Crash Storm #11 - Bathesda is Pathetically Desperate

 

We've seen some very strange, even counter productive ways of building hype for a video game. Whether these techniques work or gain any traction is up to the internet gods, but there are times when a studio tries so hard, it goes several ways of doing the exact opposite. Bathesda has found themselves in this position, but really no one feels bad for them in the slightest. They obviously did it to themselves by announcing the new Elder Scrolls game 8 years, well before anything had even been made for it. It had an Elder Scrolls VI logo, and a nothing teaser trailer for it.

The trailer had a mountain range in it. This is a mountain range they could have gotten from Skyrim, changed it up and made it look prettier just to show us that they're doing "something". Whether or not this is true is not the point. This could have truly been the first level they created for the game and it would mean less than nothing because we saw nothing about it until just recently. 

Now they are trying to create internet buzz for it, and these tactics have become equal to a snake in the grass ready to bite anyone who gets excited for this. Someone came out and said something along the lines of "Elder Scrolls VI is so beautiful, I can't wait for its release!" Gamers looked at this with extreme confusion and more than a few questions. They tell us the game is so awesome, but where is the gameplay? Where are the snapshots? Where are the characters? The locations? What's going on with it? 

We had silence for a few weeks until just very recently, they finally released another... "trailer" which was nothing but a bunch of sand... and then the title "Sentinel".... Okay, it's called Sentinel. Yay! It's taking place in Hammerfall, okay. That's a thing that is happening. Now what? 

Merchandising! That's right! Let's create shirts that say Sentinel and that will produce hype for it. People will be wearing these shirts all around and everyone is going to ask about it and what's going on and no one is going to say anything other than "I have a shirt for Elder Scrolls VI. It is called Sentinel. There is sand and a mountain." 

Bathesda has lost sight what is truly important. Todd Howard has a serious problem with his own ego, and he will not allow anyone to talk badly about his games or do something better that shows his products to be inept in any way. Starfield was a massive failure for all of the lies and the fact that No Man's Sky is just a clearly better version. He wanted so badly to make a better game than New Vegas, but Fallout 4 turned out far worse for an abundance of reasons, including shallow gameplay, shallow faction interactions, shallow dialogue, etc. 

That's not even going into the disaster that was Fallou 76's launch. It's been around 7 years since its release and they have only recently brought it to a semi-playable state. There are apparently quite a few people playing it and that's great. That doesn't take away the fact that you clearly lied and scammed your player base with no thought of how it would affect literally everything. 76 became a laughing stock because of all of the underhanded attempts at squeezing their players for money. 

It all boils down to that, money. Sentinel is showing so many patterns of the past Bathesda cancellations and failures. It's even worse because of the timing of the announcement and how the gaming industry has changed so much in just this past year. ES6 has chosen a terrible time to start showing progress, and it's not even SHOWING us progress, it is devs jumping in front of it, waving their hands going "It's great! It's great! I swear, there is just amazing beauty and it's far better than---" blah blah blah. If it sounds like I'm getting tired of this garbage, then you have definitely been paying attention. 

It is baffling how many times Crash Storm alone has repeated the same lines over and over because those same lines have proven 100% accurate for the situations. We tell them we want games for gameplay, they keep pounding at the graphics and themes. We tell them we want this property or a new property, they go for the easier property that is easier to change and release. We tell them what we don't like about their games in the most informational, studious tone and dialect we can, they say "TLDR, you're just a [insert ist-phobe-incel insult here] and this game has already sold gangbusters!" Then they show us no proof, the studio closes and the cock roaches scatter to their next golden calf. 

Do not buy into the hype. It's a flaccid hype at best and the more you stare at it, the more they will tempt you with shiny lies while delivering a fraction of a fraction. As always, it is best to hunker down, enjoy the games you have, look for the right games to come and buy, and wait for this crash storm to pass. When will AAA gaming learn? Will they ever learn? That's a good bunch of questions...

Crash Storm #10 - The Gunn is Fired and Unknown 9 is Asleep Forever

Well, look at that, we released one article about the majesty of James Gunn and just a few weeks later, bye! While he is still employed with Warner Brothers, alledgedly, he is no longer head of DC as he, and Peter Saffron, have officially "stepped down". Why this happened is rather clear and very much known to anyone who has seen what they have released in recent years. You need only view the former article for several different reasons. 

Clayface has officially lost money for the studio, Superman was barely profitable and Supergirl has sunk so low, it is considered one of the largest box office bombs in their history. Given what titles it is competing against, that is very sarcastically impressive. It's almost like no one wanted to watch Supergirl throw up milk, eat fecal matter from an alien and have ugly, greasy faces loaded with piercings pushed against the camera every five minutes. There were many voices on the internet telling people to "give them a chance! You can't judge them without watching them!" And we all know that is not at all true.

If we couldn't decided exactly what we like and what we don't like simply from watching a clip or a trailer, then what is the point of showing us them in the first place? They are there for us to do just that, even if it is a subjective view, and people will decide on those guidelines whether you glaze the title or burn the title in a review or rant. That is how people decide and they did not like what they saw from those trailers, nor word of mouth from those they trust in their taste in entertainment. 

James Gunn was supposed to bring us in on a DC universe that we wanted to watch. Clayface, Creature Commandos, Polkadot Man, a musical Gorilla Grodd, a repulsive Supergirl, and a divisive Superman, none of these titles even put a dot on the radar, not even Polkadot Man, ESPECIALLY Polkadot Man. It was clear that he wanted to make his own DC, not the ones that the fans wanted. Booster Gold and the Authority were also titles he showed "interest" in. He was the only one who showed "interest" in them. No one else cared. This is especially true when the first thing he did as head of DC, was fire Henry Cavill.

What's surprising, though, is that DC booted him very, very quickly. He was head for four years and the DCU has only been really active since Superman, one single year ago. The DCU literally was born and died in just a shadow over a rotation around the sun. That. Is. BONKERS! If we had that kind of speed with Kennedy's tyrannical reign over Star Wars, we may have been able to avoid The Acolyte, but that's a story for another day. 

So, if that weren't enough, if James Gunn's exodus from DCU along with Peter Saffron wasn't big enough news, we have another bit that will raise your brows. Sweet Baby Inc has long been on our radar as a venomous, detrimental existence to the entertainment world and their bubble has been thoroughly popped once again. Not only did Unknown 9: Awakening (or Unknown 9 From Outer Space) fail, but now the studio Reflector Entertainment, featuring prominent members of SBI, is no more. 

Yes, since their embarrassing numbers (around 300 concurrent peak players), people have forgotten about this title, while many had never heard of it to begin with. It was supposed to create an enormous universe for us to explore through TV shows, movies, video games and comic books, or something along those lines. They were looking the franchise it as some sort of flagship franchise for them to cling to and continue to make profits. That... did not work out, as it happens, and no one was interested in a story about a very uninteresting girl with uninteresting mentors showing her how to take down a group of uninteresting men. 

The game was lambasted as boring, overly cinematic and deprived of quality in basically every category. Streamers were being bored to tears at the constant, clumsy action sequences and extremely cringeworthy dialogue. This was all bad enough, but then they came at us with the sad story of how they worked so hard blah blah blah, we've heard it. 

If that wasn't bad enough, this game crash is apparently wanting to go a mile a minute. Not only has Reflector Entertainment been shut down, but now FairGame$ has officially been cancelled! It's like trying to keep up with a monkey hopped up on espresso shots! It's like they were delivered the death blow, and ten minutes later they finally fall to the mat. Why is it that Bioware took so long to take a dirt nap after Veilguard and Reflector took nearly the exact same amount of time to do the same? FairGame$ was announced around the same time, back in 2024, and it's just now getting cancelled. 

In 2024, two games come out, both companies take forever to die. Then a game that was announced in 2024 gets a trailer released in September of THIS YEAR and suddenly gets cancelled within the same month of these events occurring. There must be some sort of pattern here. It's almost like games they had no control over slipped through the cracks and now they're getting them under wraps? There's a ton of speculation to be had, but that's really just a ridiculous coincidence that is probably not one by any stretch of the imagination. 

With Horizon Hunters Gathering being announced in February and already pushed back due to poor feedback from closed playtesting, it only spells either a very messy release or a very sudden cancellation. To think they could really make a huge difference in such a short amount of time to fix anything about it is laughable. Unless they plan to make a completely different game with completely different characters, the writing is on the wall. 

In case you were wondering, no, I did not remember that Fairgame$ was once known as Project Espresso at some point. Keeping up with all of this news and bursting studios has become almost a second or third job by now. The moment says they do not believe the gaming crash is real, another studio just sunk into the earth, along with whatever WIP titles they had in the works. Gamers are being blamed for getting Bioware closed and them cancelling a Mass Effect game, is absolute absurd. You can thank Veilguard for that and anyone who says otherwise wants you to sell your soul and give them your money. The fact that all of these studios are closing after arguing with their fanbase and demanding they buy their games, should tell you that it is not a good business practice. It's one of many reasons the AAA gaming industry is dying and it's starting to gain up a full head of steam as we approach the holidays. 

I completely forgot that this article started with James Gunn's firing. I understand that this is not directly connected to the gaming crash, but it was nice to have some more good news at a time like this. It shows all of us that our voices are one of many, but they are listening to them because it is connected to their money. It looks like they are starting to see where their paychecks are coming from, now they just need to tweak their gaming studio wavelengths to making good games. If you get a studio that actually knows what a great game needs and how to make it, we could have a renaissance like the late 80's and early 90's! Do I believe that will actually happen? It's possible! We're not there yet, but this is a decent start. 

Batman Begins - The Dark Origins

 

So, once Batman and Robin hit the crater that was critical demolishment, WB decided they wanted to restart the whole franchise. This was a wise choice, and honestly should have been done once they switched directors in the first place. How they went about it wasn't ideal, but it started something that would blossom into a true marvel of Batman lore. Christopher Nolan brought Christian Bale into the spotlight as the Dark Knight himself, and this had its up and downs, but it became an overall hit. There were also some pros and cons from all of the casting, but we'll get into that as we go along. What wasn't such a great idea was making this a full on origin story. For one thing, it is extremely long and takes quite a ways to get going. 

We get to meet the Wayne family, Thomas, Martha and Bruce as we see how he helps Gotham and helps his son after he falls into a well. Bruce is scared by some bats and his friend, Rachel, goes to get their parents. It's nice to see how he and his father interacted, but it also plugs a lot more time onto this movie. We basically already know how his parents died, as it has been shown to us before and will be shown again ad nauseum. Then, we see him and his butler interact, which is more entertaining, because he's played by Michael Caine. 

Bruce goes on a journey after he makes the mistake of trying to kill his parents' killer. Someone else assassinates him, so he goes on a vision quest. He wants to be able to help those who cannot help themselves and he seeks out Ra's Al Ghul. Liam Neesan is alwaya a good choice, no matter how you slice it. He brought about character to the character and made him a little more sympathetic while also being outright menacing. The movie picks up once he enters the film and shows how the Legion of Shadow rules the underworld. He trains Bruce once he proves himself to be worthy. We see how he picked up the skills of ninjitsu and the art of using the shadow to your advatnage. 

The movie gains a rhythm once we see Batman truly begin to form, and Bale really shows how he transforms as a character. As he gains the skills, he shows that he is willing to go to many lengths, including making Bruce Wayne look like a total idiot playboy as a cover. He is so dedicated that he even goes out of his way to smear his own and his father's name in front of a lot of aristocrats who he calls outright sycophants. In the next movie, apparently all of his rich friends come back, so it really is true what they say about the richest masses having to do with friendship. 

Either way, when we see him put together the Batman costume, it is some of the best scenes in the movie. This is especially true when Lucious Fox comes on with the power of Morgan Freeman. He brings about some of the best energy to the film, and he has some of the best, most quotable lines. The way he introduces the Tumbler as the new Batmobile is a scene that you can frequently return to. This is nothing to say about his later scenes in the movie, they're all great.

Once we get into the crime, we get into Jim Gordan, played by the great Gary Oldman, who is not Commissioner quite yet. He does, however hesitantly, start to help Bruce under the guise of a dark defender. Batman comes on the scene to clean up the crime and his scenes are obviously some of the best in the movie. It'd be better if Nolan didn't jerk the camera around in his action scenes, but we 'll take what we can get. They do a great job of showing us the criminal underworld and how it is very complicated with all of the crooked cops and judges. Bruce finds out he can only trust Gordan and so their kinmanship starts to really take hold as the movie goes on. 

Scarecrow is... hit and miss with this film. His biggest hit is when he is at real odds with Batman and the two of them really face off. His biggest miss in this film was his exit from it. The same pattern can be seen through all of his appearances throughout this series. Cillian Murphy puts on a good performance, they just don't always have a great plan for him in the overall scheme of things. 

Ghul and Batman's rivalry is solid throughout the film. He taught Bruce how to fight so it is cool to see how he squares off a more seasoned and fit version of his old pupil. The fact that he was Ra's Al Ghul, as you can tell from this review, wasn't much of a surprise at all. It didn't matter much of how it worked or if the older guy was the one before him, it was just a good villain and it was kind of a shame to see him go. 

When Batman is taking down criminals and there's night time fight scenes, this movie flourishes. When it's him as a child, walking through Gotham with his parents, going on long journeys through Asia, it can be a bit of a dragging movie. Bale, Freeman, Neeson, Caine, all of them bring something to the table in terms of acting and characters. In retrospect, this movie became more of a precursor to what came after it. The Dark Knight rocked the Batman franchise, so we'll definitely be taking a look at it soon enough. Until then, remember to do your pushups so you can survive the Bat Fire!!!

Doomverse #33 - Knee Deep in Blood and Gore

 

One of the biggest factors in Doom's success was its very first episode along with its very first level. Knee Deep in the Dead is outspoken as many fans' introduction to the game itself. The first impression was such a hit that it sold leaps and bounds over Wolfenstein 3D by around double what it was making per month. The shareware of Doom hit stores and they couldn't keep them on the shelves. Hangar is an iconic level, not only for being its first stage, but also for being the last one made for the episode. 

It is such a simple first episode and that helped players learn its mechanics. Not only did they learn how to shoot enemies in a simple way, but it also showed them that there are stairs and dynamic lighting which were not present in Wolfenstein 3D. It showed you the shotgun sergeants and the zombie soldiers with the single shot rifles. 

Then come the imps from the balcony. Not only are there levels with stairs, but there are levels where you cannot readily get to it. Well, you can get on top of it, but only after you enter the final stage. New players may not discover this until after they replay the level and go exploring. Yes, secrets are there for those who are paying attention. There is a button at the very beginning after you kill your first horde of enemies (granted you are playing on Ultra Violence at least). Once you press it, you can go outside and find your way to the latter part of the level. Giving you this more hectic but more rewarding way to go in the level is a masterstroke, as it really shows you what type of player you really are. It's simple enough to 100% the secrets if you know about the little corner platform as well, but this is only the start of the episode's greatness.

The second level introduces you to the chaingun, but only if you find the opening room secret where you need to hit a switch. It will also supply you with a megahealth for +100. This level uses hallways very effectively and will often mix the normal zombie with shotgun sergeants and imps all in one big conga line.

The first time I played this game, I saw something that I shouldn't have seen in the Doom map, in the form of the Nazi symbol lowering to the ground. This raised questions as to what the connection was from this world to Wolfenstein 3D. Later, I would hear that Sandy Petersen found it in the map, and removed it. Whether it was a leftover from Tom Hall or not, that's up in the air at this point. 

As you get deeper into the levels, you start to see that the secrets are in several different forms. Whether they be on a random little elevator or across some acid, it's normally in a strangely aligned wall or one that is mismatched from the rest in another way. John Romero, Sandy Petersen and Tom Hall all put their creative energy into this episode, and Romero came up with the brilliant idea of putting their final creation for the episode at the very beginning. Hangar was the final level made for Doom's shareware. 

Well, Tom Hall started creating the final level, then Sandy Petersen finished it. The Phobos Anamoly features the first Barons of Hell you encounter. They have been lovingly titled "The Bruiser Brothers". In the hardest difficulty, you fight them with nearly invisible pinkies roaming around the corners. If you're not ready for this, it can be very off-putting. Well, it's just that much better when you do kill them and the spectres! 

Then you step onto the finishing platform and are teleported to Hell, where you die! That's right, it's a cliffhanger finish and people were hyped for the full experience! Doom became legend because of this one level and I still think it is Doom it is purest form. John Romero, John Carmack, Tom Hall, Sandy Petersen, Adrian Carmack, Bobby Prince and all of the other contributors that made Doom great. It all started right here. That really means something, especially since it aged as well as it did. Classic Doom levels are still being made and there are so many homages to this episode. If you are a Doom fan and you have not completed Knee Deep in the Dead, then you shall have a demon head delivered to your doorstep right away! Begin studying it so that you might practice ripping apart its Virtua Horns!!!

Doomverse #32 - When We 100% Wolfenstein 3D

The video game golden age started very soon after the crash of 1983. Once PC games started getting more powerful and developers became more experimental, Wolfenstein 3D hit the market and changed a lot of rules. Many unspoken rules were broken, as blood was usually seen as a huge turnoff for parents and wouldn't want their kids to buy it. The smart developers like Id Software knew that kids weren't the demographic with the real money and they weren't the only ones that wanted to play awesome games. 

Wolfenstein did a lot of things different. Not only did it bring 3D gameplay through programming tricks, making it faster and more accessible for players, but it also kept score of how many of Hitler's forces you took out. It also kept track of the treasure and the secrets that you found in the level. Of course, gamers latched onto this like fat on meat. It suddenly became so important to get through levels faster, as the ending stats also kept track of the time it took you to get through each mission. At the end of each episode, it would also give you the percentages of all of it calculated together. 

I don't remember how long it took, but using the manual with all of the level maps, me, my dad and my brother set out to hit 100% of every single level. Anytime we got to a level exit, we saved it and go back through the level, looking for what we missed. The maps showed you the enemy locations as seen in I Am Death Incarnate and also showed you the location of every secret and treasure. Sure, it sounds like that would make it easy, and it did make it less time consuming, but that's like saying I got a cup of water from the Sea World whale tank. 

Wolfenstein 3D is HARD. There are levels that can be cleaned up with very little effort, especially in the first episode, but once you get to episode 5 or 6, we are dealing with officers on top of the SS troops. They went insane with the hallways filled with enemies lined up like a firing squad. In certain levels, you either went through very long hallways, inching forward to alert enemies, or just run down the hallway and wail on them with the chaingun. The latter is more time efficient, but not as sure to work.

There were levels, as some Wolfenstein 3D players will tell you, where you cannot get 100% of everything. There came points in the game where the devs thought it would be oh so funny to put in secret mazes with which you needed to push the walls in certain ways. We ended up drawing on the map with pencil. We got as many as we could with all of the items that we could, but you can't just push walls at random, you may very well get stuck. 

The bosses were come and go in difficulty. The biggest difficulty we had were with the zombies on Episode 2. Yes, they were extremely difficult. Hans Grosse is one thing, but enemies with such a high firing rate and NO emergence sound, you will be lucky if you get all of them the first time you shoot them in a room. There is always one peeking around the corner, ready to shoot you with its weird hand chest gun thing. The easiest part of episode 2 was the boss fight. He was a doctor guy that threw syringes at you and they were easy to dodge. 

Beyond that, Episode 6 had to be the most challenging out of any of them. Officers in big numbers can be a pain in the ass to take down. This requires a great deal of chaingun fire, which drains your ammo like none other. The worst parts are when there are long, open hallways, and the officers are set to sneak mode. So you can't just fire your weapon to alert them, they need to see you and then they will attack. One run down the hallway will alert all of them and then turning around may be the death of you if you're not fast enough. 

Still, we got every single level to 100% that we could, even taking on the last guy, who has a chaingun as well as a small rocket launcher. The fourth episode boss had the rocket launcher alone, which made him easy once you figured out his pattern and could dodge his projectiles. They were faster than the weirdo who created the zombies, but still very much in line with an easier opponent than Hans or Mecha Hitler. As always, Episode 1 and Episode 3 were our favorites. Taking down Hitler himself was a milestone in the game and then the rest of them were more of a good thing, but also quite a handful, if we're being honest. Wolfenstein 3D remains a godsend of its time. There is so much innovation for the genre, even if it is not as appreciated as it once was by the current crowd. Still, it brought The New Order, Return to Castle Wolfenstein and even the underappreciated 2009 game. Always remember where it started, when you gave Mecha Hitler a lethal dose of American Virtua Justice!   

Crash Storm #9 - Bungie's Deal Sucks and so do Game Awards

So, without fail, once again, a large publisher's apology is followed up by a large amount of luggage attached that everyone needs to sort through and decipher for themsleves. Everyone knows that Marathon is not doing well, at least those small few that still remember it exists. They put all of their tokens into a new live service game that no one asked for and then put their fists on their hips like an expectant mother. When we did not eat this crap with our vegies and their numbers sank quicker than you could say Bob's your uncle. 

So, then they come out and make a statement: If we do not buy Marathon and give it sales, we may not get all of the cool stuff BACK from Destiny 2 that they removed from the game in the first place. You know, all of those things that people paid money for and should have been able to keep? Yeah, he very stupidly worded it too. Well, fan backlash was about what you'd expect. This was a bit of fine print that didn't seem to be in their very heartfelt and I'm sure very genuine apology that they made very recently. 

So, not only has Activision shown signs of using their new boss lady in the new Halo game they're... possiibly making, but now they're telling us we're not getting their goodies until we start paying up. Well, color me surprised. It'll wash off as a lie, but seriously, they apparently must have thought they were being clever... again. Of course, they felt the heat from the public and immediately backtracked. It turns out we're just too stupid to understand what he meant and they meant of course they'll get right to work on Destiny 2, right away, good sir. Yes sir. 

When has this strategy of business ever worked? How many times will the AAA gaming industry do this type of garbage? Is the industry just going to be a bunch of games that we look at and get judged if we don't slobber them with praise? Will they become loansharks that threaten to break our kneecaps if we don't buy whatever they dump into the trough?

They have outright lied to us, attempted to extort us, outright stolen from us without a means of refunding and gone to enormous lengths to pay game journalists to glaze their games with praise. How does any of this cast them in a good light? Half of this was in the attempt at damage control for many of their lies being exposed. They pile more lies on top of those lies, change their story on a whim and they hold out their palms in order for us to pass them a cool 80 to 100 clams. It's apparently just common courtesy to pay them for insulting our intelligence. 

It's like reviewing the movie Groundhog Day in realtime. It seems like everytime one of these Crash Storms are released, they're outright lying to us while telling us they're not. It's getting a little hard to reword this stuff when it happens as often as the moon is visible at night. With all of the bots having a blast with Wolverine and sucking inhalers while taking over storylines, we really are receiving a lot of desperate pleas as these huge tanker ships continue to sink. Ubisoft lied themselves into an early grave, Bethesda is feeling the heat, especially after Id was decimated, now more are bobbing beneath the surface. 

So, of course, with gaming studios closing, game prices going up and interest at an all time low, let's give these studios some awards! Yes, because these achievements being met just SCREAM for an award of some kind. The AAA gaming industry patting themselves on the back is starting to look just as pathetic as actors telling us how to vote. It's becoming easier to point out industry shoe-ins and which games are playing to the tune of getting these awards through the proper check marks that we're becoming all too familiar with. 

The joke truly is, ironically, no one pays attention to them, nor respect them in any tangible sense. The choices for these awards very rarely reflect the fans' opinions and it all just boils down to who got paid. Yes, getting packages and free hotel stays from companies to sway your opinion is morally and objectively wrong. This is hardly a professional journalism site by any stretch of the imagination, but at least these are opinions and details that come from a gamer and someone who can bring about more informed and truthful points of view. If you don't like a game and yet you are calling your readers names for not purchasing it, you are wrong and there is a very large, fat part of my ass that you can kiss. Yes, that was a professional line right there.

Mixtape is the biggest title that is going to be talked about for several reasons. A game with millions upon millions of space clams backing it with billions on standby was apparently made by an indie studio. Many will tell you that this is because the lead developer is a woman who came from her father's gargantuan amounts of money. We could probably call this video game and gaming studio her welcome home gift from that time she went on her fifth vacation for the year. 

The Golden Joystick will probably give it Game of the Year because of course they will. They need that cash cow of a developer who sweats golden coins, so you can see it topping the charts while games like Crimson Desert and Ace Combat 8, that many gamers actually enjoy, will go unnoticed. Yes, all of the hard work and development only matters if it's for a DEI checkbox game that's failing. If that's the case, then you're a racist or whatever and you just don't respect their hard work and dedication. If it's someone like Hogwarts Legacy or someone who doesn't agree with us, then they are evil and their work is for Satan! 

Yes, all of it makes sense.That's why these predictions will come true. We can just let them break their cassette tapes and act like they're from the 90's. It matters because it does. Grok it.

Ghostbusters 1984 - A Halloween Tradition

 Everyone has the movie set they like to watch during the holiday seasons. Even Thanksgiving has traditions with movies and even TV shows like Friends. Ghostbusters is probably one of the most perfect movies to watch duing Halloween and that's just the tip of the iceberg on my playlist during the Saturn Month of Virtua SPOOOOO
OOOOOOOKIES!!! But it's perfect for capping off another Halloween. Hopefully it was full of costumes, scares and loved ones. And gaming, hopefully some gaming. 

Ghostbusters has influenced both comedy and horror alike and there is a very good reason for that. While some of the special effects in the movie are clearly dated, there are special effects that were so simple, but got the job done just fine, like Slimer. The green glob that was meant to be the ghost of John Belushi was a fantastic character down the line and also a very nice special effect that made sliming Venkman just that much more awesome. 

Every single Ghostbuster has their trademark personality, with Winston being more down-to-Earth and Egon being the more scientific and practically minded. Dan Aykroyd is the creatiive mind that originally thought up the Ghostbusters, mostly because he has a very strong bond with the concept of ghosts and the supernatural world. It was going to be set in the future where the Ghosbusters were already a part of the public relations and there are several teams. Instead, they came up with the origin story where Egon invents most of the technology from the start. 

The comedy in this film is just so well brought about because it feels spontaneous and natural. Ramis, Murray, Aykroyd and Hudson all work so well off of one another because they are serious about what is going on. Even when they don't believe it as much. Even when Bill Murray is trying to keep things like hearted, you can feel his fear when Slimer flies at him. 

There are too many iconic scenes in this film. From the "He slimed me" scene to the librarian scene, you would need to go through each and every single one and you could find a quote that people still say today: "Yes it's true, this man has no dick". There was a very good reason it hit theaters so hard and spawned its own franchise with a call for a sequel. They didn't even know that this was going to be as large of a success as it was, but there is still a very strong fanbase for Ghostbusters to this day.  

With a spotted sequel history, including a video game sequel, Ghostbusters stands on its own as a masterpiece that can be enjoyed by all ages. Even tiny children like this movie because it has a pace that is fast enough to keep your interest but slow enough to be enjoyed while in the background at a Halloween party. However you enjoy this movie, make sure to do it in a ghost-free environment and remember to drink water.

The Ring: Terror's Realm - Horror Version 0.002

Oh, wow, where to begin with this one? There is a reason this game made it to #1 on the worst Dreamcast games list, but I don't think you quite understand just how far it fell below those other games. Even Evil Dead, flawed as it was, was not as horrifically terrible as this game is. The worst thing about this game is that they expect you to follow this "story". There is nothing here that even resembles a lick of sense and they actually think you're even going to remember these characters' names after this? 

From what I understand, this is supposedly part of the Ring universe in Japan. The story is somewhere in there, but in this game, the experience is about as far gone from anything even remotely resembling what we know as "The Ring". Marketing ploys like this will kill just about any respect anyone was going to have for you, because now we're dealing with a computer program that sends you to another dimension. 

In this dimension, there are monsters and you shoot guns. Oh yes, it's just as dumb as it sounds. There is a much deeper story going on here, don't get me wrong. Try as hard as you can to pay attention to it. I double dog dare you to follow this story through all of the hours.... and hours.... and HOURS of talking. Seriously, keeping up with names, businesses, basically anything involving what is going on with this plot is like following algebra after reintroducing yourself to it 10 years after high school. 

It does not help that the game is absolutely abysmal to play. It is so boring. You move so slowly from one location to the next and just follow whatever the game tells you to do. At no point does this get any better throughout its entire duration and there is no way I could ever dream of beating it. This game defeated me after about four hours. I tried to cope with the horrible tank controls, as if Resident Evil controls were programmed by sloths deprived of sleep. 

The "horror" in this game is also undercut by a horribly annoying main character who just can't seem to get information through her skull. She seriously keeps asking so many questions that are irrelevant or not relevant enough to be interesting. She even undercuts the horror element! Seriously, you're walking down a long dark hallway and it's supposed to be all spooky and scary, but then she turns around and says "This is stupid! Where are the monsters!" And then the "monster" comes. If that wasn't bad enough, the monster looked like a guy in a bad gorilla costume. 

This game apparently wanted to be a scary comedy whatever of sorts, or that's just how bad the voice acting and character designs are. Seriously, looking these characters in the face will test your endurance for the uncanny valley on every front. The main character girl, with whom I can't be asked to even look up her name- oh, damn, it's Meg- is one of the few characters that doesn't make your stomach churn. Everyone else has lumps on their noses and eyes that bug out as if all of them were wearing far-sighted lenses but without the glasses or the lenses. The dialogue is downright comical when spoken out loud. Especially when the cop guy goes to Meg who passes out and asks "you okay?" It was just such a horrible delivery for the situation! He should be asking her questions, getting a paramedic, but no, they just stand around and talking about her while a guy picks her up. 

All of this begins when you get into a menu and pressing any option will make a squashing cartoon sound. It is a perfect representation of what you're about to witness. There really are no redeeming qualities about this game. The movement, the gameplay, the essoteric story latched onto a semi-popular franchise, all of it culminates to the fact that they really had no idea how to do Resident Evil, so we got this. The characters are bland stereotypes, the main character is annoying and boring, and you've pretty much can't find anything that will make you stick around. It does make you want to play other, better games but that's not a point in its favor. When all is said and done, I'd rather just watch the tape. 7 Virtua Days...

Nightmare House - Horror...ish

 Sometimes, there comes experiences that are easy to categorize, especially when it comes to horror games. They're either bad or they're great, at least most of the time. Nightmare House is a Source engine game that takes some physics from Half-life and sometimes it works but sometimes... it really doesn't. The game improves over time because it took years to do many segments of it, but really, Half-life basically already did this. 

You use the melee and the guns, you take down the zombies and you go through dark, foreboding areas in laboratories. Sometimes, you'll run into a ghost woman, much like you would run into G-Man in Half-life and she would vanish much like him. The game just doesn't really do anything to shake this up and it ends up kind of becoming Half-life from Temu.

That's not to say it's a terrible game. It has its high points, but as you play it, there just really isn't a great deal to keep you occupied. The atmosphere does its job well enough, it was just a little boring rather than suspenseful. The game was made with some heart, but you can see the edges of the painting and the cracks in the mirror at some points. This was obviously not a high budget AAA game, so not a lot of fault can be put upon it. 

It's just when the jank really starts to show, this game takes a bit of a dive. There are areas that just look so unfinished, and the glitches can take you out of the experience when they happen. They happen quite a bit, in case you're wondering. The graphics are crude, but also not especially nostalgic. Jumpscares and disappearing ghosts just can't really save it from looking like it wanted to take place on planet Xen. 

If you're in it to bash some zombies and look at some cheap scares, this is your baby. It's not especially enriching or all that fun, but it has its moments. It was on Steam for either nothing or next to nothing, so it was worth the cost to play it and the small bit of time you need to see if you like it. If you're looking for high quality, play Half-life or Left 4 Dead 2. Otherwise, chop up some zombies and knock over some cabinets with some passable physics. Go ahead, and remember to drink water.

Crash Storm #8 - Bioware Closed, and in Other News...

The fact that there is any clarification needed for this event is rather sad. Bioware released a travesty of a game that bombarded people with crap they don't care about with characters they actively hate. There was no official review for this game because there's no way we're sullying our computer with that filth in the first place, and the fact that it was going to flop was written on the wall as soon as the nonbinary aspect of the game was leaked through nuhre on her youtube channel. They tried to hide that little gem of dialogue from the public and said that it was lies. Then the game came out and all of it was the absolute truth. 

So, call me crazy, but very few people are going to care about this and even fewer people are going to remember this in about two weeks. It is very common knowledge that this was NOT the Bioware we grew up with through Knights of the Old Republic and Mass Effect. No, these were brand new people mixed with old people that bore no resemblance. After the flop that was Anthem, it was very obvious that they just dug their own grave with the lack of original lore of Dragon Age and complete change of the themes and character designs. The writing and dialogue was the steak through their hearts, it was disgustingly bad. 

So, no, there is no pity here for people who obviously took the toys to a different playset and decided they wanted to play their own game and we should just deal with it. We did deal with it, we didn't buy it. Now, Bioware is dead. Sucks to suck.

So, as the gaming crash goes on and on, we tend to realize that it takes some people a little more time to cope with the fact that changing back to normal. Now, how fast it changes back to normal and with what means we need to survive is all well and good, but now even the Critical Drinker, or Critical Gamer in this case, just came out and said it. The crash is happening and we're watching it implode in real time, to paraphrase. He obviously knew this was going on for a while now, and it's good to see he's speaking the truth. It's clear that there are reasons not to cover other reviewers, especially ones you don't respect. I do respect the Critical Drinker, he's got some writing chops and he's got a nice husky accent of the Scotts, which is always a plus. However, there is a reviewer that has seemed to have a fall from grace as of late. 

Speaking of the Critical Drinker, there is a bit of a Crash and Burn story that hits one of my very estranged youtubers. Former Channel Awesome youtuber, Angry Joe, or Jose Antonio Vargas, was actually a regular channel visit. His reviews weren't stellar, but around the time of his Mind Jack review is when I caught onto his channel. I found him funny along with his counterpart, Other Joe. Their bits made me laugh, and I could very much agree with a lot of his opinions, even when it wasn't all the time. 

Well, after he left Channel Awesome, his reviews began to see a bit of a downfall. Around 2014, he added a new regular cast member, started putting on a bit of weight, and started to show a bit of burnout. Fastforward to 2026 and the release of Supergirl, and all of the sudden, he's back in the spotlight and not in a way you would ever want to be. His opinions started to become more forceful and he started to bark orders at his followers to go watch Supergirl, claiming we may never get anymore content of her if we don't. He's always been an outspoken Superman fan, as seen in many of his Nostalgia Critic guest appearances, but as you watch the Man of Steel review, you see a man who is able to accept other opinions, while still being able to explain his own without sounding overly aggressive or pompous.

That man seems to have been lost underneath an increasingly more alarming amount of weight and X posts that shun basically anyone who disagrees with him. His feud with Asmongold has grown increasingly more heated while he simply shrugs Angry Joe off as a big fat baby who can't form a coherent argument to save his soul. It's really not so much that Angry Joe has never had his controversy in the past, but this is just like seeing a man watching his house light aflame. He starts yelling at it, cursing it and telling it to go out, but also sloshing large amounts of gasoline all over it, making it grow ever larger. 

For some reason, if you support Sweet Baby Inc, its affiliates and opinions, then you need to do so as forcefully and self destructively as possible while burning your own operation to the ground in the process. Angry Joe has lost thousands of subscribers through his constant badgering of their opinions and outright demanding that if they don't agree with him that they see the door. Well, Joe, it's really time to start asking yourself if it's worth it. Anita Sarkeesian has outright admitted that she has never been a gamer, nor does she have any interest in it. She's also made it clear that many of her subordinates would like to see the entertainment industry burn. Well, they sadly have been getting their wish because apparently entertainment executives are missing one or two braincells.

Friday the 13th (NES) - Get Ready to Walk and Stab!

Next up in the Virtua Month of Marz SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!!! We'll be delving into a classic video game for both video game and horror fans. Friday the 13th stands as one of my favorite movie horror slasher series of all time. While this game is not based on the first Friday the 13th movie, it's based on Jason. So, you're playing as multiple camp counselors walking around Camp Crystal Lake and looking in the cabins for the killer in the hoekey mask. 

This game is a little ahead of its time in some regards. When you enter the cabins, it goes into a first person 3D perspective that you wouldn't expect from a Nintendo Entertainment System. These are the places you meet Jason first. You meet him in a third person perspective in the battle against him and it's really not all that difficult to kill him. That's not to say you couldn't have a bad run, but he's fairly easy to read. You can also run into him on the road around Camp Crystal Lake and fight him in more of a fighting game style perspective. 

Remember to get the knife. The rock and every other weapon in this game pales in comparison to the straight shooting knife. It kills Jason in a hurry and keeps you alive through a lot of conflicts. The battle system in this game isn't all that terrible. It's actually fairly dynamic and are the best parts of this game in general. 

The problem is that the rest of the game is rather boring, and very slow. Walking around the camp to find Jason is a dismal experience and it grows very tiresome because you need to defeat him multiple times. If they did a more linear experience, rather than running around a camp trying to search for some killer, this could have been a very effective horror game. 

It is kind of effective, mostly because when you're in the 3D parts of the game in the cabin, the soundtrack and the slow movement speed can create a very creepy environment. Jason can pop out of nowhere and scare the skin off of you. That is his best advantage. If he jumpscares you well enough, you may become a little frantic and lose your concentration. 

While this game is not very good, it did bring about quite a few awesome memes, both from its goofy nature of being a horror game for kids in the 80's, but also from the reviews including but not limited to the Angry Video Game Nerd, a Youtube series by James Rolfe. That was actually my introduction to AVGN video game reviews and I have been watching him ever since. The quotes from the game are iconic now, but so is Jason's silly color scheme with the blue and purple combination from the NES system's limited pallet. It can be a very creepy experience, but it can also be a big fat bore. Just don't tell Jason I said any of these things in the Virtua Month of Neptune SPOOO---AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! 

Little Nightmares - Cannibals Need to Die

Next in the Virtua Month of Saturn SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!!! We're taking a look at a horror game that almost immediately became a classic.There are times when indie games come out with something that has been done before, but it's done in such a style that it stands out simply for having very high style along with its substance. Little Nightmares is exactly what the title says, you are a little girl with a zippo lighter in a yellow raincoat and you are walking and navigating around a seriously abysmal landscape with horrific creatures that seem to be doing something with HORRIFIC implications. Children are going missing by the masses and you are finding out what happened to them as you crawl through the nooks and crannies of this post apocalyptic world you wake up in. 

The puzzles and platforming in this game are amazingly dynamic. Sometimes, it's just finding your way around weird rooms where you are like Santa's elf in a very large people's world. It is not the comparison of a child and an adult. It's a child among monsters. Each of these creatures have their own unique horrific quality about them. Going through the cooks' kitchen shows two twin cooks, but as you go around them, you realize the things on their heads are masks. We never get to see what they really look like. 

Running away from these monstrous beings is very viscerally scary. You find yourself really kind of panicking as you get away from them. The man with the long arms is one of the best segments of the game, especially when you finally take him down. It's a very satisfying victory. It's clear that all of these things want to eat you. If you get captured by one of the cooks, and they will throw you straight into the oven. It is clear that their sausages are made of similar material. 

The challenges in this game can get heightened to fairly ridiculous levels and some segments in the game are very difficult. This is especially true when the timing needs to be exact, like when you're sneaking around someone who is actively looking for you. Knowing where to bring things and what you can jump off of can mean a great deal when something is stomping toward you, able to open doors when you need to go through small holes or pipes.

Going through these levels, you see to what level they are taking children and you see how many of them are extremely hungry by the end of the game. When you get to the last parts of this game, you do some very questionable acts, especially when it comes to a very mysterious hunger your character has that needs to be satiated no matter what. When the large creatures gorging themselves on meat spot you, they will crawl over tables and over each other in order to get you. 

The ending is one of the greatest things about this game, because the gameplay with the mirror and the shadow woman is easy to figure out and needs to be timed just right. It's not too difficult but it is satisfying to pull off. When you gain her power, what you do to those who wronged the children is a bitter sweet experience for the player. This game was rather short, but it was a very fulfilling game to finish for a myriad of reasons. The graphics are simple, the gameplay is simple and the atmosphere is now iconic. It shows you that you can do some amazing things with little use of heavy graphics. Perhaps they should stick to games with gameplay and style rather than money being thrown at it. Virtua Zippo.