Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths - The Resemblance is Justice!

 These are where DC truly shined. Even above the Marvel Animated Universe, the DC Animated Movies were a grand success and it is clear why. Not all of them were part of the same universe, such as this one, but there is an actual reason for this. Crisis on Two Earths is one of the movies, such as Doomed, that was originally going to be part of the DCAU, but was scrapped. It would bridge the gap between Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. So, instead, we are given a masterful iteration of the Justice League.The voice acting, the action and the dialogue, all of it rings true with a real story behind it. 

While the idea of an evil Justice League dates way back to the early days of comics, this movie brings it to a real conflict of ideas having to do with existance itself. James Wood voices Owlman, Earth 2's version of Batman, and he deserves an award for this performance. He is serious, he is calculating, and he is a strategist bent on destroying existance itself. He is part of the Crime Syndicate, an evil version of the Justice League. Ultra Man, the evil Superman, leads them like a gang and has several different lieutenant on the field who also have super powers. The heroes of this universe are all but dead, wiped out by the Crime Syndicate, all down to their last man, Lex Luthor. 

Luthor of Earth 2 is the only one who is in this movie, while Earth 1's Luthor is seen to be in prison, reading a book. He goes to Earth 1 to enlist the help of the Justice League, saying that his team is dead and Ultra Man is planning something that will make his ownership of the world all but a certainty. The only thing standing in their way is the American president threat of nuclear retaliation. To gain the advantage, the Crime Syndicate needs a device that will allow them to destroy the entire planet. Owlman, however, decides he wants to destroy Earth Prime, the first planet and the only one that truly matters in the grand scheme of things. If Earth Prime is destroyed, reality is destroyed. 

The real fun of this movie starts when the Justice League come to Earth 2 and meet the Crime Syndicate's smaller gang members with lesser super powers. The fight between them is very charming and very large nods toward actual super villains and heroes of DC. There is even a lesser Wonder Woman besides Super Woman later in the film and Wonder Woman's conviction to defeat her is very telling of her character and shows that they understood her to a deeper level. 

It is not just a slug fest of two super powered opposites, while there is a good bit of that. It is always fun to see Superman take on Ultra Man and the two of them show which one is stronger and how they get the upper hand. Lex Luthor shows that he is also quite resourceful for the fight, though, and he is seen as the ultimate good in Earth 2 with his genius being able to match the powers of his opponents. It is good to see that they understood that he needed to be the seen as the one who claimed victory, as it would call heroes to his aid and ensure its continued prosperity. 

There are so many elements of DC represented in this movie, it's really hard to not just go straight into the entire plot beat by beat. The scenes with the Flash being hynotized, Martian Manhunter's rescue of the President's daughter, and Green Lantern's game of paper, rock, scissors, it all just added charm and little touches to this movie's entertainment value. However, there is one element that stands out above all else, and I only touched on the surface of it. 

Owlman is the hidden ultimate evil in this film. While Ultra Man is the leader of the evil gang, Owlman is the one who is even undermining him with his efforts. Destroying the Earth was already an evil enough plan, destroying Earth Prime would erase literally everything, but that is what Owlman believes is the only thing that would matter. He is an empty shell of Batman, as he gave into the abyss and believed that nothing truly mattered. The big problem is, when Batman fights him, Owlman is superior in both technology and hand-to-hand combat. It's one of this movie's little faults that Batman didn't put up a better fight, but in the end, he proved to be the winning strategist. 

When the Crime Syndicate invade the Justice League's base in order to gain the device for the bomb, this is when they decide to expand their roster. They call upon prospective members of the league and they fight the Crime Syndicate's strongest lieutenants and Super Woman. Batman is able to subdue her and bring her back to Earth 2, which is also another one of this film's greatest scenes.  

Crisis on Two Earths is my favorite movie in the DC Universe, and that's up against Batman vs Robin and Justice League The New Frontier. This animated series of DC movies would prove to be far more popular and profitable for WB and it was clear that they let them write their own movies. It's just such a shame that the DCEU couldn't be a similar success. Which movies I review will be up in the air, because I plan to touch on both. There is a lot to say about the entire run, and even if I haven't watched all of them, they're not hard to find. There shall be plenty of animated DC, though, these movies are just too good to pass on. Get ready for some exploring of the quality spectrum, from Son of Batman to Joss Whedon's Justice League... Virtua Help Us...

Batman or Spider-man?: Heroes at their Worst (Pt. 4)

 Well, since we judged our favorite superhero movies at their best, it's only fair that we go for their worst. While these movies had some fandom and others would argue that others are worse than these, this is going by a stark popular opinion and these are the two that gave me the worst time in the theaters. Though, there are some close competitors for the worst movies of our duo, we'll just go with these for now and call it good. By all means, if you have a better comparison, leave it in the comments. Also Activate Spider Bat Spoiler Warnings! BATSPIDER SPOILERS!

The Amazing Spider-man 2

It was an enormous task to decide which of these to put in this spot. Between this and Spider-man 3, it really came to petty devices to choose. Needless to say, this one wasted the most time for the audience. Not only does half of the movie's plots go nowhere, but it also gave us one of the worst performances by Jamie Foxx, a very talented actor. There is just so much to go over for this movie, so let's get this over with.

The problems just start immediately as you are watching. The pointless plotline of his father and mother's fate and what they were doing went absolutely nowhere. We see him look into his father's research, his notes, his briefcase with the technology and then it all goes off a cliff. There was so much precious screentime devoted to this horrible waste of human breath and it was interesting to see where it could have gone. Then it was just a conversation between ghost dad and Peter at the end that was cut from the movie. You know what?? Nevermind!

Then you have that age old problem with the villains, which is a TRAVESTY in this film. Both villains are boring and both villains only serve to piss off the audience by wasting more time. We may as well start with Foxx, since we've already mentioned him. He's the lesser of the two evils, but he is still quite evil. Electro comes to life, then hates Spider-man because he takes away his audience for 2 seconds. He loves him, then immediately hates him because the cameras go on him. Great writing, guys, way to put in that second grader logic. The rest of his story is no better, and the effects they used for his face were positively abysmal! The final fight scene was so poorly done that it's really hard to remember anything other than when he beat him in the tone of "Itsy Bitsy Spider". His obsessive Spider-man delusions at the beginning were hard enough to sit through, and they just hand us nothing better throughout the film's runtime.

The Green Goblin was even more horribly handled, as hard as that seems to believe if you haven't seen for yourself. The guy they got to play Harry Osborn was absolutely horrific in his role throughout the entire film. He cannot act to save his life, though that also may just be the directing. Either way, his performance was boring, monotone and absolute cringeworthy material by the time he got on the speeder thingy. His costume as the Green Goblin would have probably made it to more memes if he didn't look so utterly special. The way he came to the realization of Spider-man being Peter just made hands meet foreheads across the globe with how terribly it was executed. 

Then, of course, there's Gwen Stacy. Obviously, they handled their relationship fairly well. The breakup was unneeded drama, especially when it doesn't end up mattering in the end. Her obvious exit from the franchise was forecasted to an extent, but given their choice of Green Goblin, it just didn't work. Would we have liked her not to die? Yes, but if she had to, they could have at least gotten someone better for the villain role to do it. His reaction to her death was understandable, giving up the mask for a time. They handled his depression well and Garfield put on a great performance with her death scene. 

Beyond that, the Rhino with Paul Giamatti was a stupid way to handle his role. If they were going to waste all of their time with him as a human, they should have swapped and just given all of the time with him as the Rhino. There are just so many plotlines that go nowhere, like Spider-man's blood maybe having the cure for Osborne's disease or the Sinister Six garbage they set up but alas, there was no sequel. It really just all amounted to the audience getting nothing they wanted. 

It's also quite strange to note that they were planning to set up the Sinister Six, and yet they killed Electro in the end. He has been a key member in several iterations of the team and yet they kill him off before this series even gets a Sandman. The lizard was a good start, and Green Goblin plus Electro could have possibly gotten a good squad together, but they seemed to readily poke holes in their own plans. Just think of how they set up the Rhino. It's hard to believe anyone would get excited for such a team up, even with Giamatti returning to the role, which would be doubtful even if the series continued.

There were some good scenes in the movie. Some of the smaller scenes of Spider-man doing his thing were quite entertaining or when he was inventing new webshooters. The scenes between Peter and Gwen were very well handled when they were an actual couple. The fight and Gwen leaving to go overseas for college were just all filler upon filler to add more and more storylines that bog this movie down. Given what actually happens to Gwen, they spend entirely too much time with them fighting and worrying about each other and not enough time doing what was their strong suit: Being a couple. The two actors were dating at the time, so they knew how to bounce off of one another very readily. They even improvised lines very effectively. 

The fact that some snearing, ugly jerk comes and kills her is probably one of the worst things about this film. The problem was that their version of the Green Goblin was gangreneous and every moment he was on screen was absolute torture. How he took one single look at Gwen and figured out that Spider-man was Peter will go under file as one of the worst most contrived plotpoints since Spider-man 3's Harry Osborne had the butler revelation of who actually killed his father. Such lazy storytelling takes the audience out of the experience and this is no different. 

There came a time when the story just didn't know when it needed to ease off the throttle. When Green Goblin is starting to execute his plan, Electro is fighting Spider-man and Gwen is struggling to get the controls of a power plant, they decide to sprinkle a small plan crash plot like a garnish that ruins the food's texture. Why was this in the film? No, seriously, they had everything else going on, why did they need to add to the duration of an already over-stuffed movie? There is a rule: Every scene should do one, if not multiple things in a natural flow. This entire thing with the plane being unable to land does literally nothing.

Even the good things are bad in this movie. It is a slog to get through with all of the weight it is carrying with wasted time and plot devices. The performances are laughable and unable to carry this film, it just had too much footage cut from it when they thought they should keep in all of the content and maybe finish it later? Their decision didn't make any sense and we never got a third movie because Sony would have liked Andrew Garfield to attend big parties or something like that, it's all just a mess. Given how the first Amazing Spider-man started out, it would have been nice to see it go in a better direction. Is it worse than... another superhero dud, though?

Batman and Robin

There comes a time when studios and directors need to ask themselves how serious they are going to take a project. Sadly, Joel Schumacher has passed on since the making of this film and Planet Virtua bears him no ill will. We understand he was actually quite a lovely human being and he did direct Phone Booth, which was a very good movie. Batman and Robin, however, was not taken seriously in the slightest. Even with the dark versions of Batman being popular and the more serious elements of even the third movie, Schumacher was told to make it safe for kids. He took that to mean it should be a cartoon. He has since apologized through an audio commentary.

If you don't take this movie seriously, it can be fun to watch. Putting it next to Batman and Batman Returns, however, is another story. Hell, putting this up against Batman the Animated Series, which WAS a cartoon, still paints this in such a silly and clownish light. How they changed Bane from an actually intelligent criminal with venom powers just killed his character. Now he's just a Frankenstein's monster knockoff who has caveman talk. Everything is dumbed down like that. Even Uma Thurman didn't take this seriously and just had a lot of fun pumped into her performance. 

George Clooney, however, seemed to be rather miserable throughout the entire shoot. It seemed like he was wanting a more serious version of Batman, not this one where he ice skates and plays hockey with a bunch of thugs like Adam West Batman days. That's how the entire duration continues to play. Even when this movie is trying to be serious, it just gets serious enough to get to the next joke of a movie scene. Both Clooney and Arnold would go on to say that the movie did not help their careers in the slightest and many criticized them for making Batman into a parody. They have apologized, but they have also garnered a bit of an ironic cult following at the same time.

That leads us to Arnold as Mr. Freeze. If there was ever a more memed villain, it's hard to think of one. His ice puns are infamous from this role, and he just clowned it up for the fun of it. He had no problem putting on the polar bear house slippers and having a good dance to the Snow Miser song. His costume did look very impressive and apparently cost millions of dollars to both operate and keep Arnold in. Every single second he was on screen, they were burning through cash for this film, as it turned out to be one of the most expensive movies of the time. 

Nothing in this movie really makes a whole lot of sense at all. We don't see how Mr. Freeze's wife can breathe in her fish tank, we don't know how diamonds can power and charge machines meant to freeze things with ice lasers, and the forces that they are playing with in this movie could possibly destroy the Earth's atmosphere with ice lasers and sun heat beams from space. They just tossed logic out the window and said nonsense mumbo jumbo to make it sound good. They even made up a fictional sickness for both Mr. Freeze's wife and Alfred Pennyworth to be sick with just to tie their two plots together. 

Every side plot in this movie basically all boils down to "Team Work" and goes about it with a scattered sensibility. Robin keeps getting snubbed during missions because Batman does not trust that he is able to handle the danger. Thankfully, he doesn't milk the fact that he is an orphan and sad about his parents, in fact, he simply mentions that while he was with the Flying Graysons, it only worked because they were a team. While the theme is readily available without thought, the line does show character depth. Then there is them accepting that maybe Alfred's niece is skilled enough to take down criminals in a bat costume. This was a great idea with very poor execution. Making them into the Bat Family was a great idea, but it needed time to breathe, rather than be shoehorned in at the third act. Not to mention, let me accentuate my point when I say that Alicia Silverstone cannot seem to get out of her school girl persona until she gets into her Batgirl outfit and suddenly she is a blank plank of wood. Alicia is trying to be a badass when she's in the costume, but it makes her sound like she's about to fall asleep. They take the theme of "Team Work" entirely too seriously and run with it a few bridges too far. It's also prudent to note that Poison Ivy betrays Mr. Freeze because she is jealous of his wife. Bad guys have no "Team Work" and yadda yadda. 

There's another character that got very poor treatment, Batgirl. Oh yes, and Alicia Silverstone is absolutely horrible in the role. She has the look but she does not have the acting skills. She and Robin have a very terribly written dialogue of some sort of chemistry. It wasn't the good kind of chemistry but something was at least there. If the script were any better, it may have been passed off as a wacky comedy Batman, but as it stands, it will never be extended upon.

The relationship between Robin and Batgirl could have gone somewhere, but all it really did was pad out the runtime and give the late, great Coolio a brief cameo. Neither Silverstone nor Chris O'Donnell had the chemistry nor the script to pull this off effectively, so their flirting near the end was stilted and cringeworthy. In fact, even the scientists' acting was extremely amateur. When these elements are put together with a stupid giant laser plot, it really just falls off the rails. Yes, it was always a good plot for an Adam West Batman movie. With exploding sharks and other wondrous gimmicks like running around with a giant cartoon bomb, you can see where Schumacher got his inspiration.

The movie made money, but the reviews for it were so bad that Warner Brothers decided to pull the plug on the entire series. Many will argue that the Burton universe and the Schumacher universe were two separate things and you'll get no argument here. What it brought were the Nolan films and those were far better received, even though the third movie was... well that's a review for another time.

Which of these movies is worse? That's an excellent question. Should I give a point to the winner of the worst movie or the one that's not as bad? That's another very good question. So, we'll keep this rolling by going for a tie, giving them both a point, because no one truly wins in a conest of absolute horrific quality. Both of them have terrible movies, not to mention TV shows, but that's, once again, another article for another day. Rest in Peace, Joel Schumacher, Virtua Rest.

Batman Forever - Because Why Not?

So, since we've got the first two movies in the bag, let's keep this rolling into the Schumacher era. Batman Returns turned out to be so dark that the toy deal they had with McDonalds was cancelled and taken out of Happy Meals. Apparently a grim penguin man biting someone's nose into drawing blood and planning to kill children didn't go over well with parents. Tim Burton was immediately off the next movie and the studio decided that Joel Schumacher was a much safer bet. He set out to create a new Batman with the essence of Adam West in mind. Gotham was now colorful, brightly lit and more like a city of neon and jazz. 

Right from the start, we get a bank heist with Tommy Lee Jones acting as Two Face like he's both the Joker and a Dick Tracy villain. The dialogue took a massive hit. The civilians in this movie act so over the top and the action is so sporadically huge. Everything that was subtle and dark in the first movie are now brightly lit and Val Kilmer puts on a much more light-hearted Batman. Given better circumstances, Kilmer could have been a great lead. He even did well as Bruce Wayne. The problem was the script. He has an overly provocative therapist horning after him like she thought she was hired for an adult film and, at the same time, has two variations of the Joker as villains. 

Jim Carrey was a homerun when it came to casting. He took The Riddler to heart and he went big with it. The riddles are still lame, though, and everything doesn't seem to want to make sense throughout the runtime. Half of the stuff that happens, like how he edited a video to make it look like his boss committed suicide, or how there was already a Riddler type character with a game machine and a bobblehead, none of it made any sense. Logic went very much more aligned with the Silver Age of comic books. 

There came another addition to the cast that actually made it to the fourth film, and that is Robin. Chris O'Donnell's induction into the film was a bit sketchy. He was supposed to be Dick Grayson, who was far younger when he became Batman's sidekick. It is understandable that he would want to go after Two Face for killing his family, but the way he just shoved himself into the lore was jarring. Stealing the Batmobile, saving Batman from dying while wearing his acrobat outfit, and then the full suit he was given seemingly out of nowhere, Robin just didn't feel like a natural part of the story for several reasons, and it really doesn't get any better in the next movie.

One great thing that followed the films in all four of them was Pat Hingle and Michael Gogh and they were an anchor when we needed them. Commissioner Gordan and Alfred Pennyworth are two characters that they took by storm and God rest them both. Even when things got nonsensical, these two stayed themselves and rocked their roles like they always did. Beyond these two characters, the movie series is literally unrecognizable from this point on.

How they gave Two Face two of so many things was meant to be comical. It makes no sense for real life, but sure, go ahead and have Drew Barrymore as one of two of his wives and make everything dual colors. The Riddler's lair is not any better as the question marks are everywhere to an impractical degree. The movie is entertaining in its strange decore, and it could have been good as a stand-alone universe movie, but it branded itself as the third entry in a series that it bears no resemblance to. 

When you turn your brain off and activate your Batman fandom, you can enjoy this film as a silly Batman flick. Schumacher took what all of them said to heart and made it as safe and marketable as they possibly could. It worked. The toy sales were through the roof, the ticket sales were nice and plentiful, but the problem was that they changed everything. Parents came with the children they were with and they asked, along with the critics, what happened? This would be a massive precursor for what would come next, though. Schumacher seemingly won this round, but that inevitably led to him getting another film where he was given the keys to the kingdom. He took that control to the next level and I suppose that's the inescapable next review. I would like to escape, though. Robin, get the bat grapple! 

Batman or Spider-man? - Saturday Morning Beatings! (Pt. 3)

Very few characters have ever had so many iterations of animated TV shows. Both of them had their own live action and animated series back from Batman's start in the 1930 serials to super hip 60's and 70's shows for both of them with horrific special effects. To Batman's credit, his flew on for entire seasons while Spider-man's poorly received series not even going past 13 episodes. Adam West's TV series went on to be respected as the shark-spraying piece of cheese that it is, but it was hardly the peak of the Caped Crusader's most popular outing. Both of these superheroes have an entire plethora of TV history, but their true renaissance wouldn't come until their Saturday morning animated series in the 90's. 

Batman The Animated Series

Bruce Timm and Paul Dini are the two men credited with making this show the great entity that it was. After Tim Burton's 1989 movie took the fanbase by storm, they wanted to follow it up with a shadowy, more young adult oriented animated series that was also safe(ish) for kids. Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill brought about a Batman and Joker that would live on for generations as two of the greatest versions of each character. Each episode was so amazingly crafted with developing stories for both the Batman rogue's gallery and the batfamily, even going so far as to create its own ever-spanning characters like Harley Quinn. Joker's jester-like partner and underling came about with this series in the episode "Joker's Favor". 

Even Mr. Freeze, a character that was never taken seriously before this cartoon, was expanded in his lore and treated as one of Batman's most dangerous opponents. With a wife in a coma with which he is finding a cure, he needs to resort to crime in order to gain the funding. This version of Freeze would become the real version that everyone turned to for reference. Killer Croc, The Mad Hatter, Clay Face, Catwoman, all of them were so done with astonishing quality in both writing and character progression throughout. 

The scripts were written with intelligence and even the worst episode, "I've got Batman in my Basement!", is still good enough to hold its own against scrutiny. Villains were given understanding motivations and some of them are genuinely heartfelt in their dispositions. Sometimes, they don't want to be this way and just succumb to mental illnesses. Most of them are just greedy, though, and with Batman's no-kill rule, it's not as if he's over punishing them. H.A.R.D.A.C. Batman was just confused as to who was the real Batman and actually thought he was the Dark Knight himself. He was a robot clone that was just trying to be Batman. These stories really can go to some dark places and make you think.

The animation and artwork became iconic for Bruce Timm's style and all the way to the Superman crossover and art change, they were very aesthetically pleasing. Once the art change happened, though, Joker, Scarecrow, Bane, Mad Hatter and some others took a bit of a nosedive in character design. It wasn't a dealbreaker and it didn't outright destroy the show, but it didn't do it any favors. The last season is seen as a bit of a weak point but the show was still great. Even when it added the Robins and Batwoman, this series never faltered in its quality. The series in its entirety is still seen as a milestone for the character and comic series of Batman.

Spider-man The Animate Series

Once Spider-man threw his hat into the ring, it took a lot of fans by surprise. You would think it would just copy off of Batman's homework, but it took the series in a whole other direction. The idea for a series was, in fact, directly connected to Batman's, but beyond that, it exists in its own style of art and storytelling. It is far more into progressive storytelling, where the Dark Knight was more episodic. This was a good and bad thing for both series for two different reasons. Sometimes, Spider-man just carried on its stories for a little too long. Sometimes, though, Spider-man pulled off a real banger of a season. 

The early episodes are far superior to the later, though. By season 3, the stories began running on for far too long and this came to a head in season 4 where it ends on a cliffhanger that would never be resolved. It went from episodic and 2 to 3 parters to just going on and on and on with the same story that just ends up getting old. To try and spice it up, they even bring in the X-men 92 characters, but it didn't have exactly the hyped effect that they were hoping for. 

When Spider-man started with fighting Vulture, Scorpion, Rhino and Doc Ock, many agree that the series was at its peak. When Venom and Kingpin had plots, they tended to last longer but kept up the quality writing. There were some fantastic stories being told with pacing that was willing to take its time and build up to the bigger battles. This was when the series was hitting them out of the park! Peter Parker struggled with his home life and his hero life while trying to get with Mary Jane and this had its ups and downs while only really getting annoying by the last season. Then there was the more complicated relationship Spidey had with Black Cat. With villains like the Green Goblin or Lizard being people he looked up to professionally, it held real weight because these were characters we've been introduced to before they went to the baddies. 

There were limitations, though. This was a time when bullet guns were seen as bad, so they switched to lasers. They also wanted to keep a hard Y7 rating for the younger audiences and Fox was on a no violence kick, so there could be no on-screen punches. So, you get more jump cuts away from hits and a whole lot of web shooting to debilitate villains. Spider-man had to use his brain and out smart a lot of his opponents and a lot of kids never even noticed the nonviolence. It didn't really suffer as a result. It was more the graphical aspect and the framerates that hurt the series. Sometimes the slow-motion would just make the screen bug out and the animation would get jumpy and it was weird, even for the younger audience. 

The voice work and the overall execution of the series had its very high points, but also had a few flops. A lot of people will point to the Black Spider-man calling after Shocker, and yeah that's when it was most noticeable. While Kingpin's voice became iconic for the character, there's more stock villain voices for a lot of the rogues. After a while, they started making up villains and pulling some of the more not great versions of well known characters. Blade was done pretty well, but Morbius wasn't. Instead of being a blood-sucking vampire, he absorbed plasma through weird growths on his palms. If they weren't going to go full on with him, then they shouldn't have brought him up in the first place. The did the same with Punisher. Obviously, he wasn't going to go on his normal blood baths like in the more adult themed comics, but the laser blasters just took something away from the more tough-guy persona. 

So, obviously, Batman wins this one by a longshot. Spider-man was not a bad series, it just didn't age as well and took a much deeper dive in the later seasons. It had its place in the vast amount of superhero cartoons, but Batman was seen as the prime example to follow. Many could make the case that Spectacular Spider-man was a better choice to face this challenge, but it was made in a different era, whether it was better than the 1994 series or not. The two of them did well in their own right, but this is definitely 5 points to the Caped Crusader himself! Give them a try and next time we'll examine some of the lesser animated series tries. So, be warned that we may be viewing Beware the Batman. That's right, a warning. You're Bat Warned. 

Suicide Squad - Kill Your Franchise

 

Before you ask, no, I never played this game. My ear was very close to the ground and there was still more than enough content to build an entire series of articles. We'll just be limiting it down to one, though. There are miles and miles of nails to drive into this coffin and my hammer is more than up to the task. When talking about the Batman Arkham Series, many will cite only four games. Even when people are hesitant to mention the highly underrated Arkham Origins, they are far more hesitant to include Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League. Calling Captain Boomerang "Boomer", pandering and putting women up on a pedastal along with cringeworthy one-liners are the very least of this game's problems. Rocksteady took ten years to create this and with the original head developers leaving in the middle of its making, the fans of the series were starting to worry. Their hesitance was... "justified".

This all came to a head when the game was released and all of its majesty was there for the people's consideration. First, the game charged you seventy space bucks for the root game, one hundred simoleons for the same game with a few alternate costumes and then it had the GALL to ask you to pay for more costumes, extra DLC missions with watered down characters then just about every other thing they thought they could drain your wallet with. If any of you paid full price for any of this, you have my sympathies and the notion that you hopefully learned your lesson. 

Suicide Squad killed itself from the very start with the tag "LIVE SERVICE GAME", which everyone with a braincell can translate to "You play for maybe a year before the servers go down". It already happened to Avengers, why did they think we would fall for it yet again with a terrible idea like this? Then they came out and PROUDLY stated that they will be killing all of our beloved characters with little to no reverence and all around pure embarrassment. The fan backlash was immediate and very harsh, as it should be. 

The treatment of the Justice League was beyond repugnant. They not only killed the Flash and had Captain Boomerang piss on him, but they also killed Batman while shaming him with Harley Quinn's disgraceful monologue. This was the final time Kevin Conroy voiced the Dark Knight and they let him go out with a shot to the head on a park bench. This game deserved far worse than its already abismal fate. If that wasn't enough, Wonder Woman was the only one to be paid any sort of respect when she overcame her brainwashing and stabbed Superman with a piece of kryptonite. The only reason she was paid any reverence was because she was the only woman featured in the Justice League and their bias toward the demographic was as naked as this game's shameful concurrent player count. Women hated being pandered to and men playing were disgusted by the obvious lack of any creativity and trolling of the fanbase. Whoever made these choices should never make creative decisions again. 

 This is especially true when you start to see how desperate and pathetic their attempts were to save this awful mess. The sales were so bad, they started cancelling DLC's almost immediately after release. Whatever wasn't cancelled was given the chop in the budget. Many cutscenes were no longer 3D rendered to match the game. They became flashpoint 2D art that barely moved, if at all. The DLC cutscenes were "augmented" like this to save on money, but it was obvious that they were shooting them out the door as fast as they possibly could. Game glitches were aplenty, the sound kept going out and the more they made, the more they started regretting their numerous bad decisions. The Joker looked absolutely terrible, as if he decided that hard drugs were preferrable over actual food. Mr. Freeze turned into Miss Freeze, and her one-liners were not funny in the slightest, nor were her missions favorably reviewed. Then they brought in Deadshot's daughter, AKA "Lawless" to make sure we understand she is a "criminal genius" with a flair for skating in the moral gray area of being a criminal and an "anti-hero". Spoiler Alert: She was not popular.

The dialogue is agonizing to watch, even when you're catching them on youtube. One can only imagine having to deal with these lines while actually playing the game. Even without doing so, the repetitive nature and the looter shooter qualities are plain to see. Even IGN, who has given some of the worst games a 7/10, couldn't defend the gameplay of this so-called "Arkham title". The obvious toxic political agenda this game tried to present is another gigantic tumor in its engine. If you really want to scare away your entire fanbase, make sure to treat your audience like idiots and then put a place where they can slide their debit cards in for more. That's how successful games are made, right? 

No, as it turns out, Rocksteady (or the people claiming to be them) was destroyed as a result of this game's release. Layoffs, a gargantuan budget, EXTREME gaming bugs and server issues, release delays, expensive character outfits, terrible reviews on the game demo, developers leaving, fans giving the game the finger through ENORMOUS amounts of boycotts and refunds, all culminated in this game becoming an unfunny punchline. It lost them around the neighborhood of 200 million dollars. The player count stagnated to only three digit numbers. They stopped making content for it in under a year and the game is now officially dead. 

As Arkham fans, we can only take these trolls at face value and show them how their C-note game is now being sold for five space bucks. They thought they could spit in our faces and pander to a new audience. Well, that audience of nine people bought the game, but I can already tell you most of their revenue came from youtubers who were more than happy to tear it apart. It is a staggering tale of why you should never take an intellectual property in an attempt to "own the chuds on their own turf". Whether they consider their work accomplished or whether they wasted ten years on a dud is up to their own delusional state of mind. 

Am I enjoying spitting on this game's grave without spending a cent on it? Oh, yes, this is much needed therapy and it is a joyous experience. No Arkham fan in their right mind would ever canonize this garbage, and even if they did, the real joke came at the very end of its lifespan. Of course, in the cheapest cut scene they could muster, they explained that all of these Justice League members killed were all clones made by Brainiac or some crap, I don't care about any of the details. By this point, no one cared and the game's shills were yelling into the void of no players. It was worth a laugh, seeing them try to commit to damage control when no one was playing the game. Even the developers who were chortling at their own wit were finding out that they needed to keep developing content for this turd when it was already belly-up. 

It's a lot easier just to pretend that this game was never made. Sure, WB spent hundreds of millions on it to cram it into Arkham canon, but when has that ever truly mattered? One great thing to come out of this was many fans went back and decided that Arkham Origins really wasn't that bad. It was no masterpiece but playing the entire game was a far more rewarding experience than even glancing at the cutscenes for Suicide Squad: Kill Me Now, Please. As fans, we hold that power and the fans of the original Rocksteady creations used that to its utmost. The "New Rocksteady" has already dug its own grave, having lost more than half of its staff as a result of the botched game they released. They're trying to convince the public that they're working on a new single-player Batman game, but their reputation is already in the toilet. Whether they learned their lesson or not, the road to redemption is very long and costly. Perhaps it would be wise to never let this happen again. Virtua Bat Glare...

For Kevin

Watchmen: The End is Nigh - Endless Human Bean Juice

When it comes to the Watchmen, polarizing doesn't even begin to describe what people think of it. Some believe that it revolutionized the superhero genre while others believe it ruined the superhero genre. What it did, essentially, was both. On one hand, it brought about deeper, more meaningful storylines that reach into a more gray area morality of its characters. Introducing that darker side brought more versatile and interesting plot elements and deeper conversations. On the other hand, some took that as a free pass to make their characters complete assholes but have just enough of a friendly side to make people think they're good. They took it to mean that they could introduce horrible sexual or horrific violent acts into their comics and call it dark romantic art when it is obviously just fulfilling a more private kink that belongs in a more niche portion of the internet. 

All of that depth of story and character along with the quality of filmmaking in the movie are not present in this game here. The controversy and the stuff you like about Watchmen are lost in this baffling example of a 3D beat'em up. There are cool elements present here, but that's all just surface level and only work if you really like these two characters. Obviously, if they were going to go with characters from the franchise, they at least picked one of the favorites. Rorchach. 

It would have been nice to use Dr. Manhattan, but if they can't get the formula for a Superman game down, I sincerely doubt they're going to get another god-like superhero in this instance. Nite Owl II was the natural choice, being they were partners in crime fighting for a while. Still, 9 times out of 10, people wanted to play as Rorschach, and 2 Player was stuck with Mr. Owl. 

It doesn't matter in the slightest in terms of gameplay. Where these two are known for their different fighting styles, only the bare bones of this is present. Nite Owl II uses his fighting skills along with an array of gadgets and technological weapons to enhance his fighting abilities. Rorschach used improvised weapons and different things to gain an advantage in a fight. In this game, you can pick up a weapon and use it for a bit. Beyond that, you fight and kick the crap out of everyone. 

The special moves are just not enough to keep this game afloat. They're cool to look at and they bring about a good flow all the way up until they are just tired. Once you gain up all of your powerup meter, you enter into a speed-up ability for Rorschach and the only gadget that Nite Owl uses to fight, his electricity. Oh, you don't remember Nite Owl's electric attack from the movie and comic? Well, it doesn't matter, he has one here.

Yes, the graphics look pretty good and it's cool to play as Rorschach, but beyond that, you hit buttons. Once you've figured out the controls, and that you can roll away, you've won the game. All it does is just use gangsters and thugs with more thugs and more gangsters as you go along. Does it need more difficulty in that part of the game? Pile on more thugs and make it nearly impossible without running and fighting each of them one at a time as much as you can. That's the game right there. The best beat'em ups bring in cool technology, powers, powerups, bosses and settings. This one has cool settings... the rest of it is just button mash until thugs down, then repeat. 

It's hard to recall anything about this game. The only reason I remembered it in the first place was that it went on sale with BOTH episodes on Steam. That's right, this game has two episodes so that it can squeeze just a little more money out of your pockets. Is it worth such a cheap price tag? Well, yes, honestly, it's still fun enough to keep you playing for a little while, at least until you get sick of seeing yet another mob of thugs and gangsters coming out of yet another door.

It's fun in a rough and tumble sort of way, but it also is mostly for small doses. Sitting through this entire game in one sitting is a big ask, especially if you're talking about both installments. They're not even that long. It's not even that big of a game, but it's still hard to keep going after you've already beaten down half of Manhattan. The game is generous enough to give you a Lost button that will point you in the proper direction, but even then, that just shows you how samey and copy/paste each level is. It's worth a playthrough if you get the game for around 2 Spacebucks. I'll let you choose but you need to choose right now. GO! DO IT!!! Virtua Combustion!

Batman or Spider-man? - Feature Length VHS (Pt. 2)

 Who can say who the real Batman is? Who is your favorite Spider-man? Can you believe how many Spider-men there have already been? Live action superhero films were always expected to be low quality, and a lot of the time, they were. That is, unless they were Batman or Spider-man. Not only did Batman from 1989 show people that superhero films can be not only awesome but also gritty, but Spider-man fired off the superhero genre in serious film. Batman, Blade, X-men and Spider-man finally proved, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that modern superhero movies can be fantastic! (Okay, no, there has not been a really good Fantastic 4 movie, but that's a subject for later) Excelsior! 

This will be a look at multiple movies, because there are many different series, even if there are even more actors. Somehow, Batman and Batman Return are in the same series as Batman Forever and Batman and Robin. Many will say that Pattinson or Bale are the real Batman, and there are even a few that would count Affleck with that title. These are all valid choices. Even if Kilmer wasn't the best Batman, we still love him and hope his family and friends remember him fondly. 

Batman Returns

No, friends, here we recognize Michael Keaton as the real Batman. We've taken a fairly close look at the 1989 title already, and it's most assuredly winning him some points in this race, but many would argue that Batman Returns is his magnum opus. Getting personal for a moment, this movie just lacked a lot of tact and taste. Seriously, I liked those Burger King toys that came out with the movie, but they got shelved because this movie was very vulgar and graphic for children. Still, there is no denying its quality and it is still Michael Keaton. 

Batman doesn't bag as many bodies in this title, but there is no shortage of villain death at his hands. He lights a guy on fire and makes another one explode! The dark tone to this movie is not undershot by Michelle Pfeiffer, who is absolutely flawless in execution. She even learned how to use a whip to near perfection for this role and that just proves her dedication. Her performance is also irreplaceable. 

Then there's Christopher Walken! He is always awesome and kills any argument against this movie. He is so calm throughout this entire movie, and yet he is so sadistic that he will kill someone to gain business advantages and/or silence them for finding out the many illegal acts of fraud and embezzlement. Seriously, this guy makes a guy in a batsuit look sane. 

The action set pieces are awesome, but the look of a thousand penguins in mechinized kamikaze rockets is just haunting. They make the circus henchmen out to be colorful and have their own gimmick. One guy played by Vincent Shiavelli uses a monkey, while a very pale woman uses a very tiny dog who is able to catch a batarang. Penguin had a decent plan to become mayor. He just screwed with the wrong bat! 

I love how Bruce Wayne was the only one who was skeptical of Cobblepot, knowing he wasn't doing what he said he was doing. It really plays into Batman being a detective and it also pushes him to his limits. When the Batmobile comes under the control of a transmitter, it's just fun to see how Batman counters Penguin's strikes. He even strikes back by ruining his speech for mayor. 

While it is not my favorite title, it is still a beloved relic of when movies did their own thing and had their own artistic style. It's a shame that Burton was removed for the threequel and Keaton left when Burton wasn't on board as director. This movie was very dark, but it seems like he could have been asked to reign it in a bit. Either way, what we got with Joel Schumacher was at least good for a laugh from another old friend who seemed to genuinely be a good human being. 

Spider-man 

Tobey Mcguire had some very large shoes to fill when it came to the character he was taking on in 2002. There was a lot of expectation in the Sam Raimi directed summer blockbuster film. And bust that block it did, because Spider-man was a massive hit. It was yet another piece of evidence that superhero movies were capable of being awesome and garner praise from both fans and critics while making them truckloads of money. To put it bluntly, this movie is kind of weird, but in a very good way. Somehow, they went slightly old school comic book with the dialogue style and the world. A lot of the dialogue can sound stilted or unnatural, but somehow, still fit into this very... different reality. 

Peter is likeable, and it's good that he's not just pushed around, he is known to fight back to some extent. The character moments where he gets bit by the spider and becomes arrogant does kind of come out of nowhere, but it is evident throughout his entire fight with Macho Man Randy Savage, who is wrestling under the name BOOOOOOONE SAWWWWWW!!!! Macho Man never looked so awesome as he did when he made a cameo appearance in the very first Spider-man movie. 

It was a shame to lose Cliff Robertson, as his character Uncle Ben, but that's how the story goes. The movie follows along with the origins of Spider-man rather well, and of course they put a more modern spin on it. The costume we know and love comes about after his uncle's murderer accidentally falls to his death. Yes, it would have been nice to have the original introduction to the costume, but with the tragedy that happened, it's probably a good idea that they nixed it. 

The Green Goblin with Wilem Dafoe is a standout performance. That is saying something when it comes to this cast, because everyone pulls their weight, but Dafoe is so cartoonishly evil, you can't help but love to hate the hell out of him. His tech looks really cool, with the pumpkins looking very futuristic, but yes, the mask is rather overly cartoonish. This is not a wussy version of the Goblin that just explodes to harm people or cause headaches. He flat out kills people with his pumpkin bombs and they still get away with it being not all that brutal.   

Then there is Kirstin Dunst, yes, we must talk about her. In retrospect, it probably could have gone better with their relationship. As it stands, it's a bit more of a fairytale relationship by comparison to the comic book's relationship between them. Still, in the first movie, they screw it up still, yes, but at least she didn't know he was Spider-man, yet. The relationship they have throughout the film may not have been the healthiest one, but it was certainly cinematic. 

The love scenes are fun, the action scenes slap, when it comes right down to it, this movie is solid all around. The extras' acting could use a bit more direction in some cases, other than the true Raimi form in bringing in Bruce Campbell for a cameo. He announced the match for Spider-man vs Bone Saw. Yet another memorable element to that legendary scene. 

When you compare the Batman series with the Spider-man series, there are a lot of similarities. The third installments were not great but the movies started out very strong. In this case, though, the scoring system that is very real has decided that Batman wins this round. If I had a golden VHS trophy, it'd go to Michael Keaton, but Tobey Mcguire in Spider-man 1 and 2 pulled those movies together and was a strong performer as Peter Parker, and he had a good performance as Spider-man. Batman just has to be a bit more legendary, but this is a very close call. Batman receives a score-tying 5 points. Happy Thanksgiving, folks! Virtua Bat Punch!

Batman or Spider-man? - The Webbed Batarang (Pt. 1)

Since the very early days, there have been two real power houses in the comic book world. Yes, there have been others and they have their own great titles, but DC and Marvel have been the two spotlight franchises. There have been two characters that are proven to be their most marketable names and those are the targets of today's article. Batman has been the outsider of the Justice League as a dark entity that excels in taking down mysterious and powerful criminals. Spider-man has been an every man since he was young and was bitten by a spider, joining forces with many heroes across the Marvel Universe. He has officially been considered an Avenger, an X-man, part of the Fantastic 4, and this isn't even going into the one-off teams he has formed. Spider-man guest starred in the one-off NFL character in his debut appearance! While Batman and Spider-man are polar opposites, they found their way at the top ranking of their respective sides of the comics. 

First off, I am not talking about who would win in a fight. There are all kinds of controversies with which would win the fight. Death Battle says that Spider-man would win a fight if Batman doesn't prepare but I'm going to be siding with Stan Lee on this front. Any fight between two characters is based on the writer. Whoever the writer wants to win will win and everyone can come up with every excuse. Batman could win against Spider-man and the webster can most certainly win against the Dark Knight. None of that matters and it is not being discussed. 

This is more on which one you would prefer as a character. The choice says a lot about you, but not really. Your choice is more prone one way or another based on personal bias and it may come from one medium or another. The way we're doing this is there will be a deep look across their franchises. These two properties represent their companies as flagships and they have been buried in toys, electronics, video games, TV shows, movies, posters, clothing, breakfast cereal, and bubble blowers. There is a lot to look at and let's make it interesting by giving it a subjective rating system. 

By the end of this series of articles, we can add up their scores and see which one comes out on top when all is said and done. I'm no expert on the comic books, nor have I kept up with current storylines as they've all come and gone in the blink of an eye. I have kept up with a lot of their TV shows, movies, and I can pick and choose among their best and worst storylines in the comic books. They've had some epic adventures in every medium and this seems like a good time to see how they add up together. We're not going to be looking at everything, but if you wish for me to consider some sort of game changing element in their favor or detriment, leave a comment or a message and let me know. I will take a look. 

Since this is primarily a video game blog, we may as well start with a comparison of their greatest video games. Both of these heroes have had successful runs on games, but both have also had some of the worst and blandest outings on both consoles and PC. If we kept going at each and every single video game, we'd be here all day. 

Batman Arkham City

Arguably the best video game outing Batman has ever had. While Arkham Knight wasn't a flop, it was far more devisive than the second installment. Arkham City was still fresh, it was coming off the success of Arkham Asylum with all new mechanics and far more room to move around. The best thing about this game is its boss battles. Fighting the likes of Penguin, Solomon Grundy and Clayface are awesome enough, but the star of the entire show was the fight with Mr. Freeze. I will admit, if I didn't have the info that shows you which parts of the level to use, it probably would have taken me far more than two tries. The game as a whole is rather long and beating it required several fights with multiple groups of gangsters. 

The Joker plot and the twist at the end is something to behold, and it's fun to take down the big baddies while also following along with a very well crafted plot. This was when Batman was seen at his best with a ticking time clock for an illness he needs to cure and several criminals coming after him because of what Hugo Strange did with an entire section of Gotham City. That is one unbelieveable element in this game. Who on Earth would possibly sign off on Arkham City? That sounds like political suicide to someone's approval rating. 

One of the best mechanics of this game is the gadgets, some returning from the original game. Some of them are brand new. One of Arkham's signature device is the explosive gel you spray in the form of the bat. Now you can put it in the way of an unsuspecting thug and knock them out with a controlled explosion. Even the puzzle-solving device known as the "hypnografter" is a fun little device to use with your PS3/PS4 controller. 

Still, there are a lot of things to see with this game, both in its DLC sidestories featuring Harley Quinn and Red Hood and in its collectibles. Going to be honest, I never really cared much for the Riddler's question marks. The extra content is appreciated, though, and some of them actually were good in their own right.

Spider-man PS4

Spider-man has never looked and felt so good as he did when they released his game for the Playstation 4. Yes, they basically reused the fighting mechanics from the Arkham Series while changing a couple of the buttons, but they fully put the Spider-man spin on it, while adding a very different array of gadgets to help. You're taking down small-time thugs and big baddies all over again, only they're a rogue gallery that is arguably equal to Batman's. Going against the likes of the Sinister Six was just so well pulled off with this game. You don't have to outright fight them yourself, outside of a cutscene, but you also have to go through an entire plotline with Aunt May, trying to find Harry Osborn, and all of the things with Peter's relationship to Mary Jane is just a wonderful part of the story. 

The thing this game has up on Arkham City is the controls. All of the greatness in a sandbox superhero game are seen through this game's mechanics and its very sunny disposition. It really is the best webswinging mechanics in any game. You can get used to it within moments of giving it a try, there is a lot of room to practice. New York is gigantic and exploring it is a joy with the collectibles and the extra stuff that even out does the Arkham Series, which had much of its own. For some reason, though, for Spider-man, I wanted to find the backpacks for the Spider Suits and I wanted to collect all of the throwback items as well, because I recognized a lot of them. 

The thing Arkham City has over Spider-man, the stealth sections. That's right, I'm saying it. I did not like the stealth sections when you're Miles and Mary Jane. Of course I would rather be Batman! Spider-man is great with stealth, as seen with his own stealth sections when he's taking down snipers or large groups of thugs all at once. However, Spider-man just feels the need to make us powerless and the side character sections seem to last forever. 

For me, the one that takes it is Spider-man for the PS4. It was a close call, but the design of New York City is just flat out better than Arkham City. Both games have a lot to offer, but it's the boss battles in Spider-man have more main villains to contend with. This is even true when being compared to Arkham Asylum. The Sinister Six wins Spider-man a lot of points. It's not often you see a video game actually pull that off with a sufficient storyline to go with it. Arkham City is no slouch, but we're comparing gold and silver at this point. At the end of the day, it's all just more of a good thing. 

When you look at the video game library as a whole, it all adds up to apples and oranges. The Arkham Series won Batman a ridiculous amount of points with fans, and even had some decent exploits in the 8-bit scene with the Batman movie tie-in Nintendo game and Batman: Return of the Joker. While Spider-man's NES outing with Sinister Six didn't pan out so well, his really good games didn't start coming out until his PS1/N64 excursion. This is nothing to say about Spider-man 2 for the Gamecube and PS2, but then we were treated with Spider-man 3 and Spider-man: Web of Shadow, both for the PS3 and Xbox 360. That's kind of what I mean, they'd had such a huge spectrum of good and bad games that it's very difficult to determine who would win outside of their greatest titles. 

Spider-man gets 5 points for being awesome! Next, we'll take a look at something else in their vast library of media. We'll be looking at the good and the bad, the Batty and the Spidery. Keep an eye out for that and make your own choice.