Virtua Fighter 5 R.E.V.O. - World Face Smash!


 Well, look at that! This isn't the reinvention of a Sega Saturn game exactly, but it's definitely along the same lines! This is a revival of a franchise that we all can get behind and bash someone's teeth out! All of your favorite characters are back, with some others... but the favorites are still here! Jeffry and Pai-chan are still here, and that's all I need to make mince meat out of everyone! 

This game, being more online savvy, is mostly for the internet fighting bunch, and that's fine and dandy. The great news is, you don't need to be online and you don't need to fight other people if you don't want to. It will make you feel like you're fighting other people, but what they're actually doing is just using other people's character design with the different cosmetics on them and making their A.I. fight you like they normally would. Some of these cosmetics are pretty cool, actually, but some of them also don't make sense. Aoi wasn't in the first Virtua Fighter but she still has a retro character skin in the same vain! Weird...

The game modes and game mechanics are all still here. The prim and proper game controls are back in all of their fighting majesty. You still have the ranking matches, where you fight versus the computer en masse, one after the other. The ranking matches and viewing all of the beautiful backgrounds is awesome by itself, but then there's the matches where you need to fight in cages and can't ring out, or fight against wooden rails where you need to really work to smash them out of the ring! 

They kept it simple, as Virtua Fighter does, and kept the game modes from becoming too broad or overwhelming in their scope. They're simple and concise: random matches, ranked matches, online matches, tournament, practice matches. You can create online rooms so you can fight opponents in multiple matches or you can just hop from online match to online match. 

Now, be careful while doing this, because there are plenty of people out there who are just wanting to have wins on their ranking sheet. So, some of them will try to avoid the L by exiting the match in the middle of it. This happened to me. I still haven't even checked to see if I was labeled to win that match or not, but I won 2 matches out of 5 and they bailed before I could win the third. It's a common occurrence but we're just here to play the game. 

Virtua Fighter keeps its reputation as being one of the tightest fighting games on the market. Ever since it debuted the very first 3D fighting game through the first title, the game only improved over and over again as AM2 locked down the most awesome face smasher they could make. Virtua Fighter 2 still remains the king as far as Planet Virtua goes, but any one of them can be considered the best of the lot. They're just that awesome! So, check out the new VF5 and let's hope the success it pulls in will bring us a Virtua Fighter 6! 

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (PS2) - Umbridge the Game

 Dolores Umbridge is a perfect representation for this game. On the surface, this game almost looks cute. It looks good in the graphics, for the most part and it has the feel of Harry Potter. The visage does not last long, though. All of it begins to come crashing down as you begin to play it. The more you play, the worse it gets. The combat, the level navigation and the movements in general, all of it was absolutely abysmal. The real problem is that this PS2 game is made in the style of the Wii game! This is a game that was meant to have a nunchuck and a Wiimote in order to play for the immersion of casting the spells with your wand. Does it translate to PS2? NO! No it does not!

The worst part about it is that it tries to stick to the story, but the dialogue, the action and everything it possesses is just executed horribly. Performing the "wand movements" with the PS2 controller only works whenever it feels like it. Sometimes, it glitches out and does not work at all. You literally need to restart the game in order to get it working again. Everything involving this style of control becomes monotonous and you feel like throwing the controller into Umbridge's face rather than continuing this mockery of gameplay. 

Running through the castle, following the Marauder's Map takes up 75% of the game! You thought Hogwarts Legacy had a terribly laid out Hogwarts? Well, I didn't, but apparently people complained about HL in its architecture for the school and I need to point to Order of the Phoenix for a stark difference. It takes FOREVER to get from point A to point B and this is obviously on purpose to extend the game's runtime. Those cruel bastards! This game is already terrible enough, you don't need to torture us with such foul tactics! 

Voice work in this title was absolutely horrific, and while the graphics were alright overall, the uncanny valley for every character is very noticeable. That may be a little harsh on the graphics animators, but they were also the ones who put the WB and the EA Games logo in every single time you LOAD a game! Those things should be in before the title, not the literal Loading of the game! This has it in both! It's understandable to do this sort of thing when people select New Game, but what the hell!? 

Doing the spells is hard enough, but then there is also the fact that they constantly dip down as you fire them. The range is atrocious on all of them and it looks like a sad little drip from your wand. You want it to look like the movies, yes? Well, they apparently didn't seem to think it was that important so now your wand is impotent! Thanks, EA, that was really nice of you! I can see why your company has been voted the worst! Constantly! 

Harry Potter games are already bad enough, but this one was a special kind of terrible. I've already covered the first game in another review for the Gameboy Advanced version and that one was the worst of the bunch for that review as well! Everything there is present here, only in sharper focus, just in case you missed all of the SUCK the first time! Avoid this title like the Death Curse and make sure to take it easy on the pumpkin juice! Don't use love potions this Valentine season and good luck with the redcaps! Virtua Kedavra! 

Watchmen: The End is Nigh - Endless Human Bean Juice

When it comes to the Watchmen, polarizing doesn't even begin to describe what people think of it. Some believe that it revolutionized the superhero genre while others believe it ruined the superhero genre. What it did, essentially, was both. On one hand, it brought about deeper, more meaningful storylines that reach into a more gray area morality of its characters. Introducing that darker side brought more versatile and interesting plot elements and deeper conversations. On the other hand, some took that as a free pass to make their characters complete assholes but have just enough of a friendly side to make people think they're good. They took it to mean that they could introduce horrible sexual or horrific violent acts into their comics and call it dark romantic art when it is obviously just fulfilling a more private kink that belongs in a more niche portion of the internet. 

All of that depth of story and character along with the quality of filmmaking in the movie are not present in this game here. The controversy and the stuff you like about Watchmen are lost in this baffling example of a 3D beat'em up. There are cool elements present here, but that's all just surface level and only work if you really like these two characters. Obviously, if they were going to go with characters from the franchise, they at least picked one of the favorites. Rorchach. 

It would have been nice to use Dr. Manhattan, but if they can't get the formula for a Superman game down, I sincerely doubt they're going to get another god-like superhero in this instance. Nite Owl II was the natural choice, being they were partners in crime fighting for a while. Still, 9 times out of 10, people wanted to play as Rorschach, and 2 Player was stuck with Mr. Owl. 

It doesn't matter in the slightest in terms of gameplay. Where these two are known for their different fighting styles, only the bare bones of this is present. Nite Owl II uses his fighting skills along with an array of gadgets and technological weapons to enhance his fighting abilities. Rorschach used improvised weapons and different things to gain an advantage in a fight. In this game, you can pick up a weapon and use it for a bit. Beyond that, you fight and kick the crap out of everyone. 

The special moves are just not enough to keep this game afloat. They're cool to look at and they bring about a good flow all the way up until they are just tired. Once you gain up all of your powerup meter, you enter into a speed-up ability for Rorschach and the only gadget that Nite Owl uses to fight, his electricity. Oh, you don't remember Nite Owl's electric attack from the movie and comic? Well, it doesn't matter, he has one here.

Yes, the graphics look pretty good and it's cool to play as Rorschach, but beyond that, you hit buttons. Once you've figured out the controls, and that you can roll away, you've won the game. All it does is just use gangsters and thugs with more thugs and more gangsters as you go along. Does it need more difficulty in that part of the game? Pile on more thugs and make it nearly impossible without running and fighting each of them one at a time as much as you can. That's the game right there. The best beat'em ups bring in cool technology, powers, powerups, bosses and settings. This one has cool settings... the rest of it is just button mash until thugs down, then repeat. 

It's hard to recall anything about this game. The only reason I remembered it in the first place was that it went on sale with BOTH episodes on Steam. That's right, this game has two episodes so that it can squeeze just a little more money out of your pockets. Is it worth such a cheap price tag? Well, yes, honestly, it's still fun enough to keep you playing for a little while, at least until you get sick of seeing yet another mob of thugs and gangsters coming out of yet another door.

It's fun in a rough and tumble sort of way, but it also is mostly for small doses. Sitting through this entire game in one sitting is a big ask, especially if you're talking about both installments. They're not even that long. It's not even that big of a game, but it's still hard to keep going after you've already beaten down half of Manhattan. The game is generous enough to give you a Lost button that will point you in the proper direction, but even then, that just shows you how samey and copy/paste each level is. It's worth a playthrough if you get the game for around 2 Spacebucks. I'll let you choose but you need to choose right now. GO! DO IT!!! Virtua Combustion!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge - Foot Ninja on Minimum Wage


 The turtles need no introduction, but here we go anyway! TMNT is among one of the best and greatest franchises to come out of the 80's. It sold billions upon billions of dollars in toys and spawned everything from TV shows to breakfast cereals and fruit pies. The video games came in droves and this is one that is a love letter to the beat'em ups of old. While TMNT for the arcade (or TMNT 2 for the NES) and TMNT 4: Turtles in Time are seen as the greatest in the genre, this is one that was released in 2022 and cultivated through DLC ever since. 

You'll see, from the very start, that this is one of those beat'em ups that are just intuitive and brings about nostalgia just from the art style the game presents. It doesn't take itself seriously at all, and just brings about ancient ninja turtle enemies and allies unapologetically. Foot ninjas come in all colors with all kinds of weapons and it's just a lot of fun to see what they're doing before you come onto the screen. Sometimes, they just come in and attack you. Sometimes, the foot ninja are doing something else. Some of them are eating, some of them are shopping, some of them are working as desk clerks and fast food cooks. 

There are enemies from all over the TMNT franchise. From Leatherhead to Metalhead, from Bebop and Rocksteady to Tokka and Rahzar, this game has them all! Does it bring about a great, detailed story for this to come in? No! It's a cartoon and it owns up to that through silly game and comic book logic, like Krang's robot body being collected little by little while the turtles over celebrate and fail to notice the obvious badguys. 

It's a beat'em up, so there's a level of monotony, but that's to be expected. It's still well paced and there's a lot of great call-backs to the comics, TV shows and fan service of all kinds popping up through secrets, collectibles and achivements that give those nostalgia bones a pop. You can even play as so many different characters, not only the turtles but also Miyamoto Usagi and Casey Jones! Once you beat the entire game, you start unlocking all kinds of new content. 

Beating the game is actually a ton of fun, especially when you get closer and closer to the end game from the original version. Fighting against Shredder and Krang comes to a new head as you fight the Super Shredder! This fight is so satisfying, especially if you're able to pull it all off, not dying with all of the power ups and health drops. Fans of Turtle Power are sure to love this, especially if you're a huge fan of the arcade classics. 

The DLC's are few and cheap. Just because they are paid DLC doesn't take away from the fact that they elongate this game in the best ways and give you more options of play. This game brings in elements we loved from the games we played back when the NES was popular and arcades ran these games like rivers of gold. It really feels like these types of games being produced so well is becoming more and more rare as time goes on. We should have more games like this. Let's keep fighting Shredder and Krang and keep consuming pepperoni, mushrooms and cheese! Virtua Ninja Pizza Run!!!!

Stadia - How Consoles can Eat Themselves


When the console wars reach new generations, sometimes we start seeing some very strange runners in the race. Every so often, they can be mega billion dollar juggernauts that smash our faces with awesomeness, like Nintendo's initially questionable Switch console. However, sometimes, there comes a console that has everyone scratching their heads, wondering where people came up with these... things. Sometimes the consoles just... aren't there. They were so proud of the fact that you do not have the console in your home and you could play your... thing on any screen in your house. It could be any screen far away, in a hotel. Tablets, smart TV's, phones, anything with access to the internet and some sort of controller feature could be used to play the games you... well... that's another problem. 

Problems, that is a big word you can use when you talk about Google's new project, Stadia. Once the platform launched November 2019, all you needed to do was pay one monthly fee. Well, there was also a $129 bill on top of that, which had people a little confused. You see, this whole "no hardware" deal they had with the console was all based around freedom to play it anywhere, no matter what, so long as it met the specs. Now they're telling customers that there is hardware you need to buy, the controller for the console was still required to be Stadia hardware. This seemed foolish because people already had universally praised Xbox controllers that they hook up to pretty much anything and play. There were a number of ways Google could allow people to use their own controllers, but they still needed that, on top of a connection link that you needed to input. 

The whole idea was that you could play this anytime anywhere and use games from a distant server that held all of your games, now that idea was obscured. This did not look good on them, especially when the console launched and there were... other problems. Users were starting to see this distant server gaming idea as more of an issue than a feature, as connectivity to the controller was very lax. People's input when they pressed the button did not match what was on the screen and there was a half second, sometimes even two or three second delay, depending on connectivity. 

On top of this, the lagging issues with servers and the capability of hardware was starting to show its cracks in their sales pitch. People were seeing strong issues with not simply turning off the Stadia, turning around and switching on literally any other console or PC and playing that way. In a world where you can play classic, beloved titles from your phone, Google was trying to shove their ways into people's hardware with not only terrible connectivity issues, but also a very limited library. 

This Planet Virtua has talked about the issues with people being patient with consoles and building their libraries. Playstation 4 had issues getting games out quickly and that hindered some in their sales, not that it mattered in the end. Stadia, however, was coming out with a brand new "console" with only a handful of current titles, fifty or so older titles, and one single exclusive...  This is not even stating that they had twenty or so games when it actually launched. They needed to play catchup and it felt like they never got any steam going when it came to what people wanted: The GAMES! It was 2019 going into 2020 at a time when people were having to stay in doors and they couldn't pick up the pace to try and strike while the iron is hot. They were still "releasing" games from 2016! 

Gylt, Stadia's one real exclusive game, was a middling game with passable reviews, and that is the one single title that they are trying to sell us on? So, your server "power" doesn't really mean much if the hardware isn't up to specific requirements, that limits the consoles considerably. Then, your library is floundering from the start and never breaks a hundred until WAY into its lifespan and are played far better on other consoles. 

That was what kneecapped this system from the very start. It brought no innovation to the table, it was selling you back your old games, (which cost money, strangely enough) that people already owned and the experience playing on it was so wonky. One moment you're cruising no problems, then your game starts lagging and the controls go to crap. Stadia never truly fixed the control problems throughout its four year lifespan. The very idea that this bundle of horrible mishaps went on for four years is an abysmal notion. That's like dying from several bullet wounds but still trying to win the 5K run as you fade, this was not healthy for Google. Nor was it good for their cleaning bill.

They proved to be a terrible company, once again, upon Stadia's ending days. Google was going to pull the plug and they made the announcement public. Then game devs and people who worked at Google, on Stadia, found out about it along with the consumers, in September 2022. These people were going to be out of a job and they were given no prior notice to find another job. The console never reached any good heights, it never sold well, and even people who were dedicated to its success admitted that it never reached any real peaks. It was pretty much all valleys. 

They tried to tell us that this was just like Steam, that this was the platform you needed to get because it could be played anywhere on any screen, which made it better. This was going against a company and a platform that was tried and true from the get-go and started modestly, eventually turning into a gaming titan with its own issues. Stadia started out with issues and tried to show us gameplay that still needed processing and work. The technology sounded great on paper, but the execution was absolutely dreadful and unfinished. It just wasn't there. It officially became not there in January 2023. It's still not there. It's just not.

Virtua Fighter 5 R.E.V.O. - World Face Smash!

 Well, look at that! This isn't the reinvention of a Sega Saturn game exactly, but it's definitely along the same lines! This is a r...