Mighty Number Nein (PC) - Nerds 0wn3d Prom

 

Although there are innumerable times where AAA has defeated indie games in the rat race, there was one particular time where the failure was so great, it caught the eye of countless among the gaming community. Any retrogamer will tell you about Mega Man, released in 1987, and a great majority will tell you which one is their favorite, whether it be part of the original series of games or part of the Mega Man X series. Both parts of the franchise were legendary among gamers. 

Mega Man 2 is very popularly known as the favorite among the original series, while the first Mega Man X is held as the king of the second. Whatever side of the franchise they stand on, both factions will tell you that they were wholly disappointed by the crowd funded passion project known as Mighty No. 9. Keiji Inafune had worked on the original Mega Man, and since Capcom hadn’t released a new Mega Man for several years (due to extreme franchise fatigue), he decided to take it upon himself to create what he called a spiritual successor. 

The game was fully funded within just a couple of days and, by the end it had reached around three million dollars, several times more than it was expected to reach. This is where a great deal of mystery enters into the fray. Despite infinitely more money than they could have ever needed, the scene became quite bleak. Though fans were still on the hype train with beautiful gameplay still frames, promising kickstarter prizes and a game mirroring the greatness of the blue bot himself, they curbed their doubts. However, for several reasons unknown to the public, the game was met with numerous delays. Many questioned how they could be losing so much time with all of the budget they could ever want and plenty of time between the start of its production to its intended release. Still! They thundered ahead and readied themselves for the release!

The fans were stomped with absolute disappointment. The graphics were not nearly as good as they initially looked in the original press release, the gameplay had very questionable extra, unneeded content, the voice acting rivalled Mega Man 8 for how terrible and stilted it was, and the story intermixed with constant interrupting character dialog was so very frustrating when you were trying to concentrate on playing the game!

Questions began flying at Inafune at a horribly extensive rate! His gross mismanagement of the game’s content and quality was called into question multiple times and their reaction to these questions boiled down to: At least you got a game. Needless to say, contributors to the funding were not happy, and those old school Mega Man fans were less than impressed with the game’s content. Mighty Number 9 reached the status as one of the Worst Games of 2016 across the internet.

It later came to light that the team who were developing Mighty Number 9 were met with problems of having promised too much during the compaign to raise money. They saw that the ports they promised for the game were getting into ridiculous amounts, as many consoles were available at the time. They promised both a PS3 and PS4 iteration of the game on top of handheld versions. Anyone will tell you that you cannot put PS4 graphics onto the PS3, so you had to go with the lowest common denominator.

So, now your graphics are all shot, and you still have so little time to port the game onto every single system to meet deadlines, what do you do? Give the earlier consoles a raincheck, of course! Everyone loves to hear "we'll do it later" when you've already delayed it so many times. They were forced to release the game on limited amounts of consoles while porting it to the earlier consoles at a later date.

Now, let’s be honest. It really was not a terrible game when you stand back and look at the forest for the trees. It worked, it was challenging, and the level design wasn’t terrible. Sure, some of the bosses were cheap and cringe inducing in their tactics and while the story is abysmal, it still served its purpose for the most part. The reason the game failed in a massive cloud of hatred was because it tried to build itself as a return of a beloved franchise in the form of a fan requested game. It had all of the makings of a great game, but for one reason or another completely missed the mark. 

It also did not help that they were already counting this as a success once they saw the millions that they were raking in. Apparently, they found out that they could pocket some of the funds for another project, and someone thought it would be a good idea to start talking about Inafune's other game he's got going. Given that this was in the midst of some rather heated fans waiting for a big title, you can imagine that people were not amused.

AAA titles have had their failures in the past, and many of them failed harder than Mega Man’s would-be successor. The problem is that he built this up entirely too much. With expectations through the roof, too many things were going wrong. This should serve as a lesson on par with Icarus and the burned wings, but let’s face it, if they can build you up to their hype, development companies are going to do it. Inafune could have won big with this title but failed to pull it off in the end. 

However, once again, at least we have our silver lining. Evidently Capcom caught onto Mighty Number 9’s kickstarter success and decided that they would release their own game and do it proper this time. Mega Man 11 released late in the year 2018 and it was a fairly decent game that pulled some pretty good numbers. Inafune may have wasted multiple millions of dollars on failure, but at least his failure managed to cause another AAA win.

Wait, what am I saying?

Harry Potter and the Gameboy Advanced

 If you would like a good time capsule of its age and a mirror back into the past, look no further than the era of the Gameboy Advanced. One look at the library, and you will see titles that will open up that wonderful sense of nostalgia for all of those with fond memories of the time. It is chocked full of films and TV Series you may only have on DVD rather than Bluray and more than one of them may have been dubbed by the now defunct 4Kids! Anything from this era was put on the Gameboy Advanced and that is hardly a joke.

Back then anything was up for grabs when it came to video games. If it had anything of a following, you give it a tie-in game to capitalize on it. If it was popular in any way, it was probably given a side-scroller and/or beat'em up game of some sort. This was a chaotic time in gaming history, because the whole idea of being awesome, having fun and looking cool while gaming was becoming more and more popular. Streamers were gaining a bit of traction on the internet and it was a sprint race to see who could throw out more products to bank on this. 

Harry Potter was a beacon on a mountain top on the summit of Olympus, as it was one of the catalysts that started this entire consumer phenomenon in the mid-2000's. While Pokemon was reaching its peak, Harry Potter was soaring on money-feather wings, leaving behind a trail of profit in its wake. Every single movie of the time got a port on every single console they could get their grubby little hands on and the Gameboy Advance was taking on ANY and EVERY game that came its way. This came to an end when the game sales began to dwindle at the fifth entry, so there was no port of Half-Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows. By then, the Advanced was reaching the end of its hayday, sadly. What this meant was, while there were so many awesome retro games getting ported to the GBA, it was also getting a reputation for being a bloated consumer product that was releasing more commercials than actual "games". 

The Harry Potter games put on this system, as a result, were wholly uninspired. While they did explore an interesting array of different types of gameplay, it also threw garbage at the wall, if you catch my drift. Sometimes, gameplay just doesn't belong and that didn't seem to matter when it came to putting Harry Potter on a portable gaming device.

Harry Potter Quidditch World Cup 

Giving credit where credit is due, it is really cool that you get to pick which team you want to play. A lot of games of the era normally kept with the main characters and put you on Gryffindor regardless of preference. Does that fix the control problems this game clearly has? No, not really. While the gameplay is rather simple and can even be labeled as decent, the controls are exhausting to your thumbs. The D-Pad's simple commands are relegated down to grinding your thumb. This is especially bad when you try to pass or shoot your Quaffle, you need to keep your thumb firmly on the D-Pad for your direction or you're going to shoot it wherever the game thinks you should, which is wrong! Still, the game is not bad, once you get the hang of the controls and the Chocolate Frog Quidditch Cards are pretty fun to collect. Of all the games, this one can be labeled as "not bad". 

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Well, it's better than Flobberworm Fritters, but not by much. This is a whole lot of running through the hallways and searching doors while occasionally getting some boring gameplay and stilted dialogue. The puzzles are ridiculously easy while also being staggeringly boring at the same time. Either mimic wand movements or just flat out fail at shooting weird creature things, this is a slog. Now, is it completely without merit? No, actually, it does have you collect Bertie Bott's Beans and you get different, nasty flavors. That gave a good chuckle. It has the Harry Potter essence about it and the childish charm may strike you, but don't expect that to make Hogwarts interesting.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Even with the abridged scenes, this game manages to be as boring as studying bird migration. This is what happens when a game with little to no means of doing so, attempts to stick too close to the lore. The game is "go to the place and get the thing". While the graphics during the overhead gameplay are passable, it is still a game of nothing but backtracking and trying to remember where you were supposed to go as you're in the vortex of dizzying boredom. 

On the flip-side, seemingly mundane tasks suddenly turn into DEATH DEFYING FEATS! Somehow, getting your gold from Gringotts turned into attacking creatures and collecting Knuts (bronze coins) throughout a harrowing journey. The gameplay is very mundane, but at least the graphics and a bit of the charm seeps through a bit. You've got your good Harry Potter flavor as you play, but sometimes, it would have been nice if that didn't always include traveling through samey hallways and talking to people who tell you to do more things. 

To its credit, the puzzles and switch-finding can be considered quite satisfying. To its detriment, the platforming is absolutely terrible with the controls. The game needs to choose whether it wants to be precise or just a simple aim-and-shoot beat'em up. Injecting some adrenaline in the combat and maybe tigthtening the gameplay beyond collecting things and finding passages would be a big help overall. As it stands, this is one of the less favorable.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Once again, we see the developers thinking that walking through hallways with a top-down view makes for interesting gameplay. This time, instead of firing clumsily at goblin/elf things, you're firing at big bright blob things. It doesn't affect them but you can shoot them! They're actually your enemies and you walk into them to fight them in your normal RPG combat. It's turn-based, which is fine for the most part, but at the same time, you're fighting rats, bats, spiders and... Redcaps? Well, that's an unexpected bit of lore, but even Redcaps do nothing to help the monotony. You're still grinding to get levels and going through a series of events that either never take place in the movies/books or are extremely loosely based as such. This is a slog! Even if you do, somehow, make it through the Leaky Cauldron it is another drag to get to the next plot point. 

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Once again, I am flabbergasted by this one port. For some reason, this is the installment that all consoles somehow get right and yet retain so much of its other port's gameplay, it shouldn't work at all! These sorts of mechanics of point and cast spells makes sense with the 3D perspective, but this is a top-down! Somehow, moving objects and working your way through the levels still works! It even has Ron shouting "BEANS!" When I wrote the other Goblet of Fire review, I had no idea that was a meme.

With the sense of urgency without the ticking time, the game keeps up the pace while not becoming overly clunky with a stupid time limit. Even with the top-down view, it does combat a lot better than these other titles on this list. How this one installment into the series keeps coming out on top in quality is a mystery but at least there is a title we can all hop onto without much of a fuss.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

After the peak in the series, of course, there has to come a downward slump of epic proportions. It's as if one massively awesome game was just too much for the spectrum to bear, so it switched it right downward. This is the walking and talking simulator you never knew you never wanted. The graphics are such an enormous step-down, you'd almost thought it was a port of a Gameboy Color game. This is exaggerated, of course, but just look at this! They wanted to go so realistic without any means to do so and this is the result. It looks like cell-shaded dread on a screen! This game is so boring, you'd think they wanted to novelize a game of a novel but didn't know how to novelize, so they just put pictures on the screen. There is no point to the point and click gameplay, but the game seems absolutely stern on the fact that you need to go to the place and you need to push the button to get people to say things. That's the gameplay, and if you don't walk all the way to the part of the screen you need to go to, you will stay on that screen no matter what.

They even have Dudley say "Help! Daddy! Boohoo! Dementors!" Seriously! Someone was taking the piss, and we all know it was the customers who bought this utter rubbish! It is a serious red flag when you gloss over the gameplay of fighting off Dementors in favor of repairing tables with absolutely horrific controls and mechanics. By this time, I was entering hour 4 of Harry Potter on the Gameboy Advanced and it was quite telling of what was in store for this title. Clearly, Order of the Phoenix was the worst of the bunch. 

While some of the reviews were rather harsh, it's mostly because there was potential here that was never tapped into. With tentative steps made into gameplay and lore along with clear burnout after releasing a game every single year, EA was obviously running out of ideas. The games weren't selling after a while and while the fourth installment had a small burst of inspiration, the fifth book was just their way of throwing up their hands in surrender. There is no real judgment on this front, because there should be no reason that these become annual releases. Game development is very complicated and not every idea can be translated into a game. 

The Gameboy Advanced is a handheld console that deserves its own series, so our execs at the higher up Tribunal of the Virtua Tribunal have decided to make this so. Harry Potter is a fandom that has lasted for years, and the legacy of the GBA should also be investigated as a clear bit of nostalgic treasure for all to revel. Be ready to learn this important bit of gaming lore, but do not visit the forbidden section! It's called the FORBIDDEN SECTION!  

Doomverse #11 - The Worlds of Quake

 

Quake is a very strange tale within the Doomverse and much of that comes from Quake II and its shaky implimentation. Quake was meant to be a medieval melee fighter where you're going through worlds and fighting monsters. They couldn't come up with the mechanics for that fast enough, so it had to be made into a 3D First Person Shooter because that was what they had the means to do. Quake, despite their intentions, still became an icon of gaming history because of their back-breaking efforts. 

The first installment was more along the lines of a Lovecraftian castlescape with an edge of diesel technology. The monsters, the strange soldiers with the rifles and ogres with grenades all bring about monstrous imagery of a certain type. There is a strong sense of atmosphere, especially with NIN playing in the background.

Quake II wasn't meant to be Quake in the first place, they just couldn't come up with another title for it. The story is completely different, and the worlds are a completely different theme. You're Bitterman now, not Ranger. The Strogg are now the enemies, rather than the rusty brown exterior of the first game's opponents. It took on much more of a cyberpunk military feel. 

This all comes into sharp focus with the third installment. While Quake 3 Arena isn't the leap in technology Quake or Quake II were, it brought it all together under what Planet Virtua call, the Doomverse. Doomguy, Ranger, Bitterman and even Phobos are all brought into a game with many other horrors and fighters from all over. Arena shooters had already been wildly popular up until then, and Q3 gave it a hardcore game to put gamers into the action and train them up in the true FPS culture! 

Then Quake 4 decided it wanted to continue Quake II's storyline against the Strogg, for some reason. There was a lot of charm put into this story, once you step back and look at it for what it is. Though, the real issues with it were more along the lines of their use of time and resources. Quake 4 suffered from a bad case of really wanting to show off their technology in the form of several turret sections, along with hover tanks. The time they invest in these sections really gets ridiculous, especially when they break out the giant spider machines and heat seeking missiles. 

While we're happy with our numbered entries, it can't help but seem like Quake Champions was something of a step back. While it was a noble effort to remake Quake 3, it just didn't quite capture that 1999 feel. Quake is a wide selection in the FPS genre, much like Doom in its entirety. With some of the most influential technology in graphics and gameplay, Quake brought the weapons from Doom, upgraded them where needed and brought gaming to a whole other level. 

It can be set a case that Doom 4 not only brought the Doom franchise to a new generation, but also enhanced Quake's gameplay for the Doomverse itself. Notice how Doom 2016's internet Arena fighter was very much in the vain of Quake 3. The inclusion of Quad Damage powerups along with many of the Quake arsenal just screams a fusion of the two. The BFG 9000 and 10,000, while a bit differing in overall effect, have still kept their power and potency in tact. 

From the Nail Gun to the Super Shotgun to the Lightning Gun, Quake's influence in the ID properties cannot be overstated. Quake retroactively enhanced Doom's lore and gameplay. While Quake's current iterations are lacking, the latest Doom titles tend to lean toward the essence of Doom, while also carrying what made Quake great. 

"Boomer Shooters" have made their mark on gaming for a reason. The military shooters of the late 2000's may have had their own place, but to say they "0wn3d" the FPS titles of old would be a bit of a falsehood. Whether their sales were more or not is not the issue. The fact that they release them annually and get sales by default does not make them any greater. It simply means they have more titles to sell. It is far preferable to waiting a good five to six years for one great title, rather than six crappy titles that cut corners and are usually destined to fail. Virtua Snub!

Burning Rangers - Charge Your Water Zappers!

 

Of all the titles that deserve recognition that got none of it, Burning Rangers is probably the finest. This is a game that Sonic Team created especially for the Sega Saturn that pushed its boundaries to its very limits. The real problem was that it came at the end of the Saturn's lifespan, when it was already being discontinued. It was very expensive to make, and Sega was cutting their losses, so it became a very limited release. Thus, it became rare and excruciatingly expensive as a result. Its quality cannot be overstated, though. 

In this game, you are a fire fighter of the future. You go through burning buildings, extinguishing fires and rescuing victims that are caught in the fire. You are also flying through the dangers and trying to stay alive, while strange things are happening all around you. The game is very simple to learn but very hard to master. There is some 3D platforming to get through and it can be very tricky. 

The story is not especially deep, but it is still deep enough to where you learn about your characters, meet them and begin to care about them. You choose between two characters and learn how to use your equipment. You have water beams (yes, water beams) you can use to put out fires that spontaneously come out of nowhere. Sometimes the fires appear so fast that you have a hair trigger of a second in order to dodge back and put them out. You also have your jet pack that you can use to get through the buildings and all of their levels. 

There are flaws in this game, obviously. Sometimes the camera doesn't do what you want it to do and sometimes the game will tell you to go a certain way, but the command will be vague or just downright incorrect. You definitely cannot play this without sound, because then you will be missing some very important messages that will help you throughout it. The platforming can be downright unforgiving, especially if the camera is not cooperating with you. The time limits are also quite unforgiving, but once you get use to the controls and the level layouts as you play, these hardships can be overcome by sheer strength of will. The urge to play this game can get downright addictive because it is such a smooth experience.

Collecting crystals is also something of a headache. Putting out fires will get you some crystals for armor and such, but sometimes you don't have enough crystals to save all of the civilians and it can become something of a slog to try and even it out. Crystals also help protect you from the fire's burn but try your best not to waste them. On top of everything else, this can be some of the more challenging aspects.

The graphics in this game are unparalleled and even rivals some of the later systems of Dreamcast and PS2 in how amazing they look. Burning Rangers boasts some of the most impressive graphics because of Sonic Team's dedication and experience. They were obviously swinging for the fences with this title, which makes it all the more sad that it never got the praise it truly deserved. Obviously, this title has gotten a fanbase all its own and there have even been fans who petition Sega for a revival of the franchise and even sequels and remakes. They want anything having to do with this title to be done, even going so far as to make fan revivals themselves. 

If you haven't guessed already, this is one of the greatest games on the system. Its very being is that of nostalgia within its heavy polygons, its atmospheric aesthetics and the anime stylings of Japan. It is a gem in the Saturn's collection that rivals many of the Playstation's finest titles. Do yourself a favor and play this game however you can without spending too much money. It is not worth emptying your bank account to scalpers who covet it, don't give them the satisfaction. Buy yourself a reproduction or get it on a rom, it's too old of a game for anyone else to care about its development costs and you'll be glad you did. Start putting out fires and don't forget to drink your water lasers.

Doomverse #10 - Quake 2 N64 and PC Shotgun the Escape Pod!

There are times when a port outdoes its original in certain aspects of its gameplay. Even though it had a bit more of graphical limitations, the N64 version of Quake 2 is somehow better and more interesting. A lot of this came from the fact that the levels are a bit shorter and more linear, as terrible as that sounds. Yes, like Doom, the levels are known for being very complicated to navigate. Sometimes, though, you just want to bash some skulls. 

The N64 levels came out on the new Quake 2 update for Steam and I can't remember why one of my friends told me to give it a try. They were right, however, as I found it to be a much more gratifying experience. It was simpler and there were more Strogg to destroy as a result. Sometimes, just bringing one thing to a control panel to open a door and escape can suffice for a level challenge. Putting harder enemies around the levels with more interesting level design can always bring about a better game. 

The original Quake 2 lacked in atmosphere compared to the first game. It didn't have Nine Inch Nails on the soundtrack, although what it had was still pretty good. The controls, the weapons, the enemies, all of it just screams Quake and Doom. The problem was that they tried very hard to make the levels bigger and more confusing to up the challenge. The N64 port was a completely different game. Quake 2 is not at all a bad game, but it did lack identity in both its level design and enemy design. The Stroggs would gain more prominent and unique designs in Quake 4, though.

The multiplayer is here in all its glory, of course. Arena battling on Quake will always be worked into its DNA, so long as its made correctly. This was the game that brought Bitterman into the fold and he didn't go over quite as well as Doomguy or even Ranger from the first Quake. With the full array of weapons from its former titles, Bitterman seems to have needed some sort of upgrade, since it features weapons not even in the first Quake. While Quake 2 lacks the lightning gun that would later be brought back in Quake 3 Arena, it does have something of a plasma rifle equivalent. This was a tough decision between the two and honestly, they seem on equal grounds as far as weapons go. Who knows, maybe we should just make some Doomverses that showcase the weapons. I'll think about it.

It is obvious from the offset that Quake 2 was not meant to be a sequel, more just a standalone title. However, given their limitations in creativity thanks to Romero's exit from the company, they had to focus their energies elsewhere. This took a bit of the mystique from the title itself, as it will always be compared unfavorably in several ways. Quake 2 was a distinct difference in graphics and it was also a big difference in theme. The two are not interchangeable. It's basically a no win situation, because now the fans lose lore and the developers lose interest in their new game. 

This is why I sort of fell in love with the Nintendo 64 game. Not only does it bring about what's best about the original game, it breaks up the levels into more digestable pieces. With everything on display, it's really a testament to how the customization in ID Software's games can give birth to better games. Quake is a perfect successor to Doom, as its customized levels are also quite popular, though far more complicated to make. Quake set the standard for full 3D rendered FPS's from the start and it still holds a great place among the greatest in their ranks. It just goes to show that Quake 2 has its own greatness, it could simply use a different look with a different brain behind it. Just remember to use the chaingun only for the very big enemies, use the smaller machine gun for everything else. Stop wasting ammo!!! 

10 Least Favorite Sega Dreamcast Games

 Say what you want about the Dreamcast's library and how small it is, that's fine. Yeah, it was missing some great games, but it was also thinning the herd when it came to absolute schlock. The process of finding terrible games on this system was monotonous because every time there was a game that was said to be terrible, there was usually something of note that made it either easily playable or just all around fun. Of course, look hard enough and you will find it. There were so many great games discovered in this route, but there were definitely some real stinkers in the pile. 

Some of these games are also liked by Dreamcast fans and there's nothing wrong with that. These were simply games that did not compute as fun to me or were so abstract and boring as to drag. As always, you're welcome to leave a top 10 worst list of your own in the comments. Also, don't forget that if you disagree with my list, be sure to be as petty and condescending in your replies as humanly possible. Some of you are going to anyway. This is my top 10 worst games on the Sega Saturn 2--- I mean Dreamcast!

                                                                                                            #10 Incoming

Not going to lie, this game is a serious guilty pleasure for me. I will not defend it. This game is bland, somewhat boring and ridiculously easy to beat with minimal effort. However, it’s still mindless fun to shoot limitless jets and flying saucers out of the sky with reckless abandon. It’s fun, but there’s no denying that it lacks in just about every category, especially the graphics.

#9 D2

D is among my favorite Saturn games, it truly encapsulated the horror puzzle genre in both atmosphere and pace. This game, however, was a horrific attempt at a changeup. This game wants to be Resident Evil so HARD, it’s almost painful to watch. We’re given a clumsy amount of dialogue trying to explain that an airplane crash happened and we’ve lost our memory, blah blah blah who cares. Then a guy walks in and plant monsters come out of his body. It’s comical in how much this video game tries but doesn’t try at the same time. The forced RPG elements, the terrible combat gun controls and the fact that ammo is infinite. Then there’s the fact that you see items in a room but can’t get to them, so you need to leave them! Your survival instincts are stunted because of this! All of these new mechanics are smashed in here to try and fix complaints about the first game while also wiping the game of any identity and originality. It’s still fun in a mindless, repetitive sort of way, but not enough to keep you coming back.

                                                                                                            #8 Death Crimson OX

Never would I expect that the worst rail shooter on the Sega Saturn would get a sequel. Now, let’s be honest, this game is far better than its predecessor. It’s still garbage, but they at least upped the graphics and the details of the mechanics. Not to mention, it’s hilarious! The random rooms you pass through without a thought, the random enemies that LITERALLY come out of nowhere and the skeletons. Yeah, skeletons just pop up and creep toward you, falling apart when shot. It’s so entertaining in how terrible it is! That’s honestly why it’s stuck on the higher numbers of this list. You can at least play this game and it feels like a game. It’s got at least some effort put into it. I wouldn’t spend 10 bucks on it, but that’s just me.

                                                                                            #7 Evil Dead: Hail to the King

Continuing on with another Resident Evil clone, we have the Evil Dead tossing their hat into the ring. This game is about as repetitive as it gets. The backgrounds do not even look like they’re part of the game. They look like someone painted the background details inside a cabin. This makes all of the items stick out like a sore thumb and the only other thing you can interact with is a doorway that you walk through. Take one step in a direction, and an evil spirit will come out of the ground for an extensively boring fight. I love Bruce Campbell as much as the next guy, but even Ash couldn’t make this game any good.

                                                                                                #6 Nightmare Creatures II

Where the original actually had some thought put into its mechanics and its combat, this game just says nuts to that! We just need to be able to swing an axe and that’ll do it! That’s the majority of this game. You kick the enemy and you slice them up. Rinse and repeat. This is kind of sad because the game has some awesome set pieces and the tone is just right for a horror game. It’s just a shame it couldn’t pull off the gameplay like the first Nightmare Creatures did. The story is boring and the character you play is a snorefest when it comes to interesting qualities. Give this one a pass.

                                                                                        #5 Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare

In another Resident Evil Clone, complete with tank controls, we see how not to pace a horror game. While the graphics are decent for the time, especially the cut scenes, the gameplay is laughably bad as we fight off shadow creatures with our flashlight, we’re supposed to figure out what to do with the game itself. As soon as we start, we need to practice the tank controls on the edge of a roof. As soon as we exit the first room, we meet our shadow bug creatures and stand there, shining a light at them. Sounds thrilling, I know.

                                                                                                                            #4 Urban Chaos

Oh, where to begin with this one. Normally, graphics don’t bother me all that much, but this game looks like the polygons were belched onto the screen and they are ridiculously hard to look at. Then there’s the frame rate that makes those polygons jerk across the screen! Everything about this game is hard to look at. It looks like it was going for an open world feel like GTA 3, but it lacked the resources to pull it off. The gameplay is probably the very worst part. Coupled with the controls, this game is almost impossible to play. The combat is laughably bad and the driving mechanics… just don’t get me started. This game is bland, boring and all around awful. It’s hard to find any entertainment in any aspect of this game. Just, please, give it a pass.

                                                                                                                        #3 The Grinch

Yes, I have never said that movie tie-in games were off my radar. This is based on the Jim Carrey film from the early 2000’s that some people liked but a lot of people did not. Me, I’d put myself with the latter category. However, the movie was not nearly as terrible as this game is. You may think that goes without saying, but the lack of creativity and effort was palpable. You’re supposed to go around Whoville and pull pranks while dodging unavoidable snowballs being thrown at you by the Who children. The graphics are obviously terrible but that’s just the start of how terrible this game is. I’d recommend watching the movie if it looks good to you, but if this game looks good to you, I’d recommend a hospital appointment.

                                                                                                                    #2 Sonic Shuffle

When people said this game was bad, there really is no way of imagining it without actually playing this horrific mishmash of Mario Party and Sonic the Hedgehog. It tried to ripoff Mario Party without knowing what makes Mario Party good in the first place. The mini-games are terrible and only serve to screw over the player who plays against the other 3. Getting around the gameboard is a slog and a half and the fact that they had the gall to let Robotnik screw you over further randomly is just the crowning achievement to make a player rage quit. With lackluster battle sequences and random traps to make you lose your rings, it’s really not worth the trouble to play it in the first place.

                                                                                                    #1 The Ring: Terror’s Realm

We finish this gaming list out on yet ANOTHER Resident Evil clone! This one is the worst out of all of them! The character designs are just about the ugliest I’ve seen. The uncanny valley is ridiculous! The tank controls are back and the gameplay is so boring, you could sell this as a sleep aid! The story and the dialogue are what sets this apart from every other title on this list. It’s literally nothing like The Ring, let’s get that out of the way. Instead of a video that kills you, now it’s a computer program that makes you dream about killing monsters as part of a task force. Yeah, it makes no sense and is not scary in the slightest. Every scene I sat through was so full of cringe. Whether it be the stupid way people talk to each other and the nonsensical way they progress the story, you’ll find something you hate in this game. In fact, I’m pretty sure this game is universally hated, and for good reason.

It really surprised me how many Resident Evil clones there were that came out in this era. Many of them tried to replace the gameplay with their own mechanics and forgot to make these mechanics coherent or even remotely fun. The worst part about it was when they latched on mechanics that belonged in other genres. The Dreamcast's library is still full of great quality games and is still the true successor to the Saturn!  

Virtua Cop - Set Guns for Justice!

There are thousands of rail shooters out there, and even if there aren’t that many, there are a lot. When you want a shooter that isn’t spilling gouts of blood and gore, there are few as satisfying as Virtua Cop. It is 32-bit polygon action at its very finest. The graphics are ancient and dated, but that’s just a cool breeze of mountain air when it comes to nostalgia and those who remember those beautiful days of squared and triangular graphics. The feeling of moving through construction sites, warehouses and skyscrapers, taking down virtua baddies was never so prominent in bright, blissful colors. You are Virtua City’s finest, and as a cop, you are going to take down virtua scumbags!

The real draw to Virtua Cop is its simplicity and its smooth transition from position to position. It starts out slow, so you can get a good gauge of the action, but then it begins to pull the rug out from under you with how fast you need to react. That’s not to say the game is hard, but we’ll get into that in a moment. For now, all you need to know is that you shoot the bad guys and thugs who point guns at you and come at you with sharp objects and you don’t hit the civilians that pop out in front of you relentlessly.

One small drawback to this game is the innocents will come out and raise their hands randomly, begging you not to shoot them. This is par for the course, no issue there. The real problem is when they do this while you are shooting criminals and they come out of nowhere and you either shoot them, or wait for the split second of them ducking down. This can be done but, wow, is it ever annoying! They’re normally marked with purely white clothing so they stick out from the normal affairs of gunmen, but sometimes they can show up in black and white suits, making the need for hesitation that much more important.

Another drawback to the game is that it is really not hard. There are some difficult aspects and a few frustrating elements to it, but all in all, you would be hard pressed to find it any kinds of extreme. It is also rather short, normally lasting less than an hour for all three difficulties.

The first level is little more difficult than a tutorial. It serves its purpose of giving you the overall gameplay of shooting and reloading while keeping your eye out for the circles that turn red the longer you wait for the bad guys to shoot. It even has some special temporary guns that help with taking down sum bags like the machinegun and the shotgun. The machinegun is understandable because of the increased fire rate, but the shotgun does little more than widen your target range by a small margin.

The boss on the first level is a bit of a joke. Kong is just a big meathead who fires missiles at you with a quad launcher. Shooting him through his missiles is easily done and shooting him when he pretends to surrender doesn’t take much reaction time in the slightest. Needless to say, you’re well suited for the job.

Medium level is as advertised; it is a bit harder. The construction zone is more challenging in the sense that the enemies are farther away, making them smaller targets by default. This is compounded by the fact that they get a little more clever with their hiding places and will sometimes jump out of unexpected locations such as inside crates. They also make a lot of use of the construction equipment such as bulldozers and trucks.

Even if you don’t find the second level harder, it is a lot more interesting to see all of the tricks the enemies pull out in attempting to take you down. This is accentuated when you fight the boss, King (because the joke wasn’t obvious enough). He is a bit harder with faster attacks than Kong with his flamethrower, but he also employs henchmen to attack you as well. Again, he is not overly difficult, but he is a change up from Kong’s gameplay.

In the third level, you are now infiltrating the evil building that holds the evil criminal coporation of evil (It’s even named EVL, because Virtua Cop is awesome). Part of the fun with this one is that the criminals are faster and it is remenescent of those old action films where the hero busts in through their compound and takes out the guards with nothing but a hand gun, some explosives and some explosive one-liners.

Once again, we are reminded HARDCORE of the innocents in this game. They are all over this building, getting directly in your way, sporting business suits. Women and men are popping up everywhere and you need to be extra careful where you aim and how you shoot. It is an office building and that makes sense that there would be a lot of people involved, but the amount they put into this game gets ridiculous.

Moving through the entire compound is an absolute joy. Out of all of the level designs, this one is the most varied since it isn’t a blue collar work zone and there’s more of a variety in the setting. There’s even a nice looking fountain statue right before the boss battle. The boss, cleverly named “Boss”, is the most eccentric battle, due to the fact that he pulls out an entire Mech Suit [!?!] in order to battle you! He is surprisingly easier than King. The mech is slow moving and its weaponry consists of those same missiles and a big huge gun you’ll never see fire because it’s so easy to stop with a few gunshots. Just shoot and take down, easy.

However, if you fought through all three levels in order in one go, you’ll get a bonus battle with the one known as “Fang”. He is in a combat helicopter and he is a bit harder than Boss. Again, this isn’t saying much because he is still pretty easy. Yes, he attacks fast and his helicopter can move from side to side rather quickly but it’s still your normal rail shooter boss battle. Shoot him down as he fires missiles and flames at you and you’re golden.

No one said that Virtua Cop was perfect and I’m not going to try and convince you to love it if you don’t already. There’s a good chance you probably aren’t aware of the joys of bringing an arcade game home without having to pay a pocket full of quarters. For those of you who were fortunate enough to jump into this at a young age when the internet was slow, you probably know what I am talking about. This is the finest quality railshooter on the Saturn, right beside House of the Dead. No Saturn collection is complete without it.

Mortal Kombat Deception (PS2) - Punch Me Again!

The 3D era of Mortal Kombat can be seen in two different lights. For one, they introduced many great and horrible new characters. For another, the storylines became longer and more convoluted while killing off characters and going off into strange directions with others. Having Liu Kang die and then come back at a zombi for this title was one of those strange choices and he is far from the the only one. 

Like many titles around this time period, this MK had many different characters, both new and old. The most prominent of these characters was Shujinko. He was essentially supposed to replace Liu Kang, which he very much didn't. This character was the main focus of a very different adventure mode than your normal affair. At first, it seemed to be heading in a very good direction. The best thing about it was exploring the different factions and learning techniques from Sub Zero, Scorpion and Bo Raicho along with many others. One of the most fond memories of playing this game for the first time was punching your teacher in the face and covering the practice ring in their blood!

The problem was that they screwed over their new main character by telling too much of his story. While the storyline with Onaga is fun, the story with Shujinko sees him getting arrested and going to jail until he's old. Our main character runs the gauntlet of learning student to old hermit mentor in the literal blink of an eye. Who signed off on this and who thought of it in the first place? They're fired.

This was one of the games that followed the game mechanic of giving each character different fighting techniques. They would get two normal fighting styles along with a weapon style. This was a good mechanic because it was well implimented through the shoulder buttons, but like in Mortal Kombat X, it wasn't especially essential. This is a subjective view, as many call it a genius touch, and we're not here to disagree with this.

While it doesn't have the roster of Armegeddon, Deception is no slouch. These are not the greatest character designs, but they are very telling of the time. Mortal Kombat in the 3D era had a very unique look and that turned it into something of a time capsule. It was a product of its time in a good way and it was the best of the four in this transitional period, as far as Planet Virtua is concerned. Add this to your MK collection and punch it into the pit!  

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (PS2) - Magic it Again!

 

There was one comment in the earlier Harry Potter Video Game Review. I said that they ran the gambit between great and dreadful, in a nutshell. Guess what? This one took extra steps to be extra boring and repetitive. Harry Potter is a lot of things, but trying to make a straight game from book/movie to Video Games, apparently, people ran out of ideas. 

The real problem with this game is that it tries to make it look more exciting than it actually is. It puts you in weird puzzle arenas and makes you think it's exciting by putting a time limit in the mechanics and there's your action sequence, enjoy. The puzzle platforming gets old. You can only move so many platforms over so many death falls so many times and keep the gameplay fresh. Working villains into the end of puzzles where you shoot people with spells is not a good way to pad out your gameplay. 

There is also no cooperative mode, when there very well could have been. If they got rid of the platforming mechanic and tighten up the gameplay with some sort of combat mechanics that work, this could have been a good title. It could have been a great title if it just would have stayed closer to the books in story and combat, but apparently they thought there just wasn't enough puzzles. Everything needs to be more complicated, whether it be getting an object and moving that object somewhere, or just getting to stairs! 

It obviously doesn't stay with the books or movies to any real extent, but it does keep to the fact that Dementors are annoying. Anything having to do with the Dementors is just going to be tedious and usually rather repetitive. Obviously, they're going to be a bad enemy, given their status as sucking happiness out of you and making you freeze, but really, we should have done something more with Boggarts. 

Anything having to do with the story or the dialogue in this game is going to be awful. Even for PS2 era, these graphics are rough. The portions with flying around on Buckbeak look terrible as a result because the surroundings look flat and lifeless. There's no music, only the sound of the afforementioned ticking clock that gets more and more monotonous as time goes on. Speaking of dialogue, did I tell you that it gets very repetitive?

The controls are not terrible, but anything flying around that you have to click on or catch, and you're going to be there for a while. Controlling everything with a PS2 controller was not always as glamourous as Old School gamers will attest. Yes, PS2 came out a while ago, it can be considered old school at this point. Anything with this level of repetitive voice acting gets the retro stamp any day. Speaking of dialogue, did I tell you that it gets very repetitive?

It's still a charming game and some of the gameplay can be pretty fun, but it's marred with serious problems. Unlike the Goblet of Fire for the PS2 (as there are many versions, mind you), this game is very hard to get into. The audio is awful, the graphics are problematic, the puzzles are dreary and boring and trying to keep interest in it is highly difficult. Don't bother with this one. 

Balan Wonder World Demo - Nights on Training Wheels

 

So, you wanted high flying action? Mysterious and wondrous worlds of beauty and glamour? How about amazingly smooth gameplay with awesome mechanics? Well, if you were expecting a true successor to Nights Into Dreams, allow me to probably be the 10th person to tell you, this ain't it. What they did was take the most basic mechanic of walking around as a child in Nights, added some power-ups and crappy puzzle solving and slapped it onto a game. Then they added some Chao clones and one cool enemy along with his generic minions and called it a day. 

Do not get me wrong, I know this is a demo and I know that there could still be some good stuff here, but that's where they really screwed it all up. The point of the demo is to give people a taste of what is to come and make them want more. What this gave us is the most basic of 3D platformers with the same problems in depth perception and cryptic purpose to all of it. If this is really all we have in store for us, count me out.

This leads me to believe that if there is something of a Nights flying mechanic, it is buried underneath idiotic level designs and time-wasting bonus rounds in the "Balan Bout" segment. These segments heighten your score but they are not fun in the least; they are Quick Time Events: The Game.

Nights Into Dreams mixed with elements of Alice in Wonderland should have been a homerun. Well, it's not even a first base hit. It attempts to make the level designs interesting, but it's stuff we've seen twenty million times before. So, now we're walking around as a child in this watered down version of Wonderland. Do the power-ups even make a dent in this boredom? Of course, not. The best thing about them is that they called the rabbit suits "Jumping Jacks" which is very mildly clever. Beyond that, you're a sprouting flower much in the vain of Mario Odyssey, a dragon that puffs out a scrawny fart of fire and a rabbit suit that does the Luigi running long jump. The next power up is just a pig suit that makes you do the super stomp, much like MARIO!

Funny how this "Nights clone" is looking more and more like the gargantuan Nintendo franchise. It's almost like they didn't want to spend all of that time and effort on creating full blown flying mechanics so they just asked themselves "What's easier and doesn't take a whole lot of thought? I got a dinner date for the rest of the week." Okay, that was a bit cruel to the developers but what else are we supposed to think? They had every single bit of potential this world had to offer and they cheaped out on us! 

The introduction graphics and opening theme are quite good, if we're going for compliments. The opening score is nice to listen to and it's quite obvious that there was a lot of effort put into certain elements of this game. One of the main baddies we do get to meet actually has a cool character design; you know, much like a Nights villain with tentacles. That's pretty much where all of the praise comes to a close. Beyond that, it's so mediocre and off-putting because they gave us every single wrong idea. To their credit, they at least released a demo. That's a lot more than can be said about other certain games that have come out recently. 

So, Saturn fans, I'm sorry to say that this is not the game we were hoping for. It's highly unlikely that Nights Into Dreams will ever get a full sequel outside of that underwhelming Wii game. If this game includes awesome high flying episodes, that should have been the whole entire game or at least 80% of it. Balan Wonderworld could have been a contender for a nostalgic throwback of amazing proportions, but they decided not to go that route, for whatever reason. Be absolutely sure you play this demo if you have any interest in this game at all. It could be your cup of tea, as doubtful as that is. It's not completely devoid of fun, it's just lacking a great deal of it. Looks like Nights still remains king while this pauper is nothing more than the castle janitor. Decide for yourself, and don't forget to drink water.