Duke Nukem Forever - Late to his Own Funeral

If you want to know Duke Nukem, obviously it all began way back when computers were awesome and low tech as hell! A lot of people will point to Duke Nukem 3D as the first game, but there are two that predate 3D. Hence, the name, 3D. Duke Nukem 1 and 2 were made by Apogee as a platformer for DOS. Duke Nukem 3D was also made for DOS, much like Doom or Wolfenstein 3D. While they are not known as well today, they were very well received and sported some impressive graphics and gameplay for the time. The colors, the action and the character himself were looked upon fondly by many fans. 

We would have loved a followup in the mainline, you know, like the one we were told was coming very soon. Manhattan Project was a wonderful return to form for both Duke and platforming in his games, so we thought Duke Nukem Forever was going to be the most awesome thing since sliced bread. The trailer looked awesome, the stage was set and we were ready to be blown away.

Silence. So much silence followed. Then they kept bringing it back and telling people it would be finished when it was finished. We later found out that their lead designer at Apogee, then renamed 3D Realms, kept trying to latch onto new and exciting technology. To say that this mirrored a very prominent game of the time that rhymes with schmyschmatana would be a gross understatement. The difference between John Romero and this project, however, was he found a road and kept chugging. George Broussard kept wanting newer and newer technology and he kept hitting the reset button on the development as a result. 

What we got after over a DECADE of development, being passed from 3D Realm to Gearbox and Randy Pitchford, was rather disheartening to say the very least. This is coming from someone who was hit the hardest, a Duke Nukem fan from Duke Nukem 3D who waited for its development, bought it immediately as it came out and saw what came of it. The wait was definitely not worth it and 2011 was darkened as a result. Okay, not quite that bad, but there are clear problems. 

The humor and the storyline are disgusting and that is not just from being offensive. The horrible treatment of women and the alien references from other franchises is uncomfortable enough. Duke Nukem Forever cranks that up to 11 and makes you want to slap whoevers idea that is COUGHRANDYCOUGH!!! 

All of that aside, it is a dreary, boring experience as you go through these very uninspired level designs. The biggest red flag that came first was when the game shrunk you and put a platformer in shelves! This is like Half-life if you gained distance by inches. It is astounding what they did in service of slowing down the pace of literally EVERYTHING in this game. To heal yourself, you could have gone with medkits, but no, you go with ego. Yes, ego is a meter that can be filled by having fun in some way or just relaxing with a beer. 

The game either goes the exact wrong way and puts you in a side mission with no aliens, or it goes the other route, gives you infinite ammo reloads and pits you against a horde of enemies. The game had no pace whatsoever. Put that alongside a nonsensical storyline with horrible characters and you're looking at a lot of why Duke Nukem Forever failed. By the time we got to the giant monster truck that's super big and compensating, I'd checked out of this game. It put its best boss battle at the beginning of the game, had a stupidly perverted and disgusting boss battle in the middle and then it basically didn't bother with the last one. You've got another stadium boss battle at the very end and it's just not worth it. 

The highlights of this game are scarce. The graphics are nothing to write home about, but they don't hinder the experience. It's the load times that hinder the experience down to a very skulking crawl. There's really no other way to explain it than just keep bringing up the pacing over and over again. The developers kept adding weight after weight to the experience and creating more and more boring parts of the game. It is a chore to keep up with it.

There are parts where the gunfighting and alien bashing are reminiscent of Duke Nukem 3D and when it's actually trying to be like the classics, it can pull it off. It just doesn't, though, it was so focused on nonsensical gimmicks and a storyline that no one was even following in the first place. It gets so old to see yet another woman who is willing to whore herself out to Duke, even outright hitting on him and making vagina jokes in front of their kids who want his autograph. The thin line of dignity and decency had been crossed long ago with the bathroom "minigames" but really, there is a limit. 

Once again, it wasn't worth the wait and since its release, we've gotten a demo of the original Duke Nukem Forever. If the opportunity presents itself, there may be some of those games reviewed here in the future. If you're really looking for a good follow-up to Duke Nukem 3D (amid its seemingly endless expansions) then give Duke Nukem Manhattan Project a try. It is a platformer and the mechanics are grossly different, but it certainly knows what it wants to be. That's more than can be said about this abomination. This review is taking out a lot of hate on this game because I am one of the schmucks that paid full price for its original release. That got me the experience of disappointment, but at least there was no more money spent when I played it for this review. Has it aged well at all? Not even slightly. Do I need some water? I could use some.

Mega Man 2 - The Legendary Sequel

Capcom has had a very successful run of sequels. Resident Evil 2, Street Fighter 2 (pick whichever you want, they're all good), and everyone should know which Mega Man we're talking about here today. Call this a review of both Mega Man 1 and 2 because the two are commonly compared. Mega Man started strong on the NES, and the level designs and functions were quite unique in the ways of not only level selections, but also differing levels. 

Then there came the mechanic of gaining powers. Not only did Mega Man 2 take up on this, but it also improved upon it. While both games boast very iconic boss battles with their awesome character designs, Mega Man 2 just had more and better variants when it came to their attributes. Different weapons could be used against their opposing Robot Masters. Of all of the Masters you hear of, Metal Man is usually the best of the selection to get first. 

We all love Guts Man, especially his ass, but Mega Man 2 also had Heat Man, Wood Man and Bubble Man! Flash Man's ability could even stop time completely for a short duration. These were all just weapons to make you equipped to take on the bosses, as well as many of their traps and mechanics in their levels. Quick Man has a section in his levels where large blazing bars run across the screen, and while there is a way to dodge them, it is just made so much easier with Flash Man's time stopping ability. Metal Man's ability allowed you to shoot your blades in vertical and even diagonal lines across the screen. His blades were some of the strongest weapons in the game! 

This game is known for its jumping and shooting mechanics, as well as its high flying platforming action. However, what this game is also known for is its soundtrack! There is some of the most amazing music in this game and it is almost worth playing just to listen to these amazing tunes. Wood Man and Flash Man have some of the best music in their backgrounds, but everyone will remember Wily's Stage 1 for the rest of their lives. There is a band called Bit Brigade that plays some of the best rock renditions of these songs. If you have not heard them, I bid you check them out. 

Mega Man 2 can get very frustrating in some areas. Going through some of the later stages can get hard, esepcially when you need to use Crash Man's bombs to get through walls and shoot wall guns. If you have played this game, we all know the pains of speed running that nightmare. However, some of these levels are just worth playing for their simplicity once you have mastered these controls. They have some more annoying points than others, like some of the moving platforms in Air Man's level and the rolling platforms in Metal Man's. However, once you've found your way of dealing with these difficulties, they become an old challenge that you can mentally train yourself to overcome with a smile. 

This is one of the best titles on the Nintendo Entertainment System. This is the greatest game in the Mega Man library. While Mega Man X remains its equal in the X and Mega Man series, that is another review for another time. Mega Man 2 is a great game to start people on with platforming. It teaches rhythm in jumping, dealing with some challenges that may be complicated at first, but are overcome even at very young ages. If you have any of the Mega Man Legends collections, getting the first one is worth it for this game alone, but there are also some greatness in the later games as well. Mega Man 3 is definitely no slouch, but again, that is another glass of water for another time. Drink your Bubble Lead!

Master of Magic - The Worlds are Mine!

 Strategy games have been sprinkled across the market, and while not all of them are engrossing or intricate, some of them truly thought provoking. Mechanics in a strategy game are everything to it and the best thing that you can do is paint them up to be pretty. Of course, the word "pretty" is relative, especially when you are talking about a game that came out in the mid 90's. Back in the pre-CD-ROM era, these games had a great number of restrictions and it is truly a comment on their quality that the developers made such a great game regardless. 

Master of Magic took a strategy game like Sid Meier's Civilization and added a very prominent magic mechanic to it. The details can be considered complicated, but it's not to the point where you can't understand it. Once you get all of these mechanics down, there is still one to three opponents you need to face along with them. It's not that there are too many of these problems you need to deal with, the real problem is keeping up with them while also dealing with wizards that have just as much, if not more, power than you do. They can cast one single spell and throw a sword into your mechanics at any given point. 

You start out simply. You have the choice of any wizard, either keeping with their chosen spell categories or customizing them yourself. Then you have the choice of race in your subordinates, anything from Orcs, Elves, humans or even beastmen. Each of these races have their faults and advantages that you need to learn if you want to use them to their fullest potential. You start with one small city and two units, swordsmen and spearmen. You explore an entire map, which is randomly generated every time, and you need to figure out who you face on the field. These wizards can either start by acting like they're going to be peaceful, or they can come at you with extreme aggression and want to wipe you from the map. 

As the master of your armies, you need to make sure that your people are fed and you need to make sure that you have all of your bases guarded. The best thing you can do is leave military units in each of them, while also having an exploration party to go and find riches, magical artifacts and fame throughout the entire world. You need to keep up with your magical power by finding sources of mana while also making sure your normal units and heroes are well equipped and experienced in battle to become stronger. 

Heroes will come out of nowhere and want to be hired. The more you play this game, the more you will come to favor some over others. The lower level they are, the weaker they are, and some heroes thrive regardless. The artifacts you find can help them gain in power and thus help you conquer more of the land, and some of them even have their own books of magic that they can use when you are depleted of mana. 

There is so much to consider throughout all of this. There are magical units that you can summon, normal units that you can produce in cities, military units that come to you for hire and even units that you can raise from the dead with the books of Death. They can use ranged attacks like bows and arrows along with magical missile attacks, or they can have melee attacks at close ranges. Each of them have their own prowess and misusing these units can be extremely catastrophic if you built them from the ground up to higher levels. 

Magic can be the great balance breaker in this game in several different ways. When you reach the higher levels of your given magic, Death spells can literally put a plague on cities and kill the citizens, or Chaos spells can just destroy entire buildings and light the whole thing aflame. Life spells are there for healing and using divine powers to protect, while Nature can be used to grow strong units. Sorcery is a more basic magic and materializes spectres and transdimensional entities such as phantoms. Each one of them has their weaknesses and strengths and all of them have the capacity to shift the tide in your favor. 

As intricate and detailed as this game is, it is not without its pitfalls. You can say that a wizard is your ally and you can have them help you in many cases, but the game seems to love just randomly pissing them off for no reason and making them your hated enemy on the turn of the dime. Even when they are considered your ally, they can just attack you without warning and all the sudden, the next time you talk to them, they'll talk to you like you killed their favorite pet and vow revenge on you when you thought that things were perfectly fine between you. Random events can come out of nowhere and shift your cities' economy for no reason, randomly turning your strength into a weakness. The balance in this game is wonky and can even be considered fleeting. 

This is very much like a very complicated game of chess. This is especially true in the combat sections, where every unit has an attack and movement. Depending on the unit, they can have very low damage, weaknesses to certain elements and be unable to attack a certain unit because they can fly, are incorporeal or any other number of details that you need to be aware of. Some units are invisible, and some units can move through walls without going through the portculus. You have the ability to affect combat through direct targeting spells or even area of effect spells that give you the advantage, but if you are facing another wizard, they have the same ability, albeit a different approach depending on their magic type. 

You may need to play this game a few times to get used to the mechanics, but once you nail down its many details, this is very hypnotic in its ability to make the hours fly by. You build a very large empire and have so much power, but then you can still find yourself in jeopardy once you find that your enemy has learned a new spell that cripples your forces in one way or the next. You can either fight your way through enemies and defeat them by conquering their bases, or you can play the long game and learn all of your new, more powerful spells all the way to the point that you learn the Spell of Mastery. Once you have cast the Spell of Mastery, you have won the game.

This may sound like a simple concept, but it takes many turns to learn even some of the middling spells. You need to put stats in Research, while balancing it with Mana Power and Casting Skill. You'll need to defend your empire while also learning the more powerful spells in anywhere from 50 to 200 turns, depending on how much you have. Cities help this when you build certain structures such as libraries. Everything you have in your arsenal is there, you simply need to be able to keep up with it through keeping up with your population growth, gold management and food. All the while, you're learning and casting spells in order to benefit yourself while keeping your opponents off balance or happy with your conduct, depending on what route you take. 

This game is a marvel of its time. I feel like I've tapped the very surface of every mechanic and there still needs to be a trial period where you learn and play the game with your own learned strategy. It is more than worth replaying to find your favorite mixture of magic types, either going monocromatic with just one very powerful spell type or going with two or more lesser strength spell types that can mix together for your benefit. You'll learn what race you favor and what heroes you wish to hire early on when you get to know what benefits they possess early on and later when they level to the final stage of Demigods. It gets so deep into a well that it's hard to believe this only came on 9 discs in 5.25 floppies. It's a very tiny game that fits easily on any modern harddrive. It only demands a bit of thought and some of your time to learn, and you'll find out that, as frustrating as it can get, it can also fulfill your need for strategy and fantasy gaming in one nice little package. Give this game a try if it even partially strikes your fantasy. You'll be glad you did. Just remember to give your citizens plenty of water to drink. 

South Park: The Fractured but Whole - Gaseous Timeloops

 The South Park series is one of the landmark series that has somehow stood the test of time for much longer than your normal affair. There are very few TV shows that can boast such a long runtime while also holding onto some level of standards in its content. The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, and many other adult animated series have run for almost as long, if not longer, and have fallen off the rails of comedy with different writing teams and people who have just stopped paying attention to their jokes as a whole. South Park has remained relevant through satirical mayhem, basically taking whatever is happening in the world, making it ten times worse and putting it through their filters of humor. This series has been going for a long time by parodying the world as we know it. 

This game is their take on the superhero genre, using their own superhero personas that they created for the TV show and creating new ones so that they can be put on this game to fight against one another. Using the basic premise of Captain America: Civil War, the MCU, the DCEU and many other facets of comedy, putting them all in a blender and trying to get the kids into making their own superhero franchises. Cartman, also known as The Coon, is going at this wholeheartedly while trying to hold everyone down to his standards and playing underhanded tricks to get you to do all of the work. 

You play the same character you did in the Stick of Truth, only now you can choose your own gender in the center of the game and the game slaps post-modernism in the face with this little gem of an in-joke. You're able to choose from different types of heroes, later being able to choose from any and all of the powers that is teased in the beginning once you reach far enough into the story mode. Cartman has had a terrible falling out with several of the other kids, Kenny and Stan included, and now they're fighting against one another in a hero vs hero story. 

The joke of the entire game is that it starts off with you trying to find a missing cat in what Cartman conceives as a way to get a hundred bucks to go toward their own superhero movie franchise. It starts off that way, but then goes down into a rabbithole of conspiracy that goes ridiculously deep to the point of absurdity, which is par for the course for this series. I won't spoil the ending, but what comes are a good bunch of twists and turns that fade off into a very stale joke at the very end. 

It's still a very fun ride, as the gameplay is actually more of a strategic roleplaying game that has moves like Chess on top of a self aware turnbase gameplay style that I actually liked better than the normal RPG elements of Stick of Truth. The fact that it's partially self aware while also slapping itself in the face with every single terribly wretched joke along the way is a buffet of comedy. 

Not every joke is very well crafted and there are some very repugnant jokes that go a little too far involving children and the main protagonist's parents. It all ends terribly but it at least makes up for it with some of the time traveling elements that they thankfully don't take too far. It's an interesting story while also being hilarious with how grown people just play along with some of the super hero elements that are make-believe while also having real world consequences. So long as you don't think too far into it, it works really well for some tongue-in-cheek gags that get a good bunch of laughs. I am told that some of these jokes were rehashed from later in the series, but my knowledge of the show in its later seasons is patchy and I didn't really catch any of that, so it was all essentially new to me.

This was made for the fans of the show, plain and simple. If you don't like the show, you are probably not going to like the story elements of this game. It still tells a good story and has some good gameplay, but the story does drag on, and as I said before, ends on a very sour note. It's worth a look if you're curious and are a diligent fan, though and I highly recommend it, even if you haven't watched it for a while. There are plenty of great callbacks and it's more or less just a really long episode of the show, almost a South Park Superhero movie of sorts. Take that for what you will. Virtua Ass Fire!

Saints Row Series: The High and Low

 If anyone could point to a franchise that has had the greatest peaks and valleys in gaming history, Saints Row would rank among the highest. This was a game that came out in the height of Grand Theft Auto's popularity, during the fourth entry's close advent, and surprised everyone. Those who looked at it for just a moment merely passed it off as a GTA clone, but it had a great deal to offer in terms of story, gameplay and interesting characters from the very beginning. From ever changing gameplay to a finish that crashed and burned so spectacularly, this sweeps the spectrum of quality in every facet. 

Saints Row 

The first game came out in the era of the Xbox 360, as a PS3 port was never released. This game had you starting as a nameless man who was caught in the middle of a gang war by chance. When you help a gangster survive a deadly encounter, they take you under their wing and bring you on as a prospect. Through various different activities and crimes you need to commit, you start to rise the ranks of the Saints and you eventually become the gang leader. With characters like Johnny Gat, Julius Little and other gangster leaders stirring the pot, the story is actually quite engaging. While some of it is played tongue-in-cheek, there are still some very heart-felt moments where the game goes quite hard and is surprising it its depths. 

The game is a lot of fun, and while it didn't really bring its A game quite yet, the first installment can be seen as a good time all around. There are a lot of glitches here and there. Through my first playthrough of this, there were times when I couldn't proceed because the obstacles became impossible. One mission where we're destroying homeless people's stations in a building, the little stations became indestructible here and there. Though, a quick restart of the level fixed the problem. 

While the first one did not really blow Grand Theft Auto 3 out of the water in terms of style and gameplay, it showed that the franchise was not infallible. It was passed off as a fluke of its time, but it still holds a special place in gaming history. I was never able to play the online version, but it was said to be something of an experience all its own. If you have a chance to get this game, it's not a terrible idea to give it a try. 

Saints Row 2

Often considered the highest peak of the series for a myriad of reasons. The action is more bombastic, the missions are crazier and the story gets rather ridiculous while sticking to the core of the first one. The first thing people usually notice about this game is that the character maker is better in every way. You can choose your own gender and the customization has reached a lot of new heights. 

The action and the fighting in this entry is on point, and the missions involve everything from screwing over rival gang leaders to covering entire buildings in crap! You can get gatling guns, kill anyone that stands in your way and even activate some cheats that are miles of fun. This game introduces characters that become staples of the series and it is even more free-roaming than before as Steelport is a vast area of a metropolis that can be explored. The easter eggs and mini-games you encounter are just icings on a very delicious cake. Even the story becomes more engaging because you feel like you already know the characters that survived the first game and you yourself must bring the Saints back to their former glory. 

As you dominate more and more of the city and cast the other gangs out, you can clearly see the influence you have on the streets. Your gangs clash over and over again until you bring down your enemies and complete their coinciding missions to undermine their operations. As you do, your gang starts to conquer the streets and you can visibly see how you grow in power. You can steal cars, keep them in your garage for later use and customize them to be stronger and more advanced. There are hours of content to enjoy and elongate your playthrough if you don't want to go through the story too fast. 

There is a reason why this is widely considered the top of the series. Even for its time and limitations on the X360, this is still widely considered one of the greatest games. The world is massive and the characters are very well rounded. There are a few things that the third installment does better, but the overall feel and scope of this game still shines through in many ways. 

Saints Row the Third

The Third Street Saints come back in a much more insane and comical way with this ridiculous entry. While some will consider it a steer away from the core greatest of the series, there is a lot to enjoy. Your character customization takes another leap in quality and they crank the madness up to a million! You're fighting mascots, taking part in death game shows, death wrestling matches and taking down titanic gangster clones! This game goes hard and does not stop going hard as you're calling in air strikes and firing some of the most ridiculous weapons ever known! 

This entry does deviate from the first two in many ways, and yes, it can be seen as a bit tedious if you want to conquer every activity and take complete control. It brings back old favorite games like insurance fraud, which is just running yourself into cars to get money. It also goes even crazier when you get all of the DLC's and star in a science fiction movie and need to take down aliens. Aliens? In a sandbox gangster game? Surely not!

In terms of story, it does take a bit of a hit because it doesn't take itself quite so seriously anymore. Characters have changed, and not always for the better, and they stupidly kill off one of the main characters in the first of the game, only to retcon it later. At the end of the game, you also have a choice of whether you want to take down the main badguy or save your own friend from being executed. Of course, they go back on that very quickly as well. There's also an annoying zombie plot that has you going through part of the city to knock machines into the bay while also dodging annoying zombie hordes. At the end, you're even taking down a gangster leader that got away in a very tacked on good ending that the devs apparently felt they needed to put in. It's kind of a mess in terms of plot. 

Still, with so much gameplay and extra gameplay, it's a great time. The car customization is awesome because you can still keep the cars. Obviously, it's far from perfect but there is a lot to love. Does it beat Saints Row 2? Not really, but it's not a far cry from it either. It's still got the style, even if its a bit overblown and bloated in some places. Though, believe it or not, this game seems tamed by comparison to the fourth and final true entry to the franchise. 

Saints Row 4

Yes, we're all well aware of how far off the rails this title went. Not only did the entire planet get destroyed by aliens, but you spend the vast majority of this entire game inside a simulation. Being inside the simulation turned out to be an interesting twist because it enabled the player to gain super powers inside the computer program and was able to fight the system from within. It basically takes from the Matrix franchise and puts the Saints Row spin on it. This also enabled you to fight inside cyber simulations, glitches, wormholes and vast amounts of other, very strange settings. 

This game has its ups and downs, I'm not going to lie. You became the President of the United States and you only were able to do anything with it at the very beginning, where you made maybe three decisions as such and then everything went straight to hell. After that, it's all about fighting the evil alien overlord and defeating him from inside his own simulated world. It goes completely catastrophic in its own gags and that is also a good and bad thing. This made the mayhem portions a lot more fun, but then it also was a crap shoot whether they were going to let you go into battles or missions with your super powers or they would take them away from you. 

The way that they brought back characters and then replayed missions from the original games was interesting, but sometimes it was just a blatant slogfest. Sometimes, the missions are nothing but finishing random mini-games in it and acting like it's preparing you for the final battle or making your crewmates happy by performing these tasks. It's kind of a copout when all you're trying to do is get to the good ending rather than the "lonely leader" ending. The happy ending is just a weird part where you can create your own timeline with better people and then there's a dance number along with a few other strange parts where you win the hearts of the alien race. 

When you remove it from the series as a whole, it stands a lot better on its own legs. When compared to its roots, it can get a little overly crazy. In a vaccuum, it's a solid game with some funny parts along with some cool collectathon missions. You get powerups by going and getting glitches in the system and you get new abilities through main story mode along with new homies and gang members on top of everything. It's a fun game all around, and it kind of helps that it's so far removed from the first two games. It's a large leap in craziness, for certain, but it's nothing compared to its expansion.

Gat Out of Hell

This game is not good. That's a very subjective view, but it's also very true in certain objective ways. The game itself was very glitchy and a broken mess upon release, and even after all of the fixes, it didn't get much better. You play Gat going through Hell to marry the devil's daughter and defeat the devil himself to take over the whole place. The gameplay is just mission after mission of fetch quests on top of everything that's already in every other game. It's so far removed to even Saints Row 4, and it sucked the life out of the franchise in every single way. The story was a joke, although the songs were rather catchy, and the devil's daughter is actually a decent character. Aside from a few fun segments here and there, this game was a drag to get through. 

The sound continuously cut out, including the music, far more than once. Even with the core gameplay, it feels like an entirely different experience. Hell is an interesting backdrop, but it's pretty much nothing like Hell, other than a few lava pits and some backdrops. Gaining the wings and learning how to use them was some of the most dismal parts of the games... Finding the "Soul Clusters" is far worse than finding the glitches in SR4. You can get stupid powerful and awesome, but it makes the game entirely too easy. By the time you get to the devil, you may as well be Doomguy with how easily you spank him. 

The glitches go far beyond the sound. You glitch through walls and the unfinished content is on display for everything. The fighting goes through floors and there are times getting hit doesn't do any damage to you. It's so easy that you basically go through entire armies of demons and you take minimal to no damage at all. This is also true for boss fights. The game is repetitive and it is a slog to get through. This was supposed to be nothing but a DLC and it should have been free but they ended up making it its own game that can be bought separately. Even when it's included with Saints Row 4 on PS4, it's really not worth your time. 

The cut scenes, the song numbers and everything involving the story just serve to elongate the time. This title never should have been created, but that's where this takes another turn for the worse. As bad as this game is, it still pales in comparison to what came after it. The Saints Row franchise basically ended with this as a trip at the finishline, but then Volition decided, after some lackluster titles, that it couldn't live without some iteration of the Saints being put on the screen. I didn't play Agents of Mayhem. 

There is another title in this franchise that has already basically been decanonized. When I review that game is up in the air but I do plan to review it at some point. Agents of Mayhem was nothing and is not worth the effort, but the game that killed the franchise and Volition needs to be further examined. That will be done at a later time, though. For now, let's be happy with the four titles of the main series that we all know and love, even the ones that were more divisive can be looked at as being better than the later titles that did nothing but harm to our beloved game titles. Until then, though, keep the Saints alive for as long as you can and remember to keep an eye on your turf. You don't want super powered plush cats to ruin it, believe that! Virtua Filibuster!

Doomverse #20 - Top 10 Monstrous Creatures of Modern DOOM

 The new DOOM games have not fallen far from the greatness that was always DOOM! In some ways, they have risen from their predecessors and found new heights to reach. In some ways, they have become overly gimmicky and stuffed full of needless story. Either way, Doom is still great and part of that comes from the demons each of the games possess. If it weren't for this element in the new titles, they would not have the impact or keep the fanbase satiated. We're Doomsters, we need blood and guts and they need to come from zombies and demons! Here's a look at the best of the new demons that must be slain! 

Marauder

Depending on who you ask, these are either the greatest or the worst additions to the Doom roster. The Marauder was made as a boss, much like the Doom Hunter, but you start fighting them along with the mobs soon after. I do not love their mechanics, but I do love the lore that they were once Doom Marines, much like our favorite slayer. They not only use a very powerful axe attack, but they cannot be hit until they get a flashing green eye attack. You need to be faster than them and you need to also fend off their hell hound attack, which will flank you in a hurry as the Marauder attacks you. Since their implimentation, they have been powered down slightly. If you hit them hard enough after their green flashing eyes, then they will become momentarily dazed, allowing another attack. They're a mixed bag, but they do present an interesting challenge and it's nice to see what happens to Doom Marines after their souls are taken into the abyss.

Cyber Mancubus

When having a gigantic tiger-striped blubber demon with flamethrowers just wasn't enough. They had to upgrade those digusting things' armor and equip it with cyber acid technology that deals ridiculous amounts of damage. Why the idiots on Earth decided that equipping demons with more cyber tech was a good idea is beyond me. They seemed to love to just give them the guns to shoot them with and it's hilarious just how terrifyingly dangerous they tended to make them. The cyber mancubus would be a borderline mini-boss if they had a bit more armor, but a solid line of plasma rounds or three shots from the super shotgun will take care of this problem. Just stay out of their line of fire!

Hell Knights

These used to be Barons of Hell with less damage, HP and a recolor back in Classic Doom. In Doom 3, they got a makeover and a bit of a difference in presence. By Doom 4, they started jumping at you and smashing you with their powerful, brutish bodies. Their punches can power up for massive damage and they are still bullet sponges. Use your more powerful weapons, but not the explosives. They jump fast at you and one missile launcher attack at the wrong time could easily kill you.

The Summoner

When the Archvile was still in the nether, the Summoner came out of literally nowhere and started teleporting around the area. It not only summons lesser demons into the fight, it also fires off powerful energy projectiles that take off a decent chunk of your HP. They are bullet sponges of the worst kind, because they can be very hard to hit. Use the plasma rifle or anything more powerful than that. If you catch some other opponents in the blast, the BFG is preferable to taking random damage from random directions. Take them down as quick as possible with the chainsaw or the supershot gun if you can get close enough.

Whiplash

Doom Eternal brought us yet another slippery, fast bullet sponge opponent. Whiplashes send hard energy blasts at you from below, or just whip you when you're not paying attention. Taking these guys out with the chainsaw is preferable to trying to taking them down with an assault rifle or normal shotgun fire. Like the Summoner, these guys are hard to hit because they just won't stay still!

Doom Hunter

Heavy weapons from hell. This is their answer to the Doom Slayer as they equip it with missiles, a chainsaw, energy weapon and a plasma shield around its body. These guys are literal tanks and they come on hard! Once these guys started, they were bosses, then they became a double boss level, then they just became one of the mini-bosses with an entire horde of demons nipping at you at the same time. Use your most bombastic weapons: missiles, plasma rounds and ballista shots do the best against them and don't forget to keep moving! Circle straif at all times and kill them good!

Hellrazor

The snipers of the hell world. While they are capable of close combat, they prefer to run away from you and fire at you with a very powerful railgun. The hits are hard and they can be a little hard to kill. Just aim to keep up with them and keep on them with heavy fire. They're harder to kill than an imp, but not by a great deal. Try and catch them before they run to gain vantage on you. Sometimes, though, it's just best to hit them with their own medicine and snipe them from a distance.

Tyrant

The demon that screams "I am not a Cyberdemon"! When they redesigned the Cyberdemon for Doom 4, they basically couldn't use that character design anymore, nor could they reintroduce the Cyberdemon itself, so, enter the Tyrant. They are very hard to kill, they possess missiles and attack you from a distance. That doesn't mean they are weak close quarters. In fact, they are ridiculously strong, and they even have a resistance against rockets, much like the original iteration. Make these your priority targets! 

Fireborne Baron

The Fire Baron takes the concept of the Baron of Hell, covers them in flames and gives them daggers to stab you with. So, now, you have a Baron that things its a Hell Knight, covered in flames and coming at you with pointed things to jam into your optical orifices. These guys need to be taken down with a chaingun to keep them at bay and keep a good pressure on them. The Super Shotgun also repels them as they jump at you, but you need to keep moving and keep firing!

Icon of Sin

The Icon of Sin wins again. That's right, his recreation and the way they brought him back into Doom Eternal made him into a powerhouse of awesome! Not only is he more powerful than the Kahn Maykr, but she was even trying to keep him asleep to keep control over him. The Doom Slayer took that power away from her and unleashed him in order to destroy him. The Icon of Sin is the largest titan and you need to shoot every single part of his body in order to break his outer armor and his outer layer of skin. Once you have brought him down to a skeleton of gore, bring him down and you will prove that you are truly the ruler of Doom!

American Mcgee's Alice Series - The Nightmare Niche

The story of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland has existed in mainstream media for well over a hundred years and it is still considered one of the more popular tales. American Mcgee was obviously a huge fan of the story, and he decided to tell the story in his own very... unique way. While the story can get very excessively dark to an almost detrimental level, the atmosphere and the creativity on display cannot be ignored. After his departure from ID Software, Mcgee set out to fulfill one of his dreams. Alice was released in 2000 to extremely mixed reviews, but the game went on to be a very beloved cult classic. 

It tells the story of Alice after her house was burned down (the cause was retconned in the sequel for story reasons) and she was admitted to a mental institution. This is a very dark sequel to the original tale and it showed a very somber Wonderland as a result. The original characters from the book were made into very twisted versions through both nonplayer characters and boss battles. You're given a knife that is none other than the Vorpal Blade and you're also given several other types of weapons that have their own advantages such as throwing cards, a croquet mallet and even dice. 

While the graphics are quite crude by today's standards, it still served to show off the technology of the time. The ID Tech 3 is shown in great potential with such imaginative backdrops and very dynamic terrains, even water physics. This is also a very graphically violent game. Even if the characters aren't technically human, they still bleed quite a bit. You're able to sever limbs and even see some heads explode. 

Alice was a very difficult game. There are swimming sections and platforming that can be a little difficult, especially if you're using a keyboard rather than a controller. While the first installment was originally on the PC, it is far better with a controller, especially with some of the harder platforming sections where you have to fight both the enemies and some of the physics. 

Where the game really thrives, aside from the surrealistic atmosphere, is in its boss battles. While some of them have mechanics that can be hard to figure out, you are up against some of the more nightmarish creatures reimagined in very dark images. The Duchess is probably one of the more graphic reimagining through her extreme allergy to pepper which causes very violent repercussions. Nightmarish enemies can be seen through Tweedledee and Tweedledum in very uncanny proportions and even a chess piece in the Red King is eerie in his character design. 

The Queen of Hearts is the most infamous from this game, as she is seen with a mask on where the lips don't move when she speaks, giving her a bit more nightmare fuel with an already gruesome visage. She is the main antagonist and is rightfully the most difficult but also one of the more fun and fulfilling to defeat as a result. 

The first game was divisive among the public, but it garnered a very loyal following and was a brilliant precursor to an arguably more solid game in Alice: Madness Returns. With a much more powerful engine, Wonderland is brought back with a much broader appeal and more gruesome outlook. Alice returns to Wonderland, still feeling very guilty in having survived the fire while her family perished. The real problem that I had with this installment was the retconning it did in not only changing how the fire occurred, but also some of the darker themes it detailed in human trafficking and the implications it introduced in its main antagonist. 

The story aside, Alice is fleshed out a lot better as a character. While she is rather bitter toward the rest of the world, she still holds to a great integrity in holding onto what little of her child-like grace she still possesses in her midteens. She takes to the task of reviving Wonderland and taking up the Vorpal Blade once again when a dark, mysterious steam engine train rolls through the world, causing it to further decay along with Alice's sanity. 

While the first level details Wonderland in a more traditional sense with its corruption, the later levels also bring about different themes. There is a horrific rendition of Feudal Japan, complete with praying mantis samurais and cherry blossoms. There is also a very horrific world of dollhouses and an undersea levels where you need to bring oysters to a play for the Walrus and the Carpenter. Among these levels is the most beautiful of them in the Kingdom of Hearts, where you meet the new Queen. The card guards are zombified and there is a giant one who is nigh indestructible. 

The game is much more polished and graphically superior to the first title, but one very large gaping problem with the sequels that many agree are the lack of boss battles. The game seems to know this, as it attempts to tease one with a giant mech constructed by the Doormouse and Marsh Hare, but it breaks down before you even get any gameplay out of it. There is only one boss battle in the final level and that really is a shame. There are mini-bosses here and there in the form of the doll-headed enemies, which require a few extra maneuvers and breaking their shields.  

One element to the second game that is lauded by fans is the level progression in the form of teeth. Yes, collecting teeth allows you to upgrade your weaponry. You find more of these through secrets hidden within small doorways that require you grow small and explore more of the levels in secrets and out of the way paths that require extra perception on your part. The puzzles and some of the sidescrolling sections can be rather frustrating at times, especially in the Dollhouse and Asian themed sections.  

The dark themes of American Mcgee's Alice games can get to be a bit cumbersome, especially if you are not partial to child abuse and things that it entails. Sometimes, the game can lean a little heavily into these themes, especially when you start finding some of the darker memories and further into the plot. These have been cited as a detriment to the series, but they are not so heavily depicted. The game can get heavy handed with its story, but it also casts a deeper light on Alice's psychological trauma that she has had to endure. 

Where the game has always shined was its imaginative level design and very dark creatures born from the original story. The Cheshire Cat is also seen as an ally who offers you advice and clues as to how to progress. Many of the characters from the original tale can be seen throughout and while many of them meet gruesome deaths in the first game, many of them return for the sequel. The game makes you want to progress and stop the corruption of Alice's mental illness and repair what remains of her beautiful dream world. 

Sadly, the planned third installment, Alice Asylum, never came about aside from a great deal of lore elements and images made by American Mcgee himself. Throughout the 2010's, he attempted to regain the rights to the games in order to bring this to fruition, but he was unsuccessful and decided that it simply was not worth it. The games' followers tried very hard to help him regain the copyright to the title, but E.A. Games denied him and decided it was more important to sit on the property while it wasted away into obscurity because that's the gaming industry for you. If they weren't making any money off of it, then no one was going to enjoy it. Do I sound a little bitter? Yeah, I might be a bit. This was American Mcgee's creation and it just goes to show you that greed can be a true detriment to creativity. 

It would have been nice to see a spiritual successor to the series, much like Mega Man with Mighty Number N--- you know what, that's a bad example. Castlevania had Bloodstained and it brought about much of the same themes as the original series. Alice could have been made into a different character with a different type of world, but in the end, I can also understand why American became somewhat disolutioned with the notion after so long of fighting those greedy beaurocrats of the industry. It's really no wonder the gaming industry is in the state it's in with corporations having such a stranglehold on beloved franchises they're willing to let go to the wayside in favor of live service looter shooters with predatory loot crate systems. Creativity can birth monetary value much better than microtransactions and gambling addictions, but it also requires a lot more work and patience in order to do so. 

Alice is a sad tale in many respects and it would be nice to see a resurgence of the franchise, but it is also good that it went out on a high note with two very solid entries. You could do a lot worse than trying to find these two gems, but they are also part of a bygone era, so you'll need some old school systems like the Playstation 3 just for the second entry. The first entry is extensively hard to find now, even when it was coupled with Madness Returns in many of its iterations. These editions are expensive now, but if you're a big collector, they are worth a look if you're even mildly curious. It's a very dark story, but the game mechanics and creativity of the games themselves are worth a closer look. Walk into the dream world or look upon them with the looking glass. Virtua Cheshire Grin. 

10 Saturn Games that Saved the Day!

Allow me to take you back over the past few months. If you could allow me the subjective anecdote into my personal computer life, my desktop decided that it did not much like having a graphics card anymore and shed itself of it. To repair it would cost more than the system itself, so there came an upgrade in the form of a new PC. With my graphics card experiencing a slow death, my choice of games were especially limited when it came to the computer. So, of course, I turned to my classic games and the old pal, Mr. Saturn. With the higher graphics games buzzing funny colors, there came a basic gaming void in my life, so here we come to lean on the system I met when I was 10 years old.

Today, I'm here to tell you that my new computer stopped working as well. In fact, it just flat out broke twice in the two months since I have purchased it, and I just got it back. The thought of it going out again is very possible, but once again, these are the top games that got me through this ridiculous barrier of broken first world problems.

                                                                                                Doom

No, I did not stutter and you are not blind. The Sega Saturn version of Doom is, by far, one of the most overlooked ports of this legendary game. This is for good reason, but I do not care. There's still plenty to love here. There was enough play here to where the first seven or eight levels weren't so bad with Doom 2, which is accessible from the start. The cheats, along with the mild annoyance in controls and framerate make this a pretty great distraction. Using the Super Shotgun in every single level of Doom. That is awesome! It doesn't matter if you can do that in other ports or not, I consider that a win! Bad reputation or not, this version of the game blasts big fat demon guts straight across Hell and back!

                                                                                                    Quake

The Saturn boasts two of the most influential First Person Shooters ever made. One was done not-so-well but still playable, this one was done with a level of quality that is still rather mysterious. By all accounts, Doom should have been the one to knock it out of the park and Quake should have been the misfire of the ages. For some reason, the two were swapped and Quake became one of the better ports. Quake is just a dark, gothic game that revolutionized the gaming industry with its fully rendered 3D mechanics that had never been seen before at the time. It's the same shooting and gibbing enemies, finding keys and getting lost in labyrinths, while also looking bad ass while doing it!

                                                                                        Virtua Fighter Kids

If you were looking for a reasonable explanation as to why, of all versions and iterations of the VF game, would I pick this one, I do not have one. For some reason, this one was just faster paced and simpler to deal with than the other titles in the series. There is a grand scale that Virtua Fighter stands on, because it was definitely a stand out in Sega's arsenal against Tekken. Virtua Fighter never floundered in quality and VFK was no slouch in the lineup. These kids are just adorable and it's a title that never forgets to have fun with its own concept.

                                                                                            House of the Dead

Sometimes, when you're feeling down or need to relieve some stress, there's nothing better than a simple game of shooting up zombies. There's something so deeply satisfying when you're unloading bullets into an already dead person who's still moving. This game may not be as good as its sequel, nor is this port as good as the arcade edition, but that literally means nothing to me. The fact that I can do this in the comfort of my own home while my computer is on the fritz is all that really matters in the long run. 

                                                                                           Sonic Jam

You can't put a price on the classics. Sure, you pay for them in order to bring them home a lot of the time, but you really can't put a price tag on something in order to make it great. That sort of thing is earned. Sonic Jam takes this concept and gives you the option of having all of that greatness in one package with a lot of extra content and easter eggs. You're welcome! The first three Sonic games will never go out of style. They are difficult, fast, and they have some of the most amazing soundtracks that you can bump on your boombox. The Sega Saturn was a wonderful home to this amazing trilogy, and it even had the courtesy to add a 3D Sonic walk-around called "Sonic World". Does it need to be there? Probably not, but we love it all the same.

                                                                                    Panzer Dragoon II: Zwei

Were you expecting different? I certainly hope not. While the RPG, Sagas is considered the better game, it does not have the casual "pick-me-up" quality that this game has. This game does not have the same need for investment of your time, nor does it take a great deal of brain-power to play. It's high-flying adventure and shoot'em up fun that's timeless and easily digested. That's not to say it's easy, this game is definitely not without its challenges, but that really doesn't matter when all you want is something fun and simple to occupy your brain.

                                                                                Warcraft II: The Dark Saga

I have iterated how lucky we are to have a Sega Saturn port of one of the greatest RTS games. While World of Warcraft still flings expansions at the public to stay afloat, WC2 needed just one and it was set. With ridiculous amounts of levels and obstacles, this game still stands firm on its own two feet and will gobble up hours of your time if you allow it to. Set up your defenses in your own town and build your armies to conquer the map before your opponents do the same. Strategize your units and deploy them accordingly, what could be more simple? 

                                                                                            Die Hard Trilogy

Really, you have a game that is basically three arcade experiences all in one. Why wouldn't you play it? Die Hard Trilogy seriously has the most mindless replayability at its core and there's no reason not to. Even if you're not that good at it and can't make it through the full game, you can always just try to beat your high score. If that element in gaming is too old fashioned for you then, by all means, try and beat them. Shoot through tons of criminals or drive through bombs, it's your show, after all! Just remember to quote the movies while you do it. Make sure to say the quote really loud to where your parents can hear.

                                                                                             Resident Evil

Somehow, I ended up with the Steam version, Gamecube version and Sega Saturn version of this game. Guess which one I play the most. People can complain all they want about the Saturn's graphics, but there's more to life than sharper detail. Killing zombies and bioweapons is still a jolly good bit of fun in this version. I didn't beat this game this time around but I got pretty far thanks to some gaming binge sessions. This is probably the game I played the most, but there is another game that just made me feel better all around. 

                                                                                    X-men vs Street Fighter

You really can't put a price tag on such an amazing game. The nostalgia for both the video games for SF and the comic books/TV show for X-men comes together so beautifully in this title. It's really no wonder why people consider it one of the greatest fighting games. I played pretty much the entire roster, played some 2-player and went through some of the arcade rounds. If you want to know how to spend time with friends, look no further. 

Get yourself X-men vs Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Virtua Fighter 2 and have a ball. All of these games I've mentioned really did give me something I kind of forgot the magic of for a moment there. Get someone close to you, it doesn't matter who and spend some time with them. That's definitely one thing I did with these titles and it surprised a lot of people how much fun they had. The fun factor is what really matters. Remember to share some fun with game time and don't forget to serve your guests some water.