Virtua Sonic #8 - The Way Past Cool TV Shows

 

If there was anyone deserving multiple forms of media, it was definitely Sonic the Hedgehog! Sega wanted to cash in on his popularity and they came out with a multitude of everything from toys, glassware, clothes, and just about everything you would see in franchise spanning multiple countries across the globe. Sonic hit it very big for a very long time and we are still seeing him bask in his fame with not only TV shows, but also his own live action films. 

The shows, however, have run the gambit from frightfully awful to just downright amazing! With a plethora to choose from, Planet Virtua will just be covering a select few. We've covered the movies thus far, but it may take a few swings to get to all of our favorite shows about the Blue Blur. These are the TV shows featuring none other than the man himself, Jaleel White. Urkle from Family Matters was the original American voice actor that we all remember and love to this day. He had such volume and scope in his voice and it was a delight to have him as his voice for so long. The shows, however, were a bit of a mixed bag. 

The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

Ask a collective of people and you will get a vast spectrum of different opinions on this very peculiar title. Not only is this a strange show by standards of this quality, but also by its continuity from start to finish. In the beginning, we have Sonic and Tails with a very inept, terribly realized Dr. Robotnik. By the end, you may as well have decided we were on an alien planet with how vast the races, species and animalistic all of the inhabitants of this world are. The very last thing in its continuity was a Christmas special and the people were humanoid but also had pointed ears and weird colored skin like they were from Doug. 

The juvenile humor definitely appealed to a younger audience, but even then, there is clearly something wrong. The real problem with this show is that it is very repetitive by nature. Basically, Sonic will encounter the chicken and the dozer robot, have on a stupid disguise and fool them into getting destroyed. Dr. Robotnik will pull some giant robot out of nowhere or scam a whole bunch of people with plans that would never work. He lavishes in being evil and stupid and Sonic out smarts him. Somewhere in there, speed is involve. That sounds like it's over-simplified, and yes, it is. This show is not exactly something you can binge. You will run the risk of losing braincells. 

It's such a cheesy show and there is some form of enjoyment out of it, but at the same time, it also takes itself entirely too seriously. Sometimes, it will get its own stupid humor, but sometimes, it also has mello drama and tired old plots. Then it has the strange tendancy to have some sort of moral at the end of the show. These deal with deeply strange and/or serious issues that are a bit jarring after such childish antics. The series was cheap in both writing and animation. This allowed them to make the episodes en masse. 

Sonic the Hedgehog 

Sonic from Saturday Mornings was a very stark difference in quality from the show that was running along-side it. It also had a very stark difference in length, as it did finish its original season's plot, but ended on a cliffhanger. It was abruptly cancelled after a very successful run because the show's animation was extremely expensive. 

This show was far more grounded in reality and took place in a dystopian future of the planet Mobius. The planet has been taken over by Dr. Robotnik, because he actually has competence and brilliance. The problem is that he is also very arrogant and constantly underestimates the resistance that keeps fighting against him and his death machines. While Tails was a whiney little baby with stupid questions in the other show, here, he's a whiney little baby with stupid questions that have depth and character. This actually has a story behind it with likeable and relateable characters and Sonic has more dimensions than just liking chilidogs. 

It is a shame that there was a chance this show would have survived had it not been for Adventures. It had actual drama and a deep plot of trying to bring peace and prosparity to the planet while taking down a tyrant in the process. Sonic's powers are more defined and he is actually really cool when he fails, but then picks himself back up and comes back in style to save the day. While the story was ended in a very satisfactory fashion, despite the weird sequel bait and various small loose ends, it would have been nice to see what another season could have brought to the table. Instead, we got another TV show entirely. 

Sonic Underground

It is very much understood that this show has a following and that many Sonic fans got their start from it. However, the content herein suffers a great deal from having a little too much Adventures of Sonic blood in it. While it does have more story and depth to it, that's not saying a great deal, as it also has a great deal of juvenile humor and head-scratching moments. 

It really seems that the problem is that the characters have growth, but it's either entirely too slow or in the wrong ways. The siblings are constantly talking about how they need to find their mother, but it really seems like they are not going to extreme lengths and they are following clues that are obviously going to lead to all of the wrong places. There are just such enormous wastes of time and side-tracking that could have been avoided and that's saying something, given the quality of the writing. 

Jaleel White is awesome and there is no denying that. The dialogue, however, is abysmal and the direction they all get for voices must have been some of the worst. White voices all three of the siblings and the way they differentiate his voice tends to grate on the ear the higher the pitch. The episodes are also very clearly meant to drag out the plot and the "mystery" of them and their big series long quest. 

It's truth time, I don't even know if they find their mother or not. There is no way I could sit through every single episode of this. Unless there were some enormous payoff or there was some entertainment value in creating a youtube video or something, that would probably break the cerebral cortex for no payoff. It was hard enough sitting through the theme song. Seriously, if you wanted to hammer in your plot with obvious lyrics, you could have just skipped the song and had them explain the plot in a small speech at the beginning. Okay, that's rather harsh, but seriously, if you did not grow up with this show, there is no nostalgia to fall back on and that is a heavy hit. 

So, one out of three are not great odds, but Sonic has had some gems of TV shows, as Sonic fans know. We'll be taking a look at Sonic X and Sonic Prime in due course, but until then, the hedgehog will just continue to be awesome. Virtua Believe It!

Crazy Taxi - Get There in Pieces

Hey! You're gonna make some crazy bad decisions in life, so why not drive them on the Virtua Road! Crazy Taxi is one of those titles where people will immediately recognize it by either its soundtrack or its MC from the main menu. This was arcade level graphics in the comfort of your own home, much akin to the Sega Saturn, but it was smooth as butter. This is a racing game against time and you need to make sure your controls on the car are absolute. 

The Offspring is one large portion of this game's fame with the track "All I Want". The whole of music in this game is a time capsule of the 90's and the action within the game captures it to a T. The controls are responsive and once you get the Drive and Reverse button down, you can start making some split decisions. The real problem comes from traffic and the many things in your way. Sometimes, you just pick the wrong street and that's the name of the game. The random twists and turns can become headache inducing at times, but it's always a rocking good time at 200 mph! 

There is also the obligatory ramps that you can drive off of to gain a bit of an edge in your time. There are several shortcuts that you can take if you're going for the big goals. Many players will attest to simply wanting to drive around and smash into things, though. Casual gaming and serious points crunching are both very welcome in this legendary Dreamcast title. 

This arcade title gorged on quarters late in the lifespan of the public gaming scene. Even when Street Fighter III's numbers were rather dismal by comparison, Crazy Taxi's life support kept them alive just a bit longer. Even with a steering wheel and pedals, this game is very easy to maintain, but rather hard to master. Knowing when to D or R can make the difference between failure and a bit more time and money in your fare. 

Even the vague characters have a bit of a stake in gaming fame. They're quite lavish in their own characteristics with memorable designs along with the very X-TREME vibe this game is giving off. This is basically the last gasps of the 90's splurged into one game, along with a few others in the Dreamcast library. This, along with Jet Set Radio and select others kept this wondrous age for just a bit longer, and for that, Planet Virtua would like to honor them right here. 

The Sega Saturn 2 was under appreciated in its time but has thankfully become something of a monument of an era. Even against the Playstation 2, Gamecube and the Xbox, the Dreamcast went out in style and has lasted the test of time. The generation of gaming itself is something of the last bastion of old school gaming in the 3D era and we can't wait to take you for a ride across it here at the Virtua Planet of Virtua Planets. Accept no Virtua Substitute. 

Dragonheart Fire and Steel - Dragon Barf 2: Fire and Barf!

  

If you are an original fan of the Saturn, you may remember a little title known as DragonHeart, starring Dennis Quaid and the late Sean Connery. It was a pretty good film. Not great, not spectacular, but it was entertaining and not a bad watch if you were in the mood for some good old fashioned fantasy. It did well enough to deserve some knockoffs and some film sequels that have actually continued to come out until fairly recently. Yeah, for some reason, the first film came out in 1996 but the latest sequel came out in 2020, go figure. Well, the first film was pretty popular and still has a cult following to this day. That, unfortunately, means it also had a video game that came out for the Saturn, PC and Playstation (it had a Gameboy title too but let's not get too caught up in details). 

This game is a hack and slash platformer that controls like it has rheumatism. Your knight warrior guy walks in a leisurely stroll speed and getting used to this is rather difficult because throughout the levels, you also need to avoid traps. Good luck with that, is all I can say. It's not impossible, but it also demands precise timing that gets to annoyance levels that you may as well not bother with. 

I won't go telling you that the game is outright terrible in all of its mechanics. The hacking and slashing are decent at the very least. The enemies are mundane and basically clones of one another but that can pass as there's obviously a limit with how many people they can photo into the game. There's even some cool elements with the combat like flaming arrows you can shoot at people and light them on fire. 

The problem with this game, though, is the pacing. You slash, block, slash, shoot and repeat. You need to be careful though, because you have an endurance meter. Yes, this endurance meter is probably one of the worst things about this game. The pacing was already bad enough with the walking and blocking mechanics, but then they have to go and limit your attacks by making you run out of stamina.

Presentation is key when it comes to some games, and this one missed the mark. It's not downright ugly to look at but it's just so plain. The photo generated characters clash a bit with the background and it throws off the overall look. The backgrounds are actually quite good, if a bit generic in some places. If they'd maybe replaced the photo realistic people with more Sega Saturn-esque characters, it would have been much more appealing to the eye. As it is now, the two just don't really fit together. It kind of looks like they used a green screen and the keying was just flatout not attempted. 

Yes, I was rather harsh on the game in my Top 20 Worst list, but that's kind of how it goes. If it's taken in spoonfuls, this game really isn't all that bad. On longer playthroughs, though, it drags pretty hard. The slow walking and limited slashing shot the pacing. If you don't slash and block, you'll die pretty quickly, so you need to take everything slow. It's just not a good enough game to merit all of the stalling. The backgrounds are pretty to look at, but that's doesn't really help its case in the slightest. The fact that dragons are scarce is understandable as that's how the movie went as well, but I feel like maybe scattering a few more in for flavor would have helped this game a lot. As it stands, it's just fighting a bunch of guys that look eerily similar and the appeal just isn't there. Virtua Fire Water.

Sonic 3D Blast - Sonic Snail

 If you really need an introduction to the blue blur, there are so many places on this site to get it. Links down below. The basic premise to look at is that he is fast. He loves to go fast. Jaleel White's rendition of Sonic had him saying "Gotta juice!" as a catchphrase. Sega Genesis had a made up feature called "Blast Processer" for the sole purpose of telling how fast Sonic could go! The original Sonic games allowed you to go fast enough to make the background stream by as you spin dash and go through the loops and jumps. It was the biggest selling point. 

Sonic 3D Blast is not fast. There, I said it. I'd say it again if I had to. This game has certain elements in it that can be a little speedy, but overall, you are in a completely different world of graphics, movement and style. While this could possibly work, in here, it is clumsy. You are in an isometric view point in a three dimensional environment and while you can go at a decently fast pace, the game thoroughly keeps you from doing so. This is because the obstacles you face are very close together, and the platforms extend into tight straight aways. One single wrong move and you will either miss the narrow walkway or you will run into a bed of spikes or get shot by a cannon. 

The lack of speed is not the only problem with this game either. The gameplay centers around destroying enemies and taking small birds and animals to a ring to rescue. You get a certain amount of these little things that follow you around and you are able to continue to the next segment of the level. It is not bad as gameplay goes, but it is your lot in life as Sonic. If you are into this sort of thing, then you may actually enjoy it. However, it gets retitive and the game does very little to deviate from this gameplay. 

The ice level, because of course there's an ice level, has you in the clutches of slip-and-slide mechanics. This is especially annoying with the abundance of spikes, cannons and snowmen all around you. The powerups help but you're still sliding all over the place and hoping that you don't run into the many close together obstacles. You need to save these birds!

Is the game devoid of charm? Absolutely not. It has its high points. It does have the 3D run bonus levels from Sonic The Hedgehog 2. With the upgraded graphics and the little extra challenge added to it, it actually does very well. These segments come up rarely, but they are a lot of fun. Then, there's the boss battles with Dr. Robotnik. The isometric angle actually compliments these boss battles quite a bit. 

This game was really not fun the first time I played it, but that was mostly because I was expecting it to be like the first three games. After a recent playthrough, though, I have grown more accustomed to its gamestyle. Does that make it a good game? No, not really, that just makes it more tolerable and easier for me to play through for this review. It still stands that I would rather play any number of other games in the Sonic franchise (See Top 10 Sonic Games) than deal with this vast departure from the tried and true Sonic titles. In a vacuum, it's not terrible, though and you could do worse than give it a try. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not being hyperbolic enough. Don't play this! It's the WORST SONIC TITLE EVEEERRRR!!!!! Gotta Juice!!!

Doomverse #16 - Evil and the Tools to Kill it

 

Two pieces of Doom that pull the whole game together are the demons and the weapons with which to kill them. Some of these creatures are so recognized that even non-doom players will see them and immediately know where they're from. I'm not going to set up and name every monster and weapon, but there are so many standouts, it'll seem like it.

The Imp is one of the most recognized small demons in the game. They throw fireballs that do a lot of damage compared to most of the weaker enemies. They can be dangerous in groups but they also aren't the tankiest of the bunch. Shotguns do a good job of taking them down. If there's a group, a super shotgun is a good answer.

The pinky is officially just named "Demon" but retroactively are just called "pinky", thanks to the standard culture. They only do melee attacks to bite you but they do have a translucent twin called the Spectre. Thanks to their close ranged nature, they are generally taken down with the chainsaw rather easily.

The Cacodemon is arguably the most recognized demons in the entire game. Their red blobbish nature and quick attack missiles make them very noticeable. A super shotgun and chaingun are good ways to take them down. 

The Barons of Hell were first seen in the last level of Knee Deep in the Dead and have since been considered a staple of Doom lore. Barons hit hard and can take a lot of punishment. The best answer to them, especially multiples of them, is the plasma rifle. If you run out of plasma rounds, get them with the Super Shotgun and/or the rocket launcher if you're at a safe distance.

The last of the demon minions is the Archvile. Making their debut in Doom 2, they are obviously in the game to drastically increase difficulty. They tank about as much as a mancubus, deal more damage overall and bring monster bodies back to life. They are priority targets and deserve your top plasma ammunition from either the plasma gun or the BFG 9000.

The BFG 9000 has been one of the iconic weapons in this entire franchise. One shot can take a multitude of small demons down while also doing tremendous damage to larger targets. If you have this gun, many of your problems will be dealt with by melting them into sludge. The big drawback is that it's slow to fire and takes up 40 plasma cells per blast. Use it when you absolutely need to.

The boss demons, namely the Cyberdemon and Spider Mastermind are prime BFG 9000 targets. The Cyberdemon can easily down you in one to two hits with his rocket attack. The Spider Mastermind fires a chaingun and each shot is the damage equivalent to a shotgun shell. Overall, the Cyberdemon is the more challenging but the Mastermind can also drain your life very quickly if you are not careful. Your best bet on both of them is to use your big guns and hide behind cover to avoid their wrath!

Last but most certainly not least, a weapon you can use on anything up close, the Super Shotgun. This is the king of shotguns. I don't care what anyone else says about other shotguns from other games, this gun gets it done! If all else fails, if you have two shells you can shoot, this could take care of whatever is after you. The spread is huge and very concentrated. You could take down three or four smaller opponents in one shot if they're close enough together. It is a gun that lives up to the name and sets the bar high for any other shotgun. 

Sonic The Fighters - Knuckles in Sonic's Face

 

Today, I was wanting to talk about a very divisive title that has had Sonic fans scratching their heads for ages now. A little title called Sonic the Fighters was originally released for arcades in June of 1996, essentially making it a Sonic Saturn game that never reached the system. The setup is as basic as you could get for any title, even a fighting game. You pick a fighter and you press punch a lot. Sounds like an over simplification, but I assure you, it is not. There is some story here, but it's about as paper thin as it gets. That's like saying a movie meant for 2 year olds has a villain. Yeah, he's there, but who's paying attention?

This game is notorious for being very, very bad in terms of an actual fighter. It is bad, yes. The mechanics are so loose and clumsy that before you know it, after spamming your punch button and/or hard kick, you've beaten the entire lineup. The computers are either a joke or they spam their own quick attacks so much that you can't get a hit in. That's the double edged sword you need to deal with when it comes to challenge spikes. 

It is not in the single player that people have sworn by this game, though. The single player is fine for a little distraction to keep you occupied. Though, the true way this game shines is through its 2-player mode. If you have a little sibling, a child or a friend you can comfortably chum around with a light game with, this game is worth a good laugh. It is so easy to let your younger player win, while also teaching them that you can button mash with the greats. More often than not, everyone finds their favorite characters to play.

Speaking of characters, one of the big fan favorites of this game is not based off a Sonic character, but a Fighting Vipers character. Honey the Cat was Honey the human in her debut but the devs somehow found it in their hearts to make her an anthropomorphic cat. She is cute with a great character model, but she pretty much fights just like everyone else. Still, who cares? Honey is the tops!

If you're in this for real competition, you're barking up the wrong tree. Try and make this into a tournament meant for skill or gaming experience then you are in for a very off center string of fights. There is nothing complicated about this game and there is no real winning strategy outside of what has already been discussed. A novice has just as much chance of beating a seasoned Sonic Fighter as anyone else. Still, the charm this game exudes is palpable. It has a very similar energy to Sonic R. Not only are the graphics a great deal like the Saturn, but the overall gameplay mirrors the carefree nature they encourage. 

Even though it only got an arcade release at first, it is now in all of the main 6th consoles (aside from the Dreamcast, ironically) in the form of the Sonic Gems Collection. Unless you'd like to fork over some serious dough for an arcade cabinet of the game, which may or may not exist, this is the best way to access it. If you're a Sonic fan and a fan of the 32-bit era games, this is definitely one that you could take a look at. Sonic R, Sonic CD and Sonic the Fighters are all on the Gems Collection and it has a lot more to offer than that, if you take a look at the Virtua Sonic #4 article, it goes into more detail of the rest. Give this game a chance if you ever get the opportunity. Using Knuckle's gigantic fists to send someone flying across the arena could be worth the whole experience. Break the Blue Blur's Beak!

Corpse Killer (Saturn) - Dead Inside Edition

Happy Halloween, Gamer heads!! This is our final review in the MONTH OF VIRTUA SPOOooOooOOooOOOOKIES! Get ready for some real horror! And I do mean horror because this game is horrible! So, just sit back, relax, and at least act scared.

It is no secret that Full Motion Video is the smooch of death for 99% of games "graced" with its presence. Myst still has a fanbase, but anyone will tell you that the acting in the game's FMV segments are so terrible they're great. The bad acting is infamous in these terrible parts of games. Developers normally just stepped in and did the acting themselves to nightmarish effect. Then you've got games that actually got Z-List movie actors in their games. Yeah, that's what Corpse Killer did. You would think this would improve the acting to some degree, but you would be very, very wrong. In fact, to some degree, it's somehow even worse. 

Among this cast of actors, they got the late Vincent Shiavelli, who actually has quite the long filmography, although most of it is about as low grade as you would expect. He is seen through a lot of this game and his scenes are a master class of bad. He fits right in with the rest of these performers and WOW there is a lot to unpack here. These cut scenes are very hard to watch. You will cringe your face into another dimension and you won't need Vegeta to do it (if you get that reference, you're officially in the cool club). It's obvious that these are all first takes unless something catastrophic occurred. The game developers should have worked a few more takes into the budget, because even the ZOMBIES are over acting here. 

That's just the FMV cut scenes! Believe it or not, all of it is technically full motion video! The characters in the gameplay scenes are still real people, they are simply cut outs that are slapped onto the background. They run toward you in a VERY unconvincing way while you shoot the screen with an ever shooting machine gun. You shoot the cheap looking zombies and they make stock screaming noises in an ever revolving loop. 

The zombies are just people in cheap makeup. Some of them just have regular clothes on and some of them look so cheap, the devs may as well have just reached through the screen and slapped you to kill your immersion. This is beyond awful! 

The game is also ridiculously easy almost 90% through it. Then the difficulty spikes to levels beyond reckoning. Lulling you into a coma only to inject this level of suck is a bit of a jerk move. Seriously, you would be hard pressed to stay conscious amid the constant gunfire, weird screams and terrible cutscenes. There are different types of ammo, explosives and a couple of other things to try and spice things up. Guess how well it works. Go on, guess...

Anyway, this is one of the worst games on the Sega Saturn or any of the other systems it was on upon its original release. There's a label on the Graveyard Edition that says it's one of the top 20 games of the year. This is a blatant lie and I'd be surprised if they didn't get sued for false advertising. You may notice this game was on both of my top worst Saturn games lists. It's pretty obvious why FMV's didn't really stand the test of time and after the fifth generation of games, they became more and more scarce. Thank GOD! If you really want to play this game out of morbid curiosity, it is available on Steam at the time of this article's writing. By all means, it's Halloween and the terrible nature of this game is quite scary. Have a ball and make it spooooooooky!

7 Spooooooooooky Saturn Games!

 

Happy Halloween, from Planet Virtua! You want to know about horror? When you think of scary video games, you probably wouldn't look back to the 32-bit era. Whether it be the lesser quality of graphics or the overarching tone, a lot of people pass this off as nothing special. Do not listen to them.

There is a lot to love in terms of dark tones when it comes to the Saturn. Here in the Month of SpoooooooOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOoOoOkiness, we'll be looking at such games. Not all of these will be games that are meant to outright frighten you. Some of these are simply games that have interesting monster designs or a tone that fits the horror genre. I do solidly believe that some of these are genuinely devoted to a creep factor. These games are not in any real order, hence why none of them are numbered. Now that we've got that out of the way, on with the virtua blood!

                                                                         House of the Dead

We start things off with an action railshooter! It is not especially scary in its setup, but it genuinely has some terrible monsters in it. We're not just talking about zombies, either. These range from swamp beasts made of algae, undead piranhas and armored monsters made of sludge cream filling. The flavors of monsters range far and wide and you will be hard pressed to count how many different types there are. How scary is it? Well, not especially scary, all things considered. It does have that wonderful atmosphere, though and it makes up for a lot of that with gore! Shoot these monsters apart with a hand gun and watch their chunks fly! Just try not to shoot innocent people, that's not the kind of gore we're supposed to have.

                                                                         Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Another entry in the action genre, this time for a platformer. Anything from skeletons to strange flower monsters spitting acid are on display here. The bosses are especially horrific! The very first one you fight is Dracula in a formless, horrific transformation! This is another title with such a wide range of monsters and ghosts, that your horror quota will be met in just a few hours of playing, whatever that quota may be. There are even monsters here that either have no classification or just flat out doesn't matter because they'll eat your face anyway! The castle is full of heinous beasts and you must kill the lot of them. Oh, crap, they respawned. Now, do it again!

                                                                                         D

Cutting right to the heart of the matter, D encapsulates the genre of horror to its max level. Get yourself in a dark room with this game in the forefront and there is a very good chance that you will at least feel some unsettling vibes. While it may be light on the monsters, it certainly fits every bill when it comes to atmosphere. There is still a lot to look at and the place you're in still feels haunted as all hell. D is an all around fun time and it is short enough for you to play on Halloween if you're looking for something to do.

                                                                                        Doom

That's right, I said it and I'm not taking it back. Doom is a game for any day and Halloween welcomes it with open arms. With such a large array of demons to squash, how could you not add it among the ranks of horrific titles? It doesn't have the creep factor unless you find yourself in a dark area with imps and cacodemons creeping within. There's enough blood here to fill a lake and the river that runs through it. It's horror, alright. It's just the type of horror you can pump a shotgun at.

                                                                                   Quake

If we have Doom, we may as well have this gib-soaked title. It may have guns and explosions, but there's also a vast number of monsters throughout. Not only the monsters, but also the atmosphere and the sinister tones that the setting enhances just spells out that Lovecraftian, gothic vibe that let's you settle into it and rocket jump straight into its face! Just look 

                                                                                  Resident Evil

The first game to coin the phrase "Survival Horror" and for good reason. BioHazard has got to be one of the most influential titles to come out of the horror gaming genre. It has enough clones and copycats as such. It is known to the rest of the world for its zombies but it sports a number of different creatures both of its own making and ones you would see around the genre. You could be fighting a Licker, sure, but you could also be fighting a giant spider! Its list of terrifying crratures knows no bounds!

                                                                                     Hexen

With dark castles, monsters at every turn and a gothic fantasy atmosphere, you better believe this title belongs here. Hexen is a very challenging game, don't you doubt, but the level design and aesthetics make it look so sinister, especially with two headed brutes and winged flame creatures flying overhead. There is a darkness to this game that is fun to explore. Just try not to get gored by giant lizards.

Now, you may be wondering why you don't see titles such as Deep Fear or Battle Monsters. Well, those games are going on a different list. I simply need to work out the details of said list. Until then, these are the games I would suggest for a night in with either yourself or some friends to enjoy. "Enjoy" being the key word here. Don't worry about such menial details as to why Horror Tour isn't included here. Oh who am I kidding, you're not wondering that. Virtua Boo!

Alone in the Dark 2 (Saturn) - Jack's Heart Attack

We continue our Virtua month of SpoooooOOOOOOOOOOKY CRISPS with this very obscure, strange title for the Saturn. Even for Survival Horror standards, this game is very strange. In fact, before this review, I had no idea this game even existed. Obviously, Alone in the Dark had sequels, but I had never even looked into them and this one hasn't come up in any of the conversations when talking about survival horror games. 

Total transparency here, I used a game walkthrough and I did not finish it. Every single element on display here was beyond terribly implemented. The controls are the worst of all. Not only are they tank controls, but they require you to fight zombies with tommy guns. Sounds awesome, right? No, it's really not. The only thing good about it is that it's funny and random. Actually fighting the three you encounter at the start of the game is jarring. You need to figure out these controls and that takes time you do not have when a zombie is using a bullet typewriter in close proximity to your face. 

Figuring out the button combinations and taking aim in multiple points of view is just a terrible way to learn. The controls are absolutely atrocious to begin with as they are the most awkward buttons to find and impliment in the game. Not only that, but finding out what to do in the game, objects to use and secret passages is another gigantic pain in the zombie rear! Figuring out these puzzles and getting ambushed at random points gets really old really fast. 

No matter where you go or what you do, you will die. Fighting in this game is so difficult with everything on display. Not only do the controls make it impossible to master, but you move so slowly. Every single time you run into a challenge, get ready to spend ten minutes trying to figure out how to get by it.

On top of everything, the graphics are about what you expect from Alone in the Dark, in fact, they are just about the same. They are just about as bad as they were in the original. The Saturn graphics on top of it are about the most charming thing you're going to get with this. 

Elements such as story, characters, setting and any connection to the first game, all of that went to the wayside. There's so little to focus on other than trying not to die, that you may as well consider each encounter a minigame. Trying to look at this game as a full entity is so daunting, you'll probably want to give up.

If this game had better controls and better mechanics with a little less of a cryptic nature, it could have been a nice little gem of a game. As it stands, though, this game even makes zombies toting guns boring. It is a dullfest that doesn't even attempt to scare you. That's really saying something when there are some genuinely creepy 32-bit games, despite what you might hear from these youngins today. Yes, I know I sound old, but who cares! That just means I'm getting ready to haunt your virtua dreams!  

7 Sorta Spooooooky Saturn Games!

 Happy Halloween, Gamer heads! On this installment of the Month of Spooky Spooks, we're going to take a look at games that are not getting any real recommendations. Either the game's quality is rather subpar or their attempts at being scary fall flat. Either way, they're Saturn titles, so they at least get the minimum recommendation.

                                                                Deep Fear

Of course, we would see at least one Resident Evil clone on this list. There are those who enjoy this title and you can roll with that as far as it will go. I never found its creatures all that scary, nor did I ever feel any real atmospehere radiating from this title. The voice acting and glitchy graphics pretty much killed my immersion on that front.

                                                            Battle Monsters

If you told me that I could dress up in a Halloween costume and becone immortalized in video game form, I would be 100% on board! So, there's no judgment to the people posing as characters in this title. The game itself, oh yeah, plenty of judgment. The monsters aren't scary, the controls are horrific and you can win once you find that perfect spam attack. Go nuts.

                                                            Death Crimson

Probably the worst railshooter on the system, and probably worse than a lot of other genres on top of that. This game is notorious among old school gamers for some of the most terrifying graphics, atrocious hit detection and all around nauseating gameplay. So, if you looking for a bad game for Halloween, it's worth a look.

                                                            Alien Trilogy

Probably one of the least bad games on the list but still not really striking that horror chord. Alien simply made some levels, put aliens in it with some guns and called it a day. Okay, that's pretty harsh, but this title invokes more boredom than it does terror. It's an alright title, it just needed a bit more spice.

                                                                Horror Tour

You've probably never heard of this title and there are many reasons for that. For one thing, it was released only in Japan. For another, it can hardly be considered a game because there's really no gameplay to speak of. Like the name suggests, it's more of a point and click site seeing tour around a gothic castle. There's some talking paintings, some big spiders here and there and there's a witch that speaks Japanese. Beyond that, there's not much. But it's SPOOOOOOOKYYYYY!

                                                Alone in the Dark 2: Jack is Back

A recent addition to my entourage of games. This one is just bad. I dare say you pretty much need to learn fire is hot by getting constantly burned here. You die in pretty much every scene because without knowing what's happening, things can kill you from off screen because of the sluggish tank controls and slow movements in general. The game is boring, but as stated earlier, giving zombies tommy guns is quite the novelty.

                                                                    Casper

Movie tie-in games are thankfully a thing of the past but they did have their gems. This was not one of them. It is immensely boring. Floating around the house as a ghost who can't fly through walls, you will be hard pressed to figure out the control scheme and apply it in an effective manner. The ghostly trio lack any of their jerk charms from the movie and Casper is just as dull as ever. Good luck getting a remake.

So, there you have it. Halloween is here at the time of writing but it is time now to wait for next year's Month of Saturn Spookiness. No matter what day it is, it is time to plan for the next year. Halloween is the best time of the year for a lot of reasons and this is no exception. Remember to stay safe, enjoy the season, stay with family and friends and drink zombies.

Back 4 Blood after being Left 4 Dead too!

 

Welcome back to the Month of VIRTUA SPEWWWWWKIESandKNEES! The month continues with some titles that are either loved or hated, depending on which side of the spectrum you sit! 

Sometimes, there comes the best intentions when it comes to the more thoughtful developers. Sometimes, it seems like they know what people want and know that people will be willing to pay money for it. Left 4 Dead had two amazingly therapeutic games when it came to killing miles and miles of zombies. Using the Half-life engine along with a random numbers generator, you're basically going through a post apocalyptic world where zombies roam the streets unchecked. You need to get to the safe points and escape routes to survive. 

The best part about L4D and its sequel, is that you get some very nice weapons with which to do so. You can go guns akimbo with the pistols, use an awesome magnum and some assault rifles that truly shred! The zombies give off plenty of blood and there are hordes of them to get through. Then there are the special zombies, and they can be something of a problem in more ways than one.

Special zombies tend to do a bunch of damage, which normally isn't a problem. When it comes to Jockeys, tiny zombies that jump on you, Hunters, big zombies that jump on you, or Smokers, smoking zombies that use TENTACLES, the problem is that they do a lot of damage because they don't get off. The charger in the second game bashes you against the ground and can't get off of you either! All of these special zombies require a second player or CPU to get them off of you by killing them or breaking their hold. 

These annoyances can be a very large problem because sometimes they could actually kill you in a big hurry if you somehow accidentally got away from your partners or something like that. If this is all happening during a zombie raid, the same problem emerges. It would have been nicer if we had an actual chance to fend them off ourselves with a threat of more damage rather than it being a death sentence if we're left alone. There are too many opportunities to be blindsided and the unfair advantage can be very frustrating. 

When you put all of that along with random zombies and horde triggers, you get a nice satisfying conclusion with a tiny bit of giant zombies and one-hit kill witches scattered through-out. Left 4 Dead 1 and 2 have been celebrated for many who love the video games based around zombies. The second game came out with new levels, new characters and weapons! People loved it! You could customize it with wonderful mods downloaded from Steam! Yes! Now for Left 4 Dead 3!

Silence followed. Steam came open and the company basically stopped making video games. Valve stopped making Half-life 3 as well and we have a lot to be thankful for as a result, but so many have lamented what could have been. The Left 4 Dead series has been dead for a very long time, but then there came a beacon of hope!

Back 4 Blood was obviously meant to be a spiritual successor to Left 4 Dead, but it just wasn't very good at it. On the surface, this new title came out and it was everything we ever wanted. There were team zombie matches, co-op sessions connected together, PvP with zombies and shooters, upgrades! While the upgrades were all free with gameplay, this new game was not without its paid content in the ways of cosmetics. 

The game, overall, felt completely off. Left 4 Dead wasn't without its staged sections of combat in the ways of burning fences and opening garage doors, but this felt much more tedious. Back 4 Blood's weapon system and supply purchase felt like it was trying to be different without adding anything new. The problem is that the weapons have turned a lot more into looter shooter rewards. 

Left 4 Dead better weapons because they were constantly good quality, rather than straight up having a damage system like Borderlands. Some people liked this mechanic, but it seemed to distract a little from killing the actual zombies with the bullets. There didn't need to be a lot more thought put into each hit. Complicating everything about this game was somewhat offputting, especially with how fast paced it was supposed to be. 

Grinding in such a fast paced game is not so good a look. Roleplaying games need to be a little more languid in their pace so that you can concentrate on your armor and weapons. Games like Dragon Quest and Final Fantasy have a much more constant pace because this is what is presented and it gives you time to put more thought into it. Back 4 Blood gives you time to concentrate on this between killing zombies, but sometimes you need to deal with the items and stats with a horde nipping at your heels. 

The card sections were a mistake. Let's call it what it was. All of these things about powering up your character and hyping up all of your numbers for the biggest numbers distracts terribly from what matters. The modern touches on this game were already bad, but I'm going to be absolutely honest, I didn't even touch the cards for the most part. I just put on some of them that sounded good and that could have affected my gameplay somehow. It could have made the game harder or nerfed the zombies, it probably didn't matter.  

Losing your weapons and items is a far bigger problem here with such a strict system where keeping it loose and simple with L4D proved far superior. B4B wasn't outwardly bad, it just wasn't worth putting more time into. It skated in with better graphics and bigger zombies but brought nothing actually interesting to the table. Sticking more to the old system of the Valve RNG zombies and adding something new on top of that would have proven more beneficial. As it stands, they added more layers to the cake and now it leans awkwardly and cutting off a piece is more worrying. Left 4 Dead 2 is far simpler, you don't need to worry about stats and items every time you want to play a level and you don't need to worry so much about competing with other players. 

They had some good intentions, it was just a poor execution. Killing zombies is a lot of fun, but it also doesn't need to involve a great deal of brain power. When you're trying to replicate an old game, try and pay more attention to the elements that people actually liked. A longer gestation period could have helped a lot with the overall mechanic structure. There were some cool giant zombies and some change could have been very beneficial to a 3rd Left 4 Dead game. Not to mention, an awesome magnum pistol selection wouldn't go amiss, while we're talking style. Break the zombies to pieces, zombie horde pieces!