Doomverse #5 -- John Romero is Doomguy!

 

 Believe it or not, this is an analysis of a book! Doom Guy: Life in First Person by John Romero was just released, and it was very quickly digested. There are many thoughts. First and foremost, I would like to thank John Romero for bringing out a book that is not only an amazing read, but also amends some misinformation that has been released by other sources. He even calls out the biography Masters of Doom by David Kushner on some of its misinformation and misleading terminology. 

It really is a testament to the effort the entire ID team put into this one game that shaped gaming pop culture as we know it. Even its predecessor, Wolfenstein 3D, had a hand in wrenching the status quo and paving the way for Doom beforehand. John Romero did a fantastic job displaying the way they worked together as a team and pitched into the effort of making this game amazing. Even Tom Hall, with his short-lived stint in its development had influence in the final product, whether he saw it at the time or not. It was especially refreshing to see Romero's close friend get his due diligence. 

What got me about this book was how he beared no ill will toward his former colleagues, even the ones who didn't end up being faithful in the long run. He seemed to go out of his way to make sure that if he sounded bitter, it was only because he was telling the truth. Like a stone, however, he allowed the negativity to wash over him and he has more or less seemed to let it go. He makes it clear that holding grudges only wastes energy and eats at the soul. 

His stories about Doom were far better than they were in the Kushner book. This is no insult to Kushner, though I am a little peeved he "exaggerated" a few details for drama's sake. Truth be told, the drama got old. What was delightful were the years at the lakehouse. Those years when they were in the building beside the screaming dentist's office and smashing things. That's the good stuff. John Romero lived it and his descriptions on how they made the models, guns, levels and game mechanics for Doom were in head-spinning details.

Romero even put coding terms in words that those with even a basic understanding of computers and software could follow along with. That is very difficult to do because coding is literally another whole category of languages. You can just hear the flare in his words as he tells stories, my favorite being when he was in the middle of the photoshoot for the coverart. This coverart is very well known to Doom fans, and little did I know that none other than John Romero himself posed as the Doomguy! The model they had doing it simply posed as the demon grabbing his arm. Romero is actually the original Doomguy. 

That's fitting, because, much more well known to fans, John Romero is also the Icon of Sin. That's right, folks, despite the early days of Doom not having a whole lot of lore, the creation of doom definitely has some good material. He not only performed the distorted voice work for the main Doom 2 villain, but he also has an icon of his head on a spike behind the hideously awesome image of the Icon himself. He had no idea they'd done this, but in retaliation, he put in the voice easter egg to get the last word in. That's just how awesome he is. 

There was really no need for him to explain about his decisions back in the day. It was pretty clear what had happened and there are very few people who would do things less impulsive and seemingly nuts. He was handed the keys to the kingdom and he thought he could lead a new team to develop the most awesome game ever by himself. One of the many issues was, he got too ambitious with technology and people he did not know well enough. After having his dreams crushed with the disappointment of Quake, he was ready to load up Dai Katana with every mechanic imaginable. It didn't work. It was way over-budget, passed deadlines and was a worse experience than Quake to make. John Romero made some miscalculations. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. 

I, for one, have nothing but gratitude and respect for this man (hence the impulsive article), and that should be the standard for those who have had hours of fun with one or any of the games Romero had a hand in. Make no mistake, he had his hands in more than just ID software games. His influence and his expertise found its way into Heretic and Hexen, Deus Ex would probably have never gotten made if it weren't for his generosity toward the development team and he still makes Doom levels today. Either Sigil that was released for free or One Humanity where the proceeds went to charity for the Ukraine War. 

If you are a fan of Wolfenstein, Quake, Doom, Commander Keen or any title as such, Doom Guy: Life in First Person is a title that you will most likely, very deeply enjoy. It's an update on his life and it is a gripping tale from start to finish. The beginning is very dark, especially considering he was a child or teenager when some of the less comfortable events happened. Make sure you're okay with the contents before you make the purchase (Drugs, alcohol, child abuse and neglect, etc, it is not graphic). Give it a look and thank you for reading my little spontaneous book report. Rip and tear, dear friends.

Alien Trilogy (Saturn) -- Let Me Hug Your Face

 

Alien, if there were ever a greater combining of science fiction and horror in film, it was never found. The first two movies, I mean, the other ones can take a hike off a short pier. This game, however, has been a little divisive of the Saturn fanbase and there are a few reasons for this.

If you were looking for a game with atmosphere and scares, this game isn't void of them, but it's in rather short supply. The graphics in the maps aren't bad and they got the look of the aliens right, they just didn't combine the two to their full effect. Walking through the corridors, you expect to see a full xenomorph jump out at you or a face hugger attempt to attach itself to sudden terrifying deadliness. 

Well, there is an alien, but he just kind of comes toward you. The AI isn't really there to take advantage of the setting or aesthetics. They pretty much react like enemies in a first person shooter. On top of that, in the first few levels, not only is ammo rather scarce, but so are the aliens. With how many bullets it takes to kill an adult xenomorph, it was wise to give people the challenge. The problem is that this still does not make the game very exciting.

Later levels fix this by giving you stronger weapons and more enemies. There comes another problem though. There are only xenomorphs and face huggers. Two types of enemies do not exactly inspire excitement. Unless you count eggs you need to shoot. Then there are three types. Yippee.

The game isn't outright terrible, despite it being on my bottom 20 list of Saturn games. It just doesn't have that hook and follow-through that Doom is so well known for. Doom had an entire entourage of demons to rip and tear and, yes, some of them had big guts. With so many types of enemies to face, you are preoccupied with finding ways to take them down. With an alien and a baby crawly alien, this is a bit more apparent. A shotgun pretty much does the trick for both.

Trilogy did, however, have a decent set of weapons. The flamethrower is always fun to use, for instance. Still, the problem still remains that this is like figuring out what kind of shoe to crush a cockroach with. In the end, it will get crushed.

There is fun to be had here. As said, it has its own challenges and the maps are well designed to traverse. Once you find a good size group of aliens, the fun can be quite invigorating. It just happens too irregularly because you'll either figure your way out of a map rather easily or you'll get lost.

The recommendation for this game is rather tentative and should be aimed more toward fans of the horror FPS genre. It may surprise you, because this game does have a fanbase, so give it a try. Just be careful when drinking space water.

Doomverse #4 -- Virtua Top 10 DOOM Games!

 

What can be said about this franchise that hasn't already been stated a million billion times in the past? Doom was not the first FPS, nor was it all that original of a concept to begin with, but it modernized the genre for its time and inspired many, many developers from its release and onward.

ID software developers, John Carmack, John Romero, Sandy Petersen and Adrian Carmack (no relation) created a game with a simple concept. A portal to Hell is opened up and a lost Marine who was the sole survivor on a base in Phobos has to fight his way through a legion of its minions.

Thus, Doom was created. They took the name from a line in a Tom Cruise movie back in the 80's and thus changed gaming as a whole. It was 3D without actually being 3D. It was a 2D overhead with a different view point, much like they did with Wolfenstein 3D. This one, however, had different levels of detail, and you were able to climb stairs as well as fall down wells into acid pits. The whole thing was given a layer of depth that had never been seen before. It became a phenomenon that still thrives decades after its original release.

Since then, where other, very popular games have failed, Doom has succeeded in spades! While Duke Nukem Forever killed its franchise, Wolfenstein has had a decline in quality, Hexen and Heretic has had a spiritual successor but no official, recent games, Doom has endured because of a standard of quality that has not been sullied. Say what you will about some of these games, they have never reached the level of "terrible".

So, that's where we're at now. At the time of writing this, Doom Eternal is the most recent title in the series and now there's enough material to make a top 10! This will include all of the official releases. Although, of the multitudes of mods, there are some gems that deserve to be on this list. Still, that's a lot of games to go through, so we'll keep it Dead Simple (hoho!). Disagree with this list all you want. If you have qualms with my choices, by all means, make your own top 10 in the comments! Let's rip this list a new one!

#10 Plutonia Experiment

Many have said that this game just isn't worth the effort. It is entirely too hard to get good at and the frustration levels reach unnerving heights. While there is a bit of truth to this, that doesn't mean this game is without its own merits. I have never beaten this entire game, but I have definitely gotten lost in its levels and journeyed through its ridiculous amounts of Revenants and Mancubi. It really just takes practice, circle strafing and knowing when to let the monsters infight to even make a dent in its long list of levels. It's by no means a big favorite, but it is one that I am more than happy to get into on occasion.

#9 Doom 2 Master Levels

While some of these maps are extremely cryptic and very light on weapons and ammo, sometimes it's just so satisfying when you finally figure it out. The death traps in this level pack are some of the most horrific in the entire franchise, that includes Plutonia. Both are strong contenders against one another for the hardest pack of levels. Master Levels of Doom 2 is just another official mod that played around with the Doom Engine and it's just fun to see what they come up with. There aren't any real memorable maps other than Bad Dream and a couple of others, but you can just tell the modders were having a great time making it. 

#8 Sigil

By the one and only John Romero. After decades of lying dormant with the series, aside from some interviews and playing the games he created for the public, Romero comes out of nowhere and makes a whole new pack of maps for all of us to enjoy for free! The maps work far different from your normal fare. He took a lot of concepts and expanded upon them like platforms you activated by shooting the panels. The maps are a bit more monster heavy and stretches the concept in ways that a lot of modders never thought of. The maps are inventive and open up all new possibilities for gameplay. If you have not tried Sigil (or Si6il if you're L337), you are depriving yourself of a good time!

#7 Doom 3

Whatever your thoughts on Doom 3, you have to admit that it was a decent idea to begin with. Adding a brand new survival horror feel, dark spaces, and concepts that still live on to this day, Doom 3 was a mixed bag that was a lot of fun to explore. It pushed the boundaries of gaming graphics and made a lot of the computers of the time strain under its weight, being the first 3D Doom title. Now, with modern computers, that's not really an issue. Later modifications, i.e. the BFG edition, removed the flashlight mechanic and made the overall game easier while also giving you more ammo to work with. Whether you enjoyed it for its challenge, or simply loved the new horror views, it's just a fun game to engross yourself with. 

#6 Doom 64

This was a game that took some getting use to. Many people never even tried it because they thought that it was just another Doom port for the N64. When you played it, however, you'd probably be surprised to realize that it is a different game entirely when it comes to new skins, new maps, and the game mechanics that have been turned on their heads. It is, at its core, Doom! Once you get past the new look and feel of the game, you'll probably even start to like it better than some of the common titles. The maps have some more cryptic puzzles and the monsters work a bit differently but it is still very much the Doom we know and love in a nice, dark package.

#5 Doom Eternal

The one and only, Doom Eternal. At the time of writing this, Eternal is the latest in the series and what an installment it is! Brand new monsters, along with many callbacks and fanservice for just about every Doom fan to enjoy while they tore through ranks of demons! The graphics are stellar, the action is high octane and the difficulty is RIDICULOUS! With the collectibles, the replay value is beyond expectations and secrets upon secrets will have you coming back for more even after your first playthrough. The things that really keep this game from being higher than #5 for me is the fact that the platforming has become something of a hindrance with how much they used it, not to mention the ammo limitation that never gets a lot better throughout its playtime. Some levels are just a slog to get through because you need to be on point with your jumps and charges. Still, any Doom fan should play this, if nothing else than for the final boss which is so satisfying. You may just want to beat him again for good measure.

#4 Ultimate Doom

The culmination of all things Doom and a collection of the original games that took the gaming world by storm! The first episode is iconic and irreplaceable in the eyes of true Doomsters. If you have not played this game and you consider yourself a fan, then that title should be called into question. This game has aged like fine wine and should be revisited on every occasion you feel like you need to let some steam off on hell's minions. What puts this game at #4, however, is the third and fourth episodes. While they are not without their charm, they tend to be something of a frustrating mess. This was when the developers started to throw stuff at a wall to get the maps finished. Thy Flesh Consumed has to be the real low point, in this very subjective top 10 list, for Ultimate Doom. Still, this is the game that started it all and the welcome memories will always come flying back for all old school Doom fans who truly experienced its hayday.

#3 Doom 2016

A return to form that propelled the series into the hearts and minds of a whole new generation. It also gave old school fans everything they wanted and more. Despite a questionable multiplayer mode, Doom 4 killed all naysayers' opinions and brought us to a beautiful new level of ripping and tearing! Having awoken from a long slumber, the Doomguy, now known as The Doom Slayer, broke himself from the chains that bound him and began breaking Hell's legions into gibs and gore once again! From Mars all the way to Hell, you blast through the opposition with all of those glorious guns and weapons of death that you know and love, including the infamous Super Shotgun. Infamous to Hell's minions, that is, because its sinister blast has brought them down to size in more ways than one. After a long, long time of nothing in this franchise, Doom 4 gave us a nice long drink of water when we needed it most. Without any doubts, this is my favorite in the current franchise thus far.

#2 Doom 2 

While many will disagree, Doom 2 brought about a sequel that didn't change a whole lot, but what it did change was new weapons and new demons while bringing about all new places to kill them in. What brings this game to new heights of wonder, again, in this highly subjective list, is the birth of the Super Shotgun. In its debut appearance, it showed us brand new ways to cut down even the most annoying enemies without having the blowback that the rocket launcher had. Doom 2 was not especially stellar in its level design, but really, once you make it through to the end, you tend to remember all of the great parts. The final boss is disappointing, that much is certain, but the Icon of Sin did bring about some very inventive imagery in our own imaginations. Not to mention one of the best parts of Doom Eternal. This title made Classic Doom games whole and became the cornerstone of Doom Mods ever since. That gives it every right to reach #2, that's for sure.

#1 Knee Deep in the Dead

Yes, I cheated, and for good reason. When I said that Ultimate Doom started it all, I wasn't exactly lying, but it also wasn't the whole truth. This is the zenith, the alpha and the primordial entity that is Doom. The game came out as what we Classic Gamers know as a "shareware" version of the game on two 3 1/2 inch floppy discs, only requiring 8 megs of ram to run on those old computers that no longer seem to exist. Knee Deep in the Dead gave us a taste of Doom and whetted our appetites for more! From the Hangar, all the way to the Bruiser Brother Barons of Hell, this was the start of a long, gory and beautiful road. It takes no time to clear these levels but they are so simplistic and beautiful, you never need change perfection. The first episode of Doom is where the team really focused their efforts and gave us a demonstration of what was to come. From here, it's all downhill; straight down into Hell where none shall escape your vengeful wrath!

ID software had no idea that this game would literally build the foundations of their careers and catapult them into gaming legends. While the company is nothing like it use to be, they still know the importance of the big bloody D and obviously put their hearts and souls into keeping its legacy alive and kicking. Now take this shotgun and go have a bloody ball!

Doomverse #3 - Wolfenstein in (almost) 3D!

                                         

For old school gamers, this game was a Godsend of its time. It's not quite the original First Person Shooter, but it was the most easily obtained of its time. Not to mention, the learning curve makes it to where you can just pick it up and play it, no questions asked. ID Software had some success in their earlier titles, but Wolfenstein put them directly on the map. They weren't a household name until Doom came out, but we've covered Doom.

Right now, we're going to dive into one of the most glorified ways to kill Nazi's in gaming. Wolfenstein gives you a luger and tells you to go to town. While the first episode never really gets to nailbiting difficulty, do not let that lull you into a false sense of security. This game gets hard. You are William J Blazkowicz (Or BJ for short) and you are a prisoner in Castle Wolfenstein, captured by the Nazi's. You are able to overpower your guard and take his gun and that sets you off on a journey to take down the entire Third Reich. And no, I'm not kidding.

You pretty much go from level to level, collecting bullets for three weapons: The pistol, the MP-40 submachinegun and the chaingun. Your objective is to collect as much treasure as you can and take down the enemy forces using any means necessary. Guards, SS troops and killer dogs are all over the first episode. There are rooms that house at least ten or twelve of these guys and taking them down can be something of a trick. 

Another thing this game is best known for is its secrets. There are some very obscure secrets on random walls that sometimes do not differential themselves from other walls. It's not like in Doom where it could be a different color or slightly off angled in its decorations. These walls make it to where, if you want to 100% the game, you'll be pressing the use button and rubbing your face up against a lot of walls. 

The more you look at this game, the more you start to realize that a lot of what you love about FPS's got their start right here. Hit scanning enemies also got their start here, and if you don't know what that is, allow me to explain. Hit scanners will fire their weapons and through a random number generator, it's a coin flip whether or not they hit you. You can't dodge and you can't get out of their way to avoid them, you have to hide behind cover. Your weapons are also hit scanners, so there's a part of it that evens out.

Final levels in each episode have a boss battle attached to them. If you started out with the Shareware version, you would have run into Hans Grosse. This big bastard holds two chainguns and he will mow you down within seconds if you stand in his way for too long. Think two chainguns is too much? Well, Adolf Hitler runs around in mech armor that holds four chainguns and once you break his toy, he still runs around with two of them. Still, the fact of the matter is that you can kill Hitler with nothing but your will and your bullets. That is enough for celebration by itself. 

The real difficulty of this game stems from a lot of the level designs. This game is far from perfect. It is long and there are times when you will get lost in a level, only to be gunned down by a wandering guard that caught you unaware. Sometimes, the game developers took the idea of a maze entirely too seriously and decided to make a secret maze that you can screw up if you push the wrong wall in the wrong place. 

Despite its flaws, it is still a solid, beautiful game that pushed the boundaries of what we know as gaming. Because of it, Doom was an enormous success and ID obviously had fun making it. If you were wondering what to play after the Doom Classic games are beaten, then give this a try. Destroying the Third Reich as a one man army has never been so simplistic and fun. Just remember to know when to use the machine gun rather than the chaingun. Save some ammo and kill the Fuhrer! 

Doomverse #2 - Unleash The Demons of Saturn!

 

 Let's talk about Doom. The masterpiece of a game created by ID Software, headed by both John Carmack and John Romero. Originally meant to be an Alien tie-in, Doom took on the hot subject of hell, death, guns and gore and put it on computers across the entire world. The impact this game has had on the world could not be overstated with a series of novels. If Wolfenstein 3D is considered the grandfather of modern FPS, then Doom is the father. With limitless amounts of ports across platforms of all kinds, the Doom franchise has thrived across the span of over two decades, despite a long lull in development between Doom 3 and Doom 4.

So, putting it on Sega Saturn should have been a match made in heaven, right? Well, not so much. While the developers had more than enough to work with in making it the best console port of its time, it was John Carmack that came down with the decision to not use any 3D tech, opting instead to keep it to the original textures. He single-handedly killed this port for everyone simply to avoid a bit of texture wobble. 

The result is rather disheartening. The frame rate drops to crawling rates, the controls are less than stellar but at least the graphics are fairly decent. The textures actually look really good, if not a little bit discolored, but was it worth it? No, no it really wasn't. This makes it look like the Sega Saturn couldn't perform well enough for Doom, but that is not at all the case. The Saturn had every capability in carrying both Doom and Doom 2, but instead, the frame rate was dropped to a dismal 12 fps which constantly bottoms out with too much activity on the screen.

You know what the real kicker is here, though? It's still Doom and it is still very much playable. It's no lie that the frames are awful and the controls are very slowed down as well, but thankfully the weapon firing rates were all heightened to compensate for the difficulty. It works surprisingly well. You can still find great enjoyment in this port if you are willing to look past its many faults. 

Discovering what became of this port was very depressing. It took time and gameplay, but overall, it was not a terrible experience. In fact, there is a lot of enjoyment to be had! You can now cheat and make it where you can have the super shotgun and all of the weapons in the first episode of Doom, Knee Deep in the Dead. You can now take down the Bruiser Brothers, the Barons of Hell in the Phobos Anomaly with the BFG 9000 and the plasma gun! It's a riot! 

There have been some who came forward, saying that Doom on the Saturn was the first version they ever played the game. They still love Doom. They had no problems playing it and thoroughly indulging in it. This is definitely not the best port by any means, but it is still not the worst. It still has the majority of the Doom 1 and 2 levels in tact, despite its limitations. Do not count this port out just because it has some graphical shortcomings. Doom is Doom and the Saturn is no different. 

Doom 2 

So, not sure if you're aware of this, but there is a Doom 2 port inside the Saturn port. Yes, it does not have all of Doom 2's maps, but it does start after the first iteration of Doom and you can skip to the Doom 2 levels if you so please. You can skip to the Doom 2 levels with full armaments and keys if you so chose with the cheating system. It's a pretty nifty little port, if I do say so myself.

Now, is it perfect? Of course not, it's the Saturn port, and it's in the later levels. The later levels were not very well optimized for the system at all! So, what do you get? Lot's more lag and lot's more problems with the controls. The problem with Doom 2 is that it did not translate to the system well at all because of Sandy Peterson's level design, first and foremost. 

Peterson put in his work, especially for the new kid on the block. I would say his levels and American McGee's levels are really the big issue when it comes to Doom 2, they are just all over the place. I know what level we're all thinking about and yes, The Crusher is a huuuuuuuge problem! Do I think this level should have been left off the Saturn port? Oh, most certainly, but here we are. Then there's Perfect Hatred, that level should be left off ANY iteration of Doom! That much is for certain.

Still, you can't not love a port where you can bring the Super Shotgun into any level of the first Doom, while the first Super Shotgun only exists on the second level of Doom 2. It is glorious to wield this amazing weapon against Barons of Hell, and any enemy that comes your way in any of the original levels! Do I love this weapon? Most assuredly. 

Then there's the fact that The Chasm and the Icon of Sin are noticeably absent from this port. While I know that the Icon of Sin is a bit of a bluster, it is not great that we don't have him as a final boss battle, as not great as he was in this game. The Chasm is a welcome absence, on the other hand. There are some other missing levels, but Dead Simple and Tricks and Traps are still very relevant. 

Throughout my entire playthrough of the Doom 2 game in Sega Saturn, once again I found myself enjoying myself and cutting down demons with the greatest of ease. I still do not get this whole stipulation of "if it's not as good, then it's not worth it". This port is worth owning and playing if you are a Doom fan and a Sega Saturn fan. I am living proof and there are others who love this port. Whether you come over to this side or not is your thing. Doom shall rip and tear either way. Virtua Splatter!

Do I wish we got a port more akin to the PS1? Of course, I do. Carmack was obviously not happy with his decision in the long run, and the developer who wrote the port was mortified to have been forced to change it from his original version which reportedly worked at 60 fps. It would have been nice to have, but these are the cards we have been played. Give this version a try if you fancy yourself an old school gamer. Saturn fans don't need to be proud of it, but we can keep it to ourselves. Now go spill some blood and rip demons responsibly. 

Spider-man: Wall Crawling in 3D!

 

For the longest time, I had a battle between two super heroes as my favorite favorite. Not the favorite of that particular brand or that particular kind, THE favorite. It was down to Spider-man and Batman. When it comes to two superheroes who share a great deal of history together, while having very little to do with each other, Batman and Spider-man are right up there. Not only have they had similar histories, but their overall personas are two sides of the same coin. They are also arguably the most popular superheroes in the market today. Similarly, their video games have shared a great deal of success and downfalls throughout the decades. 

Ever since the early development of video games, there were games for Spider-man and the caped crusader. Whereas Spider-man got his debut appearance in Atari 2600’s “Spider-man” released in 1982 and Batman made his debut in “Batman” released for home computers in 1986. This is prominent for the mere fact that several would draw the conclusion that Spider-man video games are largely knockoffs of the Batman games, which is not true.

Yes, there was probably some ideas gained here and there throughout development of both, but to bury the needle immediately without getting the facts is a mistake. Just because the combat system in the 2018 Spider-man game is very similar to the one in Arkham Asylum from 2009 does not mean that every single asset was ripped from the Batman game. Case and point:

Spider-man 2 (2004)

Hailed as one of the most unlikely gems to grace the wall crawler. Not only was this a free roaming sandbox, but it was also a movie tie-in game. Both of these elements normally spell immediate death for any game developer and whatever video game they were commissioned to produce. It went against the odds and not only survived, but thrived. It is still hailed as one of the best classic Spider-man ports of all time. 

While it is not without its faults and glitches, the game is still very enjoyable as a whole. One highlight of the game is that you are able to travel throughout the entire city swinging your web just like the webhead himself. Beating up criminals is fast paced, fun and simple without making the game too much of a chore to learn. This is where much of the gameplay in question comes into play. As you are about to be hit by an opponent, your spider-sense goes off to tell you to dodge. The mechanics and the interactive fighting is not as polished as the Arkham games, but they still have their own charm. The graphics are bright and colorful, though, in retrospect, they didn’t age all that well. The people themselves look like blurry alien life forms. Still, that’s just how things have progressed over the years.

The boss battles are plentiful and diversified in their mechanics as no two are exactly alike. One of the more agitating ones is chasing Black Cat through the city, following her trail. However, in keeping with the movie storyline, Dr. Octopus is the man of the hour and his boss fights do not disappoint. There are other usual suspects from the Spidey rogue gallery, including the Shocker and Mysterio who don’t have so much to do with the plot. They’re more there to keep the energy up and the game a bit longer. 

Much of the cast from the movie reprise their roles for the video game. Though the voice work is rather choppy in many areas, mostly due to the fact that they had limited numbers of voice actors, it’s not distracting from the overall quality. With a variety of side missions to perform and an overarching story, it’s still relatively short. What game there is will keep you occupied throughout. Though, one side mission that many have cited as a more dismal memory was “I lost my balloon!”

Spider-man (2001)

Though the name is not very imaginative, the game itself is very much deserving the name. Based on the 90’s animated series, what it lacks in three dimensional graphics, it more than makes up for in purely fun gameplay. Whether you prefer the N64, PS1 or Dreamcast version, it doesn’t matter. The wall crawling is still very easy to learn and the graphics are easy to get use to. Thanks, Neversoft! 

The game is a marvel of its time, featuring a vast number of Marvel characters throughout. It can get especially easy in some areas, for sure. However, if you’re just here to experience the game, it is quite the ride. Not only are you playing as the titular character, but you are also running from the police as you have been framed for a crime you did not commit. Now you must fight to clear your name with the help of allies such as the Captain America, Daredevil, Black Cat and Venom… wait what?!

Despite its born on date, this game has aged with some grace. Though, it still comes with the obligatory glitches and mechanical failures. For the year 2000, it’s quite the marvel. They may not have added the webs to his character model, but they brought numerous alternate costumes as a wonderful incentive to keep playing.

As you may have noticed, Spidey has gotten a lot of love from game developers who just wanted to do him justice. Games that had no business being as good as they were turned out to be classics that are still played and talked about to this day. Very few super hero games can do that for you. To be able to play a game and feel like you are the hero is a very rare quality, even today. The fact that Spider-man had games that could achieve even a fraction of that feeling back in the early 2000s is outstanding! Yes, he has had his fair share of the stinkers, every hero with his library size has.

He still has better games than Superman, am I right? 

Virtua Neptunes Top 10 Worst Saturn Games

 No console is without its flaws, just like no human is without their flaws. As a fashion model covers their blemishes, us Saturn fans tend to overlook some of the less popular games in the franchise. While we here at Virtua World would love to say that we see eye to eye with all Saturn fans, well, we don’t. Our views are not yours, and we know you’re going to argue. Just keep it civil.

Before you begin to wage Virtua War upon our planet, let’s set the ground rules. First of all, again this is all opinions, please treat them as such, because if we just listed all of the lowest rated games of the Saturn, that would just get generic and boring. Next, this is the worst games of the Saturn port, this is not a review of the games themselves. Some of these games were perfectly fine on other systems. Next, this is based on games that I have played, because that’s the only way I can judge them. Whether they are well made or favored by others is not the point. Okay? Okay.

#10. Doom

Why one of the greatest games in history is on any worst games list is anyone’s guess. Oh, wait, no it’s not. John Carmack has the dubious dishonor of single-handedly ruining this port. Whatever the story is, he made the wrong choice. Now, Doom for the Sega Saturn is choppy, laggy, pixelated and an all around abysmal experience. Once you step into any open areas with lots of detail, your game slows down that much more. It has a very large chance to completely freeze in some of the later levels where the areas are open and the enemies are plentiful. This is assuming you can ever get that far with this port. Not only is the Saturn controller not as good as a keyboard, it is also not very good for a Doom port to begin with. This is a game that has been made playable on an ATM machine, people. Just saying…

#9. The Horde

It has been said that this is a quirky, fun game with some charming animation. Quirky, yes, fun is subjective and charming animation doesn’t really help. The fact of the matter is that the full motion video (FMV) presents you with some of the worst actors since Plan 9, and their constant badgering is really annoying. After that nonsense, you are transported to a world where you slice bumbling orcs and goblins that are attacking the fine, slow motion folk of your kingdom. You are able to set up defensive postures and all that, and that’s all well and good. However, when it gets right down to it, maybe I don’t feel like playing as a young lad who swings his sword like a gangly helicopter with severe muscular deterioration. Many have said that they can get good at this and some of the gameplay elements in the later levels are a lot of fun, however, the journey to get there just isn’t all that fun to look at, let alone participate in.

#8. Street Fighter The Movie

Renting this because it combined elements from both Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat was something that we as young children could not see coming back in the day. The internet was scarce and we didn't have youtube reviews. So we think this game has a title we can trust. This was before we saw the very stupid, very guilty pleasured movie, and scoffed. The gameplay is awful, ranging from overly sensitive to just flat out misdirected. The figures look terrible, the special moves should not work the way they do, and this was just a bad idea to begin with. The whole thing makes it look like the actors are puppets on strings. Instead of blending into the background, they make the whole game look like it's stuck in terminal green screen. Who, exactly, signed off on this? Was it Jean Claude himself? No? Well it sounds like something he’d do.

#7. Virtual Hydlide

Though generally viewed as the worst game on the Saturn, this regrettable title most certainly is not. It does, however, earn that viewpoint for a reason. When you’re a lover of fantasy and medieval lore, you tend to get suckered into these cheap knockoffs when you’re not careful. All of the rumors are very true: Hit detection is ridiculously hard to gage from the stance of yourself and the enemy’s hits. Some enemies drain your entire hitpoints in just a few hits. The game’s levels and dungeons are wretched to look at, let alone play in. Although, there’s no regret in trying this game, it was honestly better off on that Blockbuster shelf.

#6. Sonic 3D Blast

This game should honestly be a higher rank on this list, but upon another recent playthrough, it has been decided that this title is “mostly harmless to a certain degree.” Obviously, have your own opinion on this game all you want. It is still a far cry from any of the original Sonic library and even when it’s better than the Genesis version, that’s really not saying a whole lot. It still feels very little like an actual Sonic game. It doesn’t need to go light speed, but we’d like a bit faster than a light jog, please! And DAMN your platforming! I’m sorry, that was a bit much. But really, Sega?!

#5. Corpse Killer: Graveyard Edition

Thankfully, these live-action rail-shooters did not catch on, though some developers tried. The fact of the matter was that their gameplay was so repetitive with the machine-gunning constantly. Zombies would fly out at you from nowhere and just charge into you. Close up zombies looked like pixelated cowpies. You just sat there and shot, hoping another zombie wouldn't speed toward the screen like a mosquito.  The acting with every character you meet on this tropical hellhole is atrocious, much like many FMV games, and the people in the zombie costumes look more like mental patients and big dead preschool students throwing tantrums. If there is any redeeming factor with this game, please, by all means, find it yourself.

#4. Death Crimson

Whenever you love a game like Virtua Cop, you tend to think that every game could possibly be as great as that one. Death Crimson tries entirely too hard to be like Virtua Cop without actually putting in the effort to make it any good. The controls were awful, the aim system was broken, the polygons looked like someone had microwaved them for a moment, and the framerate made you think your game had been scratched by a rough sponge. Enemies glitch into existence before they are quickly taken care of and glitch right back out as if never there to begin with. If you can pass through the first level without a headache, it becomes an endurance test to see when you get one, as it is only a matter of time. There are times when a game should not be released in America, we are grateful that it works out that way sometimes.

#3. Double Switch

The idea of watching a house at night to protect the innocent was an interesting concept. Maybe even make the scene really creepy with a masked serial killer, that’d be cool! Nope! What you got was generic film noir, horrific acting of the worst caliber, and the most laughable, bumbling morons who look like they’re in a Benny Hill sketch. If it were not for the overall entertainment value of this FMV slogfest, it could probably hit #1, but it is entirely too much fun to see people act like they have mental disabilities while also trying to play it straight. It loses even more points for Corey Haim, however, the inclusion of the late, great R. Lee Ermy makes up for this mistake. It’s not even a mixed bag, but that was nice to see. It gets a pass at 3, not to mention, there is less fun to be had.

#2. Rise 2: Resurrection

It sure is nice to have the added feature of the AI deciding to be cheap and repetitive whenever they feel like. Fighting games are always more fun when the computer can spam attacks that should take a second to perform. Bundle that with some of the worst, most choppy animation on a 32-bit fighting game and there you have Rise 2, sequel to Rise of the Robots. If that title alone doesn’t depict the amount of effort was put into this project, then one round with the controls should be enough to convince you. One single playthrough of this game is enough to make you want to put it back in your mother’s purse so she can return it to the rental store. There’s always next weekend.

#1. The Crow City of Angels

If there was an advantage to making your game literally unplayable, I certainly cannot find it. This was back when GoldenEye showed kids that not all movie tie-in games were evil. The Crow City of Angels was a game that set that fear right back into all who would behold it. With a strangulating control system and the most nonsensical camera angles, you may think you’re making it to level 2, or maybe even halfway through level 1, but you would more than likely be wrong. Passing it from sibling to sibling to friend to friend does not help. It does not matter what kind of prior gaming experience is in your arsenal. This game will not stop for you just because you can’t do anything in it. It is only there to kick you while you are down. How dare you play it?!

Honorable Mention

The Incredible Hulk Pantheon Saga - After a let-down like the Genesis version, you would think you could come to another Hulk title on the next generation and get more out of it. No, not really, you just get more confused and damaged for no reason. The puzzle solving in this game doesn’t so much give you a sense of relief, more a sense of wtf, because the Hulk should be able to strong arm just about every single one of these so-called “barriers.” Add on the random damage you take and the injuries sustained that the Hulk would have no problem recovering from are now suddenly killing him. Hulk nap now.

There are so many more bad games from the Saturn, and yes, there are some major ones that were missed. I do not rate games that I have not played. I’ll give them a second-hand glance, but there is no way you can ask someone to spend money on a game just to talk about how bad it is. Consider donating some bad games to Planet Virtua and, I’m certain I can be far more generous with my reviews. Beyond that, enjoy the free reading material! My Virtua Budget!

Gamer Hangovers

 Ow, my head. Aspirin, please. Hey, guys, time to pack it in for the night. I know, it's daytime and the sun is up. Yes, the bed is covered in nacho cheese, I'll clean it tomorrow. Whatever, let's face it, New Years is going into its 5th day and the booze isn't helping. Sure, the landlord sent us 3 citations and we stole his dog for the night, so what? We make bad choices and right now, I don't want to hear about them. 

In fact, after such a rough night of partying and moral dilemmas that come of them, all you really need is a blanket, some water, hot soup and maybe hair of the dog. Either way, it is time to relax. Lower the lights, make them nice and dim for your poor retinas and let's see what we have in the old Virtua Catalog. 

                                                                                        Outrun

You really can't argue with an arcade classic like Outrun. Instead of actually driving when you've wrung your body of its water, try driving on this little gem. The music is soothing, the engine sound is relaxing and the gameplay is so mind numbing and easy, honestly, there's really nothing holding you back. Just be sure you don't suffer from motion sickness, that is a real dang--NO NOT ON THE KEYBOARD!

                                                                                            Myst

Remember when I said this game is boring? Well, boring also means relaxing. With a nice, slow point and click game with minimal noise, it's almost like the developers had it planned like this from the start. There's no timelimits, nothing to dodge and nothing to jump around or onto. Just point, click, explore, doze off, explore, eat, sleep. Where'd the day go?

                                                                                            Feng-Shui

For those unaware, Feng-shui is the art of one's surroundings and bringing balance to their life. It is a way of self expression and the releasing of energy to bring prosparity. Here's a video game for it. You move around weird looking houses and symbol things. It's definitely not something to do while under alternative forms of addled states of mind. You're going to do it now, aren't you? Well, I warned you.

                                                                                        Aquazone

It's building a fish tank and taking care of fish. You literally make their surroundings, choose some fish, feed them and take care of them. I challenge you to remain stressed with the sound of bubbles and the sight of your fishy friends eating. If you're looking for a surrounding and ambience of total tranquility, there are now fish. You're welcome.

So, if you've been less than stellar with your body, try and work some vegetables into your diet afterward, at the very least. You know, when you're sure it's not going to come back up. I know I advocate the drinking of water and hydrating, that much is for real. Just don't do this sort of thing before work the next day, do it on a day when you can put on some nice Virtua Atmosphere and leisure time to just curl up in the covers. Get a fireplace going, maybe invite a loved one to join you and take a load off after a hectic holiday season. 

Happy New Year 2024, 

Let's hope it gets better