer down, breathe, and find someone to share it with. The holiday season was not put here to bring you misery, even if some people seem to think otherwise. 

Obviously, putting a big star on top of a giant Christmas tree is not going to instantly fix everyone's problems here in this plane of existence. The message here is that you need to bring about your own joy and share it with others. There's always someone out there looking for someone else to share their experiences with and we here on Planet Virtua want you to help bring that joy to life. So, from all of us here, we wish you a Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and a joyful New Year. Singing those Virtua Dreams.

Christmas on Planet Virtua 2024!

 Here on Planet Virtua, we celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve! Strange, yeah I know, but who cares! Come have egg nog! We're not going to invade you! While we sit here and eat our cookies, we like to think about the good old Christmas mornings of old. Some of the old systems showed up in boxes and we all remember that we couldn't get the boxes open fast enough. 

Sadly, it seems that those days are from the times of old. More and more, we're seeing video games on digital systems with no disc. It's a good thing that Stadia went nowhere, but that's not saying it wouldn't have worked. The longer we stick with physical media, the better. Is there a good side to owning digital? Of course, but who wants to wake up and open your Playstation store, find new games in your library only to need to download them, install them and patch them over the next three hours? 

Classic gaming is the way to go when you give new media to loved ones. Give them something they can pop in and play, or you'll just be deleting games from your storage to make someone happy. Santa is there to deliver the presents, he can't just sit there and pick which games you don't want to play, making way for 20 gigabytes a pop. 

The solution? Hit the game stores! Used game stores have consoles of old and they can be some of the most engrossing titles. You don't need to spend much more than a 100 USD to have a Merry Christmas or whatever other holiday you celebrate. If you have people you want to entertain, take some of these into consideration.

Nintendo 64

While these better known titles can be rather expensive, nothing can be said about the hours upon hours of family entertainment that it is clearly capable. The cartridges it has in its library are sturdy and long lasting. You will be hard pressed to not find some great 2-player game or two. Even if you can't get 007 GoldenEye, the chances are you can find Mario Kart 64 for at least a decent price. Quake is a multiplayer capable port for this and you can have mindless fits of glee killing each other in arena combat. 

If you wish to do cooperative, there is plenty of that here as well! Gauntlet Legends will allow you to work together to cut through rows upon rows of orcs sksletons and goblins. The N64 is perfect to just pull out and play whether you want to play with someone else or if you want to play by yourself and/or with someone as a spectator. 

Sega Genesis

That's right, we're going Sonic 2 and 3 for some of the greatest in 2-player goodness. Whether you want Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter 2, this is your baby. Blast Processing may not be an actual thing, but it sounded cool and honestly became something of a fond memory in early gaming memes. 

For a little extra co-op, look toward the Adventures of Batman and Robin (not the movie of the same period, mind you) along with Toejam and Earl! Some of the greatest 2D titles can be seen on the Sega Genesis, even if it doesn't seem to get as much praise as the SNES. Streets of Rage 2 and Contra Hardcore are two hidden gems that seem to go overlooked a lot on the Genesis but you put any of these games into your machine and you're bound to find one that you'll quite possibly love. 

Playstation 2

This system was made especially with families in mind. While you may not consider it an old school system, it still doesn't require patching. Even the PS3 is guilty of patching and updating games before you play them, and then it's not nearly as bad as the ones we have now. The Playstation 2 came at the time right before multiplayer went primarily online. There are still so many games with local multiplayer like the legendary title, Twisted Metal Black. 

To say destroying your loved one's vehicles with missiles and miniguns is satisfying would be such an enormous understatement. You completely destroy them in huge gales of smoke and fire and it is glorious! 

Baldur's Gate II: Dark Alliance is 100% co-op friendly. In fact, the game is easier with two people with the puzzles you need to solve. With one as a caster and another as a warrior, you can beat down your enemies with no problems and have a ton of fun while doing it. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is an amazing example of technology that is scarce even today. With such an enormous world to explore, having two people in one game to do it is something of a marvel in gaming in general. 

There's a ton of local multiplayer options in the early to mid-2000's, and even into the PS3 era. Here at Planet Virtua, we're all about the physical media you can pop and play with a loved one. Christmas morning, don't forget the money-saving presents that can bring a family together. Even if it's a passing fancy, it gives them something that they can come back to. Just a few titles in your library like this and maybe a few for some self therapy with some good story. 

The Konami Triforce - Don't Punch the Machine

 

The arcades were once a treasure trove of gaming greatness. Everyone loved eating a pizza, throwing some quarters into the machines and going to town on some pixelated baddies. There were three of all of these arcade games that stood out among the rest with beat'em up greatness in their veins. These three games are none other than the Simpsons, X-men and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. These three are remembered for their game mechanics and graphics, along with how many quarters they drained from our pockets.

TMNT stands among the greats for its enormous graphical superiority that does not stray from the original 1987 cartoon's greatness. This doesn't just pertain to the four turtles, this also goes for Shredder, Bebop, Rocksteady and all of the foot ninja. Taking down Killer Pizzas, Leatherhead and Krang never felt so good until the Konami came along and did great things for the Turtles themselves. 

While it may be considered inferior to its successor, TMNT IV: Turtles in Time, this game does not slouch in the slightest. Levels like the Technodrome and the sewers have been seen as some of the more iconic in the series. There are some annoyances here and there, especially when it comes to the flying villains that you can only jump kick. This is most prominent with Baxter Stockman, but thankfully, it is seldom seen throughout the game.

The Simpsons was in its hayday when they decided to put them into an arcade machine. The fighting mechanics and the imagery just scream fandom for the old TV show. The plot is very simple, Maggie got a diamon in her mouth, Smithers kidnapped her and you need to go save her. Apparently, Mr. Burns has a lot of influence because you suddenly find yourself fighting through droves of people and animals and whatever else decides to take a swing at you. 

There are a lot of familiar faces throughout the whole game. Milhouse, Nelson, Principal Skinner to name just a few. It's really cool that they gave them all their own styles of fighting. While Homer can punch with his fists, Marge carries her vaccuum to swing at the ne'er-do-wells. There are a lot of different levels through the game, namely Mr. Burns' powerplant and the cemetary. It's all a fantastic spectacle for any who know the deep, long, maybe overly long lore of the Simpsons. This was a simpler time, though. This was when they were good. 

X-men once had a different TV series in mind before they went with the 1992 Fox Kids Cartoon for Saturday mornings. If you would like a glimpse of this former series, you need only watch the original pilot that was turned into an X-men TV special called "Pryde of the X-men" because it was going to star Kitty Pryde, or Shadow Cat for those in the know. 

They took this concept and brought it into a game before the series was ultimately cancelled, but with the existance of the special and the 92 series, made it to where this never lost relevance. Fighting sentinels, robots and strange other mutations is amazing when it comes to using your mutant powers. There are some amazing powers on view here. The favorites here have to be either Wolverine's laser claw slashes or Colossus with his power up that everyone knows "OOOOOOAAAAAHHH!!!!!"

It takes a lot to make a truly great beat'em up. Where some have failed, these three have succeeded with every category. Their graphics, hit mechanics, power ups, powers and enemies have to be among the greatest in gaming. They are very reflective of the TV series they all represent (or were going to represent) and remain gems that need more ports. More people need to play them! More punches and kicks need to be done against foot ninjas and punk yellow kids who think they can pop an attitude! Virtua Pop'em in the Face!!!  

Doomverse #18 - Doom Creators

 

Thanks to John Carmack and John Romero, Doom was made to last. One community that Carmack respected and loved was the hackers. To that end, he made Doom into an easily hackable game where they can change everything about the outlook and mechanics, swapping out content to make it customized to however you want.

Even if you can't modify the game mechanics, you can still create your own maps using Doom's own components. The only limit is your imagination and thanks to the enginuity of many modders and mappers, Doom has stood the test of time and still remains one of the strongest and longest lasting game fandoms. Doom WADs (or Doom "Where's All the Data" files) can be tampered with, edited and changed to your liking. Just remember to get the creator's permission before you start messing with their maps.

Doom mods like Brutal Doom, Project Brutality, Doom Zero and No Rest for the Living, created their own entities of Doom and freshened up its concept many times over. People hold Doom Mapping contests all the time and one trip through the community will put countless Doom maps and mods at your disposal and enjoyment at no extra cost.

If Doom is your game, you owe it to yourself to try out these different mods. To get into the community, get GZDoom and start looking for commuities with maps and mods. The space taken up in a more modern computer will be minimal compared to the enjoyment you'll get. 

Mods like Brutal Doom and Project Brutality up the violence factor, add new and awesome weapons and different game mechanics to the whole thing. It ups the difficulty and also makes blood paint the walls with every shotgun blast. These have breathed new life into the franchise and people have started testing maps on them just to see how they hold up as opposed to just the "vanilla" Doom WADs.

Doom Mapping has become so inclusive that even I have gotten in on the action. I've been Doom mapping for over a year now and I'm still mediocre, but I can make as many levels as I want and play as much as I want as a result. If you're curious as to how my Doom levels are, here's a link to my Doom World post. That's a forum where many Doom creators congregate and show off their stuff. Give them all a look and happy killing.

There are mods that change the game entirely and in just about every way you can imagine. The possibilities are endless. However deep you want to go into the Doom fandom, just be careful, because like any community, there are some dark events and unsettling lore set around the community. Just be sure to check your sources and make sure you know the truth about a lot of it. Rumors and myths have run rampant dating back to its very inception. A good place to start would be the ID biography, Masters of Doom by David Kushner. That will get you started. The rest is up to you. Just try not to go too far down the gory rabbit hole and try to remember to consume the water labeled "Drink Me".

Doomverse #17 - Neptune Origins

 My father got us the shareware of Wolfenstein 3D back in '91. I need to say that I played it on an ancient computer and it still ran like a champ. We played it for hours and loved mowing down the Third Reich. We did a 100% run on I am Death Incarnate through out all of the episodes. It took a long time, I think around a year, and that was my introduction to the FPS genre. So, ID wowed me with their new game because there really was nothing like it at the time. We had a NES, but now this was the game we focused on. 

Then he got us the shareware for Doom. It was on two 3 1/2 floppy disks and required everything in our current computer at the time. Our computer was a real clunker and only had 6 megs of RAM. My dad went out of his way to get two more megs so we could play.

I remember, when we got Doom working, it was just like Wolf 3D, only different in its capability. Where everything was well lit in Wolf 3D, Doom was dark and gothic. I remember being in awe of being able to go up stairs and being terrified of the pinky demons when I first saw them.

Then there came the time I first made it to Phobos Anamoly and met the Bruiser Brothers. Their little entry points and their strength wowed me to no end. It seemed like I was emptying my chaingun on them and couldn't bring them down. I finally beat them with the rocket launcher and I was mesmerized by the terrible ending. I found myself playing the shareware version over and over again. I didn't memorize levels or secrets, I just loved playing the game so much that I would try out weapons in certain situations and find out ways to kill things faster. 

It took us a while to get Ultimate Doom, even though we got the shareware very soon after it came out. My dad was very triumphant when he brought those suckers home. It opened up yet another gate of gaming for me to enter and I had no idea at the time.

As a kid, I only rented the Sega Saturn Doom when I had my original gen 2 system because it was only at the neighborhood Blockbuster for a very short time. My brother and I played it over the weekend. I personally enjoyed it at the time because I simply loved Doom. I didn't notice things like framerates, I just accepted graphics like that because I started out when the SNES was just hitting its stride. I played the NES when I was five so these sort of graphics didn't really bother me. I had already played the Doom shareware and that one didn't run well on our old computer. 

I remember playing Doom 2 very near after playing Ultimate. One of my biggest memories was my first bout with the Cyberdemon. Trying to fight him with the rocket launcher was a pain! I didn't know at the time that the plasma gun was far more effective. Still, he's so awesome, it hardly mattered. To be honest, I did hit a few of those stupid Lost Souls up close with the rocket launcher. It was the weapon of choice, of course those little gremlins are going to fly into you. The programmers knew that! 

Since then, I've played all of the main titles aside from the mobile games. I have so many Doom ports, it's gotten a little comical at this point. The best levels were in their shareware version and it remains my favorite iteration of Doom to this day for its amazing enginuity and creativity with such limited power and resources. Doom became one of the pillars of gaming itself, along with Wolfenstein. So few franchises affected my gaming quite like Doom and it still remains one of my alltime favorites. Virtua Death!

Die Hard Arcade (Saturn) - Yule Die Even HARDER!

Hey! Are you ready to get punched in the face? Then, once your punching ends, did you want to get punched some more? Then, once that punching is done, did you want that punching to continue? Then, once ceased, did you want the former punching to then elongate in duration?! Then you have come to the right game, my friends! Here in Die Hard Arcade, the punching never ends (or so it seems)!

This is a beat'em up, so there is obviously going to be plenty of punchings in the face, but wow, they use the three dimensions to their fullest extent. This game makes getting the fire beaten out of you quite enjoyable, yes. It also brings about quite the challenge when it comes to keeping up with all of the enemies on the screen, however. The graphics, as the Saturn goes, are magnanimous. This is absolute pure Saturn gold, but that also makes it harder and harder to line up shots!

This game is a very well loved addition to the Saturn library, and for very good reason. A lot of people tend to overlook its flaws when it comes to controls, however. You would think a d-pad would be easier to work with than an arcade joystick, but it really isn't. The three dimensional environment makes it harder to use thrown weapons and projectiles effectively with so many enemies on the screen. This is especially apparent when you're fighting an entire battalion of fire fighters for some reason. This also involves a fire engine spraying water all over a parking garage. I don't know, I just work here!

Is this apparent throughout it? No, in fact, sometimes the firearms can come in very handy with taking out multiple enemies all at once. Even with the pistol, you shoot one bullet and it can pass through three enemies. Logic, am I right? The most fun that comes out of this is grabbing the missile launchers that blast your opponents into a fine powder. It is sooooo satisfying, it's amazing!

Whether it be on the arcade or in the Saturn, this game is really fun to play, especially with two players. It makes it easier, much more fun and it's one of those games that allows for those really fun moments where you take out multiple enemies with one explosion or save your partner, fighting off the thugs while they recover their bearings. It encourages a comradery like any other arcade beat'em up and it does it with a grace that makes it a standout. 

Pop this game in the machine any time. You may not get too far because mistakes can be made with so many opponents all at once. This is not a big commitment of a game, it's really more for the come-and-go arcade player who is just looking for a quick breaking of his jawline before class or work or coma. Just remember to bandage your wounds and don't get sprayed by a firehose.