Little Nightmares - Cannibals Need to Die

Next in the Virtua Month of Saturn SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!!! We're taking a look at a horror game that almost immediately became a classic.There are times when indie games come out with something that has been done before, but it's done in such a style that it stands out simply for having very high style along with its substance. Little Nightmares is exactly what the title says, you are a little girl with a zippo lighter in a yellow raincoat and you are walking and navigating around a seriously abysmal landscape with horrific creatures that seem to be doing something with HORRIFIC implications. Children are going missing by the masses and you are finding out what happened to them as you crawl through the nooks and crannies of this post apocalyptic world you wake up in. 

The puzzles and platforming in this game are amazingly dynamic. Sometimes, it's just finding your way around weird rooms where you are like Santa's elf in a very large people's world. It is not the comparison of a child and an adult. It's a child among monsters. Each of these creatures have their own unique horrific quality about them. Going through the cooks' kitchen shows two twin cooks, but as you go around them, you realize the things on their heads are masks. We never get to see what they really look like. 

Running away from these monstrous beings is very viscerally scary. You find yourself really kind of panicking as you get away from them. The man with the long arms is one of the best segments of the game, especially when you finally take him down. It's a very satisfying victory. It's clear that all of these things want to eat you. If you get captured by one of the cooks, and they will throw you straight into the oven. It is clear that their sausages are made of similar material. 

The challenges in this game can get heightened to fairly ridiculous levels and some segments in the game are very difficult. This is especially true when the timing needs to be exact, like when you're sneaking around someone who is actively looking for you. Knowing where to bring things and what you can jump off of can mean a great deal when something is stomping toward you, able to open doors when you need to go through small holes or pipes.

Going through these levels, you see to what level they are taking children and you see how many of them are extremely hungry by the end of the game. When you get to the last parts of this game, you do some very questionable acts, especially when it comes to a very mysterious hunger your character has that needs to be satiated no matter what. When the large creatures gorging themselves on meat spot you, they will crawl over tables and over each other in order to get you. 

The ending is one of the greatest things about this game, because the gameplay with the mirror and the shadow woman is easy to figure out and needs to be timed just right. It's not too difficult but it is satisfying to pull off. When you gain her power, what you do to those who wronged the children is a bitter sweet experience for the player. This game was rather short, but it was a very fulfilling game to finish for a myriad of reasons. The graphics are simple, the gameplay is simple and the atmosphere is now iconic. It shows you that you can do some amazing things with little use of heavy graphics. Perhaps they should stick to games with gameplay and style rather than money being thrown at it. Virtua Zippo.

Crash Storm #7 - The Same Mistake Over and Over and Over

Well, as if we needed anymore proof that game publishers and developers have absolutely no foresight or even the slightest hint of self awareness. Over and over again, they are making the same mistake and making up excuses for why they constantly shoehorn in whatever they want for any game they make. Gears of War was just released and it has all of the earmarks of the problems we see in the gaming industry. What makes this one really sting some gamers' flanks is that it was actually a fairly decent game when it comes to game mechanics and graphics. There are glitches, yes, but it is not to the extent we have seen recently. You might expect this to be some kind of "return to form" (as tainted as that phrase has become) but the problem comes from the story and the characters. Much like Halo: Campaign Deformed, the gameplay has actually been pardoned, but there are so many things that ruined the experience. 

Now the main characters constantly talk to each other like grief counsellors. The Gears we loved throughout the first three games take a backseat to a new girl who not only has PTSD but also rust lung while yearning for the touch of another woman. Shoving in a woman with one blind eye, one deaf ear and a BREATHING MALFUNCTION should never have been a story included in this game. She is part of an elite force to fend off a clear and present danger. They would never accept someone who is an accident waiting to happen in the battlefield. This is a game about monstrous creatures and brutes are attempting to kill the human race and it is up to the Gears to stop them at all costs. Human moments where we learn about the characters on a personal level to some small degree should be included as a garnish. It should be a side bit of gravy that adds a bit of flavor. The entire dish should never be drenched in this gravy. It completely ruined all of it.

Our badass heroes are now feelings and love and sensitivity and it has gotten to the point where they may as well have created a completely different game. They obviously just wanted an entire army of women who shoot badguys but then go to immediate therapy sessions while the evil hordes continue to destroy the human race and burn their cities down. They even took the Locusts, those monstrous orc-like beings that come up to the surface of the planet to kill and destroy, and gave them voices with a human-like tribal culture like ritual sacrifices and blood-thirsty war cries. This is supposed to be an alien race that acts as a cancer to ours, they are not humans, nor should they be given any sort of human-like agency. Rings of Power went full steam like that with the orcs and now they are paying for it in more lost viewership. 

So, if Wolverine made by women and Gears of War made by women with an entire barrage of gender propaganda flags wasn't bad enough for this little crash, now we have a leak that gives us no hope for the future of Halo. Someone leaked out that Activision is now in the process of creating a Halo game mainly featuring the lady they crammed into the Halo Remake. It was bad enough that she was created for some developers' girlboss fantasies but she was constantly stated as the worst part of that game and now they are tripling down on her with another entire development span of half a decade at the very least. If this leak is to be believed, it is fairly safe to write Activision off as a lost cause. 

This is why the crash is happening. This is why we are in the later early stages of games going under after a 400 million clams development over five to ten years. So many of us warned of this not being sustainable because it literally is not. Companies cannot waste so many labor hours without listening to the fanbase giving them money for their products, it has already reached a boiling point and this game crash is only going to get worse as the lights turn off and the doors close. Instead of trying to improve the games they are creating, they are making excuses and trying to play the victims of heavy workloads with very little time for rest. Well, I hate to be the one with the cold heart, but that is exactly what happens when you make a bad product. Factory workers who make mistakes, don't clean their parts and forget do the steps properly need to deal with the products being returned. If you didn't do the job right, then you have failed yourself and your customers. That is the bottom line, as heartless as it is.   

These people are just flat out not listening and we may as well say goodbye to the lot of them. Coalition, Insomniac, Naughty Dog, their days are severely numbered. They showed contempt for their player base, gaslit them, uglified their characters while saying they weren't, insulted and just downright condescended through gameplay and story, and for what? So they could try to make games for an audience that doesn't exist and serve a purpose that is only their own. If you thought that the AAA gaming industry gave a single care about your feelings or what you want out of a game, it is time to wake up. If the leak about Activision's plans for Halo are to be believed, then you may as well count them out of the race. Fable is going down the tubes along with them, and so will Horizon, it's only a matter of time. They can vamp and revamp all of it they want, but if they don't understand what players want or even give a toss about the story and lore, then that's their problem. As stated before, we have games that have already answered all of our prayers and another little playthrough is not going to hurt anything, especially if it's been a long time. Every single game they toss our way can and will be replaced by another, far superior title. That's the reality. If they can't see it, that's their Virtua Problem.

BloodRayne (2005) - The Water Allergic Vampire

In our next entry of the Spooky Virtua Month of SPEEWWWWWWWKINESS, we take a look at one of the abominations of the gaming movie horror genre.So, it's not so much a horror movie as it is an untententional comedy. Uwe Boll strikes a lesser known gaming franchise, BloodRayne, a game where you play as a vampire. I have never played it and have no idea if I ever want to. This film, however, is one of Uwe Boll's goofier attempts at the gaming movies. The world he built in this movie made no sense what-so-ever, the largest plothole is that vampires are apparently weak against water. No, not holy water, just water. Since blood has plenty of water in it and that is one of the dumbest weaknesses I have ever heard of for a vampire, we're already off to a great start. 

Kristana Loken is already in some gaming hot water for Mortal Kombat Conquest, starring in the first BloodRayne isn't helping her case. At least she only stuck to one. Loken is not especially bad in this movie. No, but everyone else has basically checked out, especially the late Michael Madsen. The combat is laughably bad, as is the blood and gore effects. Even Meatloaf is seen for a very short period in this movie and he just adds to the wackiness.

This is probably the worst movie I have ever seen Ben Kingsley in, and that's really saying something. He is a great actor, but he has starred in or co-starred in some pretty terrible films. I haven't seen them all but this one has not been topped yet. He gives no effort in his performance and is in the film for maybe a total of five minutes. He gives nothing to the film and his one scene with Loken is really, really dumb. That's not even getting into Michelle Rodriguez, who just plays the badass boss girl like she normally does. She pulls it off to an extent, but there's really not a great deal more to her character.

If you think really, really hard about this film, you can kind of think of a couple elements of it. There is a very shoehorned in love scene, also a really dumb artifact that makes a vampire immune to water. The mere fact that they are weak to water was ridiculous to begin with. Being weak against water technically kind of makes vampires weaker than human beings. The very idea that they would make that one of the center plots of the entire movie is just twice as baffling. It takes up the better part of the entire film. 

There's no such thing as subtlety in this film. Dialogue is overly straight foward to the point where it is unrealistic. People spout out exposition on a whim, Loken's character, Rayne, is a blank plank of wood and about as complex as a ten piece puzzle. She just goes on her journey the moment she hears about this eye that makes her immune to water and off she goes to find it. It's not especially hard to get, other than the extremely fast blade trap, but Rayne beats it immediately. 

Every element of this movie is poorly made, from the computer generated images to the practical effects. It's worth watching if you're in it for the "so bad it's good" quality. In that case, you will probably get what you came for. The dialogue is so comically bad that simple ruses work on evil henchmen and guards. When it's convenient for the plot, people die on a whim and Rayne doesn't really seem to have a great deal of trouble when it comes to combat and escaping dire situations. It's infamous for how bad it is... but sadly, it is the greatest movie in the BloodRayne trilogy... yeah, chew on that for a moment. Virtua Vampire Nightmare. 

Splatterhouse 2 - Bash and Smash the Cool Way!

 

Next up in the Halloween Virtua Neptune SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES we have an old green blood gushing beat'em up! Splatterhouse has been an old gaming favorite for a very long time and when you play it for yourself, you can actually see why. Splatterhouse and all of its sequels have a theme and they have their mechanics and Splatterhouse 2 uses both very well. The scenery is disgusting, horrific and you're not really much better. In fact, you look like that one Freddy Michael Kruger Vorheese guy. You're going into a haunted toxic house and go through the worst of the worst toxic monsters with your fists! 

That's right, you're just punching your way through monsters. At first, they're just one hit wonders as you punch them in half. Then, they begin to become more and more grotesque and it takes more punches and some improvised weapons to kill them and splatter them across walls. The horrific creatures are just as macabre as you could want and punching them apart is very satisfying. 

Now, the levels can get very challenging, but your punch is very powerful. It not only does damage, but it pushes the monsters back. It's really all about timing. Either having to jump or punch at the right time, you can prevent damage from happening. This is very helpful when the creatures LUNGE at you at a moment's notice. It's all about reading their cues and just making them burst with monster juice. 

When you get the weapons, things get even more interesting, as it makes damage multiplied and often kills the smaller monsters in one shot. The bloody gory manner with which it happens is hilarious. Still, even with the weapons, you need to be on your guard and time your attacks. That is a constant throughout levels and you need to know which color monsters punch first or jump first or what happens. Then you need to avoid spikes on the ground, both stationary and perpetually contracting and retracting into the ground in a pattern that you either jump to, or down you go.

Bosses are no different, other than the fact that you just need to learn a different pattern of attack and when you can do damage. The monsters you face are really cool looking, though they can also be a major pain in the ass. Sometimes, you just make tiny mistakes and they end up costing you an entire heart. Thankfully, it doesn't start you at the very beginning if you die, but it will set you back. The game isn't too unforgiving, but some runs will always be better than others and you just need to give it that old gamer elbow grease. 

Splatterhouse earns its place in gaming legend as an old horror favorite beat'em up. If they are your jam, this one doesn't waste your time and it makes you want to play it. It is one of those fun, addictive games that can possibly take up your quarters if you caught it at an arcade back in the 90's. It's a simple story with a simple set of mechanics that lavish in that arena of easy to learn and hard to master. Give any of the Splatterhouse games a try and make it gush with Virtua Spinal Fluid!!!

The House of the Dead (2003) - Zombie Brain Garbage

We're kicking off the Season of Planet Virtua SPEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWKIES 2026 with another movie that's so bad it's SCARY... and funny. Make sure to make this Halloween a great one and get ready for Planet Virtua's greatest SPOOOOOOOOOOOOKY yet! 

 So, after we've already covered Uwe Boll as a director, let's see one of the bigger lumps of garbage in his can. The House of the Dead was a very popular arcade game, and still has a nice cult following by retro gaming enthusiasts, so a movie or a TV series was not too far of a stretch to think about. The problem was that Sega not only allowed their logo all over a rave happening on a random island where everyone basically gets massacred by zombies, but also apparently gave Boll full creative freedom to make this movie and it shows. This is among one of the worst zombie movies and even worst video game movies for a myriad of reasons. It all begins with some of the worst "main characters" you'll ever see on screen in your life. 

It starts with narration... yes, one of the main characters narrates and tells us about the group of friends he runs with. Guess what? Literally none of it is important or ever comes up again, so this was all a big wasted effort. They come to the island for the rave party with SEGA's full endorsement all over it. To say that the acting is bad would be like saying a desert can get rather toasty. One thing you'll learn about Uwe Boll films is that he does not know nor does he care about the aspect of acting in his films. Even horror movie veteran, Clint Howard, was a terribly implimented aspect that could have been left out with no consequences. Sure, he's one of the more entertaining aspects with his terrible acting and nonsensical choices, but it really comes to nothing.

One character that revereses this dynamic was a sea captain who decides to become a badass halfway through the movie. He gives no shits about the plot, nor does he show any fear before he starts gunning down zombies left and right. All of the characters shoot zombies in this film. If they had more than four lines in the runtime, they at least kill a couple of them before they gets mowed down. The extras and the more minor roles in the film were given no care before they blurt out their lines and then methodically slaughtered. 

Not a single care was given to linking this horrific film (not horror film) to the games. The agents from the game show up somewhere near the end and there's some plot about a zombie doctor creating more zombies, but it is so glossed over, it is more background noise in this very loud movie. An Uwe Boll plot in his movies is like a fifth wheel on a broken down car. It's there, you see it, but the rest of it is so sloppily put together that it just blurs into the overall experience. 

The special effects were laughable, obviously, and there was no care given to the zombies or the kills. They're gory, but you can see the cracks almost immediately and it becomes so bad that it's a little entertaining. Yes, say what you want about Uwe Boll movies, but they have a very crude charm about them. It will give you what you want if you're looking for so-bad-it's-good material. This movie became something of a phantom among both video game and zombie movies. It even earned a half-hearted sequel that technically wasn't a sequel. It fizzled out without a care and even Boll seemed disinterested with doing anything else with it. You can obviously see the passion in this movie was not there. It is so flat, they may as well have been a cardboard cutout puppet show. You don't care about the plot and you don't care about the characters, you just want Boll to get to the point and then that comes and goes with no impact at all. It ends in total Virtua Zombie Despair.

Doomverse #31 - Neptune Top 7 Quake Games

Next on the Saturn Month of Neptune SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!!!!!! We have Quake! Lot's and lot's of Quake! We're celebrating a game where the horror is how much death and gore you lay on unsuspecting monsters and Lovecraftian entities with death and violence! There is just so much QUAKE!!!

Is that too much Quake for you?! Well, this is Doomverse and we got Quake coming out the cracks in the ground like bullet storms! Quake is nothing less than a legendary game series, even if all of the games didn't really cuddle up very close with their lore. It's all Quake, though, and it's all basically the most awesome thing there is. Do not be alarmed, we're not here to blow you up with Quad Damage, nor are we going to sneak up on you with INVISIBILITY! Plasma Rifles, however... just follow us into the rusty metal castle and get your super shotgun!!!

7. Quake Champions

Let's face it, if it's Quake, there is some level of awesome to it, and Champions is up there, but not especially high. It attempts to bring back the magic of Quake 3 Arena and this site has been known to give it a jab, but after playing it with real players who are awesome, it showed the highlights within the gameplay. The special abilities were fun to use, so a few of them were well tested. Doomguy gets Berserk where he pummels with his fist for real damage, while BJ gets dual wielding for double damage. In following with Quake 3 trend, there is also an appearance from Slash and Visor, who has the ability to temporarily see through walls. Sadly, though, all of these characters except for RANGER are all pay to play, as Champions is now Free to Play. It's a mixed bag, which didn't pan out in its favor. It didn't last long, but there is some fun to be had. 

6. Quake 4

A sequel to Quake 2 that the franchise kind of needed. Raven Studios, God rest the company of those pioneers, brought about a gruesome look at warfare and showed you how you could mow down Stroggs in some brand new graphics for the time. It also brought about a more story heavy gameplay that didn't get in the way too much, and also helped to hype up how important you were to the war effort, especially when you [SPOILER] BECOME a Strogg when they fuse metal parts to your body, but fail to brainwash you. So, now you're going through worlds and blasting away horrific cyborgs that become more and more difficult to deal with. While some sections of the game, especially the vehicle sections, are long and outstay their welcome, there is also a problem with how the levels are detailed. They look so samey sometimes and it becomes a little annoying trying to find your way, especially when everything looks exactly the same. Beyond that, though, this game is an awesome ride, while also being a gory, glorious mess. It is, indeed, Quake!

5. Quake 2

In keeping with the awesome but flawed trend going, Quake 2 is so fun to play in multiplayer, and its story mode is just a mix of partially empty levels to big bombastic metal munching Strogg grindfests. Quake 2 brought a different look and feel to the franchise because it wasn't meant to be a sequel to begin with. It did, however, bring about an amazing arsenal with some AMAZING chaingun trauma! The new monsters are fun to take down, especially the ones you need to use explosives and lightning to take out before they blast you a good one! Those bulky cyborgs pack a punch and you'd better be able to hit them with a rocket or spray some bullets in speed mode, or you'll find yourself loading a save point. Quake 2 may be a bit low on this list, but there is a decent reason for it. 

4. Quake 2 N64

This is a completely different game from Quake 2 for the PC, and somehow, it became a favorite. The levels are completely different, the plot is completely different, even if you are still Bitterman fighting the Strogg. You find yourself in different types of situations, like there are more bridges, and more open areas framed with tighter corridors. It is, however, also more linear than Quake 2, and thus more accessible to skills and navigation. This port of the game was brought about, clearly, with more limitations, but that didn't stop it from looking great in the 64 era. You could do worse than try this out along with the Quake 2 on Steam which was upgraded and included the port. Give it a shot.

3. QDoom

Yes, we're cheating a little bit, but this is very valid a choice, as it shows that the modding community can create something great and worthy to be put up with the rest of the series. Does this make any of the lower level Quakes any less awesome? Of course not! This was just such a great idea, playing Quake through the Doom levels, that it needed to be noted! We're waiting for them to get past Knee Deep in the Dead levels, and we're hoping that still happens, but for now, it's so amazing the way it is. Always remember to mix those Doom and Quake characters together throughout the whole thing first, it's a beautiful and horrifically challenging way to do it. Rip them open with Quake weapons!!!

2. Quake 3 Arena

Welcome to Quake 3 Arena! This game revolutionized Death Matching after Quake had already done so before. In 1999, this hit our Christmas presents like a comet! We were hooked on the gorgeous design, even if it did look a little desaturated, it was still awesome! Sure, we'd like some story, but ripping apart enemies through arena battles, both bots and humans, was amazing! The weapons are fast as they need to be, you need to be ready to use each and every single one of them to their fullest effect and you need to KEEP MOVING! You move so fast and you shred so hard, especially if you run out of ammo and need to use the circular saw! Humiliation!

1. Quake 

We hold Quake in such high regard because Death Matching was made that much more awesome. It paved the way for Unreal, Half-life, Bioshock, pretty much any FPS that is in full 3D, Quake made it possible in a brand new way. It's fast, it's iconic and you always remember that Nine Inch Nails soundtrack and Trent Reznor even voicing Ranger, the game's protagonist. The weapons took Doom's arsenal and customized it for its own. The nail gun became an icon all its own, much like the BFG did for Doom and it also comes with the Super Shotgun! That's right, it brought the Super Shotgun to the 3D world and it loses none of its kick and meaty sound. This is where 3D games had their high point of evolution and it all started with Id Software's brilliance and sweat. The dedication is clear on the screen and a million fans are thankful for it. Rock and Tear! 

James Gunn's DCU Faceplanted at the Start

It is infuriating being a fan of any large franchise at this point. There are so many properties coming out today that many of us feel like we can do far better. Whether that is true or not is not the point. The point is, James Gunn got one of the greatest toyboxes in history and he pulled out some of the most mind boggling action figures and made them start puking all over each other. It is flat out exhausting to try and follow these storylines and try to put all of these ideas together in some sort of cohesive series. Here we are seeing Gunn fire Henry Cavill only to replace him and then take DC in the most sporadic, random directions he could apparently think of. 

This is no real surprise, given how he handled The Suicide Squad. Call that movie what you want, but it did not scream "I can make DC movies better!" Then he gave us a bit of a dud in the ways of yet another Suicide Squad. It was named Creature Commandos, but let's be real here. So, he basically thought he could Guardians of the Galaxy the DCU and just pull C characters out of nowhere. This way no one would care what sort of character he makes them. Yeah, news flash, it didn't work. 

He apparently wanted his own Supergirl as well. Superman didn't do great in theaters but it did well enough to at least look like it did well. The real problem with this was he already gave us a sneak peek at this new Supergirl. The line "thanks for watching my dog, bitch" immediately told me that I didn't want to watch her movie. This was the correct instinct. Supergirl turned out to be one of the ugliest, grimiest, most morally backwards movies ever created. It wasn't good and it bombed at the box office. 

Creature Commandos didn't do anything on HBO Max but.... Yeah, animated movies mean literally nothing to cinematic universes. Well, News Flash: There are an entire plethora of animated DC movies that are infinitely better than anything Gunn has made, animated or not. Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths, JL: Doom, Superman vs Doomsday, Son of Batman, Batman vs Robin, all of these movies were varying in actual quality, but all of them are multiple times better than Lanterns and Creature Commandos. This was coming off of the Snyderverse. It wasn't terrible, but it certainly made a lot of mistakes and did not end well at all. This could have been the opportunity to pick up the torch and bring back Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and THEN maybe try a Supergirl. Nope! Green Lantern gets a terrible haircut, a TERRIBLE TV series written by the same hack as the Watchman TV Series, then they come out and tell us Clay Face is on the horizon. 

James Gunn was not the right one for the job. Let's call a chicken a chicken and stop tip toeing around the issue. This is the same guy who wrote the first two Scooby Doo live action films! That should have been enough of a clue that he only got success from having the right movie at the right time. Guardians of the Galaxy killed his career in the long run. He tried so hard, over and over again, to redo that formula that got him so much praise in 2014. While we're waiting for the next big Batman and Superman team up done correctly, he's off in left field trying to have John Stewart tell us why we're all racists. They didn't want a superhero universe, he wanted a circus that he can change around at his own whim. He wanted all of his own characters in the spotlight and he wanted a free ticket to change whatever he wanted when he wanted. 

It was this thinking that destroyed Supergirl and made Superman a complete and total mess. Superman was good, but it was NOT the bombastic start of a cinematic universe. Once again, they tried to set up so many heroes, tried to tell us that these heroes are right here along with Superman, but it doesn't work in ONE SINGLE film! Green Lantern was a better cinematic start than this! Ryan Reynolds has buried that role, along with the Origins Deadpool, but it is still less of a disjointed mess than what we are getting with whatever this DCU is supposed to be. Gunn was so worried about the comparisons he had with Snyder, when he should have been concentrating on making an awesome Superman movie, then throwing out the cast for a new Batman and Wonder Woman. A true fan would have been finding a way to bring the true Justice League together in a sound, story-driven way, so it's pretty obvious that he was just in it for the money. That's all it's ever about, the money. Well, their problem is that they don't know what fans know and they will never relate as a result. They built all of this on the promise that it would be better than the DCEU, better than the MCU, but it has delivered nothing and promises to continue thusly. Gunn, you were handed the keys to the kingdom and they are rightfully going to be taken away. Maybe eat some crow and wash it down with some water.

Crash Storm #6 - The Gaming Industry Needs to Follow Bungie's Example

Whether or not all of this information is to be believed is still up in the air. If anyone is able, willing, even anxious to lie to us, it is the CEO's and big wigs, even developers of the AAA gaming industry. However, we're treated with the news that 343 AKA Halo Studios has just been gutted of employees. After a very long stint, over a decade, of underwhelming Halo games, the IP has now been given to Activision. While this may not sound like a great idea, where they take it from here is straight up in the air. All of these people who go after their every action just need to sit back and see what happens now. 

Bungie apologized. That shouldn't seem like a baffling prospect, but they owned up to all of the mistakes made in the past and decided to have a good show of faith by releasing all of the removed content from Destiny 2. They have to get to work on it to bring it all back up online, but that's what they're doing, from what they're saying. This is a step, maybe two steps in the right direction, but talk is cheap, as many will affirm. They've removed problematic people from their roster and they complained. Yeah, well, we're a little tired of "games" like Halo Infinite and any number of other games they failed at. 

The content quality as of late has not only been atrocious, but we have been receiving lies upon insults upon desperate pandering and mixed signals. Trust has been very hard to keep in place when we start hearing words that sound like what we want to hear. You know, much like we're hearing now. This Planet Virtua is not the biggest of Halo fans, but there was a spark for a time. Halo 3 was said to be the greatest title in a neck in neck race with 2. Either way, the original trilogy is held on a mantle of which 343 has not even slightly bit into the crust. Recent things Bungie and 343 have been doing as of late has been very concerning. That is, of course, until they basically purged the guts known as developers. 

People want games. Gamers want games. They want games they can play comfortably but with some challenge. They want to compete on a level playing field with passable graphics and KILL DEATH COUNTS okay okay sorry, low blow. Still, everything is on the table at this point. The states these games have been releasing in have been inexcuseable. They throw it out the window before it's ready for the end or beginning of their fiscal year or Christmas or whatever these corporate penguins keep squawking toward. Then the crunch time and the sloppy spaghetti code takes effect, leading to monumental glitches and flatout gaming in an unplayable state. It's like a pendulum, you know what it's going to do when it swings one way, it keeps swinging the other. 

So, obviously, if we really want change, we need to hold Bungie to all of this. I am appreciative of this gesture of good faith. It's always nice to see some human membranes are still at work somewhere in there. After their reactions to bad Marathon reviews, it's really hard to know whether or not they are truly capable of this change they are proclaiming for later. The sore spot of this whole thing is that we may not know whether or not Activision's acquisition of the Halo franchise paid off for at least 6 years. Given what they're saying, if they concentrate on the same niche graphics and flashy, useless game mechanics, then we're in for a big slab of more disappointment. Reinstating all of the Destiny 2 content, that is also going to be a timely undertaking. So, it's really hard to know when all of this stuff is going to come about. All of this, plus expanding and giving Marathon a solo mode. Where they're going to find the manpower and money for all of this remains to be seen. 

If they're counting on the good will they've built in the past, I'm afraid they will be sorely disappointed at how much of it is left. Fifteen years of bomb after flop after glitch is not going to wash off with a good show of faith. Even if we say that they owe us half as many games as they've shoveled onto our plates, they're in for decades of work. With current graphics and development periods reaching these all-time highs, it sounds beyond daunting. They say that they're getting right to work, so where their priorities lie is just going to need to be seen on the same bat time same bat channel. It's wild how many posts this planet has been churning out with these bits and pieces of news. It's wild how much has been happening and it's only getting goofier. We've already wrung out and tossed Wolverine out as old news. No more posts on that other than maybe some solid numbers of sales, if we ever get those. Look at Planet Virtua, branching out into current issues. We're not CNN and we also don't want to be. This has been PVN and we're Virtua Signing Off!  

Captain America: The First Avenger - America with Both Stars and Stripes

If there were ever a Captain America that the world truly accepted, it was Chris Evans playing Steve Rogers in 2011's Captain America: The First Avengers. While it is not the greatest movie in the roster, our introduction to the American hero was a real success. It made some money, sure, but what it did was introduce a man who wanted to truly help the war effort. During World War 2, he rose up to whatever lengths and whatever risks to get into the battlefield. Bringing him into a storyline that assembles the Avengers was a master stroke. 

Our introduction to Steve Rogers showed us a very ailing individual. He wants to enlist in the army, but he is barely able to breathe and his body mass is sorely lacking for the task. Seeing his desperation to help, a scientist who is developing a secret serum enlists him under special circumstances. After proving his valor in training, they hook him up to a machine and inject him with the super serum, making him much taller and much more muscular in mass. 

After taking down an assassin who kills the doctor, Captain America explodes in popularity. The scenes where he is advertising the war effort are some of the best nods to the old comics, as punching Hitler in a public relations act several dozen times is rather humorous. He is not satisfied with this, though. He is helping the war effort quite a bit, but he is now stronger than any peak physical human being, heals faster and is able to push forward on sheer willpower alone.

Watching Captain America storm a Nazi base and save a team of Ally soldiers is one of the most inspiring and patriotic pieces to be put on film. He had a very powerful shield that could bounce away bullets and infinitely more traits than that, which became one of the most recognizable symbols, even outside of the US. 

Throughout the film, though, we are gifted with one of the greatest iterations of the Red Skull in any form of media. Hugo Weaving is one of the greatest actors on the market and has made his name in nerd culture around the world. His makeup for Red Skull was menacing, relentless, and spent the entire movie using a strange cube that had powers beyond mortal belief. This cube would link this film to the main storyline of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and is the first appearance of an Infinity Stone. The Tesseract became a staple and a symbol of the series, all the way up until Infinity War. 

The rivalry between Red Skull and Captain America has been a part of Marvel since some of its earliest years and this movie treated it with true reverence. The two of them kept butting heads throughout the film and both of them saw losses in battle that would scar them very deeply. Bucky, Captain America's friend since childhood, who enlisted shortly before Steve, was added to his strikeforce who were tasked with the destruction of Hydra. After killing so many of the third reich, they tried to take down a train that was crucial to Hydra's plans and it ended with Bucky falling to his assumed death. 

The story goes back and forth in the power's paradigm until American forces stormed Hydra's giant aircraft. Tommy Lee Jones brings in the troops that blow down the proverbial walls surrounding the Red Skull's secret plot to use the Tesseract in a horrific act of power to win the war. The final fight between the two of them is really something to behold. It's not film action genius, but it is a suitable battle between two arch nemeses that ends in both of their banishment from reality. Red Skull holds his hand onto the cube and it suddenly decides it doesn't like him and casted him out into the universe for his hubris. Captain America, as is well known in his origin, crashed into ice water and was frozen solid until he was excavated in the late 2000's by SHIELD. 

With a clear sequel bate ending involving Nick Fury, Captain America ends with a strong retroactive stance in the MCU. It is the first proper apperance of a beloved Marvel character and brought him about where he was a good man, but he was also flawed and prone to weakness. His love for Agent Carter proves to be one of his biggest weaknesses, as it haunts him after this film for the rest of its run until Avengers Endgame. Looking back on it, it is a pillar of MCU's lore, holding up several aspects of it, and creating a history that inspired more heroes to be who they are. After Cap gets out of the ice, he is respected and grown men and women geek out over him for good reason. It is one of the earliest MCU movies and it is also one that showed that they didn't need Iron Man to remain popular. The Incredible Hulk was made by a different studio, so Captain America is the first one where Marvel veered away from Tony Stark, and only added a man to the roster that would iconize it. It perfectly set up what came next for the MCU, which would shoot it into the tier of legend. Even against killer aliens and giant space worms, Steve Rogers became Captain America in a big way, and as we've seen, that title is not an easy one to hold. Virtua Mustache Punch!!  

Crash Storm #5 - Wolverine with No Claws

Before we get started, I know I said that I was going to create a new series comparing the failures and successes of the AAA and Indie gaming industry, but then Playstation decided to drop the total digital bomb the next day, so Crash Storm basically took the place of the former series. There are still plans to do it again, but right now, there's plenty to report on as it happens. This whole nonsense has been going on for over a decade now, and Wolverine, Mixtape, Playstation's recent blunders and the moronic game industry as a whole are really keeping me stocked up on ammunition to write about. This isn't even taking into consideration when GTA 6 and all of the other titles that may or may not be releasing before 2040. All of this is keeping the posts frequent, and the AAA vs Indie articles aren't really going anywhere. Games in general have plenty to report on and right now, Wolverine is crashing in the market. It is really not hard to see why. 

You do not even need to play this game at this point, one single look at the memes is enough to be entertained and tickled to death. They can call this Wolverine all they want, but he is not even close to the same character we grew up with. He is far too overly nice and fragile. There are so many heartfelt conversations where they may as well be wailing with tears. Watching the streamers brave this game is near torturous to watch, both from the quality of the writing and what it does to the gamer playing it. Many of them will admit that the graphics are great, in spite of the glitches, but the lack of exploration bars you from seeing the very rough edges around the game. 

Some players broke through the invisible walls, and revealed that the environment was very, very incomplete and they bar you from exploring because there is very little to discover. Everything they want you to discover, they'll give it a large blue aura or put it clearly in your path. Then they'll bring you on a Mountain Dew Baja Blast scent trail across the tight hallways. If it's not the scent trail, it's the white paint and the red arrows. That is not a joke. Wolverine 2026 enthusiasts will try to paint it like everyone is only getting onto the scent trail handholding, but that is a problem in an entire bathtub full of other issues. 

The glitches have been memed to death, along with the writing and Wolverine's new feminine persona. That's not even going into his sexuality, which we will touch upon because it's probably one of the biggest issues. Even gay people are calling them out on this. Not only is Logan not gay, but he most certainly wouldn't be in a relationship with Sabretooth. Hell, his decanonized threeway relationship with Scott Summers and Jean Grey was more acceptable than this garbage, and that was tossed out with the rest of the rubbish in the comic book industry. If you want to make a character with claws that is gay with fragile feelings who wants to cry on his guardian girl's shoulder, then you can take off the name "Wolverine" or "Logan" and you can make them an entirely different character. 

Of course they're not going to take off the Wolverine Logo, a new property wouldn't stand out or print money, which this game obviously isn't. Sony wouldn't spend 305 million space clams on a new IP, so they looked at the atmosphere in 2021, thought games needed more women at the time, and the game came out by the time that whole movement was proven for the scam that it was, and their BLM logo on Miles Morales has since been panned as unnecessary and pandering toward a black audience when all we wanted was a Spider-man game that didn't preach to us. 

They can claim psychological trauma from bad Wolverine reviews all they want. They should have made a game that the real audience wanted, but they are still unaware that the bottomless pit of the modern audience only accepts money, it does not give back. While the dwindling number of physical copies works in their favor this time, just wait until they actually listen to the public, they'll be wanting those physical copies. In Wolverine's case, you can go ahead and switch to digital. In fact, you probably could have just not made it in the first place. Sony already destroyed its reputation by showing the minds behind it and their thought process of ruining one of the most iconic superheroes in history. Wolverine is seen as the most recognizeable character from the X-men's main run, and that's really saying something when you see their roster. 

It's very hard to sympathize with people who should have never been put in charge of a game they clearly had no place creating. There are too many reasons why this game is being torn apart on the internet and all of them are clearly warranted. You don't need to play a game to know when it's not what you're looking for. One look at the cut scenes, the writing and the duration, and you'll see whether or not you want to play it. Make your own decision, we'll be here at the tent with our NES's, PS2's and Gamecubes, weathering this storm. Stop back by if you want a story or some good company. We've got all we need, but if you're going off across that long desert, you might want to bring some water.

Crazy Taxi 2 - It's... Crazy Taxi...

Full disclosure, I had no idea Crazy Taxi 2 even existed for a very, very long time. After playing it, there seems to be a very good reason for this. It boasts new features, but the more you play this title, the more you'll see why it was barely even a blip on the Dreamcast radar. One very big problem is that Crazy Taxi 2 came out very late in the DC's lifespan, and that obviously did not help it when it comes to noteriety. That's the biggest problem here, there is so little to note here because I already have a review for the first one. Beyond that, finding talking points for this title is a bit like describing a cat. Yeah, it's cool, but you basically already know.

It's Crazy Taxi, that's all it really is. It gives us a few new maps with some new drivers and slightly shinier graphics. That's all well and good, but that doesn't help the fact that they all play very similarly. Some of them have better speed, some have better control, there are different stats, but we all know that it's more about the character you like playing as. They're all very unique and different in that sort of old school anime sense. However, adding more and thinking that will affect much of anything was not their smartest move. 

You are driving around and picking up customers. Then, you see that there are multiple passengers in one spot. You have the option to drive multiple passengers for bigger rewards. Yes, they changed up the gameplay. The rest of the game is basically picking up passengers and driving around as a driver with mental illness. There's no real problem with the mechanics and it controls fine, just like the original, but it does not differentiate itself enough at all. 

The real point is that it is not worth buying Crazy Taxi all over again, which this basically is. It's got the clone syndrome when it comes to sequelitis. With a few more innovations, maybe attempting flying cars or bigger trucks or something more to make it more distant from its predecessor. If you can't find Crazy Taxi on a shelf but find Crazy Taxi 2, at least you'll be getting what you wanted. After such a versatile, free-roaming game, it was really hard to believe that they were basically just one trick ponies with the material. This calls into question whether it's worth seeking out Crazy Taxi 3 and the only console that was released for was the Xbox. If it's just got 3 or 4 new features pasted onto yet another sequel, it may not be worth the effort. Just remember to drive safe and drink plenty of water.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (PS3) - The Real Hack and Slash, Bub

 If you want the real Wolverine experience, far more rewarding and challenging than some other titles that may or may not have come out today, you go to this very unexpected gem. Not only do you have a better Logan vs Sabretooth fight, but you also get an experience we should have had in theaters. Wolverine is the real deal in this one. He follows orders, but he also goes off on a rampage at a moment's notice. Activision, who is ALWAYS known for A+ grade products WITHOUT fail, accidentally made a game that outclassed the movie it was a tie-in for AND retroactively made a far better game than certain other titles that tried almost everything from this game and made it all worse. That's right, once again, AAA have failed to compare against the greatest title of the franchise. 

There was literally an entire storyboard for X-men Origins, and they somehow made all of it worse, stripped it of substance and rushed it to an obscene degree. Somehow, X-men Origins Wolverine took the scene where Wolverine got his metal bones, and toned it down to like two people getting sliced and him jumping off a waterfall. In the comic book, he bagged a body count that still lives in infamy to this day. The blood and the violence on display was not for children's eyes, but we ate it all up anyway. How on Earth did a video game get it right all of the sudden?

Now, there was still a bit of a hold back on his rage and bloodlust, but once you get the metal claws in this game, you slice and dice through soldiers upon guards upon soldiers. It is magnificent! That detail alone makes this gaming experience worth it. Figuring out these puzzles and killing piles upon mountains of NPC's comes in great detail and an arsenal of special moves at your fingertips. You have the drill claw, the whirlwind, the RAGE and a flipping claw, all of it turns thugs into body parts. The gore on display is amazing and the limbs go flying like you really are a walking blender. 

The story is, of course, the weakest element of it, but they still even made THAT better than the movie. Stryker actually has a decent direction in his voice and character movements, and the stories he makes up actually make him more convincing. You know he's lying his ass off because of course you do. You've seen X2 and the film for this game, I can only assume. Either way, Sabretooth is another great place this game succeeds. 

You don't get very long fights with him, which is a bit of a shame. They could have lengthened those fights and they are a bit challenging but that only makes it more satisfying when you slash his face! Of course, then he beats you in the cut scene, but that's just how it is. There are also some different characters from across Marvel that he runs into, including Mystique. She is a lot different from the FOX Marvel Universe, but that's a good thing. She's still hot in her later comic accurate design, though I wish they'd stuck with the Desert Eagles, but what are you going to do?

Finding your way through the levels and getting all of the puzzles down can be a bit of a headache here and there, but it never gets too terrible in those regards. If you get too lost, you can switch to the hyper sense mode, which makes use of Wolverine's feral powers. With this, you can see invisible enemies and see trails that you need to follow. Sometimes, you need to figure things out for yourself and it is very rewarding when your poking around pays off. There are certain other games that gives you every signal in the world while people instruct you on what to do. Just thought I'd note that.

There is one mechanic in this game that is a bit questionable in its execution. Sometimes, it's done very right, but other times, the long lunge can be a bit of a hassle to pull off. It's really cool the first few lunges you do. It's even a little satisfying to plunge it into a guy who was otherwise unreachable and keeps shooting at you with either an assault rifle or a missile launcher. Then there are the moments when they are on a platform, moving away from you very fast. In those instances, you can only lunge at them in a very small window of time before you need to restart checkpoints and go again. 

Then there are the QTE's... and yes, they can be rather annoying. This is especially true in a segment of the game where you are destroying sentinels in the factory. There's even a really cool part where you're just moving a giant arm cannon around and shooting henchmen, killing them by the fives and sixes. Then you bring it up to destroy a pesky sentinel head that won't let you pass a part of the factory. After it's down, though, now you need to deal with a fully complete sentinel, now you need to find several ways to destroy it from the ground up. That portion of this game was awesome, as you dodge being stomped on as you slice and dice his metal feet and even cut down both of his hands into wrist nubs. 

So, now you're chasing him across the sky and destroying the sentinel as you go until you finally get to the power source in his chest. For some reason, you need to get to that button press ad nauseum. You need to be fast fast fast fast before that stupid battery finally comes off. It took a tremendous effort to finally pull it off and that has never happened if I really put my mind to it. Not a huge knock against the game, but that was an enormous amount of awesome to bog down with a stupid QTE section that tests the Virtua thumb to its limits. 

Who is that coming to stomp in? Why, it's the other mini-bosses! Apparently Weapon X is also making giant boil rock lava mutants that you need to jump onto and claw. Just like when you claw your way through those assault copters and decapitate the occupants. The spectacle is awesome, but the button pressing gets a bit excessive at times. At least you can fail them, though. OOOHHHHH!!!!!

Somehow, they created an Arkham-esque game for Wolverine while giving him his own style and moves. It stays true to the movie for the most part, but it also mixes in its own sauce like Ghost in his more comic friendly form. They even did something way different with the Blob boss fight. It's a tad unique in its own right, especially compared to how they could have stuck to the boxing ring in the movie. The real problem comes about when we start to talk about Gambit. 

Okay, so, he looks literally nothing like his film counterpart. I have a feeling Taylor Kitsch either didn't want his likeness in his game, or they just tattooed his face into the coding all wrong and it just kind of stuck. That's not the problem, though. The problem is that there is simply too much of him in this game. He has an extended, gigantic segment through a chapter of this game and it gets a little old having to chase him. He's not hard to keep up with, you just do entirely too much of it. You fight him, he runs, then you fight through some henchmen then you fight him once again and rinse and repeat. Yes, it does introduce a new henchman out of nowhere... with four arms and some halberds... Look, they went a little eccentric with this title at times. It happens when you're in the creative room at 3 am. This is understandable. 

Glitches are always a fun little story, and this is where the largest glitch came in for this game. There's the climbing invisible ladders beside the ladder and the glitching through objects like any other game. It's a PS3 game and did fairly decent on the glitches through this entire playthrough. The biggest one, however, was when I fought Gambit and he ran away. I ran after him, and I guess he was supposed to disappear from existence or go into some hole or whatever, but he didn't do it. Instead, I found him standing in front of me out of nowhere. So, I slice him. He does nothing. I kill him. He dies. 

....

Yeah, I thought this was a bit of an anticlimax. No, it was a glitch. I almost thought I had broken the game and couldn't continue because Gambit no longer spawned after I made him go splat. Nope, he's right back up, bright as a daisy in the next area. He doesn't mention the glitch and I don't ask questions. We play more reflecting with his cards and my claws, making those glowy explody things go back at him like nothing happened at all. Thankfully, the projectile reflection mechanic isn't overly used, but it sure doesn't seem to know how its own controls work for it. Throughout the game, it's a bit of a coin-toss whether you get blasted or make them get blasted. 

The final boss... isn't great. Both for who he is and how the boss fight works. It's one of those things we like to pretend didn't happen and was undone in Deadpool 2. Still, this game is beyond awesome. Even when it has you doing stealth or a section without the healing factor, it really shows its stripes in how it carries through a fairly decently lengthed game. It's around seven hours, which isn't terrible, but it's still a good bunch of fun. That's really what it needed and I'm just astounded, still, that this is a film tie-in title. Like Spider-man 2 for the PS2 and 007 GoldenEye before it, this game has transcended the movie tie-in curse and become a hidden gem that you should definitely seek out to play. It may be a tad expensive, but chances are you can find it for cheaper than 80 space clams for an overhyped game that gives you training wheels and gets Wolverine all wrong. So, they can go play with their wannabe from Insomniac if they want, but we'll be with Raven bumping fists with Hugh Jackman AAAAAAAAAAOOOOOWWWWWW!!!! Those claws Virtua Stab!!!