Mortal Kombat Collection on Sega Saturn

Mortal Kombat, the game that, along with Doom, introduced video games to extreme blood and gore. It is a game so violent that it seemingly created the ESRB singlehandedly. This is the fighting game that captivated the gaming industry with its interesting characters, gripping lore and stylistic graphics back in 1992 and started a franchise that is still thriving today. Now, we'll be looking at the titles that were released on the Sega Saturn.

Now, let's not kid each other, not every title in a franchise this large is going to live up to the quality we all expect. Despite this, Mortal Kombat did very well as it reached over 20 titles with more still to come. Sega Saturn had some of its best ports. 

Although there's no official port of the original Mortal Kombat, its wondrous sequel was perfectly ported to the system, aside from suffering the Sega Saturn's true flaw. It does have some problems with loading times. It also had some critics saying that it was already outdated before it was even made. Still, there was no denying that this was a perfect rendition of the arcade otherwise. 

Where Mortal Kombat was controversial for its violence, this game ramped it up to 11 and doubled the blood. More human bean juice can be seen when you punch your enemy's face and the fatalities brought about more and more gore as the fans wanted. Now, you didn't need a code to unlock it, nor was the SNES port wasn't censored as the first game's port to the system was highly criticized for. Sega Saturn let you see the gore as it was intended, with full arcade graphics still in tact. 

Strangely enough, though, Sega Saturn Magazine panned the port as it didn't live up to the prerelease copy that they received months earlier. Obviously, they don't need to hold all Saturn games to a higher light, but they were needlessly critical of the load times. Of course, that also means it has the MK2 flaws about it as well. As great as the game's graphics were and as awesome the gore was at the time, there was still the ridiculous difficulty. The AI was programmed to react to your button presses automatically, much faster than they should be able to. Yes, there are ways around this, but it mostly involves spamming attacks in a certain order. A good game, but with some fairly heavy flaws that keep it from being truly great.

So, what do we do now? The last game was so hard, let's take it easy on the players now. Let's add in every single character we possibly can, even the bosses! So, now you can play as both Goro and Kentaro and you win! That's right! A game with such horrific balance issues that now you can play as both characters with monstrous strength and reach that just a few punches and special moves and your opponent is slain in a matter of seconds. 

Balance problems aside, they cheaped out on the fatalities. Some of them were taken out to save on time of its conversion to the Saturn, and yet it came out an entire year after the PSX and N64 versions. There are plenty of reasons why this game is overlooked by the fandom as, aside from the playable bosses, there's really nothing to write home about. The game itself is unremarkable otherwise and you're far better off getting the real Mortal Kombat game the Sega Saturn is known for. 

When you think of Mortal Kombat on the Saturn, most turn to Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3. This game was created when fans voiced their disdain for the original Mortal Kombat 3. Once again, it is the most faithful port from arcade to console and has the loading problems much like the others. However, it is a fair challenge and all of your favorite characters are there to see. Once you put in the CRAZY CYRAX code, you can unlock all of the characters. There are hours of fun once you beat the tower mode as you can gain access to all of the fatalities, random Mortal Kombat videos and a game of Pong (don't ask). 

The controls are stellar, the game modes are plentiful and the cheat codes are ten times easier to input. With new and old characters and amazing backgrounds, you really couldn't ask for much more. It's just hours of fun with friends or solo play. Better than that, though, it's even got Scorpion this time around! Imagine that! 

Whatever your thoughts on the Mortal Kombat franchise, you can't deny its impact on not only the fighting game genre but also video games in general. There have been so many games that tried to duplicate its success, but very few had any success. Everyone thought that if you just slapped some live action people on a game with some blood and gore that you could make the next fighting game phenomenon. MK, however, boasted superior control and gameplay along with a lore that was both interesting and quite captivating. 

What really sold Mortal Kombat was its characters along with its truckloads of internal organs and severed limbs. They were memorable and diverse while also boasting diverse themes and backgrounds that made them quite unique. It may have had a questionable period after UMK3, as Mortal Kombat 4 brought about a 3D era that made interesting characters and lore take a backseat to bigger and better graphics. It took a while to recover from, but until 2011 finally rolled around, we at least had a nice collection to fall back on. Just remember to drink bloo---water... I meant water.

Arena 51 (Saturn) - Why do Bones Fly

Anyone who remembers the arcade in the mid 90's will remember this game very, very well. Area 51 was one of the more prolific arcade cabinets of the era and here we are with a Sega Saturn port. Not only was there a Sega Saturn port, but there was also a Playstation port! It comes as no real surprise to know that they were both quite dreadful, quite dreadful, indeed. 

Can you enjoy the game as it is on the Saturn? Yes, it isn't so much that the game was ruined, it's more that the game got really, really choppy. The graininess of the FMV's are to be expected, they were still a new feature of the genre. We've already gone into how FMV's were a very bad idea, and this game is no different at all. The people in the costumes look awful, their acting is terrible, they don't look like Special Forces of any kind. They look like cosplayers doing a very bad job. And yes, this falls into the "So bad, it's good territory" for many, because it very much is! Their cheesy acting and ridiculously absurd movements give off great entertainment for all to see. 

The game, is in all fairness, very middling. The game was fun for what it was. It was a railshooter and you shot things to make them die. It did its job and there are some very nice powerups to make things explode with more frequency. That's all well and good, but it's just not that great if we look at the forest for the trees. The angles you view the game from are so flat and the game seems pretty lifeless. There's simply no satisfaction outside of shooting zombies and making them fly into bones. 

You get so much more with the experiences of Virtua Cop or House of the Dead than you do with this. The technology tries, but when you look at it objectively, the graphics, the repercussion from the shooting, the stupid looking zombies, all of it just doesn't culminate in anything more than a nostalgic look back at your days with the cabinets. Area 51 is not a bad game on Saturn or Playstation, they just simply lack from the arcade, which was already lacking to begin with. 

When you want to shoot zombies, this is a far cry better than a lot of the games that are out there. This beats Alone in the Dark 2 by a mile and you can pop this in for some nice light gun action anytime you want because all of the guns for the Saturn work for this game! It's a good game to have in the collection, especially if this is your genre. It's a fine title, even if it's not all that scary. Still! We've got our first strike for the Saturn Month of Spookiness! Just don't worry, these posts are not haunted! Virtua Boo!

Katamari Forever - Roll Me a World Burrito!

There are games you just can't help but love because they are your kind of crazy. This is very much the case with Katamari Forever and all of the games it represents. This is a large collection of levels through games of the Katamari franchise. The entire idea is so simple, but the game itself is very hard to master. This is in no small favor to the level designs and the different rules you need to adhere to with each challenge. On the surface, it just looks like a game where you roll things up into a big ball. It is that, but there's a lot more when you swim deeper into the iceberg. Brrrr.

The best levels come from when you start the smallest but end up the biggest. There is a level where you start no taller than a grown man's shin, but then end the level having rolled up an entire galaxy and the King! You roll up anything from men riding pegasi to a coffee grinder. When you start, it is very important that you gage your size in comparison to what you are trying to roll up. You can only roll up a certain maximum size, any bigger and you run the risk of stopping your momentum or even knocking some things off of your Katamari. 

Oh yes, friends of the Planet of all Virtuas, a Katamari is what you are rolling up. Apparently, because the King sneezed, he wiped out the universe and now we need to replace all of the stars, planets and moons. We do this, strangely enough, by rolling up what is needed for the ingredients or just roll up everything and act like there's a theme to it all. You roll up cheese to make a moon, if that tells you anything about some of the humor. 

This is just part of this weird, oddly flamboyant plot. Not only is there a King, but somehow he is asleep, but not asleep (????) and we needed a replacement. This replacement King is RoboKing! He is stronger, faster, and basically just as pompous, arrogant, and closeted in his inferiority complex. They give you shame if you give them anything less than perfect or better. Yes, I know what I said, unlike most of the time. 

This game can be beautiful, but it's mostly just whatever it wants to be, which is random. Sometimes, you are rolling up an entire super market. Sometimes, you are rolling up one or two specific types of things, like candy or snow. There are also secrets, like in a level where you roll up expensive things. If you stay in one room long enough, there is a room that opens up to reveal large gold bars that are surprisingly easy to get. 

Katamari Forever is not a perfect game, because there are levels that are very much an acquired taste. One level, where you roll up an entire fireball, you have to stay out of the water. You need to do this while rolling across a bridge over a lake. This is all in a time limit and some of these levels can get very tense, because you not only need to keep the flame going, roll up things to burn and stay out of the water, but you also need to get big enough and get to the end of the level to roll on top of a gigantic bonfire. If you get wet, are not big enough to roll on top or just flat out burn out, it's to the beginning of the level for you. There is a hot and cold level that is almost exactly the same amount of clutch. That's right, clutch.

There are levels that can be rather boring and samey, but there are some levels that you will want to play just by compulsion. Sometimes, you just want to play it just to beat your score or fill out your high scores with different player icons. Yes, your character starts as Prince, but throughout the game, you gather different trophies, presents and people called "Cousins". They are small things that roll the Katamaris and they are many. You can choose one that is best suited for you, as they come in many colors, shapes and sizes. They will decorate your scores and hang around your menu screen, making it easy to switch over to them.   

It is rare to see a game live up to its genre to the utmost and Katamari apparently did that. The complexities with developing a game with such minute detail while also having the most mundane graphics yet beautiful exterior, all at the same time, is something to marvel at. This game is something to play when you want to relax, have a challenge, have a laugh, and of course, have fun. This game is pure fun. You can either beat your scores, play the Eternal Mode to relax, or even play on a 2-Player Mode. The 2-Player mode is not great, but with two real players, it can be a lot of fun. If this sounds even partially interesting to you or you're looking for one of the best and latest iterations of the Katamari franchise, this is the one you should turn to. It is among some of the rawest forms of what can be called a "game" and is so simple to learn, anyone can play it with just a simple set of motor skills. Now, let's roll Planet Virtua a new moon, shall we? Where's the cheddar?  

Wolfenstein 2009 (PS3) - Dose of Killing Power

There are many great games that go unnoticed, and that is what I feel happened to Wolfenstein for the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. It's very hard to see why this title never found its audience. It is not a bad game all around. It has a few slow paced portions and a few problems with balance, but overall, it is a First Person Shooter game that goes along with the themes and ideas of Wolfenstein as a series. It was critisized for its use of supernatural elements but that seems unfair, seems how supernatural elements have existed in this since Wolfenstein 3D in the form of mech technology and zombie science. 

While it is true that you did not possess any direct supernatural powers in Return to Castle Wolfenstein, you were still fighting monstrosities and zombies in mummy tombs. The point can be made that once you've upgraded all of your weapons to their fullest amount and obtained all of the powers for your talisman, the difficulty does take quite a hit. This isn't quite so bad, though, as there are bosses and super powered normal enemies that you actually NEED to use certain powers on and some of them are quite the bullet sponges. Not to mention, some of them you can only shoot in certain weak points.

Aside from the supernatural elements, though, the game is very spot on when it comes to Wolfenstein in many areas. The Leichenfaust 44 gun is also a super charged weapon, but it is not wielded by any of the enemies. This is probably because the power or "veil energy" that it emits killed anyone who used it. This is different for our BJ Blazkowicz, as he possesses the amulet and is immune to its random effects unless directly used against him. 

These powers are actually quite potent, but there is no denying that they are a lot of fun to use. The criticism that this game is bland and unoriginal seems completely unfair because using these powers really gives it a nice flavor. How can you not feel powerful when you super charge your machinegun to blast directly through someone's armor? You can slow down time and run around someone faster than they can turn. Then there's also a shield that you can put up and fire as you walk. Regular enemies are quite numerous and there are a lot of times that they are intermixed with powered enemies. This can definitely take you by surprise a lot of the time. Is this a problem sometimes? Oh, yes, very much so, in fact. Some of them teleport and that is a VERY bad problem at times. 

One other memorable element, as far as this review is concerned, are the bosses. These are a flavor that this game thrives at. Some of them require you use your powers to kill them. Some of them have weak spots, but all of them have some sort of good challenge that isn't overly cumbersome to the gameplay. Check them out for yourself, I will not spoil them here. 

Wolfenstein as a series has had its ups and downs, especially later on, but this is actually where a good solid stability comes to a close. While Spear of Destiny wasn't seen as a high point, it wasn't as disappointing as The New Colossus or Young Blood. Still, there have been some great high points up until now and The New Order was a great return to form. Many have overlooked Wolfenstein (2009) as a happless grind and an inferior game to its predecessor, Return to Castle Wolfenstein. I heartily disagree and urge all of you to give it a try if you ever get the chance. If not, try another Wolfenstein title. They've all got something to offer. Well, except Young Blood, but that's hardly considered Wolfenstein to begin with. Maybe next time they'll make a premise that makes sense. Keep trying, maties! 

Doomverse #12 - Doomguy of Quake and Cap! Dark Ages First Thoughts

So, now everyone is nice and excited for the new Doom Trailer that was just released! It looks quite stunning, but with today's gaming graphics, you can go ahead and just expect that. It's coincidental that I actually said, a few months back, that it is about time for a Doom game to come forth and meet our judgement and expectations. Well, here we are, and my, there is a lot of good and not-so-good things to see here. 

The Bone Splinter gun is new, and it really looks like they wanted to give the Nail Gun a good makeover. It looks fairly decent, but I need to question the shield on a few fronts. Yes, we all know it could make for a cool chainsaw, if that's where they're going with it, but it really looks like someone on ID was a big Captain America fan. Yeah, I know, I'm not going with this for the snappy title, that's really what it felt like. The shield feels a little gimmicky, but it could also turn out to be a good mechanic, so we'll see where that goes. 

There were whispers that this was a medieval setting. Well, yeah, it has the medieval Dark Ages theme to it, obviously, but really, can you really consider this medieval? The first weapon we see is the Super Shotgun (Thankfully WITHOUT the stupid meathook) and then we see him put on his shield and BEAM down into a planet. Yes, he uses a flail and it's obvious they made his armor more medieval, but then we see laser technology and the Plasma Rifle GOING WITH THE SHIELD! Look, let them have their half way, it's fine. The medieval theme has always gone with the Doom games, I just hope they don't try to knight Doomguy and give him some Super Ultra Mega Awesome Steed or something stupid like that. Lean into it a bit, just remember why we're here.

It does look like they remembered their roots, though. There is a great amount of ripping and tearing, but I also couldn't help noticing that the Super Shotgun ripped a Mancubus apart in one shot. If that is just a ripping and tearing part for the trailer, that's fine, but I've never seen a Super Shotgun do that kind of damage, unless they nerfed the Mancubus HP, this is a bit strange. Everything else looks brilliant when it comes to the death and the gore. They're going to play up the shield more, yes, and show off its many functions of cutting through enemies and reflecting shots, but I also noticed a flying section at the end.

Yeah, that flying section at the very end, the one that they barely glanced over. I remember having similar thoughts about the platforming in Doom Eternal in that it looked like a very bad, dull mechanic. I really hope we don't have kite/glider sections of this game. Those sections of games, especially for Doom, don't usually go together at all. It was just one snippet, so I won't rag on it or anything, but let's just hope that's another direction they do NOT lean. 

The Mech Suit, again, sounds like an idea that could ruin the game to some degree. Much like the batmobile in Arkham Knight, there are just some things that sound great, but can be executed in a way that undercuts the whole experience. On the other hand, this could be a whole new level of ripping and tearing as you take down TITANS akin to the Icon of Sin. That does sound cool for a boss battle, maybe multiple bosses in one battle, but that is a slippery slope. 

Now, one small detail I did notice is that some of the demons seem to be using magic. If you look at the Hell Knight just before the flail scene, it really looks like the Hell Knight is trying to cast a spell on you before you blast it down. You can go bowling with the shield with technology and yet there is still possible magic to be had. Alright, I'm down. Magic in the demons is not unheard of, especially if you consider the Archviles, but giving a Hell Knight Magic is a strange concept in general. 

How many gigantic titans and awesomeness you go against, I'm still not going to agree with making this an exclusive. Yes, Microsoft bought Bethesda, which means they bought ID, but this is just a very undercutting bid for victory on Xbox's behalf, and it's a little toothless considering their off-handed comments on the future of their AAA gaming section. We may not even get another Xbox or any Xbox games in the very near future and they're packing the pounds on the exclusives now? At the 11th hour? This seems callous and rather short-sighted, but that's the industry for you. 

Doom seems like it's going to get another awesome entry, but Doom Eternal, as I said before, was a step down in many respects from Doom 4. The fattening side mechanics, the over-abundance of gimmicks and one-time-use gameplay has added its toll, and we should really hope that they made The Dark Ages a bit more lean in terms of baggage. If you cut the fat from the game, get back to the mechanics that matter, and satisfy the fanbase first, then you will have a game worth while that can experiment in such a way. Let's hope ID Software leans more towards making a DOOM game.

HROT - Bombard them with Freedom!

 One of the great things about Quake, is that sometimes people get it right. This game is a testament to the FPS genre and shows that percerverence under harsh conditions can pay off in spades. HROT takes place in Czechoslovakia after a horrific disaster that made the entire place a wasteland. You are trying to escape it while trying to stay alive and fight your way through legions of horrors and other men in gasmasks. Judging by the state of this setting, they aren't doing too well either. 

This game was made with an ancient coding system, Pascal. This brought the game to a retro feel that makes it a beauty for any fan of the genre who enjoy some quality shooters. The weapons are not only very reminiscent of the ID Software armaments, they even have something of their own BFG within this awesome title. 

The monsters are what really set this game apart from other titles that try to capture the Doom and Quake era of gaming. A lot of games seem to think that just thrusting you into a monster closet is sufficiently fun and will make you praise it. HROT comes at you with variation on familiar monsters, but each of these opponents present their own challenges. Enemies like the Konfident, so named probably because they are literal floating heads most likely used for surveillence. They can be compared to the Cacodemons, but they shoot these laser-like bullets at you that obscure your vision and slow you down, causing a good bit of damage. 

The enemies range from a simple shotgun guy with improved armor, all the way up to a literal tractor that rolls around and hurts you by ramming into you. There are many of them that take a lot of damage and have either harsh shotgunning attacks or explosive attacks. 

Among all of these enemies, there are some very annoying ones, like the ones in wheelchairs. Seriously, they have a ton of armor, and their attacks will bombard you very quickly. The worst of them, strangely enough, are these strange fish-toad hybrids that seem to be somehow adept in using weapons. It's rough finding any lore on these things but they're more than likely a cause of some horrible fallout. They suck because all of them have the capacity to throw grenades at you and some of them pop out of their spawners with MISSILE LAUNCHERS on their shoulders. They are plentiful and they keep spawning one after the other. If you get too close to them, they will cut you. That is no joke.

The bosses are horrific and the levels are absolutely stunning, if a bit confusing at times. Much in the ways of Doom, the levels require keys of many sorts and there are many enemies who can pop out at your at any turn. If you catch a key room, be sure you have plenty of ammo and armor on you if available. This game can get very hard, especially in some of the ending bosses who keep spawning enemies to keep you company while they rain on you with whatever weapon they possess. 

HROT is one of those games you can enjoy to its utmost. It took them a while to get all of the episodes out, but now they are there for your enjoyment on Steam. Do yourself a favor and play this game to your heart's content. It can definitely help relieve some stress in these very stressful times. If people give you crap about being a power-hungry warmonger who relies too much on nostalgia, just tell them that it's a quiet life and shut them out. It's your game and you take it how you want it with a nice tall glass of water.  

Top 20 Least Favorite Saturn Games

 

So, here we go again with another updated list of times past. To check out my original list, by all means, give it a looksy. You may notice that not a lot of them have changed, save for one. Beyond that, their positions have changed as time has gone on because they have aged like already expired milk. Remember, it's not always the developers' fault but it can be a collection of reasons that the games turned out like they did. Not all of these games are really bad, but the majority of them are either bland, misguided, or just plain terrible to play.

Talk all you want about how small the Sega Saturn library is, but it still has some amazing titles attached to it. However, like barnacles to the bottom of a ship, there are also a great deal of terrible ones. There was a taste of both sensational and sinister, amazing and abysmal, terrific and toxic. Today, we will be looking at the bottom of the barrel.

These are the worst Sega Saturn games I have experienced so far. If you notice a title missing that belongs on this list, feel free to comment down below and I will see if I can get my hands on it. If you like some of these games, please don’t start hollering. You are entitled to your opinions, but I am not obligated to agree with you. If you enjoy playing terrible games, then you are invited to try the titles on this list that interest you. Just keep in mind that you have been warned.

                                                                                        #20 Contra Legacy of War

Anyone who gamed in the Nintendo era will remember one of the Konami greats. Its side scrolling run and gun action was a marvel of its time. Legacy of War does not take after its ascendent. This game is bland, milk toast and tasteless. You run and gun, but the controls are a lot more awkward and the aiming is a lot more related to its own rendition of depth perception. It’s, by no means, a terrible game. That’s why it’s so low on this list. It’s just not really worth playing.

                                                                                    #19 Golden Axe: The Duel

It’s a fighting game and about as stock as it gets. You recognize the characters, but then you realize that’s because they’re that one dwarf you forgot the name of along with the amazon who looked pretty while killing big armored guys in the beat’em up games. That’s just it, this wasn’t a good game because of the characters, it was fun to play when you were adventuring. The Duel takes all of the adventure aspects out and puts them in a fighting stage. There is no identity anymore and three or four matches is more than enough to force your attention elsewhere.

                                                                                            #18 Sonic 3D Blast

After another playthrough of this game, it doesn’t age nearly as bad, especially after seeing what horrors the Sega Saturn is truly capable of. Sonic 3D Blast still takes the speed out of Sonic and replaces it with a machine that makes you spindash over to the next part of the level. Then there’s portals that put you at the next part of the level. Then you get more birds and put them in a ring to move on to yet another part of the level. The boring, repetative gameplay did not age well at all, but the harmlessness and redundancy are at least good for some mindless head numbing.

                                                                    #17 Iron Man and X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal

What kills this Ironman title is as soon as you kill one of the enemies, you walk down a hall and then see his half brother who happens to be wearing the exact same suit of armor. You get to a corner of a level and after scratching your metal head for a few moments, you see that there is a hole in the ceiling and you need to fly through it. After killing the original enemy’s fifth cousin twice removed on his mother’s side, you come to a fence. You shoot the fence, nothing happens. You walk up to the fence and it damages you with electricity, then it has a hole in it. You shoot the next fence, which makes a hole in it. This Ironman title (which is so long, I will not type that full thing out aside from the title of this paragraph) is mind blowingly samey in every aspect and every level looks like a friend you already know. A friend you want to stay away from and bar from your home forever!

                                                                                        #16 Batman Forever Arcade

This film just can’t seem to get a break. Not one, but two terrible tie-in games. Acclaim really went for the one-two punch with this one. So, you’re Batman, and you’re fighty and scrappy all well enough. However, every single time you beat up groups of badguys, you’ll get power ups. These power ups help you whether you like it or not and they just keep going. One minute, you’re punching a thug’s daylights out. The next minute the screen starts flashing green and lightning strikes you like you’re the Highlander and you just took someone’s head. Next thing you know, your punches explode people and then it goes away until the next random power up makes you swing back and forth, kicking people like George of the Jungle. This game just couldn’t be a normal beat’em up. It had to try and add sprinkles and fireworks. Instead of pumping the player up, it tires the eyes out to the point where you have to try and bring yourself to be disappointed that you ran out of continues.

                                                                                        #15 Alien Trilogy

Doom clone was a rather generic title for FPS’s back in the 90’s, however, at least some of them had their own identity. Alien Trilogy has this one along with its franchise and it utilizes neither of them to any extent. The most interesting aspect of this game was the fact that Doom was originally going to be an Alien title! They didn't end up doing that, but the idea was there. Now, after their success, the actual Alien game turned out to be Doom on ambien. The aliens pop out of nowhere and you have to take a minute to decide whether you’re scared or not. There are two types of aliens: the face huggers and the xenomorphs. It’s a coin toss as to which one you encounter. You shoot, they die, move on to the next bland green room. It’s exciting. See? I’m excited.

                                                                                                        #14 The Horde

This could be a much better game and its wasted potential is part of the reason why it is not going to escape this list. The worst part about this is the FMV’s. The acting is so supremely bad and the fact that you have to keep up with a money system just pains the thought process. Why would they tax your pay when you’re just going around and slicing orcs? If you got rid of the live action scenes and cut out all of the currency mechanics, this could be a passable action game. As it stands, though, when you have to force the player into going into the action sequences through threat of imprisonment, there is something very wrong.

                                                                                                    #13 Krazy Ivan

This was a travesty from the start. First off, it's embarrassingly bad in gameplay and the FMV acting is absolutely abysmal. On top of everything, it's offensive and isn't even funny while trying to be entertaining. The whole thing is just a lackluster hovertank simulator that does little to intrigue and the story is laughably stupid. If you were looking for any good FPS on the Saturn, overlook this one. It can hardly be considered an FPS to begin with.

                                                                                #12 Incredible Hulk - Pantheon Saga

Get ready to break things. By things, I mean glass and windows. The walls? Oh, things come off them as you punch, but breaking through is a no-go. There is no escape until you skulk around these random facilities and fight minimal enemies. It’s a puzzle switch game that doesn’t so much stimulate your brain as it does strain your senses. These senses are telling you that you could be playing something better. You should really listen.

                                                                                                #11 Virtual Hydlide

Even after playing a every side of the Saturn spectrum, this game proves to be one of the milder evils of the system. It’s awful, yes, but at least there’s some sense of adventure. Yeah, it handles like you’re near-sighted and the graphics give you motion sickness even without the motion, but the castles are decent to look at. Don’t get me wrong, this game is still tripe garbage. It’s just harder to stay mad at it as you walk down the Saturn’s freakshow hallway.

                                                                                    #10 Battle Arena Toshinden URA

Your eyes are not ready to gaze upon these “polished” pixels. It’s pretty much the first game’s graphics given a sharper layer, just in all the wrong places. The control is somehow ten times worse and your walk is even slower than before. The new badguys have no real introduction and while there is a story, it wouldn’t be worth the effort to read unless someone paid you to. Invite your friend over to play you a few rounds with this game and you’re bound to lose a companion until you start forking over the recommended amount of bribery junk food for your next gathering.

                                                                                                            #9 Casper

Making a ghost house puzzle solver is like making a Superman game where he has to climb buildings to get balloons. It takes two seconds to realize that you should be able to pass through these walls. This becomes especially noticeable when you have a metal barred door in front of you and you’re made of incorporeal sheets. Top that with extremely boring gameplay and a nonsensical portion of avoiding uncles who are suddenly trying to… uhhhh… “kill” you. It doesn’t mix well and becomes very apparent why this movie did not get anymore game titles for it.

                                                                                        #8 Dragonheart: Fire and Steel

With a series such as Panzer Dragoon, you wonder why they didn’t mix that in with a side scrolling adventure game to create Dragonheart. No, they just had the sidescrolling. Coupled with a very nasty stamina meter that runs out after just a few swings of your sword and a hit detection that rivals Virtual Hydlide and you’ve got bland stacked on horrid, stacked on sludge. The controls are trash and the obstacle damage is literally unavoidable. Sorry, Grandpa knight, please limp your way slowly off of my screen, I am done with you.

                                                                                    #7 Corpse Killer: Graveyard Edition

It’s bad enough that FMV games force us to watch their preschool plays but do we really need live action actors trying to jump scare us in their mother’s halloween makeup? The zombies in this game look like they were cut from a coloring book of horrendous pixelation and the main villain’s gaze is so disturbingly ugly, you feel like you have a right to press charges. This game is so blatantly easy up to its later levels. Then they shove all of the zombies out at you all at once and the difficulty spike is a breath of fresh air. After all, Game Over means that you can turn off the game!

                                                                                                #6 Double Switch

Imagine the crappiest movie you possibly can imagine. Then imagine that you could control some of the events in that movie. That’s when you realize that you’re essentially helping it be crappy and after that realization, the game goes from lackluster to dreadful in a very short amount of time. While some people love this game for its flaws, it must also be looked at objectively. It’s still the equivalent of watching a really terrible movie that lasts for hours. Even controlling Plan 9 from Outer Space sounds like a better idea than this. Game developers honestly need to get on that idea.

                                                                                    #5 Street Fighter The Movie

It’s not even admirable what they were trying to do with this title. It’s one of those ideas that sounds good on paper and could have possibly been pulled off in a good way. However, blatantly copying Mortal Kombat’s style when you already have a fighting game phenomenon seems like a tasteless gesture. Cap that with the fact that the actors’ sprites look like they turn into cheap action figures when they attempt anything more complicated than an uppercut. The story mode is worth a good laugh, but that’s about all you can really appreciate about it.

                                                                                                #4 Rise 2: Resurrection

When I first played this game, I had no idea that it had a gigantic campaign behind its franchise. It promised amazing fighting mechanics coupled with memorable characters. It also proves that Aliens: Colonial Marines wasn’t the biggest lie in gaming history. This game teeters the bland and terrible meter to the point of breaking and leaving a shattered mess on the floor. Every character has no outer layer textures, they are simply faceless, shapeless machines that perform monotonous “fatalities” on each other while also spamming their attacks to an endless degree. Push your fastest attack in every fight and you will win, guaranteed. That should have been the ad campaign; at least it’s true!

                                                                                                    #3 Battle Monsters

What’s this? A fighting game worse than Street Fighter the Movie and Rise 2? Believe it, friends. This game is the absolute worst of the worst when it comes to a 1v1. The characters blend so terribly into the background, you can barely see either character on the screen. The hit detection, level design and the playtime Halloween theme are laughable at best. It doesn’t matter what character you choose, the game is so terrible to control that playing it becomes more of an excuse to stare at the characters shamelessly ripped from popular horror movies. Whatever terrible drinking game you make out of this title, make sure you don’t get alcohol poisoning.

                                                                                                        #2 Death Crimson

A current playthrough of this game caused it to go much higher on this list. Not only is it the laziest attempt at a rail shooter I have ever seen, but the fact that it can easily give you the worst motion sickness of your life makes it intolerable. The enemies are some of the worst paper cut out finger puppets and the lack of a damage indicator makes the entire experience mercifully short. Every graphic looks like literal puke and controlling the crosshair to actually fire upon a target is reliant on hope and prayer. Neither of which are worth wasting on this game.

                                                                                                #1 The Crow City of Angels

 

Even after sampling twice as many Saturn games as I have ever played, this game was not dethroned. It still tops the charts on horrible. The awful tank controls that snipped a chip of the effort put into Resident Evil make this game half unplayable. The hit detection and controls make this game completely hopeless. Defeating these annoying scumbags carrying guns is solely reliant on nonexistent luck. The graphics are among the absolute worst, even for Acclaim and the aimless walking around levels can only be described through thumbtacks in your skin rather than words. If you legitimately beat the first level, you deserve a metal. You also deserve to play Virtual Hydlide. At least that game is better.

There you have it! There were some laughs to be had, and even some unintentional fun in unexpected places. These games all have some kind of value to them, even if that immediately isn’t apparent… which it’s not in some cases. You could try it if you wanted. Just remember to not drown in the incompetence and instead, drink lot’s of water.

Ghostbusters (PS3) - The True Third

 

Those kids who were born in the beautiful sweet spot of 1980 - 89 will attest to the fact that Ghostbuster-mania was very real and beyond awesome. Kids of the 80's and 90's had it made with GI-Joe and Transformers making their way into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ghostbusters. The movie was just meant to be a passion project by Dan Aykroyd celebrating his love for the paranormal and Harold Ramis, who just flat out loved making films. This was lightning in a bottle that featured the most amazing lightning-laser effects that could be trapped along with a ghost.

You name it, this franchise had it. The toys alone were a God-send for any childhood and we had the movies and the cartoons to boot. One thing this franchise lacked, however, were the video games. They HAD the video games, sure, but they were not especially forthcoming with the quality of said games. The NES games, the Genesis and anything else that came out of it were never looked upon with a lot of fondness or memorable content. The only thing the video games have going for them now is the Youtube videos they birthed making fun of them. 

In 2009, that all changed in an instant. For some reason, the original cast of the four Ghostbusters decided to come back together in full force. They got a few new side characters and they put together something that no one would ever see coming in a thousand years. This never works! Rambo tried something similar. It was a rail shooter and it was terribly made, but it also came out with no recent coinciding tie-in products. There was no precursor to this and the iron luke warm for the property at best. Well, it goes to show that a quality product wins out. This game was well received by critics and fans. It sold millions of copies and even received a Remastered edition. 

The real problem that this game has is that it is only really for the fans. It only has that one demographic in mind and they pulled it off with such flying colors. This game is so directly targeted at Ghostbusters fans that it almost hurts. That is the common story, though. If you are a fan of Ghostbusters, then, it is a very safe bet that you will love this game. If you are not really fond of this series of cartoons and movies, then you may find the gameplay a little repetitive and some of the puzzles a little lackluster. This game is obviously not perfect, but it is very close. 

What makes this game shine above all the rest is that, while they are still trying to create a true threequel to the Ghostbusters in movie form, they already did it in game form. That is no joke. It takes place in 1993, very well within the range of the first two movies, and all of the guys were rendered in beautiful 3D 2000's game graphics. It has callbacks, new ghosts, new locations and old, familiar locations that true fans will recognize right away. You not only get to see all of them in action but you are a Ghostbuster yourself!

You are a rookie who just got hired and you are thown into a situation that is going down all through the city. Ghosts are being sighted everywhere and many of them are returning to this plane after having already been captured! Yes, so you have the excuse to bring Slimer back, the librarian, you even get to see what a giant Slor is! If you're a fan, you know where that's from! There are a ton of Easter eggs and nods to the original movies and even the Real Ghostbusters series. 

There are some parts that can get rather boring. There are some portions where there are no ghosts or minimal ghosts going through corridors, looking for the next cutscene and/or puzzle. Yes, there is some slow pacing here and there. This gives way to some awesome boss fights! Going against such iconic characters like Slimer in a recreation of the party room scene from the first movie, it makes you feel like you did it with them. They keep saying how familiar this all looked, but that was a wink to the fans saying "go on and have a ball". It really makes a difference being there and doing this with the Ghostbusters themselves cheering you on, saying you are a Ghostbuster like them. 

Those who are not in the know will not understand how amazing it is to defeat the Staypuft Marshmallow Man. This is something you watched them do when they fought Gozer in the movie, we never could have wondered that such a clean translation could be brought from the silver screen to the video controls right at your fingertips. That is what this game did for its fans and that is what is missing with a lot of projects that attempt to do the same. Even with all of the VR games and whatever other horrid properties came out of this franchise, we fans have this. 

The first playthrough can be slow if you don't know what you're doing because some of the boss fights can be a little confusing and some of the puzzles can be overly complicated for one reason or another. All of this can be overcome and you will be setting up traps, making awesome upgrades to your arsenal and even keeping count of the property damage you commit as a result of your weapon discharging every which way. The slime weapon from Ghosbusters 2 is also here and it is even the preferred weapon with slime based menaces! The upgrades make your life easier and they even register you as the guinea pig for all of their new stuff! You have nuclear powered equipment of questionable integrity near your person through the duration of the game! This is so exciting! '

You can put a price on the game, but Ghostbuster fans cannot put a price on this masterpiece of fandom. All of you can argue about which movie is not canon or which movie is the true followup to the series, but this is the slice of the pie we choose to keep as the true successor and final installment to a series that needs to be laid to rest. With it being Harold Ramis's final appearance as Egon and the last thing he signed off on. This is what is fitting. He's not just a Slimer, he's a Virtua Slimer.