The Konami Triforce - Don't Punch the Machine

 

The arcades were once a treasure trove of gaming greatness. Everyone loved eating a pizza, throwing some quarters into the machines and going to town on some pixelated baddies. There were three of all of these arcade games that stood out among the rest with beat'em up greatness in their veins. These three games are none other than the Simpsons, X-men and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. These three are remembered for their game mechanics and graphics, along with how many quarters they drained from our pockets.

TMNT stands among the greats for its enormous graphical superiority that does not stray from the original 1987 cartoon's greatness. This doesn't just pertain to the four turtles, this also goes for Shredder, Bebop, Rocksteady and all of the foot ninja. Taking down Killer Pizzas, Leatherhead and Krang never felt so good until the Konami came along and did great things for the Turtles themselves. 

While it may be considered inferior to its successor, TMNT IV: Turtles in Time, this game does not slouch in the slightest. Levels like the Technodrome and the sewers have been seen as some of the more iconic in the series. There are some annoyances here and there, especially when it comes to the flying villains that you can only jump kick. This is most prominent with Baxter Stockman, but thankfully, it is seldom seen throughout the game.

The Simpsons was in its hayday when they decided to put them into an arcade machine. The fighting mechanics and the imagery just scream fandom for the old TV show. The plot is very simple, Maggie got a diamon in her mouth, Smithers kidnapped her and you need to go save her. Apparently, Mr. Burns has a lot of influence because you suddenly find yourself fighting through droves of people and animals and whatever else decides to take a swing at you. 

There are a lot of familiar faces throughout the whole game. Milhouse, Nelson, Principal Skinner to name just a few. It's really cool that they gave them all their own styles of fighting. While Homer can punch with his fists, Marge carries her vaccuum to swing at the ne'er-do-wells. There are a lot of different levels through the game, namely Mr. Burns' powerplant and the cemetary. It's all a fantastic spectacle for any who know the deep, long, maybe overly long lore of the Simpsons. This was a simpler time, though. This was when they were good. 

X-men once had a different TV series in mind before they went with the 1992 Fox Kids Cartoon for Saturday mornings. If you would like a glimpse of this former series, you need only watch the original pilot that was turned into an X-men TV special called "Pryde of the X-men" because it was going to star Kitty Pryde, or Shadow Cat for those in the know. 

They took this concept and brought it into a game before the series was ultimately cancelled, but with the existance of the special and the 92 series, made it to where this never lost relevance. Fighting sentinels, robots and strange other mutations is amazing when it comes to using your mutant powers. There are some amazing powers on view here. The favorites here have to be either Wolverine's laser claw slashes or Colossus with his power up that everyone knows "OOOOOOAAAAAHHH!!!!!"

It takes a lot to make a truly great beat'em up. Where some have failed, these three have succeeded with every category. Their graphics, hit mechanics, power ups, powers and enemies have to be among the greatest in gaming. They are very reflective of the TV series they all represent (or were going to represent) and remain gems that need more ports. More people need to play them! More punches and kicks need to be done against foot ninjas and punk yellow kids who think they can pop an attitude! Virtua Pop'em in the Face!!!  

Doomverse #18 - Doom Creators

 

Thanks to John Carmack and John Romero, Doom was made to last. One community that Carmack respected and loved was the hackers. To that end, he made Doom into an easily hackable game where they can change everything about the outlook and mechanics, swapping out content to make it customized to however you want.

Even if you can't modify the game mechanics, you can still create your own maps using Doom's own components. The only limit is your imagination and thanks to the enginuity of many modders and mappers, Doom has stood the test of time and still remains one of the strongest and longest lasting game fandoms. Doom WADs (or Doom "Where's All the Data" files) can be tampered with, edited and changed to your liking. Just remember to get the creator's permission before you start messing with their maps.

Doom mods like Brutal Doom, Project Brutality, Doom Zero and No Rest for the Living, created their own entities of Doom and freshened up its concept many times over. People hold Doom Mapping contests all the time and one trip through the community will put countless Doom maps and mods at your disposal and enjoyment at no extra cost.

If Doom is your game, you owe it to yourself to try out these different mods. To get into the community, get GZDoom and start looking for commuities with maps and mods. The space taken up in a more modern computer will be minimal compared to the enjoyment you'll get. 

Mods like Brutal Doom and Project Brutality up the violence factor, add new and awesome weapons and different game mechanics to the whole thing. It ups the difficulty and also makes blood paint the walls with every shotgun blast. These have breathed new life into the franchise and people have started testing maps on them just to see how they hold up as opposed to just the "vanilla" Doom WADs.

Doom Mapping has become so inclusive that even I have gotten in on the action. I've been Doom mapping for over a year now and I'm still mediocre, but I can make as many levels as I want and play as much as I want as a result. If you're curious as to how my Doom levels are, here's a link to my Doom World post. That's a forum where many Doom creators congregate and show off their stuff. Give them all a look and happy killing.

There are mods that change the game entirely and in just about every way you can imagine. The possibilities are endless. However deep you want to go into the Doom fandom, just be careful, because like any community, there are some dark events and unsettling lore set around the community. Just be sure to check your sources and make sure you know the truth about a lot of it. Rumors and myths have run rampant dating back to its very inception. A good place to start would be the ID biography, Masters of Doom by David Kushner. That will get you started. The rest is up to you. Just try not to go too far down the gory rabbit hole and try to remember to consume the water labeled "Drink Me".

Doomverse #17 - Neptune Origins

 My father got us the shareware of Wolfenstein 3D back in '91. I need to say that I played it on an ancient computer and it still ran like a champ. We played it for hours and loved mowing down the Third Reich. We did a 100% run on I am Death Incarnate through out all of the episodes. It took a long time, I think around a year, and that was my introduction to the FPS genre. So, ID wowed me with their new game because there really was nothing like it at the time. We had a NES, but now this was the game we focused on. 

Then he got us the shareware for Doom. It was on two 3 1/2 floppy disks and required everything in our current computer at the time. Our computer was a real clunker and only had 6 megs of RAM. My dad went out of his way to get two more megs so we could play.

I remember, when we got Doom working, it was just like Wolf 3D, only different in its capability. Where everything was well lit in Wolf 3D, Doom was dark and gothic. I remember being in awe of being able to go up stairs and being terrified of the pinky demons when I first saw them.

Then there came the time I first made it to Phobos Anamoly and met the Bruiser Brothers. Their little entry points and their strength wowed me to no end. It seemed like I was emptying my chaingun on them and couldn't bring them down. I finally beat them with the rocket launcher and I was mesmerized by the terrible ending. I found myself playing the shareware version over and over again. I didn't memorize levels or secrets, I just loved playing the game so much that I would try out weapons in certain situations and find out ways to kill things faster. 

It took us a while to get Ultimate Doom, even though we got the shareware very soon after it came out. My dad was very triumphant when he brought those suckers home. It opened up yet another gate of gaming for me to enter and I had no idea at the time.

As a kid, I only rented the Sega Saturn Doom when I had my original gen 2 system because it was only at the neighborhood Blockbuster for a very short time. My brother and I played it over the weekend. I personally enjoyed it at the time because I simply loved Doom. I didn't notice things like framerates, I just accepted graphics like that because I started out when the SNES was just hitting its stride. I played the NES when I was five so these sort of graphics didn't really bother me. I had already played the Doom shareware and that one didn't run well on our old computer. 

I remember playing Doom 2 very near after playing Ultimate. One of my biggest memories was my first bout with the Cyberdemon. Trying to fight him with the rocket launcher was a pain! I didn't know at the time that the plasma gun was far more effective. Still, he's so awesome, it hardly mattered. To be honest, I did hit a few of those stupid Lost Souls up close with the rocket launcher. It was the weapon of choice, of course those little gremlins are going to fly into you. The programmers knew that! 

Since then, I've played all of the main titles aside from the mobile games. I have so many Doom ports, it's gotten a little comical at this point. The best levels were in their shareware version and it remains my favorite iteration of Doom to this day for its amazing enginuity and creativity with such limited power and resources. Doom became one of the pillars of gaming itself, along with Wolfenstein. So few franchises affected my gaming quite like Doom and it still remains one of my alltime favorites. Virtua Death!

Die Hard Arcade (Saturn) - Yule Die Even HARDER!

Hey! Are you ready to get punched in the face? Then, once your punching ends, did you want to get punched some more? Then, once that punching is done, did you want that punching to continue? Then, once ceased, did you want the former punching to then elongate in duration?! Then you have come to the right game, my friends! Here in Die Hard Arcade, the punching never ends (or so it seems)!

This is a beat'em up, so there is obviously going to be plenty of punchings in the face, but wow, they use the three dimensions to their fullest extent. This game makes getting the fire beaten out of you quite enjoyable, yes. It also brings about quite the challenge when it comes to keeping up with all of the enemies on the screen, however. The graphics, as the Saturn goes, are magnanimous. This is absolute pure Saturn gold, but that also makes it harder and harder to line up shots!

This game is a very well loved addition to the Saturn library, and for very good reason. A lot of people tend to overlook its flaws when it comes to controls, however. You would think a d-pad would be easier to work with than an arcade joystick, but it really isn't. The three dimensional environment makes it harder to use thrown weapons and projectiles effectively with so many enemies on the screen. This is especially apparent when you're fighting an entire battalion of fire fighters for some reason. This also involves a fire engine spraying water all over a parking garage. I don't know, I just work here!

Is this apparent throughout it? No, in fact, sometimes the firearms can come in very handy with taking out multiple enemies all at once. Even with the pistol, you shoot one bullet and it can pass through three enemies. Logic, am I right? The most fun that comes out of this is grabbing the missile launchers that blast your opponents into a fine powder. It is sooooo satisfying, it's amazing!

Whether it be on the arcade or in the Saturn, this game is really fun to play, especially with two players. It makes it easier, much more fun and it's one of those games that allows for those really fun moments where you take out multiple enemies with one explosion or save your partner, fighting off the thugs while they recover their bearings. It encourages a comradery like any other arcade beat'em up and it does it with a grace that makes it a standout. 

Pop this game in the machine any time. You may not get too far because mistakes can be made with so many opponents all at once. This is not a big commitment of a game, it's really more for the come-and-go arcade player who is just looking for a quick breaking of his jawline before class or work or coma. Just remember to bandage your wounds and don't get sprayed by a firehose. 

Die Hard Trilogy (Saturn) - Dreaming of a Red X-Mas

 

When you want a good time, you want a bit of variety, right? Why settle for one when you can have three? Although Die Hard Arcade is still a very good 3D beat'em up, and a jolly good bit of fun, Die Hard Trilogy is a bundle of fun on top of a frantic fast and furious ride (yes, I know what I said). So, now that it is the holiday season, why not end the year with a fantastic Christmas game? Whatever your thoughts on its status as a Christmas theme, this is what we're going with. 

The first game is probably the weakest of the three, but it's still a load of awesome gameplay. You lead McClane through a parking garage and shoot down some baddies. As simple as it is, you can go pretty crazy with your gun and keep firing off your gun as they surround you over and over again. Is it easy? Not especially, the bad guys can gang up on you pretty quick if you are not careful. Thankfully, the real saving grace for this section of the game is that there is a map for you to keep track of where everyone is. No matter how good you are, chances are you will be getting some hits. 

Making your way through the building, things do not improve for you. Men come out of nowhere and they keep up the heat! Help the hostages escape and cause as many explosions as you can to take down the criminals as you make your way toward the roof. You get machine guns, shotguns, grenades, and just about as much blood as you can stand. The real problem with this game is that it can be repetitive but that's to be expected with such a bare bones 3rd person shooter. So long as you pay attention to your surroundings, you can beat this game with a bit of patience and fast reflexes. Is it perfect? No, but really, when you're in the mood for some mindless shooting, just pick it up and start firing. Yippee Ki-yay.

The second game, Die Harder, is a railshooter, almost a Virtua Cop clone with a lot more blood. I do mean a LOT more blood. One shot and the criminals are a torrent of red, it's hilarious. Is it as good as Virtua Cop? Not really, but it's still a lot of run and gun fun for everyone. One nice feature is that it boasts a much higher ammo clip and you're able to turn the screen slightly when you're aiming off of it. It's chaotic, which is a good thing and a bad thing, because sometimes there's a bit too much action on the screen and the framerate can take a bit of a hit. 

Explosions are where this game really flourishes. Who doesn't love setting off a grenade only to have five puddles of blood to splatter everywhere? One real problem with this game is that the innocent civilians will literally saunter onto the screen without a care in the world. Because why run for cover when you can just get in the way of gunfire? They've obviously got a plane to catch so why wait? Run through the bullets! Make your way through the entire airport so you can get to the runway to fire down an entire jumbo jet! That's right, the main baddie is a passenger aircraft! Will wonders never cease? 

Now comes my personal favorite game in the trilogy. Some may call it Die Hard With a Vengeance, but I call it blood wipers. You drive through New York City streets, you drive through Central Park and you drive against a nefarious garbage truck. You can do all of this and beat the clock, taking down the bombs or you can just drive around and run into cars and pedestrians because why not? Blood on your windshield can just be wiped off because why not? The free wheeling style of this game can nearly be considered addictive. It's fast and bloody and beautiful!

One thing you may notice from all three of these titles is that they are unbearably simple. They are about as bare bones as it comes. This is a turn off for some, and that's understandable. However, as said before, this game is all about variety and it has that in spades. Die Hard Arcade adds a beat'em up element that could be considered one of the many features, so long as you possess both of these games. Die Hard Trilogy is something to pick up and just lose yourself into some brutal violence with guns and manslaughter where you don't need to worry about the 32-bit people you are destroying. 

Love it or hate it, Die Hard Trilogy is delicious junk food. You can eat it by the handfuls or you can have a light snack, it doesn't matter. Just put in your initials or a curse word in the top list, and have a Merry Christmas, because that's what it's all about in the end.

Sunset Overdrive - Zombie Brain Horror Fest 3: Wacky Splatter Zombs

What makes a game a guilty pleasure, truly? Why must a well-made game be considered something we should be ashamed to like? Nay, dear friends and readers, Sunset Overdrive is not a perfect game by any stretch of the imagination, but it most certainly shouldn't be considered a terrible game. The customization of your character and the free-wielding nature of this sandbox game should be enough to get some blood boiling with an itchy trigger finger!

This is a third person shootem up developed by our on again, off again friends at Insomniac. Before they created Spider-man for the PS4 and killed the sequels in the same breath, they created this very interesting free-roaming game. You're a lowly worker at a rave with a new energy drink. The energy drink causes people to mutate into OD (Overdrive Drinkers) and now it's a fight for survival as you try to escape the city. The story is exceedingly simple and that's really a good thing, because there's a lot of things to learn about the underlying lore and how the world works in its mechanics. 

The game is definitely aces when it comes to movement and controls. While the aiming leaves a bit to be desired, the interesting specials and different weapons make up for a lot of short-comings. It's just a matter of building up your arsenal, along with all of your special moves. You need to grind and collect things throughout the city in order to gain upgrades and levels. You collect the energy drink as a form of currency for weapons while toilet paper, camera lenses and various other things are there for various other abilities and powerups throughout the game. 

While the variations of OD are somewhat interesting in a few cases, overall, they're your normal zombie affair. There are the obligatory exploding zombies and they all love to crawl onto things while other variations shoot you with either fire or ice or whatever their types are. Visually, they stand out from everything else, and that helps when you're at a distance so that you can use your movements to your advantage. 

Combat is a bit of a double-edged sword, but it is definitely something of an addictive quality to the game at the same time. You skid along rails and bounce on cars and dumpsters in order to maintain your mobility and gain up momentum for special attacks with your style meter. The more you kill as you grind and jump, the more your style meter fills for special attacks. It's pretty standard, but if you trip up even once and stop moving, the meter can drop like a brick. This mechanic is awesome when it's pulled off, but losing all of your score is quite the constipated experience. 

The fetch quests are fine, for the most part. Yes, there are some "Go to the place and get the things" happening, but throughout everything, you'll find that they at least make it with your while and switch up a few elements here and there. The frequency with which you actually obtain items and mini-games keeps the game fresh while grinding elements allows you to explore the city, gain items and experience. The freedom you feel is kept because of the nature and the tone of the game. 

Someone tried very hard to make this game funny and it worked to a degree. On occasion, they will break many fourth walls and it will get somewhat annoying at times. Mentioning a character has a marker over his head and "Oh I should talk to him", yes, this has been done. There is some Deadpool humor, dark humor and all of that, but what really works is the random humor. At times, the game will finish a storyline for you as a gag or mention that you're not doing so well but you're getting better and it's these little touches that I like because it gives you the feeling that the game is on your side. 

The big glaring issues are a bit large on occasion, though. There are sections of this game that are a little tedious and some of them can be a little on the very frustrating side. Sometimes, you will be dealing with characters that are seen as losers or nerds and they will live up to this stereotype wholesale. The frequency with which you talk to these... Gen-Z stereotypes? Whatever they are, it's abysmal. They are not the only annoying characters but they are the ones that stand out the most in that category. 

Some of these combat sections and missions can come off as just flat out cheap. The mission where you're sailing a boat out of the city has to be one of, if not the worst part of the entire game. The number of enemies that appear at multiple intervals of the shore gets to ridiculous levels. There are levels where the platforming can get into details of a very small and difficult level where one single slip up can mean starting at the beginning. Then there are the boss battles where you need to climb the tower to strike at one point or you need to navigate your way through the sliding rails to do so. Either way, these points of the game are not especially good, but thankfully are not especially plentiful. 

One of the best parts of the game is the ability to customize your own character. They made it to where your options for skin color, eye color, voices and overall vibe can be molded to your liking and their personality isn't especially terrible, especially given the type of game this is. They tried to go for the late 90's, early 2000's vibe, much like Crazy Taxi or Jet Set Radio. They succeeded, but they also didn't need to try so hard with the soundtrack and all of the punk tattoo artwork on the menu screens. It's a delicate balance and they may have bled over the edges a bit.

One very large flaw this game possesses, if one measures such things, is the DLC. It's really kind of strange how developers think tacking on random story elements after the fact somehow enhances the gaming experience. It really doesn't. If you weren't planning to put in another story, doing this with a hastily shoved together game extension is not going to endear you to the vast public. It's some forgettable crap about going to an offshore oil refinery and you need to kill things. It's really not worth the time, nor the effort.

The humor of this game is subjective, like all comedy, but it's also an acquired taste. Some gags hit right on the money while some of the bigger, broader running gags run pretty thin quickly. I can only work my ass off to get stuff for ungrateful cellphone-dwelling jerks so many times before that runs dry. It's not at all a flawless game, but also pretty fun to just sit and grind. You might want to redo some of the favorite missions where you're taking down hordes or just casually blasting zombs. They just should have been drinking water, though. 

Virtua Turkey Cooker 3000!!!

Virtua Thankfulness is upon us! More Virtua Turkeys must be harvested for the Thankfuls! We must take to the Virtua fields and hunt us down Virtua Turkeys and the turkey equivalents. Find your weapon of choice and we must fight them now! Our travels will be vast, through Hyrule, Mars and even South Park! Yes, this is the true journey of gaming in order to feast upon the Virtua flesh of turkey and have left overs for sandwiches. Do not forget Virtua Gravy!

While we eat and watch the Turkey Day Mystery Science Theater 3000, we must plan the next day of feasting in Thankfulness! Our eating will be followed by our long journey, but do not forget to pack the left overs. Let us keep watching our show and prepare to take down evil horrible turkeys!

 Doom 3 Turkey Puncher

Super Turbo Turkey Puncher 3 is only for the most manliest of men who must man Turkeys to death with their fists! Go onto the Mars Station and find this arcade machine! The Virtua Turkeys are not going to punch themselves. Turkeys must be had for Virtua Thankfulness! 

South Park Turkey Shooter

South Park for the N64 requires much discipline in the ways of shooting and harvesting Virtua Turkeys! These are aggressively terrible turkeys, and you must be on top of your game! Gain your guns and fart bombs to take out these horrible specimen of Virtua bird flesh! Fully automatic weapons and winter gear are required to decimate the Virtua Turkey ranks and take down their numbers! The Thankfulness must be had! Virtua Fire!

Duck Hunt Dog Hunter

There is more bird flesh than simple Virtua Turkeys and Virtua Duck may also feast upon in Thankfulness! Fire them down and keep up the firing! Now, once you see the dog, primary target verified! Fire at the dog and don't make it look like he is the reason you are hunting! Do not question this! There will be Virtua birds for the Thankfulness but the dog must go as well! No one needs to know and no one shall question his absence! Go! Onward, to Hyrule!

Link to the Past Chicken Attack

Virtua Chickens are an acceptable bird in order to feast upon! Begin by going to the fields of Hyrule where chickens dwell. Next, begin to attack them with the sword of Thankfulness! This will bring us more chickens in order to feast upon in Thankfulness. Yes, I will be going over here while you do this. There is no questioning this action, keep slicing the chicken! I'll be running away now! Keep attacking chickens and do not worry about them pecking you into oblivion! The Thankfulness is had! Happy Turkey Day!

Virtua Sonic #8 - The Way Past Cool TV Shows

 

If there was anyone deserving multiple forms of media, it was definitely Sonic the Hedgehog! Sega wanted to cash in on his popularity and they came out with a multitude of everything from toys, glassware, clothes, and just about everything you would see in franchise spanning multiple countries across the globe. Sonic hit it very big for a very long time and we are still seeing him bask in his fame with not only TV shows, but also his own live action films. 

The shows, however, have run the gambit from frightfully awful to just downright amazing! With a plethora to choose from, Planet Virtua will just be covering a select few. We've covered the movies thus far, but it may take a few swings to get to all of our favorite shows about the Blue Blur. These are the TV shows featuring none other than the man himself, Jaleel White. Urkle from Family Matters was the original American voice actor that we all remember and love to this day. He had such volume and scope in his voice and it was a delight to have him as his voice for so long. The shows, however, were a bit of a mixed bag. 

The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

Ask a collective of people and you will get a vast spectrum of different opinions on this very peculiar title. Not only is this a strange show by standards of this quality, but also by its continuity from start to finish. In the beginning, we have Sonic and Tails with a very inept, terribly realized Dr. Robotnik. By the end, you may as well have decided we were on an alien planet with how vast the races, species and animalistic all of the inhabitants of this world are. The very last thing in its continuity was a Christmas special and the people were humanoid but also had pointed ears and weird colored skin like they were from Doug. 

The juvenile humor definitely appealed to a younger audience, but even then, there is clearly something wrong. The real problem with this show is that it is very repetitive by nature. Basically, Sonic will encounter the chicken and the dozer robot, have on a stupid disguise and fool them into getting destroyed. Dr. Robotnik will pull some giant robot out of nowhere or scam a whole bunch of people with plans that would never work. He lavishes in being evil and stupid and Sonic out smarts him. Somewhere in there, speed is involve. That sounds like it's over-simplified, and yes, it is. This show is not exactly something you can binge. You will run the risk of losing braincells. 

It's such a cheesy show and there is some form of enjoyment out of it, but at the same time, it also takes itself entirely too seriously. Sometimes, it will get its own stupid humor, but sometimes, it also has mello drama and tired old plots. Then it has the strange tendancy to have some sort of moral at the end of the show. These deal with deeply strange and/or serious issues that are a bit jarring after such childish antics. The series was cheap in both writing and animation. This allowed them to make the episodes en masse. 

Sonic the Hedgehog 

Sonic from Saturday Mornings was a very stark difference in quality from the show that was running along-side it. It also had a very stark difference in length, as it did finish its original season's plot, but ended on a cliffhanger. It was abruptly cancelled after a very successful run because the show's animation was extremely expensive. 

This show was far more grounded in reality and took place in a dystopian future of the planet Mobius. The planet has been taken over by Dr. Robotnik, because he actually has competence and brilliance. The problem is that he is also very arrogant and constantly underestimates the resistance that keeps fighting against him and his death machines. While Tails was a whiney little baby with stupid questions in the other show, here, he's a whiney little baby with stupid questions that have depth and character. This actually has a story behind it with likeable and relateable characters and Sonic has more dimensions than just liking chilidogs. 

It is a shame that there was a chance this show would have survived had it not been for Adventures. It had actual drama and a deep plot of trying to bring peace and prosparity to the planet while taking down a tyrant in the process. Sonic's powers are more defined and he is actually really cool when he fails, but then picks himself back up and comes back in style to save the day. While the story was ended in a very satisfactory fashion, despite the weird sequel bait and various small loose ends, it would have been nice to see what another season could have brought to the table. Instead, we got another TV show entirely. 

Sonic Underground

It is very much understood that this show has a following and that many Sonic fans got their start from it. However, the content herein suffers a great deal from having a little too much Adventures of Sonic blood in it. While it does have more story and depth to it, that's not saying a great deal, as it also has a great deal of juvenile humor and head-scratching moments. 

It really seems that the problem is that the characters have growth, but it's either entirely too slow or in the wrong ways. The siblings are constantly talking about how they need to find their mother, but it really seems like they are not going to extreme lengths and they are following clues that are obviously going to lead to all of the wrong places. There are just such enormous wastes of time and side-tracking that could have been avoided and that's saying something, given the quality of the writing. 

Jaleel White is awesome and there is no denying that. The dialogue, however, is abysmal and the direction they all get for voices must have been some of the worst. White voices all three of the siblings and the way they differentiate his voice tends to grate on the ear the higher the pitch. The episodes are also very clearly meant to drag out the plot and the "mystery" of them and their big series long quest. 

It's truth time, I don't even know if they find their mother or not. There is no way I could sit through every single episode of this. Unless there were some enormous payoff or there was some entertainment value in creating a youtube video or something, that would probably break the cerebral cortex for no payoff. It was hard enough sitting through the theme song. Seriously, if you wanted to hammer in your plot with obvious lyrics, you could have just skipped the song and had them explain the plot in a small speech at the beginning. Okay, that's rather harsh, but seriously, if you did not grow up with this show, there is no nostalgia to fall back on and that is a heavy hit. 

So, one out of three are not great odds, but Sonic has had some gems of TV shows, as Sonic fans know. We'll be taking a look at Sonic X and Sonic Prime in due course, but until then, the hedgehog will just continue to be awesome. Virtua Believe It!

Crazy Taxi - Get There in Pieces

Hey! You're gonna make some crazy bad decisions in life, so why not drive them on the Virtua Road! Crazy Taxi is one of those titles where people will immediately recognize it by either its soundtrack or its MC from the main menu. This was arcade level graphics in the comfort of your own home, much akin to the Sega Saturn, but it was smooth as butter. This is a racing game against time and you need to make sure your controls on the car are absolute. 

The Offspring is one large portion of this game's fame with the track "All I Want". The whole of music in this game is a time capsule of the 90's and the action within the game captures it to a T. The controls are responsive and once you get the Drive and Reverse button down, you can start making some split decisions. The real problem comes from traffic and the many things in your way. Sometimes, you just pick the wrong street and that's the name of the game. The random twists and turns can become headache inducing at times, but it's always a rocking good time at 200 mph! 

There is also the obligatory ramps that you can drive off of to gain a bit of an edge in your time. There are several shortcuts that you can take if you're going for the big goals. Many players will attest to simply wanting to drive around and smash into things, though. Casual gaming and serious points crunching are both very welcome in this legendary Dreamcast title. 

This arcade title gorged on quarters late in the lifespan of the public gaming scene. Even when Street Fighter III's numbers were rather dismal by comparison, Crazy Taxi's life support kept them alive just a bit longer. Even with a steering wheel and pedals, this game is very easy to maintain, but rather hard to master. Knowing when to D or R can make the difference between failure and a bit more time and money in your fare. 

Even the vague characters have a bit of a stake in gaming fame. They're quite lavish in their own characteristics with memorable designs along with the very X-TREME vibe this game is giving off. This is basically the last gasps of the 90's splurged into one game, along with a few others in the Dreamcast library. This, along with Jet Set Radio and select others kept this wondrous age for just a bit longer, and for that, Planet Virtua would like to honor them right here. 

The Sega Saturn 2 was under appreciated in its time but has thankfully become something of a monument of an era. Even against the Playstation 2, Gamecube and the Xbox, the Dreamcast went out in style and has lasted the test of time. The generation of gaming itself is something of the last bastion of old school gaming in the 3D era and we can't wait to take you for a ride across it here at the Virtua Planet of Virtua Planets. Accept no Virtua Substitute. 

Dragonheart Fire and Steel - Dragon Barf 2: Fire and Barf!

  

If you are an original fan of the Saturn, you may remember a little title known as DragonHeart, starring Dennis Quaid and the late Sean Connery. It was a pretty good film. Not great, not spectacular, but it was entertaining and not a bad watch if you were in the mood for some good old fashioned fantasy. It did well enough to deserve some knockoffs and some film sequels that have actually continued to come out until fairly recently. Yeah, for some reason, the first film came out in 1996 but the latest sequel came out in 2020, go figure. Well, the first film was pretty popular and still has a cult following to this day. That, unfortunately, means it also had a video game that came out for the Saturn, PC and Playstation (it had a Gameboy title too but let's not get too caught up in details). 

This game is a hack and slash platformer that controls like it has rheumatism. Your knight warrior guy walks in a leisurely stroll speed and getting used to this is rather difficult because throughout the levels, you also need to avoid traps. Good luck with that, is all I can say. It's not impossible, but it also demands precise timing that gets to annoyance levels that you may as well not bother with. 

I won't go telling you that the game is outright terrible in all of its mechanics. The hacking and slashing are decent at the very least. The enemies are mundane and basically clones of one another but that can pass as there's obviously a limit with how many people they can photo into the game. There's even some cool elements with the combat like flaming arrows you can shoot at people and light them on fire. 

The problem with this game, though, is the pacing. You slash, block, slash, shoot and repeat. You need to be careful though, because you have an endurance meter. Yes, this endurance meter is probably one of the worst things about this game. The pacing was already bad enough with the walking and blocking mechanics, but then they have to go and limit your attacks by making you run out of stamina.

Presentation is key when it comes to some games, and this one missed the mark. It's not downright ugly to look at but it's just so plain. The photo generated characters clash a bit with the background and it throws off the overall look. The backgrounds are actually quite good, if a bit generic in some places. If they'd maybe replaced the photo realistic people with more Sega Saturn-esque characters, it would have been much more appealing to the eye. As it is now, the two just don't really fit together. It kind of looks like they used a green screen and the keying was just flatout not attempted. 

Yes, I was rather harsh on the game in my Top 20 Worst list, but that's kind of how it goes. If it's taken in spoonfuls, this game really isn't all that bad. On longer playthroughs, though, it drags pretty hard. The slow walking and limited slashing shot the pacing. If you don't slash and block, you'll die pretty quickly, so you need to take everything slow. It's just not a good enough game to merit all of the stalling. The backgrounds are pretty to look at, but that's doesn't really help its case in the slightest. The fact that dragons are scarce is understandable as that's how the movie went as well, but I feel like maybe scattering a few more in for flavor would have helped this game a lot. As it stands, it's just fighting a bunch of guys that look eerily similar and the appeal just isn't there. Virtua Fire Water.

Sonic 3D Blast - Sonic Snail

 If you really need an introduction to the blue blur, there are so many places on this site to get it. Links down below. The basic premise to look at is that he is fast. He loves to go fast. Jaleel White's rendition of Sonic had him saying "Gotta juice!" as a catchphrase. Sega Genesis had a made up feature called "Blast Processer" for the sole purpose of telling how fast Sonic could go! The original Sonic games allowed you to go fast enough to make the background stream by as you spin dash and go through the loops and jumps. It was the biggest selling point. 

Sonic 3D Blast is not fast. There, I said it. I'd say it again if I had to. This game has certain elements in it that can be a little speedy, but overall, you are in a completely different world of graphics, movement and style. While this could possibly work, in here, it is clumsy. You are in an isometric view point in a three dimensional environment and while you can go at a decently fast pace, the game thoroughly keeps you from doing so. This is because the obstacles you face are very close together, and the platforms extend into tight straight aways. One single wrong move and you will either miss the narrow walkway or you will run into a bed of spikes or get shot by a cannon. 

The lack of speed is not the only problem with this game either. The gameplay centers around destroying enemies and taking small birds and animals to a ring to rescue. You get a certain amount of these little things that follow you around and you are able to continue to the next segment of the level. It is not bad as gameplay goes, but it is your lot in life as Sonic. If you are into this sort of thing, then you may actually enjoy it. However, it gets retitive and the game does very little to deviate from this gameplay. 

The ice level, because of course there's an ice level, has you in the clutches of slip-and-slide mechanics. This is especially annoying with the abundance of spikes, cannons and snowmen all around you. The powerups help but you're still sliding all over the place and hoping that you don't run into the many close together obstacles. You need to save these birds!

Is the game devoid of charm? Absolutely not. It has its high points. It does have the 3D run bonus levels from Sonic The Hedgehog 2. With the upgraded graphics and the little extra challenge added to it, it actually does very well. These segments come up rarely, but they are a lot of fun. Then, there's the boss battles with Dr. Robotnik. The isometric angle actually compliments these boss battles quite a bit. 

This game was really not fun the first time I played it, but that was mostly because I was expecting it to be like the first three games. After a recent playthrough, though, I have grown more accustomed to its gamestyle. Does that make it a good game? No, not really, that just makes it more tolerable and easier for me to play through for this review. It still stands that I would rather play any number of other games in the Sonic franchise (See Top 10 Sonic Games) than deal with this vast departure from the tried and true Sonic titles. In a vacuum, it's not terrible, though and you could do worse than give it a try. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not being hyperbolic enough. Don't play this! It's the WORST SONIC TITLE EVEEERRRR!!!!! Gotta Juice!!!

Doomverse #16 - Evil and the Tools to Kill it

 

Two pieces of Doom that pull the whole game together are the demons and the weapons with which to kill them. Some of these creatures are so recognized that even non-doom players will see them and immediately know where they're from. I'm not going to set up and name every monster and weapon, but there are so many standouts, it'll seem like it.

The Imp is one of the most recognized small demons in the game. They throw fireballs that do a lot of damage compared to most of the weaker enemies. They can be dangerous in groups but they also aren't the tankiest of the bunch. Shotguns do a good job of taking them down. If there's a group, a super shotgun is a good answer.

The pinky is officially just named "Demon" but retroactively are just called "pinky", thanks to the standard culture. They only do melee attacks to bite you but they do have a translucent twin called the Spectre. Thanks to their close ranged nature, they are generally taken down with the chainsaw rather easily.

The Cacodemon is arguably the most recognized demons in the entire game. Their red blobbish nature and quick attack missiles make them very noticeable. A super shotgun and chaingun are good ways to take them down. 

The Barons of Hell were first seen in the last level of Knee Deep in the Dead and have since been considered a staple of Doom lore. Barons hit hard and can take a lot of punishment. The best answer to them, especially multiples of them, is the plasma rifle. If you run out of plasma rounds, get them with the Super Shotgun and/or the rocket launcher if you're at a safe distance.

The last of the demon minions is the Archvile. Making their debut in Doom 2, they are obviously in the game to drastically increase difficulty. They tank about as much as a mancubus, deal more damage overall and bring monster bodies back to life. They are priority targets and deserve your top plasma ammunition from either the plasma gun or the BFG 9000.

The BFG 9000 has been one of the iconic weapons in this entire franchise. One shot can take a multitude of small demons down while also doing tremendous damage to larger targets. If you have this gun, many of your problems will be dealt with by melting them into sludge. The big drawback is that it's slow to fire and takes up 40 plasma cells per blast. Use it when you absolutely need to.

The boss demons, namely the Cyberdemon and Spider Mastermind are prime BFG 9000 targets. The Cyberdemon can easily down you in one to two hits with his rocket attack. The Spider Mastermind fires a chaingun and each shot is the damage equivalent to a shotgun shell. Overall, the Cyberdemon is the more challenging but the Mastermind can also drain your life very quickly if you are not careful. Your best bet on both of them is to use your big guns and hide behind cover to avoid their wrath!

Last but most certainly not least, a weapon you can use on anything up close, the Super Shotgun. This is the king of shotguns. I don't care what anyone else says about other shotguns from other games, this gun gets it done! If all else fails, if you have two shells you can shoot, this could take care of whatever is after you. The spread is huge and very concentrated. You could take down three or four smaller opponents in one shot if they're close enough together. It is a gun that lives up to the name and sets the bar high for any other shotgun. 

Sonic The Fighters - Knuckles in Sonic's Face

 

Today, I was wanting to talk about a very divisive title that has had Sonic fans scratching their heads for ages now. A little title called Sonic the Fighters was originally released for arcades in June of 1996, essentially making it a Sonic Saturn game that never reached the system. The setup is as basic as you could get for any title, even a fighting game. You pick a fighter and you press punch a lot. Sounds like an over simplification, but I assure you, it is not. There is some story here, but it's about as paper thin as it gets. That's like saying a movie meant for 2 year olds has a villain. Yeah, he's there, but who's paying attention?

This game is notorious for being very, very bad in terms of an actual fighter. It is bad, yes. The mechanics are so loose and clumsy that before you know it, after spamming your punch button and/or hard kick, you've beaten the entire lineup. The computers are either a joke or they spam their own quick attacks so much that you can't get a hit in. That's the double edged sword you need to deal with when it comes to challenge spikes. 

It is not in the single player that people have sworn by this game, though. The single player is fine for a little distraction to keep you occupied. Though, the true way this game shines is through its 2-player mode. If you have a little sibling, a child or a friend you can comfortably chum around with a light game with, this game is worth a good laugh. It is so easy to let your younger player win, while also teaching them that you can button mash with the greats. More often than not, everyone finds their favorite characters to play.

Speaking of characters, one of the big fan favorites of this game is not based off a Sonic character, but a Fighting Vipers character. Honey the Cat was Honey the human in her debut but the devs somehow found it in their hearts to make her an anthropomorphic cat. She is cute with a great character model, but she pretty much fights just like everyone else. Still, who cares? Honey is the tops!

If you're in this for real competition, you're barking up the wrong tree. Try and make this into a tournament meant for skill or gaming experience then you are in for a very off center string of fights. There is nothing complicated about this game and there is no real winning strategy outside of what has already been discussed. A novice has just as much chance of beating a seasoned Sonic Fighter as anyone else. Still, the charm this game exudes is palpable. It has a very similar energy to Sonic R. Not only are the graphics a great deal like the Saturn, but the overall gameplay mirrors the carefree nature they encourage. 

Even though it only got an arcade release at first, it is now in all of the main 6th consoles (aside from the Dreamcast, ironically) in the form of the Sonic Gems Collection. Unless you'd like to fork over some serious dough for an arcade cabinet of the game, which may or may not exist, this is the best way to access it. If you're a Sonic fan and a fan of the 32-bit era games, this is definitely one that you could take a look at. Sonic R, Sonic CD and Sonic the Fighters are all on the Gems Collection and it has a lot more to offer than that, if you take a look at the Virtua Sonic #4 article, it goes into more detail of the rest. Give this game a chance if you ever get the opportunity. Using Knuckle's gigantic fists to send someone flying across the arena could be worth the whole experience. Break the Blue Blur's Beak!