Virtua Neptune's Least Favorite N64 Games

To be honest, this list was rather hard to make, because even these titles have their own small charm. Well, the former titles do, the latter titles are rather smelly as games go. One game you may see missing is Dai Katana for the 64, but that game review is going for the PC port, as it is the original and I've never played it for the console. Still, there were enough titles to give this list that accent of terribleness and guilty pleasures. That's right, some of these come with a somewhat ironic recommendation. They still have that old N64 nostalgic charm and some of them you more than likely played in your childhood. It's a real statement for the system that it was so difficult to gather up this small scrap of games to criticize. Still, there is some rather filthy quality here.

  

South Park

You know, sometimes, when I shoot turkeys, I'd like to see what I'm shooting at. There's Silent Hill levels of fog, then there's South Park on Nintendo 64. I understand that there were some serious limitations to this game and it did have some charm to it. Multiplayer games and cheat codes were actually pretty fun experiences. It's the single player games that really killed this title because of the pacing and the long, drawn out quality of these levels. There are very few people who can get past the second level because this game is soooo horrifically boring without a party of friends to go four player mode.

Quest 64

The limitations of the system obviously had something to do with how Dragon Warrior came out. It was a marvel of its time because of how it revolutionized the RPG industry in the ways of video games and the series became very successful with all of the leaps and bounds it made afterward. Quest 64 didn't really learn much, other than put it in 3D. This story and characters have very little charm, unless you've got some kind of nostalgia. Sometimes, simple is good, but not this simple.   

Mace: The Dark Age

A game that is fun for maybe the first run-through, then you start to realize that the fighting controls and the characters are rather bland. It is entirely too easy, because the enemies last for the blink of an eye. You can spam some overpowered attack and the opponent is powerless to stop you. True to the Mortal Kombat Klone genre, it's a fighting game with Fatalities that they call Executions, and they are all so bland. There may be an entertaining one here and there, but for the most part, you just fall apart the moment they take a swing. As MK Klones go, it's not terrible, and the 3D is nice, but the game is too boring to recommend to anyone.

Carmageddon 64

The racing game where making sense or having a point was a bit of an after thought. This is supposed to be a game where you can wreck your car into other cars and run over zombies. The original game for the PC had you running over people, but this version was censored, so now they're zombies. These racing maps were just mindless mishmashes of buildings and roads. You can't navigate them to save your life. The camera is so terrible, it literally makes the controls worse. They should have crashed this game rather than releasing it! 

Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker

Hey, were you looking for a terrible, repetitive beat'em up that had no impact and looked like one of your favorite heroes from the 90's made into a pixelated stick figure? No? Well it happened and this game is a testament to how bad a game can go. This is like if Spider-man for the Dreamcast was drained of vitality and given the most generic combat. It features people from the show, but there is no reason for it to be so boring. The cut scenes are just flash cards and depict a terrible rendition of the Batman Beyond movie. Top it off with long, boring dialogue scenes before another run upon run of smashing up things over and over again. Just give this a pass... a bat pass... 

Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero

There was some potential in creating a Mortal Kombat platformer featuring Sub-Zero. This game used none of it and gave us a tedious run of the MK world through 2.5D. The jumps and the tricks you need to do are beyond impossible to get right twice. You will die so many times and the traps will kill you so many times that you will more than likely find that this game is not worth the time. With a fighting game mentality shoved into a level based platformer, you can't even use your ice powers right away. Why in the hell would they leave out the ice powers, which the character is known for, and hide them behind a level system in a game that has no other roleplaying game elements? It gives me BRAIN FREEZE!

Superman

This character will never get a good game at this rate. We haven't even talked about the PS2/Xbox game that slithered under the radar for so long. Superman for the Nintendo 64 basically claimed the very top of the mountain on this system and if there are worse games for this sytem, maybe it's a good idea I've either forgotten about them or have not played them. Flying through rings, clumsy, HORRIBLE controls, horrific graphics and settings have all made this game infamous for how utterly unplayable it is. It is a force of will to get through the fourth level, let alone beat this horrific game. You make one mistake on these numerous rings, or you miss them by a molecule, and you have already gotten to the point where you can't beat the level and you start over again. There is a reason Titus has become one of the beacons of crappy games throughout the years. They not only made Superman, they made Carmageddon 64 and they also made one of the worst Robocop games as well. They're real heroes of the terrible 64 games industry. 

There are other games that fit into he worst N64 games, but they will be brought under consideration later on, if ever. The Nintendo 64 had a rather small library and the number of terrible games on it is actually quite limited. Even some of their worst games, like WCW/NWO titles have some charm in a crude way. It's a very tightly knit console, but if there are any more under performers we get into, you'll be the first to know. Let's get back to the real meaty games. Just remember to take them down with some water.

Virtua Neptune's Worst Fighting Games

This planet is no stranger to horrible fighting games. While we may specialize in the Saturn, there are so many subpar Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter clones out there. These games do nothing to add to the genre, but subtract from the fun factor on many fronts. Graphics may not be the biggest factor, far from it, but even that is somehow part of some of these games' downfall. We'll be covering some of the bigger titles, but also going at the games that are the largest criminals in their respective faults. This is going for games that are primarily 1 vs 1, not beat'em ups or wrestling games. The fighting games masquerading as wrestling games, however, are not off of the radar! 

These are games I've played and have at least played through the Arcade Modes/Story Modes. If you got some you hate worse, it's time to fight! Get your dukes up! Let's go! 

Sonic the Fighters (Gamecube)

Sometimes, when we say worst, we mean the ones with crap mechanics but the most charming characters. This charm goes over to the mistakes the game makes, sometimes, and this is one of those times. Sonic has a large cast and this game takes advantage of many of them. When you play as Amy, you get to use a hammer and when you're Knuckles, you get to use his fists! The gameplay is completely unbalanced, the attacks have no skill on show to put to use, so any thought of competition is out the window. You can play with a toddler and the toddler can literally win by button mashing because they button mashed with more vigor. This makes it a poorly executed button bashing fighting frenzy and that's got some playability, especially at parties. If you enjoy Sonic games, don't pass up a chance to play this terrible little gem. 

Dragon Ball GT Final Bout (PS1)

Once again, we find ourselves covering a large franchise, and once again, the game was so terrible it's loveable. The controls in this, the attacks and the blocky graphics only make fans love it more. You see characters you love (from a divisive part of the series) and you will either love or hate how they are presented here. It really helps when a friend is making fun of you, and you get the upper hand to bash their brains. Finding out the scope of these characters they cover is an utter joy, if you find a way to button mash your way through the roster. Another guilty pleasure for your consideration.

Battle Arena Toshinden 4 (PS1)

The great thing about not caring about a story or its characters is that if they are poorly used or not treated well in later sequels, it's really not a big deal. If you attempt to keep up with this story and its gameplay through the Playstation, you'll see why this was worse than Battle Arena Toshinden URA. Just because the second game for the PS1 was better does not mean that this series went a favorable route. Characters are meaninglessly killed between games and the story basically goes nowhere. The gameplay is just as bad, if not worse than all of the other ones, which is saying a great deal. Sorry if you had any sort of investment in this series, for whatever reason.

Street Fighter (Anniversary)

Fighting Games had their start in the very late 80's, but they didn't truly hit the mainstream until this very strangely nostalgic game hit the arcades. Why this drew such a crowd is anyone's guess, but it put Capcom on the map and Street Fighter II skyrocketed them through the stratosphere. How did it start like this? This game is so limited, and its controls are heartbreaking, even if you play the updated versions. They were very adamant about keeping its clumsy charm about it. I've played the original version in the arcades, previously, but this was back decades ago. I do remember comparing it very starkly to its sequel and there was only one quarter spent as I played Ken against my brother's Ryu. Needless to say, we stuck to TURBO!

Rise of the Robots (Genesis)

I mostly played the sequel, thinking that it was the worse of the two. This was false, as the first iteration was recently attempted. Well, attempted meaning I made a feeble attempt to play and dominated the entire game by spamming one attack. One thing that really puts this below Rise 2 is that you can only play one character against generic, shapeless machines that you can knock back with a light tap. You can make a pretty good joke that the most powerful opponent is the laziest bipedal hunk of chrome metal plating of all the robot things.  

Battle Monsters (Saturn)

When you play a fighting game, normally you like to actually see what you are playing. This game begs to differ. Not only does the camera have a spaz attack at a moment's notice, but the character designs and graphics are so terrible, it's hard to make out anything. You attack in the opponent's general direction and you hope that it hit something, because the detection is beyond abysmal. The candles for lifebars is charmingly dark, and there is something decently cool about the horror theme, but this was a boring and laborious experience.

Celebrity Deathmatch (PS2)

If you wanted quotes repeated over and over again, terrible controls along with gruesome graphics, you've come to the right game! Slogging through this game is like a gauntlet of what horrific images and poorly represented celebrities that you may or may not have heard of. The show was grotesque and and had stupidly funny jokes, but none of that crude charm is presented in this game. I understand that this was supposed to be fought in a ring, but did every single level need to be a ring? Yes, they differentiated them by the outer exterior, but that does not help them from feeling samey. In fact, every match is samey. 

The Simpsons Wrestling (PS2)

This is a reason why your characters need some sort of mass and physicality in your game. Each and every character in this game is made of balloons. The controls don't matter because you can just jump onto someone until they are down. If you try to actually fight someone legitimately, you will find that you are juggled over and over again. Always get the faster, smaller characters because they can swing faster and it doesn't matter that they are weaker, they still do tons of damage. Fighting in a bouncing castle is fun, but this was a dismal experience. There is something fun about how loose the fighting rules are and weightless the characters are. This can be a good party game, much like some of these others. Any of them are fun to laugh at, honesty  

Time Killers (Genesis)

This game will give you motion sickness with how shallow and stilted it is. The controls are stiff and the graphics do not mesh at all with the background. It's very different looking at it against playing it for yourself. Limbs randomly fall off your character, and if your arms fall off, obviously, your kicks are not your one defence. You may as well say goodbye to yourhead, because that means you can't block your opponent's headshots. It has some morbid charm, at first, but it becomes a slog very quickly. You either need to be very lucky when fighting the final guy, or you are going to be fighting him again and again. He is required to be beheaded at the end of the match, so here's hoping.

Pit-Fighter (SNES)

If you thought you could win, guess what? You're wrong! Even the most gifted and talented players at their peak would be troubled to even bother with this game. You push buttons and it is a miracle if you even make it past the first bout. All you do is pound each others faces with punches and kicks and you move onto the next fighter where you are thoroughly turned into a gray mass of dead body. This game thought it had to be hard to get more quarters, but it missd the fact that it was on the Super Nintendo! This terrible experience is topped off with horrible graphics, acres of wasted screen space, and an all around very unpleasant soundtrack. 

Mortal Kombat Advance

Here is the missing link between Tyger Electronics and the Gameboy Advance. Some unknown developers LIED and told the public that they could, in fact, create a fighting game fitting for the MK title. This was supposed to be Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 for the GBA, but for some reason, the fighters move as if their frames were slowed to a crawl. Many special moves do not work and the entire game is nothing but a glitch. Even regular moves feel wrong and do not even present correctly half the time. The frames are so bad that it looks like you're blinking in and out of existence. Their inputs just don't react correctly, it is very hard to describe how jank the controls feel. The AI blocks continuously and even seems to go in fast motion compared to your own movement. 

There are plenty more fighting games that belong on this list, but these are the games that were readily available here on Planet Virtua. Each one of them has their shortcomings that pretty much ruin them, but that doesn't mean they're without merit. Some of them were just underdeveloped, while some of them just didn't have much of a gimmick to keep it interesting. There are still some great fun to be had from these titles, especially Sonic the Fighters. They can just be mindless fighting fun, or they can be fun to laugh and poke fun at. As bad as they are, we can still play them and have a good time. Virtua Soft Spot.

7 Sorta Spooooooky Saturn Games!

 Happy Halloween, Gamer heads! On this installment of the Month of Spooky Spooks, we're going to take a look at games that are not getting any real recommendations. Either the game's quality is rather subpar or their attempts at being scary fall flat. Either way, they're Saturn titles, so they at least get the minimum recommendation.

                                                                Deep Fear

Of course, we would see at least one Resident Evil clone on this list. There are those who enjoy this title and you can roll with that as far as it will go. I never found its creatures all that scary, nor did I ever feel any real atmospehere radiating from this title. The voice acting and glitchy graphics pretty much killed my immersion on that front.

                                                            Battle Monsters

If you told me that I could dress up in a Halloween costume and becone immortalized in video game form, I would be 100% on board! So, there's no judgment to the people posing as characters in this title. The game itself, oh yeah, plenty of judgment. The monsters aren't scary, the controls are horrific and you can win once you find that perfect spam attack. Go nuts.

                                                            Death Crimson

Probably the worst railshooter on the system, and probably worse than a lot of other genres on top of that. This game is notorious among old school gamers for some of the most terrifying graphics, atrocious hit detection and all around nauseating gameplay. So, if you looking for a bad game for Halloween, it's worth a look.

                                                            Alien Trilogy

Probably one of the least bad games on the list but still not really striking that horror chord. Alien simply made some levels, put aliens in it with some guns and called it a day. Okay, that's pretty harsh, but this title invokes more boredom than it does terror. It's an alright title, it just needed a bit more spice.

                                                                Horror Tour

You've probably never heard of this title and there are many reasons for that. For one thing, it was released only in Japan. For another, it can hardly be considered a game because there's really no gameplay to speak of. Like the name suggests, it's more of a point and click site seeing tour around a gothic castle. There's some talking paintings, some big spiders here and there and there's a witch that speaks Japanese. Beyond that, there's not much. But it's SPOOOOOOOKYYYYY!

                                                Alone in the Dark 2: Jack is Back

A recent addition to my entourage of games. This one is just bad. I dare say you pretty much need to learn fire is hot by getting constantly burned here. You die in pretty much every scene because without knowing what's happening, things can kill you from off screen because of the sluggish tank controls and slow movements in general. The game is boring, but as stated earlier, giving zombies tommy guns is quite the novelty.

                                                                    Casper

Movie tie-in games are thankfully a thing of the past but they did have their gems. This was not one of them. It is immensely boring. Floating around the house as a ghost who can't fly through walls, you will be hard pressed to figure out the control scheme and apply it in an effective manner. The ghostly trio lack any of their jerk charms from the movie and Casper is just as dull as ever. Good luck getting a remake.

So, there you have it. Halloween is here at the time of writing but it is time now to wait for next year's Month of Saturn Spookiness. No matter what day it is, it is time to plan for the next year. Halloween is the best time of the year for a lot of reasons and this is no exception. Remember to stay safe, enjoy the season, stay with family and friends and drink zombies.

Top 20 Least Favorite Saturn Games

 

So, here we go again with another updated list of times past. To check out my original list, by all means, give it a looksy. You may notice that not a lot of them have changed, save for one. Beyond that, their positions have changed as time has gone on because they have aged like already expired milk. Remember, it's not always the developers' fault but it can be a collection of reasons that the games turned out like they did. Not all of these games are really bad, but the majority of them are either bland, misguided, or just plain terrible to play.

Talk all you want about how small the Sega Saturn library is, but it still has some amazing titles attached to it. However, like barnacles to the bottom of a ship, there are also a great deal of terrible ones. There was a taste of both sensational and sinister, amazing and abysmal, terrific and toxic. Today, we will be looking at the bottom of the barrel.

These are the worst Sega Saturn games I have experienced so far. If you notice a title missing that belongs on this list, feel free to comment down below and I will see if I can get my hands on it. If you like some of these games, please don’t start hollering. You are entitled to your opinions, but I am not obligated to agree with you. If you enjoy playing terrible games, then you are invited to try the titles on this list that interest you. Just keep in mind that you have been warned.

                                                                                        #20 Contra Legacy of War

Anyone who gamed in the Nintendo era will remember one of the Konami greats. Its side scrolling run and gun action was a marvel of its time. Legacy of War does not take after its ascendent. This game is bland, milk toast and tasteless. You run and gun, but the controls are a lot more awkward and the aiming is a lot more related to its own rendition of depth perception. It’s, by no means, a terrible game. That’s why it’s so low on this list. It’s just not really worth playing.

                                                                                    #19 Golden Axe: The Duel

It’s a fighting game and about as stock as it gets. You recognize the characters, but then you realize that’s because they’re that one dwarf you forgot the name of along with the amazon who looked pretty while killing big armored guys in the beat’em up games. That’s just it, this wasn’t a good game because of the characters, it was fun to play when you were adventuring. The Duel takes all of the adventure aspects out and puts them in a fighting stage. There is no identity anymore and three or four matches is more than enough to force your attention elsewhere.

                                                                                            #18 Sonic 3D Blast

After another playthrough of this game, it doesn’t age nearly as bad, especially after seeing what horrors the Sega Saturn is truly capable of. Sonic 3D Blast still takes the speed out of Sonic and replaces it with a machine that makes you spindash over to the next part of the level. Then there’s portals that put you at the next part of the level. Then you get more birds and put them in a ring to move on to yet another part of the level. The boring, repetative gameplay did not age well at all, but the harmlessness and redundancy are at least good for some mindless head numbing.

                                                                    #17 Iron Man and X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal

What kills this Ironman title is as soon as you kill one of the enemies, you walk down a hall and then see his half brother who happens to be wearing the exact same suit of armor. You get to a corner of a level and after scratching your metal head for a few moments, you see that there is a hole in the ceiling and you need to fly through it. After killing the original enemy’s fifth cousin twice removed on his mother’s side, you come to a fence. You shoot the fence, nothing happens. You walk up to the fence and it damages you with electricity, then it has a hole in it. You shoot the next fence, which makes a hole in it. This Ironman title (which is so long, I will not type that full thing out aside from the title of this paragraph) is mind blowingly samey in every aspect and every level looks like a friend you already know. A friend you want to stay away from and bar from your home forever!

                                                                                        #16 Batman Forever Arcade

This film just can’t seem to get a break. Not one, but two terrible tie-in games. Acclaim really went for the one-two punch with this one. So, you’re Batman, and you’re fighty and scrappy all well enough. However, every single time you beat up groups of badguys, you’ll get power ups. These power ups help you whether you like it or not and they just keep going. One minute, you’re punching a thug’s daylights out. The next minute the screen starts flashing green and lightning strikes you like you’re the Highlander and you just took someone’s head. Next thing you know, your punches explode people and then it goes away until the next random power up makes you swing back and forth, kicking people like George of the Jungle. This game just couldn’t be a normal beat’em up. It had to try and add sprinkles and fireworks. Instead of pumping the player up, it tires the eyes out to the point where you have to try and bring yourself to be disappointed that you ran out of continues.

                                                                                        #15 Alien Trilogy

Doom clone was a rather generic title for FPS’s back in the 90’s, however, at least some of them had their own identity. Alien Trilogy has this one along with its franchise and it utilizes neither of them to any extent. The most interesting aspect of this game was the fact that Doom was originally going to be an Alien title! They didn't end up doing that, but the idea was there. Now, after their success, the actual Alien game turned out to be Doom on ambien. The aliens pop out of nowhere and you have to take a minute to decide whether you’re scared or not. There are two types of aliens: the face huggers and the xenomorphs. It’s a coin toss as to which one you encounter. You shoot, they die, move on to the next bland green room. It’s exciting. See? I’m excited.

                                                                                                        #14 The Horde

This could be a much better game and its wasted potential is part of the reason why it is not going to escape this list. The worst part about this is the FMV’s. The acting is so supremely bad and the fact that you have to keep up with a money system just pains the thought process. Why would they tax your pay when you’re just going around and slicing orcs? If you got rid of the live action scenes and cut out all of the currency mechanics, this could be a passable action game. As it stands, though, when you have to force the player into going into the action sequences through threat of imprisonment, there is something very wrong.

                                                                                                    #13 Krazy Ivan

This was a travesty from the start. First off, it's embarrassingly bad in gameplay and the FMV acting is absolutely abysmal. On top of everything, it's offensive and isn't even funny while trying to be entertaining. The whole thing is just a lackluster hovertank simulator that does little to intrigue and the story is laughably stupid. If you were looking for any good FPS on the Saturn, overlook this one. It can hardly be considered an FPS to begin with.

                                                                                #12 Incredible Hulk - Pantheon Saga

Get ready to break things. By things, I mean glass and windows. The walls? Oh, things come off them as you punch, but breaking through is a no-go. There is no escape until you skulk around these random facilities and fight minimal enemies. It’s a puzzle switch game that doesn’t so much stimulate your brain as it does strain your senses. These senses are telling you that you could be playing something better. You should really listen.

                                                                                                #11 Virtual Hydlide

Even after playing a every side of the Saturn spectrum, this game proves to be one of the milder evils of the system. It’s awful, yes, but at least there’s some sense of adventure. Yeah, it handles like you’re near-sighted and the graphics give you motion sickness even without the motion, but the castles are decent to look at. Don’t get me wrong, this game is still tripe garbage. It’s just harder to stay mad at it as you walk down the Saturn’s freakshow hallway.

                                                                                    #10 Battle Arena Toshinden URA

Your eyes are not ready to gaze upon these “polished” pixels. It’s pretty much the first game’s graphics given a sharper layer, just in all the wrong places. The control is somehow ten times worse and your walk is even slower than before. The new badguys have no real introduction and while there is a story, it wouldn’t be worth the effort to read unless someone paid you to. Invite your friend over to play you a few rounds with this game and you’re bound to lose a companion until you start forking over the recommended amount of bribery junk food for your next gathering.

                                                                                                            #9 Casper

Making a ghost house puzzle solver is like making a Superman game where he has to climb buildings to get balloons. It takes two seconds to realize that you should be able to pass through these walls. This becomes especially noticeable when you have a metal barred door in front of you and you’re made of incorporeal sheets. Top that with extremely boring gameplay and a nonsensical portion of avoiding uncles who are suddenly trying to… uhhhh… “kill” you. It doesn’t mix well and becomes very apparent why this movie did not get anymore game titles for it.

                                                                                        #8 Dragonheart: Fire and Steel

With a series such as Panzer Dragoon, you wonder why they didn’t mix that in with a side scrolling adventure game to create Dragonheart. No, they just had the sidescrolling. Coupled with a very nasty stamina meter that runs out after just a few swings of your sword and a hit detection that rivals Virtual Hydlide and you’ve got bland stacked on horrid, stacked on sludge. The controls are trash and the obstacle damage is literally unavoidable. Sorry, Grandpa knight, please limp your way slowly off of my screen, I am done with you.

                                                                                    #7 Corpse Killer: Graveyard Edition

It’s bad enough that FMV games force us to watch their preschool plays but do we really need live action actors trying to jump scare us in their mother’s halloween makeup? The zombies in this game look like they were cut from a coloring book of horrendous pixelation and the main villain’s gaze is so disturbingly ugly, you feel like you have a right to press charges. This game is so blatantly easy up to its later levels. Then they shove all of the zombies out at you all at once and the difficulty spike is a breath of fresh air. After all, Game Over means that you can turn off the game!

                                                                                                #6 Double Switch

Imagine the crappiest movie you possibly can imagine. Then imagine that you could control some of the events in that movie. That’s when you realize that you’re essentially helping it be crappy and after that realization, the game goes from lackluster to dreadful in a very short amount of time. While some people love this game for its flaws, it must also be looked at objectively. It’s still the equivalent of watching a really terrible movie that lasts for hours. Even controlling Plan 9 from Outer Space sounds like a better idea than this. Game developers honestly need to get on that idea.

                                                                                    #5 Street Fighter The Movie

It’s not even admirable what they were trying to do with this title. It’s one of those ideas that sounds good on paper and could have possibly been pulled off in a good way. However, blatantly copying Mortal Kombat’s style when you already have a fighting game phenomenon seems like a tasteless gesture. Cap that with the fact that the actors’ sprites look like they turn into cheap action figures when they attempt anything more complicated than an uppercut. The story mode is worth a good laugh, but that’s about all you can really appreciate about it.

                                                                                                #4 Rise 2: Resurrection

When I first played this game, I had no idea that it had a gigantic campaign behind its franchise. It promised amazing fighting mechanics coupled with memorable characters. It also proves that Aliens: Colonial Marines wasn’t the biggest lie in gaming history. This game teeters the bland and terrible meter to the point of breaking and leaving a shattered mess on the floor. Every character has no outer layer textures, they are simply faceless, shapeless machines that perform monotonous “fatalities” on each other while also spamming their attacks to an endless degree. Push your fastest attack in every fight and you will win, guaranteed. That should have been the ad campaign; at least it’s true!

                                                                                                    #3 Battle Monsters

What’s this? A fighting game worse than Street Fighter the Movie and Rise 2? Believe it, friends. This game is the absolute worst of the worst when it comes to a 1v1. The characters blend so terribly into the background, you can barely see either character on the screen. The hit detection, level design and the playtime Halloween theme are laughable at best. It doesn’t matter what character you choose, the game is so terrible to control that playing it becomes more of an excuse to stare at the characters shamelessly ripped from popular horror movies. Whatever terrible drinking game you make out of this title, make sure you don’t get alcohol poisoning.

                                                                                                        #2 Death Crimson

A current playthrough of this game caused it to go much higher on this list. Not only is it the laziest attempt at a rail shooter I have ever seen, but the fact that it can easily give you the worst motion sickness of your life makes it intolerable. The enemies are some of the worst paper cut out finger puppets and the lack of a damage indicator makes the entire experience mercifully short. Every graphic looks like literal puke and controlling the crosshair to actually fire upon a target is reliant on hope and prayer. Neither of which are worth wasting on this game.

                                                                                                #1 The Crow City of Angels

 

Even after sampling twice as many Saturn games as I have ever played, this game was not dethroned. It still tops the charts on horrible. The awful tank controls that snipped a chip of the effort put into Resident Evil make this game half unplayable. The hit detection and controls make this game completely hopeless. Defeating these annoying scumbags carrying guns is solely reliant on nonexistent luck. The graphics are among the absolute worst, even for Acclaim and the aimless walking around levels can only be described through thumbtacks in your skin rather than words. If you legitimately beat the first level, you deserve a metal. You also deserve to play Virtual Hydlide. At least that game is better.

There you have it! There were some laughs to be had, and even some unintentional fun in unexpected places. These games all have some kind of value to them, even if that immediately isn’t apparent… which it’s not in some cases. You could try it if you wanted. Just remember to not drown in the incompetence and instead, drink lot’s of water.

10 Least Favorite Sega Dreamcast Games

 Say what you want about the Dreamcast's library and how small it is, that's fine. Yeah, it was missing some great games, but it was also thinning the herd when it came to absolute schlock. The process of finding terrible games on this system was monotonous because every time there was a game that was said to be terrible, there was usually something of note that made it either easily playable or just all around fun. Of course, look hard enough and you will find it. There were so many great games discovered in this route, but there were definitely some real stinkers in the pile. 

Some of these games are also liked by Dreamcast fans and there's nothing wrong with that. These were simply games that did not compute as fun to me or were so abstract and boring as to drag. As always, you're welcome to leave a top 10 worst list of your own in the comments. Also, don't forget that if you disagree with my list, be sure to be as petty and condescending in your replies as humanly possible. Some of you are going to anyway. This is my top 10 worst games on the Sega Saturn 2--- I mean Dreamcast!

                                                                                                            #10 Incoming

Not going to lie, this game is a serious guilty pleasure for me. I will not defend it. This game is bland, somewhat boring and ridiculously easy to beat with minimal effort. However, it’s still mindless fun to shoot limitless jets and flying saucers out of the sky with reckless abandon. It’s fun, but there’s no denying that it lacks in just about every category, especially the graphics.

#9 D2

D is among my favorite Saturn games, it truly encapsulated the horror puzzle genre in both atmosphere and pace. This game, however, was a horrific attempt at a changeup. This game wants to be Resident Evil so HARD, it’s almost painful to watch. We’re given a clumsy amount of dialogue trying to explain that an airplane crash happened and we’ve lost our memory, blah blah blah who cares. Then a guy walks in and plant monsters come out of his body. It’s comical in how much this video game tries but doesn’t try at the same time. The forced RPG elements, the terrible combat gun controls and the fact that ammo is infinite. Then there’s the fact that you see items in a room but can’t get to them, so you need to leave them! Your survival instincts are stunted because of this! All of these new mechanics are smashed in here to try and fix complaints about the first game while also wiping the game of any identity and originality. It’s still fun in a mindless, repetitive sort of way, but not enough to keep you coming back.

                                                                                                            #8 Death Crimson OX

Never would I expect that the worst rail shooter on the Sega Saturn would get a sequel. Now, let’s be honest, this game is far better than its predecessor. It’s still garbage, but they at least upped the graphics and the details of the mechanics. Not to mention, it’s hilarious! The random rooms you pass through without a thought, the random enemies that LITERALLY come out of nowhere and the skeletons. Yeah, skeletons just pop up and creep toward you, falling apart when shot. It’s so entertaining in how terrible it is! That’s honestly why it’s stuck on the higher numbers of this list. You can at least play this game and it feels like a game. It’s got at least some effort put into it. I wouldn’t spend 10 bucks on it, but that’s just me.

                                                                                            #7 Evil Dead: Hail to the King

Continuing on with another Resident Evil clone, we have the Evil Dead tossing their hat into the ring. This game is about as repetitive as it gets. The backgrounds do not even look like they’re part of the game. They look like someone painted the background details inside a cabin. This makes all of the items stick out like a sore thumb and the only other thing you can interact with is a doorway that you walk through. Take one step in a direction, and an evil spirit will come out of the ground for an extensively boring fight. I love Bruce Campbell as much as the next guy, but even Ash couldn’t make this game any good.

                                                                                                #6 Nightmare Creatures II

Where the original actually had some thought put into its mechanics and its combat, this game just says nuts to that! We just need to be able to swing an axe and that’ll do it! That’s the majority of this game. You kick the enemy and you slice them up. Rinse and repeat. This is kind of sad because the game has some awesome set pieces and the tone is just right for a horror game. It’s just a shame it couldn’t pull off the gameplay like the first Nightmare Creatures did. The story is boring and the character you play is a snorefest when it comes to interesting qualities. Give this one a pass.

                                                                                        #5 Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare

In another Resident Evil Clone, complete with tank controls, we see how not to pace a horror game. While the graphics are decent for the time, especially the cut scenes, the gameplay is laughably bad as we fight off shadow creatures with our flashlight, we’re supposed to figure out what to do with the game itself. As soon as we start, we need to practice the tank controls on the edge of a roof. As soon as we exit the first room, we meet our shadow bug creatures and stand there, shining a light at them. Sounds thrilling, I know.

                                                                                                                            #4 Urban Chaos

Oh, where to begin with this one. Normally, graphics don’t bother me all that much, but this game looks like the polygons were belched onto the screen and they are ridiculously hard to look at. Then there’s the frame rate that makes those polygons jerk across the screen! Everything about this game is hard to look at. It looks like it was going for an open world feel like GTA 3, but it lacked the resources to pull it off. The gameplay is probably the very worst part. Coupled with the controls, this game is almost impossible to play. The combat is laughably bad and the driving mechanics… just don’t get me started. This game is bland, boring and all around awful. It’s hard to find any entertainment in any aspect of this game. Just, please, give it a pass.

                                                                                                                        #3 The Grinch

Yes, I have never said that movie tie-in games were off my radar. This is based on the Jim Carrey film from the early 2000’s that some people liked but a lot of people did not. Me, I’d put myself with the latter category. However, the movie was not nearly as terrible as this game is. You may think that goes without saying, but the lack of creativity and effort was palpable. You’re supposed to go around Whoville and pull pranks while dodging unavoidable snowballs being thrown at you by the Who children. The graphics are obviously terrible but that’s just the start of how terrible this game is. I’d recommend watching the movie if it looks good to you, but if this game looks good to you, I’d recommend a hospital appointment.

                                                                                                                    #2 Sonic Shuffle

When people said this game was bad, there really is no way of imagining it without actually playing this horrific mishmash of Mario Party and Sonic the Hedgehog. It tried to ripoff Mario Party without knowing what makes Mario Party good in the first place. The mini-games are terrible and only serve to screw over the player who plays against the other 3. Getting around the gameboard is a slog and a half and the fact that they had the gall to let Robotnik screw you over further randomly is just the crowning achievement to make a player rage quit. With lackluster battle sequences and random traps to make you lose your rings, it’s really not worth the trouble to play it in the first place.

                                                                                                    #1 The Ring: Terror’s Realm

We finish this gaming list out on yet ANOTHER Resident Evil clone! This one is the worst out of all of them! The character designs are just about the ugliest I’ve seen. The uncanny valley is ridiculous! The tank controls are back and the gameplay is so boring, you could sell this as a sleep aid! The story and the dialogue are what sets this apart from every other title on this list. It’s literally nothing like The Ring, let’s get that out of the way. Instead of a video that kills you, now it’s a computer program that makes you dream about killing monsters as part of a task force. Yeah, it makes no sense and is not scary in the slightest. Every scene I sat through was so full of cringe. Whether it be the stupid way people talk to each other and the nonsensical way they progress the story, you’ll find something you hate in this game. In fact, I’m pretty sure this game is universally hated, and for good reason.

It really surprised me how many Resident Evil clones there were that came out in this era. Many of them tried to replace the gameplay with their own mechanics and forgot to make these mechanics coherent or even remotely fun. The worst part about it was when they latched on mechanics that belonged in other genres. The Dreamcast's library is still full of great quality games and is still the true successor to the Saturn!