If there was ever a game where you can point at the developers for cutting corners, or point a finger at the studio for rushing them, it was Eragon. Of course, we all know that this is a movie tie-in game based on a really awful movie based off of a reportedly decent book series. It doesn't matter, though, because this game gives you absolutely no content or real story developments from either!
Their basic mode for this game was to put it on as a hack and slash game that kind of mirrors God of War in a way, if you squint your eyes just enough. If you could say one good thing about this game, it's EASY. As in, if you can press buttons and aim your character toward the enemy, you've basically won. As soon as you've learned the controls, you've mastered them! It's a real power fantasy because who doesn't want to be a skinny blonde teenager who doesn't have the power to conjure a sequel?!
Yes, this skinny blonde kid is so powerful, he can toss around and take full hits from 300 pound brutes wielding swords! You can either shoot your enemies at a distance with a BROKEN arrow system that keeps every enemy at bay or headshot them for an instakill. No, that is a real choice you can make based on your enemies' distance. You are stupidly powerful before you even get your first magic. After magic comes, you win. One shot kills an entire BATTALION, seemingly.
This is a story about dragonriders, so I guess it makes sense that there would be a dragon voiced by Rachel Weisz. This dragon is awesome because she comes in and helps you once before fleeing when there's the slightest sign of trouble. Then the dragon riding segments just target random stuff and tells you to shoot! It's monotonous and we can definitely move on.
The hardest part of this game is getting through the levels without knowing what to do. There is hardly EVER a voice telling you anything about how to get through the level. This could have been very useful when you're in a room and there are guys on the other side of the wall. Here I am, thinking I need to shoot these guys and they literally cannot die. You can't attack them, period. No, you need to know to walk across the room and go through the door. There is no natural pull toward this door, there was no indication there was a door and I'm sitting there, shooting them nonstop with nothing happening. This was pretty annoying.
The best part, though, is the pure cringeworthy material here! Much like the movie it predates (yes, by a month), there is a horrible stigma that every level needs the worst cut scene you can possibly imagine. The voice acting, the very horrible dialogue and the ZERO context they give just makes them useless and a pure detriment to the gameplay. It interrupts you, EVEN when you're about to give the killing blow to the final mob. They are, however, HILARIOUSLY BAD!
Sometimes, though, you really just want to play a really bad game to cleanse the senses and make you appreciate the great games you have. This game was $3 and it was worth it to make this review because a lot of this game is a huge pile of guffaws! I couldn't stop laughing at how horrible these cutscenes were. Very often, they are worse than the movie! Without the actual talent of both Jeremy Irons and Robert Carlyle on the screen, this game may as well portray itself with cardboard cutouts. If it weren't so damn boring and repetitive, I'd almost recommend it for the cutscenes alone. If this is your thing, by all means, have at it.
But don't lead your dragon to water, just let it die.
