Borderlands is a few steps back in progress. Everyone has heard how terrible this movie is, and it really is a case of having to see it to believe it. While there are moments that remind the audience of playing the game from the mid 2000's, the whole experience is that of a very poorly made CW series pilot. Here we are thinking that Cate Blanchett's performance would help the cause, but it only compounds the problem. She is clearly checked out of the whole film.
From scene one, this movie is a cliche upon a cliche upon an unfunny joke. The lines do not land, the cheesy dialogue is not clever in the slightest and every single actor in this movie is put on either unfunny sass mode or unfunny comedy relief mode. There are no in-betweens. There are things in this movie you think are supposed to be done ironically, but there is no joking demeanor, they literally have Kevin Hart rescuing a rich guy's daughter and they call it out as lame because he's the "shortest soldier". Seriously, this is logic in this movie. I'm a huge Tenacious D fan, and Jack Black's dialogue was still atrocious!
There is even a stupid PROPHECY given to us by SPOKEN NARRATION! This is done at the beginning of the movie and it tries to pass it off as "sounds like BS, huh?" No, you do not get to call yourself out as lame if you are still being lame. The story is a huge jumbled mess of coincidences and conveniences. She needs to find the girl so she conveniently finds Jack Black Bot, who can locate her immediately. They even have Kevin Hart roll in in front of Cate and roll down his window with the "get in" dialogue cliche! There is no bottom to the levels that they aren't willing to sink for this film.
There is a large difference between how characters progress through a story and how they progress through a plot. When they are progressing through plotted events, the plot needs to make some kind of sense as to why these events happen. Why, then, would ClaptrapJack Bot be riding through town, speaking VERY LOUDLY when they are trying to lay low and stay out of sight? This happens and then the Harold and Kumar guest star gets all excited and starts telling the antagonists about him. Seriously, this is how the plot keeps going. There are several instances just like this that make even less sense. Let's not even get started on the Super Blanchett climax, it's all just too painful.
We are supposed to know who these characters are, and while they may have elements of their character designs down, Cate Blanchett is still too old for the main role. She is supposed to be a sassy, sexy female lead, but they're obviously not allowed to make her too sexual and she is only there for a paycheck. Even when the movie tries to be sexy, it can't pull it off because it's all spoken dialogue and horrific references. The girl with the bunny ears is supposed to be Tiny Tina. She can't do Tiny Tina because her performance is wooden and her character lacks just about everything, so why should we care if she gets rescued?
Speaking of unfit for roles and too old to be doing this, Jamie Lee Curtis makes her wondrous appearance and drags the entire movie to a crawl. That is no joke, as soon as she hits the screen, they have to lay low because of the authories and in comes some of the most boring dialogue and character development ever thought up by anyone ever. They're supposed to be emotional, cute and you're supposed to feel something, but there's nothing! These characters are not deep or multidimensional and every single scene with them just makes them all feel like they are checking their watches, waiting for the director to direct them somehow.
The CGI is some of the most distracting elements in the film and that is saying something. The blue screen affect makes it look like they are literally in front of a TV screen during the action sequences. The alien designs, set designs and robot designs are probably the only thing that really hammers this in as a Borderlands movie, otherwise, the theme and tone are all over the place. One moment, she's saving children from slavery, the next, a robot is ejaculating metal parts!
The movie tries so hard to be other movies, and while it does get some of the sets and vehicles of the game down, the sequences are just that, sequences. When you can see each scene as a clear reference to another, better science fiction movie, the immediate thought is to get away from this movie an go watch Blade Runner or Dredd. We could be watching the GOOD Star Wars, for God's sake! None of the review websites or youtube videos are kidding, this movie is a disgrace and a serious wasted potential. Borderlands is one of those movies that you could have done in a unique way, with unique characters in the crazy, futuristic Mad Max/Blade Runner setting. You're not suppose to sit there and wish that you were better movies. Please, give this movie a miss and always remember to filter your water.
