Corpse Killer (Saturn) - Dead Inside Edition

Happy Halloween, Gamer heads!! This is our final review in the MONTH OF VIRTUA SPOOooOooOOooOOOOKIES! Get ready for some real horror! And I do mean horror because this game is horrible! So, just sit back, relax, and at least act scared.

It is no secret that Full Motion Video is the smooch of death for 99% of games "graced" with its presence. Myst still has a fanbase, but anyone will tell you that the acting in the game's FMV segments are so terrible they're great. The bad acting is infamous in these terrible parts of games. Developers normally just stepped in and did the acting themselves to nightmarish effect. Then you've got games that actually got Z-List movie actors in their games. Yeah, that's what Corpse Killer did. You would think this would improve the acting to some degree, but you would be very, very wrong. In fact, to some degree, it's somehow even worse. 

Among this cast of actors, they got the late Vincent Shiavelli, who actually has quite the long filmography, although most of it is about as low grade as you would expect. He is seen through a lot of this game and his scenes are a master class of bad. He fits right in with the rest of these performers and WOW there is a lot to unpack here. These cut scenes are very hard to watch. You will cringe your face into another dimension and you won't need Vegeta to do it (if you get that reference, you're officially in the cool club). It's obvious that these are all first takes unless something catastrophic occurred. The game developers should have worked a few more takes into the budget, because even the ZOMBIES are over acting here. 

That's just the FMV cut scenes! Believe it or not, all of it is technically full motion video! The characters in the gameplay scenes are still real people, they are simply cut outs that are slapped onto the background. They run toward you in a VERY unconvincing way while you shoot the screen with an ever shooting machine gun. You shoot the cheap looking zombies and they make stock screaming noises in an ever revolving loop. 

The zombies are just people in cheap makeup. Some of them just have regular clothes on and some of them look so cheap, the devs may as well have just reached through the screen and slapped you to kill your immersion. This is beyond awful! 

The game is also ridiculously easy almost 90% through it. Then the difficulty spikes to levels beyond reckoning. Lulling you into a coma only to inject this level of suck is a bit of a jerk move. Seriously, you would be hard pressed to stay conscious amid the constant gunfire, weird screams and terrible cutscenes. There are different types of ammo, explosives and a couple of other things to try and spice things up. Guess how well it works. Go on, guess...

Anyway, this is one of the worst games on the Sega Saturn or any of the other systems it was on upon its original release. There's a label on the Graveyard Edition that says it's one of the top 20 games of the year. This is a blatant lie and I'd be surprised if they didn't get sued for false advertising. You may notice this game was on both of my top worst Saturn games lists. It's pretty obvious why FMV's didn't really stand the test of time and after the fifth generation of games, they became more and more scarce. Thank GOD! If you really want to play this game out of morbid curiosity, it is available on Steam at the time of this article's writing. By all means, it's Halloween and the terrible nature of this game is quite scary. Have a ball and make it spooooooooky!

The Horde - Facepalm the Game!

 

If there was one constant throughout the fifth generation and any other time, it's that Full Motion Video ruins nearly everything it touches. The problem is, very few actors worth their salt would go near this video game medium because it was always frowned upon by A-list actors. With a track record like this, you would be hard pressed to blame them. Anytime some Joe Schmo got in front of that full motion camera, they would unleash the ham of an overpaid, underqualified, hack Shakespearian actor.

The Horde falls into this trap in many more ways than one. Not only does it give us acting akin to a high school production but it also gives us a nonsensical plot that adds literally nothing to the gameplay. It also gave us Kirk Cameron, which deducts even more points. Sitting through these video segments will cause you to wince in pain, at best.

You are a total wuss who was given the job of defending against the Horde. You have no experience fighting, you are, as mentioned, a total wuss and you can barely lift your sword. This drives up the BS controls and encourages you to play something else, because this gimmick weighs thin very fast.

You have to fight the Horde in order to get paid to pay town taxes. Yes, that is correct. Not only are you handed a job that you suck at but you need to perform it to pay some jackass who tries to act villainous. Problem is, that would require talent. 

The more you fight the Horde, the more difficult these fights are. You also set up traps because to rely on your sword is like trusting your mum to not embarrass you in literally every way ever (Mommy issues? Me? Nooooo). By now, you've either gotten into the game or you've devolved into making cheap Yo Mama jokes out of boredom. Guess where I stand on the matter.

Yes, the game can be considered cute and it's not devoid of charm, it's just hard to give it credit. The FMV segments suck the life out of the title from the get go and the monetary system itself makes no sense no matter how you look at it. It's there to build tension with a deadline but with no real logical story reason for it, it seems tacked on and thick with annoyances. You see? I started this paragraph in order to give this game some pros. Now look where it got me!

This is another playthrough to see if this game still deserves to be on the Top 20 Worst. The answer is yes, if you couldn't tell. Some have stated that they like this game. By all means, take it and keep it. I found it disengaging and annoying in its cheap gimmicks and annoying combat syste.. I would love to share the loving sentiment but an orc ate it... or whatever those things are. Hell, I don't know, I wasn't paying that much attention. Virtua snooze.

Myst vs D - Point and Puzzlers

 Back in the hayday of our favorite console, there weren't a whole lot of games to fit in each and every genre. Now days, we have games that fit in to just about every niche one could possibly think of and can often find a decent amount in each one. Back in 1995, this was not the case, especially when it comes to consoles. Point and click adventures, on the other hand, were commonplace and there were plenty of them. The Sega Saturn sported two that we will be comparing today. D and Myst were two prominent titles on the system in North America because they were very commonly found in stores. When both sport such similar gameplay but in strikingly different ways. Both have strong cult followings and both have puzzles and explorative features that all can enjoy. 

One difference that a player will notice immediately is the setting. Myst is more akin to a different planet while D is far more like a haunted mansion (aside from the hospital cut scene at the very beginning). Another very noticeable difference is the way you move. This may seem like a cosmetic feature, but it is far more important than one might think. Myst has a fade effect when it comes to the point and click movement. Once you click forward or whatever direction you're wanting to go, the screen goes out then comes back in with your movement progression. D, on the other hand, you actually see yourself move forward. You walk slowly and actually turn in a visible way. The real difference is not only graphical movement, but also atmosphere. 

Atmosphere is one of the key factors that set these two games apart. Where Myst is an otherworldly experience with discovery and puzzles, D is a horror experience with discovery and puzzles. Not only does D sport a more gothic, macabre feel to it, but it also boasts a soundtrack that plays an eerie sound throughout your experience. This background soundtrack keeps you feeling that unsettling creep factor all throughout. 

While Myst does possess a more diverse list of levels, it lacks heavily when it comes to any sort of atmosphere. This is due to there being next to no soundtrack. There are some outside sounds and sometimes that's pretty nice, but after a while, many will find themselves pining for some music or more background noise. 

Another point of comparison is... oh boy... the acting. I'm going to be honest, Myst will always lose when it comes to acting. The voice acting from D isn't great, because it's all just Dr. Harris, Laura's father, popping in and telling her that she shouldn't be doing things. Myst, on the other hand, is some of the worst acting this side of the Sega systems. The brothers you choose to either set free from the books or not set free from the books come to you, say they want pages and they ham it up like they're trying to win a Razzie. It is physically painful to watch. 

To more of D's credit, it also sets itself ahead of Myst in the ways of character. You play Laura Harris, a young woman who is trapped in her father's mind and is forced to work her way through his house of horrors in order to save him from insanity. You are a human being with a clear goal and an emotional connection with the situation. Not only do you know she is trying to save her father, you can also see her reactions to her situation as they happen. We feel her tension and we see how horrific her circumstances are and thus we are engaged. 

Myst has a severe lacking of any of this. We are a faceless person who teleports around to places, collecting pages and putting them into books with psychopathic thespians who apparently couldn't pass Drama 101. There's some sense of awe when we see the scenery, especially if you're seeing these graphics back in the mid 90's for the first time. However, you don't see your character reacting to these events and you don't have any sort of connection to them at all, aside from being the player. This makes all of the difference in the world. 

[Spoilers] D is not a perfect game, it has its flaws and it's got very little replay factors aside from some background beetles that tend to show up at random and the option to either join your father or kill him. Myst has the replay factor where you either want to go the long way through the game or the short way through the game to get the different endings. Both games have different endings and both games have their ups and downs. From a story and atmospheric point of view, D has the goods. Either way, both games will scratch your itch for exploration and both games are rather short in length, especially if you know your way around the puzzles already. Science Fiction nuts will probably prefer Myst while Horror fanatics will probably have more fun with D. It's all up to taste. By the way D stands for Dracula! I SAID SPOILERS! NO TAKE BACKS!

Myst (Saturn) - Just Missed It

Cyan set out to tell a story using very little dialogue and a lot of stunning visuals. This game is full of thematic imagery and some very nice atmosphere. It’s a point and click adventure game with tons of very head scratching puzzles and a lot of attention that you need to pay to pretty much everything that you do throughout it. The settings that you go through have a realistic tone to them, while also existing clearly in the 32-bit dimension.

The down-side? Pretty much everything else. This game is sloggier than a slug looking for the slowest shell to slither through the molasses river. It is so god awfully boring and so hard to get through, especially in the first run through. At first, it’s nice to view the scenery and take in the atmosphere. Then you start to hate the scenery and the atmosphere becomes blotchy because there is very little music at all throughout the game. You spend so long in these places trying to find the puzzle combinations and all of the switches that you need to flip along with figuring out everything you need to do to advance to the next stage. Visually, the game delivers, but that does not mean I want to stand around and stare at everything for that long.

There is a story attached to this game as well. It is somewhat of an interesting one, but only when you actually start to put the puzzle pieces together and that takes a while. The plot isn’t exactly the deepest, though, in fact it’s rather simple in a lot of ways. None of that is really the problem, though. The problem is the acting is atrocious. FMV games have been known to be absolutely terrible in the ways of performances from its characters. This stims from the fact that real actors cost money and it’s a lot cheaper just to put the game devs into silly costumes and let them ham it up in front of the camera. So, the more footage you get from the storyline, the more you get to see just how badly their playwriting sucks.

So, you’re traveling through the worlds using a book in order to gather pages for incomplete books. There are some guys trapped in these books. They are more or less the epitome of cringy performances. The more pages you put in the books, the more you get of their messages and the more they can tell you “PLEASE! Bring me more pages!”

I won’t bore you with all of the details, but it’s interesting enough to keep you invested. It is especially good if this is really your thing. It is very good for its time and quite advanced when it comes to the point and click adventure games. When you hear about this genre, Myst is sure to come up. However, it is an acquired taste for a select demographic. Anyone else will more than likely be bored out of their skull and not even make it out of the first level.

The story and gameplay are quite shallow--so shallow, in fact, that you can actually beat the game in just a few minutes if you know where to go. I won’t spoil anything for you, but the ending is really terrible. All of the endings, that is. You’ll either get some dismal epilogues or you’ll get one “good ending” that is more or less just a clumsy precursor to the sequel game, Riven.

Do not let anyone tell you that this game is awesome and a classic that everyone should play. It is very subjective as to whether or not you’ll enjoy this. Before diving in, be sure to keep an open mind and always remember to drink water.

Full Motion Videos Were a Terrible Idea

If you are not in the know of what FMV's are, they are Full Motion Videos, which was titled very poorly. These videos are about as full motion as claymation, and that's no exaggeration. For some reason, back in the early days of gaming, developers figured out that they could record themselves and impliment the footage into video games. Once CD-Roms and 32-Bit systems, such as the Sega Saturn, were powerful enough, they were able to store a ton of these very stiff, awkward videos to "show off" between gameplay.

Then, there were also games that were nothing but Full Motion Videos. Yes, those exist. The Sega Saturn was not as guilty of wearing out the concept as the Sega CD was. Still, games like Double Switch, Myst, or The Horde have some of the worst cut scenes and gameplay footage on the system. The actors they got for these videos were beyond abysmal. The costumes were cheesy, and there were even a few parts that were absolutely digusting. 

If you would like to see one of those games that relies on FMV's and real people cut-outs, check out my review for Corpse Killer and get a glimpse of the idea at its worst. Even when the video was of slightly better quality, and didn't have that ridiculous amount of grain moving across it, it was still so janky and awkward to watch. 32-bits was still not enough. 

This could also be a case of keeping video games to themselves while also keeping films in their own category. Mixing mediums has bore fruit in the past with Mortal Kombat starting the craze of putting in real-life people into the graphics. The difference there is that the game is still fully controlled and the graphics are not "full motion" for... some reason. I don't know the the grimey details. The point is that putting 2D games into 3D games, making video games into movies, and making video game adaptations of movies can definitely work, so long as you go full tilt into that medium. 

Full Motion Video Games was a lot like taking a movie, and turning it 25% into a game and calling it a day. The aiming is often off-center in rail shooters, the controls are often slow and inaccurate and then there's the fact that the gameplay can often be described as very, very boring. 

Now, are all games that bring in Full Motion Video bad? No! There are exceptions to this, of course. From this standpoint, none of them exist on the Sega Saturn. There is always a chance there are hidden titles or titles that I missed, but by all means, if you have a loved FMV game on the Saturn, talk about in the comments. I know you'll talk about it somewhere.

A good FMV game that comes to mind is Wing Commander 3, which can be seen as campy and fun. The Mortal Kombat Sub-Zero game had some of the worst and most amazing FMV's ever. If you have not seen this video, you are missing out. Of course there is room for guilty pleasures and videos that are just so unintentionally hilarious that they deserve another good watch-through. 

There's always room for a good terrible FMV, but the problem is that these are lightning strikes. There is a fine line between enjoyably campy and absolutely cringeworthy, which is often very hard to sit-through. Making an enjoyable FMV game was a case, like any movie, of actors, directing and camera movement that didn't make you want to vomit. All of these elements needed to be just right and that happened once every other blue moon, it seems. 

Thankfully, FMV's have all but been phased out of existence in terms of recent games. All of them seem to be relegated to the fourth and fifth generations of consoles. The Dreamcast either had no FMV games or they were so few in number that a general search brings up nothing. It's always good to play with technology and experiment with mechanics and features. Full Motion Videos seemed to be something of a failed experiment that they just kept trying at with little to no success.

Even the best of the bunch are usually a one-time play-through, then it can be put away. If there are some favorite FMV games out there, by all means. The 7th Guest had its good points but by no means does it save the concept, nor does Phantasmagoria. If you have an argument for the Full Motion games, you're going to bring it to the table, so go right ahead. There are enjoyable ones but the vast majority were subpar to say the least. I may like to repeat my thesis a lot, but that's mostly because I'm almost finished with college. No, I'm not kidding. Virtua Diploma.